Child support questions?

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danceintherain

New Member
I have a friend who pays child support and when the support was calculated the yearly wages of the custodial and non-custodial parent were considered. The custodial parent is no longer working and is living off of the child support from the non-custodial parent. Is this permissable or do both parties need to remain employed? Also, my friend has an issue with his ex's current boyfriend. The boyfriend is spanking and disciplining my friends children. According to the states child protective services there are no laws preventing this. Has anyone gone through anything similar?
 
aps45819

aps45819

24/7 Single Dad
Congratulations, your friend is now legally a sperm donor and a paycheck. Tell him I said welcome to the club.
 
pixiegirl

pixiegirl

Cleopatra Jones
danceintherain said:
I have a friend who pays child support and when the support was calculated the yearly wages of the custodial and non-custodial parent were considered. The custodial parent is no longer working and is living off of the child support from the non-custodial parent. Is this permissable or do both parties need to remain employed? Also, my friend has an issue with his ex's current boyfriend. The boyfriend is spanking and disciplining my friends children. According to the states child protective services there are no laws preventing this. Has anyone gone through anything similar?
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Child support is just that, CHILD support. I'd take it to court.

As far as the bf spanking the children... That's a tough one. Do they all live together? Is he in a parenting role? If the answers to those questions are yes than I don't see there's much to do.

An example. My brother and girlfriend had a baby boy. They split and my brother took my nephew home to my parents to live. The gf did not object. Now I was 19 or 20 and I didn't live at home but was there very often and took my nephew a good amount of time. If he did something wrong I'd smack his butt as if he were my own child. Brother did not have a problem with it but gf did. Too bad for her, he was in my care.
 
Chasey_Lane

Chasey_Lane

Salt Life
danceintherain said:
I have a friend who pays child support and when the support was calculated the yearly wages of the custodial and non-custodial parent were considered. The custodial parent is no longer working and is living off of the child support from the non-custodial parent. Is this permissable or do both parties need to remain employed? Also, my friend has an issue with his ex's current boyfriend. The boyfriend is spanking and disciplining my friends children. According to the states child protective services there are no laws preventing this. Has anyone gone through anything similar?
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Cases can be re-examined if there is a change in status. Since the custodial is no longer employed, I'd say that is a change in status.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
pixiegirl said:
Child support is just that, CHILD support. I'd take it to court.
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The mother can do whatever she wants with the money, unfortunately. In fact, now that she's not working, she can probably go back to court to get more support. :rolleyes:



As far as the spanking goes, neither parent can really control what the other does. Maybe they could get together and come up with a common plan for disciplining...it's in the child's best interest that they are on the same page. Doesn't always work out that way though...most parents are going to do what they want and not care about the other one.
 
D

danceintherain

New Member
pixiegirl said:
Child support is just that, CHILD support. I'd take it to court.

As far as the bf spanking the children... That's a tough one. Do they all live together? Is he in a parenting role? If the answers to those questions are yes than I don't see there's much to do.

An example. My brother and girlfriend had a baby boy. They split and my brother took my nephew home to my parents to live. The gf did not object. Now I was 19 or 20 and I didn't live at home but was there very often and took my nephew a good amount of time. If he did something wrong I'd smack his butt as if he were my own child. Brother did not have a problem with it but gf did. Too bad for her, he was in my care.
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Yes, his ex's boyfriend recently moved in. The boyfriend has 2 kids of his own and does not spank them. My friend had his kids this past weekend and the oldest child (7) came to tattle on the youngest (3). The youngest immediately covered his hiney with both hands and started to cry and shake, really over reacting. He did not want to get a spanking. My friend picked him up and reassured him he wasnt going to get a spanking. This was unusal behavior for the 3 year old. So my friend asked the kids if they get spanked alot and his children said yes by the mom and the moms new boyfriend.
 
D

danceintherain

New Member
Cowgirl said:
The mother can do whatever she wants with the money, unfortunately. In fact, now that she's not working, she can probably go back to court to get more support. :rolleyes:



As far as the spanking goes, neither parent can really control what the other does. Maybe they could get together and come up with a common plan for disciplining...it's in the child's best interest that they are on the same page. Doesn't always work out that way though...most parents are going to do what they want and not care about the other one.
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My friend tried talking to his ex and she said she rules her house with an iron fist and her boyfriend has her permission to discipline the kids as he sees fit. My friend called child protective services and found that there are no lstate laws preventing the boyfriend from disciplining. There has to be physical markings on the children that were document by a physician for them to get involved.
 
Tinkerbell

Tinkerbell

Baby blues
danceintherain said:
Yes, his ex's boyfriend recently moved in. The boyfriend has 2 kids of his own and does not spank them. My friend had his kids this past weekend and the oldest child (7) came to tattle on the youngest (3). The youngest immediately covered his hiney with both hands and started to cry and shake, really over reacting. He did not want to get a spanking. My friend picked him up and reassured him he wasnt going to get a spanking. This was unusal behavior for the 3 year old. So my friend asked the kids if they get spanked alot and his children said yes by the mom and the moms new boyfriend.
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Your friend should carry his butt over there and whoop the BF's a$$ and see how he likes it. No, kidding, but seriously, sounds like the ex's BF is resentful of another man's kids in "his" empire. He's punishing them more harshly than his own. Your friend needs to go over and sit down and explain that the reaction of the 3 yr old is concerning and the spankings need to stop immediately. Then, he should maybe get a lawyer and ask what sort of action he can take through the court to have it stopped. He needs to pay very close attention that this situation doesn't turn from spankings to child abuse.
 
This_person

This_person

Well-Known Member
danceintherain said:
Yes, his ex's boyfriend recently moved in. The boyfriend has 2 kids of his own and does not spank them. My friend had his kids this past weekend and the oldest child (7) came to tattle on the youngest (3). The youngest immediately covered his hiney with both hands and started to cry and shake, really over reacting. He did not want to get a spanking. My friend picked him up and reassured him he wasnt going to get a spanking. This was unusal behavior for the 3 year old. So my friend asked the kids if they get spanked alot and his children said yes by the mom and the moms new boyfriend.
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Chasey is, I believe, exactly right above. Whenever there is a significant change in status, all bets are off so you can have the amounts re-evaluated. However, the payer should probably consult the C/S agency to ensure he's not risking paying MORE by the custodial's lack of work.

Meanwhile, when the child is in what the father believes is an unfit situation with the custodial parent, he can petition for placement. He'll probably lose, but the attention and subsequent counselling both parents will need to attend to "investigate" the situation will either encourage the b/f to stop, or leave (either of which would be good, from what it sounds like). Once you give placement to a parent, it's easier to elect JPC to congress than change it (without strong, documented means), but he can always try and hopefully at least get the situation corrected if not placement changed.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
This_person said:
Meanwhile, when the child is in what the father believes is an unfit situation with the custodial parent, he can petition for placement. He'll probably lose, but the attention and subsequent counselling both parents will need to attend to "investigate" the situation will either encourage the b/f to stop, or leave (either of which would be good, from what it sounds like). Once you give placement to a parent, it's easier to elect JPC to congress than change it (without strong, documented means), but he can always try and hopefully at least get the situation corrected if not placement changed.
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He should really be sure that his child is in danger or harm though, because if he goes around trying to keep people away from his children, the same could happen to him. I don't know if I'm wording it correctly, but this could get into a stupid game between the parents. The father could be hanging around people that the mother doesn't like, and she can do the same thing to him.

If there are just different rules in the houses, the children will learn to adapt. There's nothing wrong with him voicing his concerns to the mother, but she's likely to get defensive and not want to talk about anything.
 
Chasey_Lane

Chasey_Lane

Salt Life
This_person said:
Chasey is, I believe, exactly right above. Whenever there is a significant change in status, all bets are off so you can have the amounts re-evaluated. However, the payer should probably consult the C/S agency to ensure he's not risking paying MORE by the custodial's lack of work.
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Actually, the more money both parents make, the more the non-custodial pays. The non-custodial should pay less if the custodial is not employed.
 
aps45819

aps45819

24/7 Single Dad
Chasey_Lane said:
Actually, the more money both parents make, the more the non-custodial pays. The non-custodial should pay less if the custodial is not employed.
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:yeahthat: it's based on the combo of both parents gross income
 
MMDad

MMDad

Lem Putt
Chasey_Lane said:
Actually, the more money both parents make, the more the non-custodial pays. The non-custodial should pay less if the custodial is not employed.
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It could work out as more. I ran the calculator based on 2 kids, both parents make $60K. CS was $808. She quits working, his payment goes up to $1043. Without knowing everyone's salaries, it's hard to say which way it would go, but it is very likely his payment could go up.

Plug in some numbers yourself and see what happens:

http://www.dhr.state.md.us/csea/worksheet.htm
 
D

danceintherain

New Member
Cowgirl said:
He should really be sure that his child is in danger or harm though, because if he goes around trying to keep people away from his children, the same could happen to him. I don't know if I'm wording it correctly, but this could get into a stupid game between the parents. The father could be hanging around people that the mother doesn't like, and she can do the same thing to him.

If there are just different rules in the houses, the children will learn to adapt. There's nothing wrong with him voicing his concerns to the mother, but she's likely to get defensive and not want to talk about anything.
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His ex has had other boyfriends and nothing like this has ever been an issue. He's not trying to keep anyone away from his kids. He just doesnt want someone else spanking his kids. The guy could send the kids to their rooms or sit them in a time out. He is saying that the disciplining should be coming from him or his ex not the new boyfriend.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Tinkerbell said:
Your friend should carry his butt over there and whoop the BF's a$$ and see how he likes it.
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I agree. And I'm not kidding. I'm trying to think what might have happened if A&E had come home from a visit with their mother and told us that her boyfriend hit them.

Woulda been mighty ugly.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
danceintherain said:
His ex has had other boyfriends and nothing like this has ever been an issue. He's not trying to keep anyone away from his kids. He just doesnt want someone else spanking his kids. The guy could send the kids to their rooms or sit them in a time out. He is saying that the disciplining should be coming from him or his ex not the new boyfriend.
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I'm not saying I don't agree with you...I wouldn't exactly like the idea of anyone else spanking my kids...but he is going to have a *very* hard time doing anything about it.

The guy my bf's ex is with spanks....but there's not a whole lot we can do about it. :shrug: The kids aren't in danger. It would be more trouble than it's worth to fight it. You have to pick your battles. If we thought the kids were being harmed, we would try to fight it...but they're not.
 
MMDad

MMDad

Lem Putt
danceintherain said:
He is saying that the disciplining should be coming from him or his ex not the new boyfriend.
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That isn't his choice. As long as he considers any spankings to be "discipline" and not "punishment" or "abuse", he has no grounds to complain. If he doesn't have any problem with spanking, just the person who is doing it, he needs to learn to deal with it.
 
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