To be or not to be
- Thread starter Guest
- Start date
There are kids involved. One is not old enough to know and the other one is not his but he calls him daddy. The older one just wants us to stop fighting. Well what are you suppose to do when the two of you get into a disagreement and he just leaves and goes to his MOTHER'S house and stay for a couple of days with know phone call at all to check on his kids. When he does this I have to go to the bank withdraw everything from checking and put into savings so that he doesn't leave me with nothing again. He has lied to me over and over again and says that he is going to change. I try so hard to talk and communicate with him but it is like a broken record and talking to a wall. There is not another woman involved I know that for a fact. No drugs or drinking either. His mother is always in our business. She called the house the other day at 3:00 in the morning to check on her son. I have gone to the doctor's because my nerves are so bad and he put me on nerve medication. I don't want to hurt my oldest son. I raised him on my own for 5 years and he looks up to this man. But yet he picks on him for the most stupid things. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt my kids or him. But it has got to be his mother or me.
SxyPrincess
New Member
Guest,
If I were you--I would be cheating, but that's just me! BTW--I know I'm gonna hear a lot of mouth about this one.
I guess it would be a test for me. Whether or not being with another man would hopefully, make me come to one conclusion and that's to stay in the relationship, or not. Yes, I know things should probably be talked over and brought to surface. Of course, that would be my first step but if that didn't work, I would definately stray in other directions.
Not the best advice, but it's what I would do!
If I were you--I would be cheating, but that's just me! BTW--I know I'm gonna hear a lot of mouth about this one.
I guess it would be a test for me. Whether or not being with another man would hopefully, make me come to one conclusion and that's to stay in the relationship, or not. Yes, I know things should probably be talked over and brought to surface. Of course, that would be my first step but if that didn't work, I would definately stray in other directions.
Not the best advice, but it's what I would do!
Christy
b*tch rocket
The furthest thing you should be thinking about is learning to trust someone again. Get out and start living for yourself rather than out of the frying pan and into the fire with another relationship. Too many women make the mistake of relying on a man to make their life happy. Granted, it's a scary thing to do on your own, especially if you've never been on your own, or it's been a long time since you've been on your own.
Just my 2 cents
Just my 2 cents
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
Christy, you took the words right out of my mouth. As I was logging in to post, you must have posted.
Guest,
An affair is only going to complicate things. I would think that you would develop feelings for the the person you're having the affair with without resolving feelings you have for your husband. It's easy to jump ship and start anew but the old relationship will haunt you...you think you're in turmoil now. If you want out, get out, but do it alone and be happy with yourself and your children.
Guest,
An affair is only going to complicate things. I would think that you would develop feelings for the the person you're having the affair with without resolving feelings you have for your husband. It's easy to jump ship and start anew but the old relationship will haunt you...you think you're in turmoil now. If you want out, get out, but do it alone and be happy with yourself and your children.
DON'T CHEAT! You'll hate yourself if you do. I remember all too well what it's like to just want a little affection, to feel like an attractive woman again. But all you'll get out of the deal is a moment of passion, then you'll pay for it big time. That's one expensive piece of a$$. Because now not only are you in a bad marriage, but you get to live with the guilt as well. And if some miracle happens and the marriage gets back on track, that's just one more piece of baggage in the way.
DON'T CHEAT! It's never worth it. Dump the chump if you need to, THEN find a beau.
DON'T CHEAT! It's never worth it. Dump the chump if you need to, THEN find a beau.
You took him "for better or worse", blah, blah, blah. He's not cheating, drinking, drugging, etc. You have a problem with his mother. Was she like this before you got married? Seems to me, that you two just need to learn how to discuss your problems without having it turn into a major brawl. At least he leaves when it gets hot, and doesn't strike out at you. Did you have agreements on how to raise the kids before you got married?
Cheating won't solve your problems, however they may make it harder for you to reconsile your differences. Do you have to agree on everything or can you solve some of your issues by agreeing to disagree? Call a truce, sit down and discuss what each of you want out of your marriage and where you are both having problems and differences. Then decide whether to stay married or not. And for heaven's sake, quit fighting in front of the children--do it in private. You have 2 kids by 2 daddies already, what will you be teaching your son about fatherhood if you keeping the switching men in his life.
I'm not trying to sound preachy but be an adult about your situation. Let your husband know that you are serious, that he can't run away, that he needs to sit down and talk with you. If he doesn't, then it seems you have some big decisions to make. If your nerves are already frazzled, how will you feel about yourself when you break your marriage vows?
Cheating won't solve your problems, however they may make it harder for you to reconsile your differences. Do you have to agree on everything or can you solve some of your issues by agreeing to disagree? Call a truce, sit down and discuss what each of you want out of your marriage and where you are both having problems and differences. Then decide whether to stay married or not. And for heaven's sake, quit fighting in front of the children--do it in private. You have 2 kids by 2 daddies already, what will you be teaching your son about fatherhood if you keeping the switching men in his life.
I'm not trying to sound preachy but be an adult about your situation. Let your husband know that you are serious, that he can't run away, that he needs to sit down and talk with you. If he doesn't, then it seems you have some big decisions to make. If your nerves are already frazzled, how will you feel about yourself when you break your marriage vows?
I just don't know what to do. I have talked to him over and over again. Everytime the going get tuff he leaves. Know phone call nothing at all. Believe I am not going to cheat on him I just didn't know how to ask the question correctly. Just needed to hear some opinions from everyone. I could never do this to my kids. My kids are the highlight of my life. I told him last night that I thought that it would be a good idea if we were to stay separated for awhile. He acted just like a kid and said well that is what you want anyway. I can't talk to him. It just goes through one ear and out the other. The bad thing is the only other place that he has to go is his mother's and she will do nothing but brain wash him. When he left over the weekend I called his mother's house for him. And would you know that it took over 25 rings for her to answer. She was very nasty to me. I called again later 2 separate times and the phone rang 25 times again and no one answered. There was someone there just on the other line. Seen my number and wouldn't answer. If there was know one home the answering machine would have answered. What if something had happened to the kids. Just because they were to p!$$ off they wouldn't answer the phone. I just can't keep playing these childish games.
Guest,
The kids are the highlight of your life, the husband is a bastard, and his mother is an interfering conniving sort, what I haven’t seen is that you love him. If love is there it is worth the effort but if its not get rid of him and make him pay support. It is obvious that they don’t share the concerns you do about the kids and someone has to be the grownup so it might as well be you. Divorce, while a shame, is sometimes the best move; don’t cheat though because if he catches you at it he might be able to take the kids from you. I am sure you would have hard time living with that.
The kids are the highlight of your life, the husband is a bastard, and his mother is an interfering conniving sort, what I haven’t seen is that you love him. If love is there it is worth the effort but if its not get rid of him and make him pay support. It is obvious that they don’t share the concerns you do about the kids and someone has to be the grownup so it might as well be you. Divorce, while a shame, is sometimes the best move; don’t cheat though because if he catches you at it he might be able to take the kids from you. I am sure you would have hard time living with that.
Boatbuilder
Member
Vrai...there never was a time when you weren't an attracrive woman!!!!! 
Boatbuilder
Member
and I can't spell lololol....attractive ..sorry
FYI The husband and I are separated right now. Not legally. I told him that we needed some time apart. When he learns who he married either is mother or me and if he was ready to communicate like two adults then we can work things out. All that he said, "That is what you want anyway".
I do love him but the love is fading slowly. He has broken my trust over and over again. As soon as I build my trust with him again he brakes it. From going to his mothers to draining the bank account and can't remember or account for where all the money went. He has put the family in jeopardy so many times. Right before I had our son he almost lost his job and didn't confront me or talk to me about it. I had to hear it from outsiders. I tell him how I feel all the time. How is a counselor going to help at this point?
I do love him but the love is fading slowly. He has broken my trust over and over again. As soon as I build my trust with him again he brakes it. From going to his mothers to draining the bank account and can't remember or account for where all the money went. He has put the family in jeopardy so many times. Right before I had our son he almost lost his job and didn't confront me or talk to me about it. I had to hear it from outsiders. I tell him how I feel all the time. How is a counselor going to help at this point?
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
While we can give you our thoughts, we cannot really know the full story. Your husband has his side too. I don't mean to side with him or you, it's just that until both sides are presented, it's hard to give/get good advice. This is where a counselor comes in. They make you take a hard look at yourselves. It is not easy work. You have to decide what YOU want and what YOU are willing to work for. If your husband won't go, I'd recommend you go, if only to get a better understanding of yourself.