At the End of My Rope...

Here’s the scoop – Chicklet (4) has always had a pretty bad temper and has tested her limits on several occasions. For the most part she’s a good girl and listens well, just not lately. I’m NOT a pushover parent, nor do I make false threats. If I say, “If you do that again, X will happen,” and she does it again – X most certainly occurs. I’m not having much problem with her at home lately, but at preschool she’s really been something else for the past week. She actually threw a babydoll highchair on Tuesday, and her teacher told me about it. That night I took away television privileges, and also didn’t allow her to have any chocolate milk (both sacred to her). This seemed to have a good impact. We discussed why she had them taken away and what the proper way to behave is, and she’s plenty old enough to understand that. The next morning on the way to preschool we talked about it more. She assured me she’d behave Wednesday, etc… Welllllll – I picked her up yesterday and immediately asked her about her day. She told me she’d been good and was very excited about it. Okay – I believe her since no one told me differently (teach is gone when I pick up), and we roll on as usual. This morning her teacher tells me that yesterday she was very defiant, and while in time-out she was actually kicking the wall. Ridiculous behavior that I would NEVER tolerate! Her teacher even made her eat lunch all by herself, which is a good punishment for a social butterfly like my daughter. Teach said these just didn’t seem to phase her. :shrug: What the heck?! I told her teacher this morning to please start calling me or leaving me a sticky in her cubby telling me how she behaved that day – after all, I can’t reinforce and discuss at home if I don’t know what happens during the day.

Okay, now that I’ve given background – any ideas? I was thinking about heading over to Mailboxes and purchasing one of those calendar type boards and making some sort of reward chart. Although, I’m not sure how many consecutive ‘stars’ she should need before a reward, and what should the reward be?? Assist me, fellow forumites!

Is she upset because of the new baby coming? How's her relationship with her bio Dad? Not to get too psychological, but maybe she feels left out because this will be you and Dean's baby?

If you think that might be it, try making her feel important. Tell her that she's going to be a big sister soon and you'll need her help. Play it up - you can't do it without her, that sort of thing. Make her part of the pregnancy, show her the ultrasound pics, let her talk to the baby.

It could also be that something else is bothering her. Maybe some kid in her class or her teacher or someone. When you ask her why she did that stuff, what does she say? When they get to be that age, sometimes talking and trying to help her communicate her feelings in a more positive way works better than punishment.

One more thing - it's perfectly normal for kids to go through hellion phases. It's part of them "finding themselves".

Originally posted by vraiblonde
It's part of them "finding themselves".

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And if they don't watch it, they'll find a shoe up their a@@

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Is she upset because of the new baby coming? How's her relationship with her bio Dad? Not to get too psychological, but maybe she feels left out because this will be you and Dean's baby?

If you think that might be it, try making her feel important. Tell her that she's going to be a big sister soon and you'll need her help. Play it up - you can't do it without her, that sort of thing. Make her part of the pregnancy, show her the ultrasound pics, let her talk to the baby.

It could also be that something else is bothering her. Maybe some kid in her class or her teacher or someone. When you ask her why she did that stuff, what does she say? When they get to be that age, sometimes talking and trying to help her communicate her feelings in a more positive way works better than punishment.

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Wow, I am sorry I cannot help you. My kid was perfect...well except for that biting phase when he was 2 or 3. I am blessed because mine has a huge concience. He cannot handle it if I am upset with him. I would give him the "look" scold him a little then give him the cold shoulder and he would be so wracked with guilt he would be mush.

It was just the two of you for a while, right? Then you got married. Maybe that was ok because D gave her attention too. But she expects that to all change in a few months. She won't be the center of so much attention with a baby around and she's old enough to understand that.

My kid was a bit younger, but I kept telling him what a wonderful big brother he was going to be and how much help he could be. Sometimes I'd tell him that little brothers (or sisters) could be a pain and take up all Mommy's attention, because they didn't know anything, but that they would learn from big sib how to act and it was very important that he show the baby.

I also try to make special "mommy time" with each, usually reading a book.

The marriage, the move, the new baby.

A lot has changed for her recently. It's a lot for a kid to grasp. Maybe her recent behavior is stress related. :shrug: The calendar board sounds like a good idea. Don't make the rewards too big though, because if it doesn't work you'll have to move onto bigger and better ones.

I like the star calendar idea too - we did that with our kids and it worked fairly well. The only time that irritates me is when parents use "quality time" as a reward. You know - "if you're good all week, I'll read you a story" or something. Time with a parent shouldn't be up for negotiation - they should get it for free and have to earn candy, movies, daytrips, etc through good behavior.

OMG...I had a very similar problem with my 5 yr old. It started a few weeks ago...what I did...I took and wrote her first name on a piece of paper & put it on the fridge (if there is less than 4 letters use the middle name too) & each time she got in trouble she lost a letter...& the agreement was that by Oct 31 if there were no letters left in her name she would not go trick or treating. So far she has only lost 3 letters & she has 8 total...I think it worked pretty well....so far I have had no problems at home & things at school have been going pretty well....Basically...if there is something coming up...even a trip to the local playgound.....or even going to a friends house....try that & see what happens.....The idea with the calendar is very good too....I might have to try that one myself.....Good Luck & Congrats on the Baby

I used the calendar idea for potty training help when my oldest was having problems getting the hang of it. It worked great! He was potty trained within 3 weeks; including no wetting the bed. This was when he was 2 1/2. He's almost 5 now and still talks about how sometimes his friends still wet their beds and its okay because accidents happen; but that he's been a big boy who doesnt do that at all because of mommy's special calendar. He is also saying I should use it for my 2 year old now because "he keeps trying to wear my underwear but he keeps wetting them"
I did it for a whole month, each day he would get a star every time he used the potty and an x every time there was an accident; at the end of the week if there were less then 5 x's he would get a suprise......*match box car or bubbles, etc*; then if he got a prize every week, at the end of the month he went to the store with me and was able to pick out something bigger. You could do the same for a naughty calendar; except I would use less x's before she was able to get a prize......like 3 screw up's a week maybe?






by the way Deino, Your idea is great; I may have to start using that with my boys.

Amended opinion

Star calendars work well for chores and like that but I'm not sure how they'd work for behavior. At 4, I don't think kids have the self-control to remember not to get mad or throw things. I think they just get bent and go off without thinking of star charts and treats.

I'd still talk to Chicklet and find out what's going on in her head. Teaching kids to think about things is a lost art that's worth reviving. Put the situation on her - if someone was mad at her, would she prefer them to throw chairs and kick walls or come talk about why they're upset?

Do any of you girls paddle your kids if/when they are bad? That worked for me as a kid.

Originally posted by BullDawg
Do any of you girls paddle your kids if/when they are bad? That worked for me as a kid.

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Yep! My little one will get her butt spanked, or her mouth smacked, depending on what she did/said.

Originally posted by SxyPrincess
Yep! My little one will get her butt spanked, or her mouth smacked, depending on what she did/said.

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It seems there is a lot of bribery / rewarding of kids if they are good. For me it was fearing the beating from pop if I was bad.

Originally posted by BullDawg and edited by Huntr1
Do any of you people paddle your kids if/when they are bad? That worked for me as a kid.

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I have only swatted my kid once or twice. Never needed to other than those time(s). But I can tell you from personal experience what (1) a belt (2) wooden spoon (3) 3/8" dowell and (4) hand all feel like when they smack you in the azz.

Originally posted by huntr1
I have only swatted my kid once or twice. Never needed to other than those time(s). But I can tell you from personal experience what (1) a belt (2) wooden spoon (3) 3/8" dowell and (4) hand all feel like when they smack you in the azz.

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Well it didn't do any good did it. You enjoyed it too much.

Originally posted by BullDawg
beating from pop

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And that explains why you molest poor innocent waterfowl

Originally posted by cmcdanal
Well it didn't do any good did it. You enjoyed it too much.

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:tool:

The dowell left a welt for a week, and a bruise for over 2 months (and that was just 1 hit).

Originally posted by huntr1

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You'd enjoy that too, wouldn't you?

Originally posted by cmcdanal
You'd enjoy that too, wouldn't you?

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