Shipwrecked!

Kyle

ULTRA-F###ING-MAGA!
PREMO Member
Food for thought!.


Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet. -Robin Williams

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
-Dave Barry

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
-Jay Leno

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know
when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's
job and I don't want it. -Bill Cosby

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is
that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention
towomen's breasts? -Jay Leno

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines.
They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the
general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy
over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." -Elayne Boosler

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose
your rest home. -Phyllis Diller

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem? -Jay Leno

When the sun comes up, I have morals again. -Elayne Boosler

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think
there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men
think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -Jerry
Seinfield

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and give her a house. -Lewis Grizzard

The problem with the designated driver program is, it's not a desirable
job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the
end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. -Jeff Foxworthy

AND HERE 'S THE BEST...........

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time. -Robin Williams

-


+++++++++++++++++++++++++

A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. The man
found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people,no
supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 5 star hotels,this
guy had no idea what to do, so for the next four months he ate
bananas,drank coconut juice and longed for his old life and fixed his
gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.

One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the
corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous
woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her:

"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many
are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"It's only me," she said, "And the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing did."

He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"

"Oh simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials
that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern
cane from a Eucalyptus tree."
"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the
island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found
that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to
make the hardware." But enough of that," she said.
"Where do you live?"

Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the
whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then," She said.
After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As
the man looked to the shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him
was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and
white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the
house,she said casually,"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down
please; would you like a drink?"

No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take anymore coconut
juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about
a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her
couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman
announced,
"I'm going to slip into something a little more comfortable. Would you
like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the
cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in
the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
hollow ground edge were fastened onto it's end inside a swivel
mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines
-strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She
beckoned for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've
been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stared into
his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You mean--?" he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
 
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