An open letter to my Dogs & Cats

*happyappygirl* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 11:01 AM

Dear Dog and Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing
but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow or bark, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, dont' talk back, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant,
you can sell the results.

*cattitude* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 11:04 AM

*Nanny Pam* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 11:15 AM

I especially like the rules posted at the front door!!!

Vince · 01-13-2005, 11:31 AM

Quote:

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Mine do that!

baileydog · 01-13-2005, 11:32 AM

Im thinking of posting those rules on the front door of my house. Oops, I mean their house.

*happyappygirl* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 12:34 PM

SOMBODY pizz in your wheaties this morning?

GREY BLOCK An open letter to my Dog... 01-13-2005 11:17 AM Dogs and cats cant read you tard, and if they could they are not on the internet, and if they were they are not members of this forums. But if they could read and were on the internet they would have seen this stupid thing 1,000,000,000 times like us

TOO D@Mn BAD YOU HAVE NO POWA!

*bresamil* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happyappygirl

Dear Dog and Cat,

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow or bark, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

.

THIS IS SO TRUE!!

*pixiegirl* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bresamil

THIS IS SO TRUE!!

Not only true for the dog and the cat but for the kid too.

*bresamil* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiegirl

Not only true for the dog and the cat but for the kid too.

You mean the one that beats on the locked door and says "Are you in there? Can you get me a drink?"

*pixiegirl* ^(Premo) · 01-13-2005, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bresamil

You mean the one that beats on the locked door and says "Are you in there? Can you get me a drink?"

I suppose I could consider the other half the oldest of my children.

01-13-2005, 11:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
happyappygirl ^(Premo) Rocky Mountain High!! Member Since: May 2004 Location: Quiet Valley Farm Posts: 4,653	An open letter to my Dogs & Cats Dear Dog and Cat, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow or bark, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged. 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, dont' talk back, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results. __________________ Ride the Glide of a Racking Rocky Mountain Horse! http://www.briesrottweilers.com People who are organized are too lazy to look for things!
	[ Reply w/Quote ]

01-13-2005, 11:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
cattitude ^(Premo) My Sweetest Boy Member Since: Mar 2002 Posts: 32,738	__________________ The fate of animals is of greater importance to me than the fear of appearing ridiculous; it is indissolubly connected with the fate of men. - Emile Zola Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. - John Wooden
	[ Reply w/Quote ]

01-13-2005, 11:15 AM	#3 (permalink)
Nanny Pam ^(Premo) ************ Member Since: Oct 2003 Location: Over the Bridge. Posts: 16,794	I especially like the rules posted at the front door!!!
	[ Reply w/Quote ]

01-13-2005, 11:32 AM	#5 (permalink)
baileydog Hormonal Member Since: Oct 2003 Location: Were not in Smibville anymore, Toto Posts: 3,768	Im thinking of posting those rules on the front door of my house. Oops, I mean their house.
	[ Reply w/Quote ]

01-13-2005, 12:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
happyappygirl ^(Premo) Rocky Mountain High!! Member Since: May 2004 Location: Quiet Valley Farm Posts: 4,653	SOMBODY pizz in your wheaties this morning? GREY BLOCK An open letter to my Dog... 01-13-2005 11:17 AM Dogs and cats cant read you tard, and if they could they are not on the internet, and if they were they are not members of this forums. But if they could read and were on the internet they would have seen this stupid thing 1,000,000,000 times like us TOO D@Mn BAD YOU HAVE NO POWA! __________________ Ride the Glide of a Racking Rocky Mountain Horse! http://www.briesrottweilers.com People who are organized are too lazy to look for things!
	[ Reply w/Quote ]


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