Beat the baby!

The daughter is making me insane!!!!! Here we are, December 1, and she still hasn't gotten ONE SINGLE college app out! Tonight I sit her down to go over her plans and hopefully give her a kick in the azz. It devolves into her saying how mean I am and me saying how immature she is.

Then she starts meandering about how she might skip college and just go to New York to try her luck on the stage. Says she'll find an apartment and some roommates from an ad or something.

Is this just something they do? Should I fill out the apps and make her go to the school of my choice? Or should I smack her around a bit?

We went through this with the boy when he thought he might skip life and go to Bob Evans manager school . Then he thought he might blow off his high ASFAB score and go infantry .

GOD I can't wait until all these kids are OUT THE DOOR!!!!! I'm so fond of my son now that he's in another country.....

I'm sitting here looking over Kindergarten information for the Fall of 2004. College, . (yes, I am a planner)

I didn’t go to college after I graduated high school, which was the worst mistake I made in my entire life. I wanted to jump out into the big, bold world and do it on my own, but at age 23, I realized I wasn’t making enough to buy a pot to #### in, so I decided to go to college. So, I spent 10 years at a four-year university to finish. It isn’t fun trying to work full-time and go to college, so if she has the opportunity to go, kick her in the buttocks and tell her now is the easiest time to go to college. Life just gets harder later. If she still refuses to go, you’ve done your best and maybe in 18 years, she’ll look back and think what a stupid move she made not going to college soon after graduating from high school.

Good luck.

IM, I'm printing out your post and will put it under her door tonight.

Hello6 is right - children are evil.

I'm basically doing the same thing IM4 did. If I could turn back time, I would've gone to a 4 year as soon as I graduated high school. Of course I didn't do that and now I'm regretting it.

A lot of people aren't ready to go to colllege right out of high school, or at least they don't feel ready at the time. Give her a couple of months and see where her head's at. Another idea is to let her read this thread. Maybe then she'll think twice about her decisions and realize that trying to earn a degree is no fun while working full time and raising kids.

I have two young aunts (now age 46 and 39) plus my brother (age 36) who didn't go to college right out of high school. They all went out into the "real world" and all began regretting it when everyone around them started getting nicer jobs and getting the promotions while they were all told they were ineligable because they never went to college.

Both aunts went back at night and got degrees and my brother went to a trade school. They now all own houses and are doing well, but it took them much longer to get there, they had to pay for it themselves because they weren't living with their parents anymore. They weren't eligable for most scholarships, although there was some reimbursment from their employers, but that just meant they were stuck in that job until their obligation was paid off.

My younger brother (age 28) also decided he wasn't ready to go off to college. He too, wanted to get out into the "real world" and didn't know what he wanted to do. But he looked at his role models and got quite a scolding from the older aunt. He decided to compromise and go to community college. He took the classes he thought he would be interested in and had less pressure about choosing a major and all that. While there he became interested in computer programming and decided to go to a 4-yr college. He was only 20 and my parents were still prepared to pay for it because he was still of normal college age and still living at home. He graduated five years after high school. Now he's gainfully employed, I could tell you what he does, but then I'd have to kill you. He and his wife (who also did the CC then university route) bought a big house, and 2 new cars within the last 18 months. At his age, my aunts were just realizing that they'd made a mistake.

So, if your daughter is really at a loss for what she wants to do, at least get her into community college. Frederick has a good one. It'll give her an extra two years to figure things out and I'm sure she'll decide to go to a 4-yr after that. Once she graduates, no one will care that she started out at community college.

Vrai, I didn't think you were old enough to have kids who are college age.

Of course, I'm 37 and my oldest is almost 2. I'm sure I have high-school classmates who have teenage children by now.

I'm another "I wish I would've went to college types." Worked in the steel mills for 2 years after I was out of high school. Joined the military and wish I would have gotten out after 4 years and went to college, but I put in 20 years and now I just finished my associates in Applied Science and Engineering. Don't regret the military, but I sure wish I would have gotten college while I was young. Would have been making alot more money. My daughter always wanted to go to college so I didn't have a real problem in that area. Now she's finished her first two years and is working and going to school. She wants her bachelors in animation and wants to work for Disney drawing cartoons. Vrai, I know it's difficult to get anything across to a teenager, been there and tried that. She's going to have to realize all by herself what she's got to do, COLLEGE. Put her to work for awhile, she'll come around. When she's done with High School and still living at home tell her you want rent money. She's got to go to work. She'll see what the real world's about.

You all are making excellent points, but as a young person (20 y/o) who made the decision not to go directly to college, let me give some insight as to why she doesn't want to go. These were my reasons:

1. I didn't want to be a financial burden to my parents. I could've gotten scholarships and worked part-time, but it still wouldn't have been enough. My parents would have subsidized me. They wouldn't allow me to take out student loans.

2. I didn't want to leave everything I'd known my entire life to start over again. Not even so much my friends, but mostly all my family. Why go somewhere where I know NO ONE, much less how to get to the nearest ATM or pool hall.

3. As much as people complain about high schools, students really do get burned out. I worked my butt off for 12 years and graduated in the top 1/4 of my class. I had an excellent GPA, high standardized test scores and all the other criteria that colleges look for. I just didn't want to go. I didn't (still don't) want to sit in classrooms and learn. I feel that I've done enough of that.

These are just my reasons. But IMHO, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. If she wants to go to NY, let her go and fall on her face. She'll get the picture.

Originally posted by Ehesef
Why go somewhere where I know NO ONE, much less how to get to the nearest ATM or pool hall.

Click to expand...

Come to JH.........

Originally posted by justhangn
Come to JH.........

Click to expand...

Originally posted by vraiblonde
should I smack her around?

Click to expand...

...then show her the Bucky and Ray drama queers thread and tell her "this could be you".

Re: Re: Beat the baby!

Originally posted by Sharon
...then show her the Bucky and Ray drama queers thread and tell her "this could be you".

Click to expand...

You may also want to do a little homework on the number of people trying to make it in the “New York theater scene” and show her the list of starving artist.

:shrug:

Re: Re: Re: Beat the baby!

Originally posted by justhangn
You may also want to do a little homework on the number of people trying to make it in the “New York theater scene” and show her the list of starving artist.

:shrug:

Click to expand...

I'm another one who wishes she went to college. I want to do things now, but can't because of not having that good old college degree. I hope your daughter reads ALL of these posts. Hindsight is always 20/20. I just hope she makes the right decision, and gets her education while she has the chance.
Good luck, Vrai.

Originally posted by Ehesef
You all are making excellent points, but as a young person (20 y/o) who made the decision not to go directly to college, let me give some insight as to why she doesn't want to go. These were my reasons:

1. ...

2. ...

3. ...

These are just my reasons. But IMHO, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. If she wants to go to NY, let her go and fall on her face. She'll get the picture.

Click to expand...

1) You will regret not milking your parents down the road for all you could. If parents are willing to pay for college or help out with it, go with it, and don't let them down while you use their hard-earned money.

2) If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll always be where you've always been. Is that what you want?

3) Student's don't know the meaning of the word "burned out" until they start going to work for the next 40 years of their life from 7:30 to 5, coming home to cook dinner for kids who are sick, moody, hitting puberty, have soccer games to go to, birthday parties to shop for, boys/girls who've broken their hearts, et al. As a teenager, EVERYTHING is an end-of-the-world drama. Have a few kids, get a boss you loathe and a schedule of events that requires a personal secretary to get a real idea of "burned out".

Vrai ... just curious ... is this the same daughter who you always have to take her books to school for her and stuff that she is always forgetting? If so, have you ever thought about (seriously) enrolling her in some lecture or course for procrastination/priority setting? There's got to be something out there for her age to help her get on track? She can always go to NY; but if she doesn't get the apps submitted, she'll miss a chance that may not come around again for a long time.

Originally posted by *archimedes*
That will only lead to a future as an 'allied trades person'.

Click to expand...

That's what I told her - that that's how Times Square hookers get started - but she thinks she's different from everyone else and some producer will "discover" her immediately and make her a star.

Thanks for all the feedback, guys. I'm just frustrated with this whole thing.

Larry says she can take how ever long off and go to college on our dime when she's ready. My problem is I don't want my adult children living with me while they "find themselves". I've been full time parenting for over 20 years now and I want to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Originally posted by crabcake
Have a few kids, get a boss you loathe and a schedule of events that requires a personal secretary to get a real idea of "burned out".

Click to expand...

Crabby, that was an EXCELLENT post!

Yes, this is the same daughter who forgets her stuff and leaves everything to the last minute. After I wasn't pizzed anymore, I called her back upstairs and we talked about windows of opportunity and how they close eventually. I told her that all she has to do is apply to the schools at this point and we can make a decision when the letters start coming in. She seemed to accept that BUT I'll believe it when I see some action out of her.

Originally posted by vraiblonde


Larry says she can take how ever long off and go to college on our dime when she's ready.

Click to expand...

Did his reality check bounce?

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Crabby, that was an EXCELLENT post!

Yes, this is the same daughter who forgets her stuff and leaves everything to the last minute. After I wasn't pizzed anymore, I called her back upstairs and we talked about windows of opportunity and how they close eventually. I told her that all she has to do is apply to the schools at this point and we can make a decision when the letters start coming in. She seemed to accept that BUT I'll believe it when I see some action out of her.

Click to expand...

thx, and it only took 4,755 posts!

The "windows of opportunity" is a good analogy. Good luck with it ... and no offense to you & Larry, but try to find someone closer to her age, yet old enough to know better (like me ) to have a chat with her about this. As kids, we never wanted to hear what our parents had to say. It always seemed to really "make sense" when someone else said it. Don't forget, teens know everything.

My issue with going to school right out of college was I had zero clue what I wanted to do. If I could do it over again, I'd have said 'eff' it, gotten a business mgmt degree that has wide applicability, and gotten it out of the way for the time being. Where it stands now, I'm going to be playing student for several years instead of just four.

Vrai, has she had the opportunity to visit any college campuses yet? This could make a difference. Just seeing the other students and realizing the certain amount of freedom from parents and rules that college affords could motivate her. Also, you could let her travel to New York and attend “cattle call” audition for every college application she fills out and submits.