What should kids call their step-parents?

moon5leg

moon5leg

It's not easy being green
I'm interested in getting some other opinions here on a topic that really bugs me. I've got 3 kids. I raised them for 4 years by myself after the split so their mom could get her act together. They live with their Mom and her hubby now (moved in with them when they were 5, 7 and 8), and my wife and I share custody.

Ex-wife and hubby force my kids to call him "Pop". Originally it was "Dad", but I was able to fight that one off. If they don't call him Pop, he doesn't speak to them.

I've been "Dad" to these kids their whole life. I've been a major part in their upbringing and am about as far away from being a "deadbeat Dad" as you can get.

Should I have them call my wife "Ma" or something like that? I've talked to ex about this and she won't back down. But I'm wondering if having her kids call my wife "Ma" will change her mind on this.

I'd like to hear from others how you've handled this matter with your kids and exes. How would you feel if this was happening to you?
 
K

Kain99

Guest
Head games bubba.... Shrug it off. You will always be the "real" Dad. :wink:
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
Originally posted by moon5leg
Should I have them call my wife "Ma" or something like that? I've talked to ex about this and she won't back down. But I'm wondering if having her kids call my wife "Ma" will change her mind on this.
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Do not drag the children into this any more than their mother already has.
 
Vince

Vince

......
Well, my daughter called my X's new hubby an azzhole and told him to shutup (forgot to mention she's 20 years old). I don't know what my son calls him when he visits her, as I haven't spoken with my Ex since she left me. :biggrin:
 
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H

Hot N Bothered

New Member
Re: Re: What should kids call their step-parents?

Originally posted by RoseRed
Do not drag the children into this any more than their mother already has.
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:yeahthat: Be above it, be better than her. Have them call your wife what ever they and she are comfortable with. I think first names work, as long as it's said with respect.
 
pixiegirl

pixiegirl

Cleopatra Jones
The worst thing you can do is make your kids a pawn. Does it really matter what they call one another? I'm on the other end of the spectrum. My son calls my other "daddy'. My ex husband is a POS and doens't care nor contribute at all to my son's upbringing. Yet he has a real problem with the fact that my son calls "daddy" the man that IS raising him. Mind you my son is only 2 and started calling him "daddy" on his own. Does my ex have a right to protest (which he does)? Hell no he doesn't. He does though. I have a 2 year old that tells me that he's not allowed to call B his daddy and that he only has one daddy and he now calls his bio dad his "real daddy". It takes a big man (and his family) to brainwash a 2 year old.

I've thought long and hard about it and if my ex were to get himself together and meet a decent girl and she was going to be my son's step mother I wouldn't give a rat's ass if he called he "mom" too. It's just a label.
 
cattitude

cattitude

My Sweetest Boy
Originally posted by pixiegirl
The worst thing you can do is make your kids a pawn. Does it really matter what they call one another? I'm on the other end of the spectrum. My son calls my other "daddy'. My ex husband is a POS and doens't care nor contribute at all to my son's upbringing. Yet he has a real problem with the fact that my son calls "daddy" the man that IS raising him. Mind you my son is only 2 and started calling him "daddy" on his own. Does my ex have a right to protest (which he does)? Hell no he doesn't. He does though. I have a 2 year old that tells me that he's not allowed to call B his daddy and that he only has one daddy and he now calls his bio dad his "real daddy". It takes a big man (and his family) to brainwash a 2 year old.

I've thought long and hard about it and if my ex were to get himself together and meet a decent girl and she was going to be my son's step mother I wouldn't give a rat's ass if he called he "mom" too. It's just a label.
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OH MY GOD!!! I got through to her. :clap:
 
moon5leg

moon5leg

It's not easy being green
I've thought long and hard about it and if my ex were to get himself together and meet a decent girl and she was going to be my son's step mother I wouldn't give a rat's ass if he called he "mom" too. It's just a label.
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You're right Pixiegirl. I have no doubt that my kids know who their Dad is, and I have no doubt where their loyalty lies, so it really shouldn't make a difference at all.

Do not drag the children into this any more than their mother already has.
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Another good point. I've always tried to do the right thing by my kids, so I guess I shouldn't stop now.

Thanks
 
Vince

Vince

......
I know one thing, I've put alot into raising my children especially with one of them being handicapped and I wouldn't want one of them calling my X's new hubby Dad, Father, Pop or anything other than his first name. (Too bad my daughter took after her father too much and called him an azzhole. I taught her to have more respect for her elders than that.) Guess she just got pizzed. But I am their Father, I raised my children, not him. But this is something between you and your X. Don't drag kids into it.
 
sleuth

sleuth

Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Just let the kids call him whatever they want, so long as it's respectful.

Whether they call him by his first name, or dad, or pop, or Jo-boo, let the kid call him what they feel comfortable with.

I call my stepdad by his first name, but I still look to him as a father figure, and that's good enough.
 
Nickel

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
Depends on the situation. I call my step-dad "Dad", and often confuse people that know my parents are divorced by introducing him as my dad. He has been there for me when my real dad hasn't, and I think he deserves that title.
 
pixiegirl

pixiegirl

Cleopatra Jones
Originally posted by cattitude
OH MY GOD!!! I got through to her. :clap:
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:biggrin:

I do still take issue with what certain family members tell him I just don't make an issue out of it. Instead I'm being methodical and keeping track of everything. Noah's a little tattle tale and tells me specifically... "my real daddy told me..." "aunt Heather told me...." Should a peeing match ever arise I'm fully prepared. But regardless of what they tell Noah he still makes his own choice. He still calls B daddy because he wants to.
 
pixiegirl

pixiegirl

Cleopatra Jones
I'm fully prepared for the crap I'll get from this little gem too. I don't call my own biological mother who raised me mom. I don't call her by her first name either though. I call her "Queda". It was a stupid joke that started between a friend of mine and I when I was like 17. My mom questioned why we were running around calling each other Queda so I explained. Several days later I did or said something and she called me Queda. I started calling her Queda and it stuck. I call her my mom when I'm talking about her to other people but I never call her mom when I'm talking to her anymore. It's caught on to the point where most anyone who's in my life (B and past bf's) have even refered to her in conversation with me as Queda. It's not a symbol of disrespect but in my opinion more a term of endearment. It was something that we laughed about together and it just stuck. My dad use to get really upset with me about it. Then I think he realized (or my mom told him maybe) that it's just the way it was. That's the type of relationship my mom and I have.
 
CMC122

CMC122

Go Braves!
I think it depends on the relationship and situation. I called my step dad "Dad" but that was after my father died.

My husband was older(8) when his dad died and his mom remarried. He called him by his first name until he got a good relationship going with him. I think it took about two years and my huband started calling him Dad.

My friend who's ex is another super dead beat let her son decide too whether or not to call her new husband Dad or Blahblah. Over time he saw what a Dad was supposed to be like and now call's blahblah Dad:shrug:
 
Nickel

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
Originally posted by pixiegirl
I'm fully prepared for the crap I'll get from this little gem too. I don't call my own biological mother who raised me mom. I don't call her by her first name either though. I call her "Queda". It was a stupid joke that started between a friend of mine and I when I was like 17. My mom questioned why we were running around calling each other Queda so I explained. Several days later I did or said something and she called me Queda. I started calling her Queda and it stuck. I call her my mom when I'm talking about her to other people but I never call her mom when I'm talking to her anymore. It's caught on to the point where most anyone who's in my life (B and past bf's) have even refered to her in conversation with me as Queda. It's not a symbol of disrespect but in my opinion more a term of endearment. It was something that we laughed about together and it just stuck. My dad use to get really upset with me about it. Then I think he realized (or my mom told him maybe) that it's just the way it was. That's the type of relationship my mom and I have.
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I can't even remember when it started, but my cousin calls her mom Hilda (her real name is Marian), as a joke. Her dad even does it sometimes (scratch that, he's her step-dad, but she calls him dad). I think they were eating out one night and saw a table of old ladies and someone said "Look at those Hildas" or something to that effect. They're a jokey family anyways, and my aunt thinks it's funny.
 
Sharon

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
Originally posted by pixiegirl
I call her "Queda".

It's not a symbol of disrespect but in my opinion more a term of endearment.
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...unless you start calling her "Al"
 
sleuth

sleuth

Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Originally posted by pixiegirl
:blahblah: :blahblah: mom :blahblah: :blahblah: Queda :blahblah: :blahblah:

That's the type of relationship my mom and I have.
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:shocking: Your mom is a member of al quada and you're harboring terrorists? :twitch:
 
moon5leg

moon5leg

It's not easy being green
I think it depends on the relationship and situation.
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I agree. My problem stems from the fact that my kids were 5,7 and 8 and had only lived with this man for 2 months. They didn't choose to call him anything other than his first name. In my case, I think it was dead wrong of their mother to force them to call this stranger "Pop". At that point they had no relationship with him, they hardly knew him at all.

Right now, they call my wife by her first name, and it seems to suit everyone just fine. (although, my ex did try to get them to call her Miss BlaBla and we had to squash that immediately, after all they don't call me Mister Dad or him Mister Pop)
 
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