I don't want to die

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
This is what I had the pleasure of discussing with my 5-year-old tonight on our way home. She's been saying "I want to be a kid forever" a lot lately, and I wasn't sure why or where this came from, but I told her that, with the exception of a few times, being an adult is pretty cool stuff and you get to make the rules in your home and all. (I figured now wasn't the time to tell her about paying bills though :ohwell:).

For about 20 minutes, she bawled her eyes out saying, "But I don't want to die. How will I breathe when I go under ground? Who is going to take care of me when I'm under ground? How will I see you with all that dirt on top of my box?" So, yes, at this point, I'm choked up and practically bawling my eyes out too. All I could think of to explain it to her was just like we use a car to go places, God uses her body as a vehicle to accomplish certain things while her spirit (told her it was her brain; hey, she's 5 :ohwell:) goes to heaven, and in heaven, it's the coolest place to be where all the toys of the world are, she can have whatever she wants, she can fly if she wants (something she's always saying she wishes she had wings for), etc.

That cheered her up enough to stop crying, but I know this isn't the end of the discussion. Any suggestions/experience for explaining death to a 5-year-old without scaring the hell out of her? :frown:
 

Ken King

A little rusty but not crusty
PREMO Member
I don't know, but it looks like you're handling it okay by what you have already told her. Tough job, for sure.
 
K

Kain99

Guest
OMG I remember that! What a horrible Mommy position! I held her yesterday when she was saying - I wanna be a kid forever, so I feel ya girl!

Best route... Cynics shut Up! Tell her that God is great! Tell her that he loves her. Tell her that when she goes to Heaven she will have a Mansion in the clouds and all the love her heart can hold!

Anything else is brutal....

Tell her that her body is a shell... The real "her" is inside, exactly where her heart is.

Take the time to hold her and make her smile. Now is the time to teach her about God's love. Baby girls need Mommy's who lift them.... You are that Mommy girl!

Cry alone in the bathroom don't let her see it o.k.?

You're the Momma and it sucks sometimes... Just love her It'll pass...
 

jlabsher

Sorry about that chief.
Well my mother in law just passed last month and my 5 year old handled it well. We had kind of explained death before while telling her not to run into traffic, play with electricity, etc. I actually think she picked quite a bit up from TV & toons too. We explained the part about going to heaven and being with angels, she seemed to be OK with that. She said that grandma is in heaven now.

On the other hand a few weeks ago, she was in the park and another little girl said that "God & Santa Claus are always watching us". My daughter said "Who's God" Well the wife said she felt so bad, that little one may be going to church and sunday school soon.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
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When my daughter was about 5, she marched up and announced, "I can't wait to be dead." She said that, if she was dead, she could go live with God and have everything she wanted. I told her God wouldn't let her go live with Him unless she did something really cool on Earth. That God doesn't want any little slacker girls up in Heaven so she better keep herself healthy until God decided she was worthy.

Kids. :ohwell:
 

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
Thanks for the reassurance everyone. I asked her where this came from (the whole thought of growing up and dying). She said she just thought about it. :ohwell: That doesn't help me much.

We haven't had any recent deaths in my family, and she hasn't seen anything to my knowledge on tv that goes to that extent (the dirt on the box thing). She was at my mom's a few weeks ago, though, and she'd taken her with her to my grandmom's burial plot. I think that might have triggered something. She's been saying this "I wanna be a kid forever" thing for about 2 weeks now, and she's been home that long, so ... :shrug: Only other thing I can think of is that she picked something up from one of the kids in school, and just tagged it on to her wanting to be a kid forever thing. I don't know. Just like any other mom, I don't want to see my little girl scared and crying about something like that; not at this age. :cry:
 

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
Originally posted by vraiblonde
I told her God wouldn't let her go live with Him unless she did something really cool on Earth. That God doesn't want any little slacker girls up in Heaven so she better keep herself healthy until God decided she was worthy.

:clap: I like that! I'll use that one when she's not all sad and bawling her eyes out if/when it comes up again. Thanks!
 

vraiblonde

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Crab, she's at that age - where the ol' brain starts fusing and kids start thinking about things other than the here and now. Perfectly normal. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
 
K

Kain99

Guest
Originally posted by vraiblonde
When my daughter was about 5, she marched up and announced, "I can't wait to be dead." She said that, if she was dead, she could go live with God and have everything she wanted. I told her God wouldn't let her go live with Him unless she did something really cool on Earth. That God doesn't want any little slacker girls up in Heaven so she better keep herself healthy until God decided she was worthy.

Kids. :ohwell:

Sorry Vrai but......WTF? A 5 year old? Must be tough kids. :frown:
 
K

Kain99

Guest
Originally posted by crabcake
:clap: I like that! I'll use that one when she's not all sad and bawling her eyes out if/when it comes up again. Thanks!
If you do that... I will personally beat your Azz! :wink:
 

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
Originally posted by vraiblonde
she's at that age - where the ol' brain starts fusing and kids start thinking about things other than the here and now. Perfectly normal.
I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Save the worry for when she's an invincible teenager doing crazy stuff without a care in the world. Then you'll be the one wondering if she's gonna die. :cheesy:
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
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Originally posted by Kain99
Sorry Vrai but......WTF? A 5 year old? Must be tough kids.
Realistic kids. What are you supposed to say to a 5 year old who can't wait to be dead so she can have more toys? You're too mooshy, Kain. I suppose I could have told her there is no such thing as God - it's just an illusion for people who can't face reality and need a crutch. But I felt she was too young for that.

Originally posted by Sharon
Then you'll be the one wondering if she's gonna die.
:yeahthat: My daughter tried to kill us last night in the car. My pulse rate just started going down this morning. Some day she will have a driver's license but it's not going to be today or tomorrow. :ohwell:
 

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
i didn't take it that way, and probably wouldn't use the exact verbage.

something along the lines of: "God doesn't want you in heaven until you've accomplished a lot of fun, important things on earth. As your reward for being a good person and living a responsible life, he has many gifts for you in heaven, but he doesn't ask you to join him there until you've accomplished your work on earth." Then give her a big huge :huggy:
 

vraiblonde

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:yeahthat: to Crabcake. But then they get a little older and they start going, "Why?" As in, "What did that little girl who got abducted and killed accomplish that was so wonderful God took her home to live with Him?"

Possible replies:

1. She didn't get to go live with God. :yikes:
2. She came up with a cure for cancer. :duh:

Or the one I used:

3. God has nothing to do with whether people die or not. There are some terrible people in this world who do bad things to other people and God can't be everywhere at once. Watching the news will only make you feel bad so let's turn the channel to something more pleasant, shall we?

The one brought up at the dinner table the other night was, "Who decides what words are naughty and what words aren't?" As is, "Why can I say 'feces' but I can't say 'sh*t'? Who decides these things?"
:killingme
 
K

Kain99

Guest
Originally posted by vraiblonde
The one brought up at the dinner table the other night was, "Who decides what words are naughty and what words aren't?" As is, "Why can I say 'feces' but I can't say 'sh*t'? Who decides these things?"
:killingme

I thought the Board Mommy made those decisions....:biggrin:
 

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
Originally posted by vraiblonde
I suppose I could have told her there is no such thing as God - it's just an illusion for people who can't face reality and need a crutch.
Geez, I half expected you to. Your first reply surprised me. :lmao:

I'm not one to fill my kids heads full of lies. Their father died when they were 6 and 9 yrs. old. They were there when it happened and also at the wake and funeral. Reality is a hard lesson. :frown: I don't even think they asked that question before, but they knew that death was permanent from bug killing, and playing too roughly with frogs. :shocking:
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
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Originally posted by Sharon
Geez, I half expected you to.
You wound me. *she dramatically covers her broken heart* :lol:

But I need an answer to "who decides what's a swear word". All I could say was, "Good question." If I'd thought about it more, I'd have told them that there's this guy in a cave who's the worst guy in the world. All he ever says is swear words, since he's so bad. If he says a word, the dictionary people record it and label it a swear word.
 

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
I think my daughter's recent adventures in fish-keeping (and subsequent death/flushing) may have also fueled this quest for an explanation. :frown:

Thanks for the advice everyone!
 

2ndAmendment

Just a forgiven sinner
PREMO Member
Originally posted by vraiblonde
But I need an answer to "who decides what's a swear word".
You're right. A good question. Often, it is a matter of context and usage, i.e., hell can be good or vulgar depending on context. When a word is used to try to insult or inflict verbal injury, then any word can be vulgar. But one of the chief deciding factors is the group of people that use a word. For instance, if prostitutes use a word to describe having sex, like the word fxck, as they did in early England, the word was classified as vulgar.
 
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