Childs BDay Party with the Ex

ya i know...when will the drama end. my luck lately.

anyway, the ex calls me up this afternoon and wants to know if i want to have our sons bday party together at her parents house. wants to "envite the kids from his class last year, family (hers and mine, 'since they havent been together for a while' she says), neighboring kids from her house and mine, moonbounce, pool party, share the expenses, etc.

although we do get along most of the time i dont know how well this will workout. we havent done anything like this in YEARS. like since his first bday (1 yr old). usually our talks are over the phone and just about our son. and whenever were face to face talks are usually short and just about him.

does anyone else share their childrens bdays together with their ex's and their families/friends?
opinions?

forgot to add another important point...
this 'Party Day' will be during my time with him.
chance or convenience?

Well, off the top of my head, my first thought is that your son's mother is thinking about him and his happiness, as opposed to your girlfriend, who doesn't seem to show him the attention and respect that he deserves. It's good that someone other than you is trying to ensure that your son is a happy little fellow.

The party, with the combined families and friends of both of his parents, seems like a great idea. It could be a perfect display to your son that the two most important people in the world to him (mom and day) can get along and unite for his sake - for at least this one day, anyway. What a wonderful day it could be for him. Why not do it?

On the other hand, there will probably be some weirdness to the event that will come from the adults present, and not the children. The two families will likely come to the party with heightened emotions and opinions, and sides already picked. Depending on the maturity of the adults at the party, there could potentially be trouble started. For this reason, I'd refrain from serving any alcohol - unless you are certain that you can trust everyone there to be civil to one another for the sake of the kids. If you suspect that there will be trouble, I'd skip out on the combied party. Why put your son in a situation where his day could be ruined?

Remember, whatever you choose to do, your son gets only one birthday per year - make sure it's the type of celebration that he deserves.

And oh yeah..... what does your girlfriend think about the party? Or will she be off on one of her "vacations" by herself? Does she get along with your ex?

I think you should go for it. You may get lucky and tag the ex again. JMO

Originally posted by BadGirl




Remember, whatever you choose to do, your son gets only one birthday per year - make sure it's the type of celebration that he deserves.

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Originally posted by BadGirl
Well, off the top of my head, my first thought is that your son's mother is thinking about him and his happiness, as opposed to your girlfriend, who doesn't seem to show him the attention and respect that he deserves. It's good that someone other than you is trying to ensure that your son is a happy little fellow.

The party, with the combined families and friends of both of his parents, seems like a great idea. It could be a perfect display to your son that the two most important people in the world to him (mom and day) can get along and unite for his sake - for at least this one day, anyway. What a wonderful day it could be for him. Why not do it?

On the other hand, there will probably be some weirdness to the event that will come from the adults present, and not the children. The two families will likely come to the party with heightened emotions and opinions, and sides already picked. Depending on the maturity of the adults at the party, there could potentially be trouble started. For this reason, I'd refrain from serving any alcohol - unless you are certain that you can trust everyone there to be civil to one another for the sake of the kids. If you suspect that there will be trouble, I'd skip out on the combied party. Why put your son in a situation where his day could be ruined?

Remember, whatever you choose to do, your son gets only one birthday per year - make sure it's the type of celebration that he deserves.

And oh yeah..... what does your girlfriend think about the party? Or will she be off on one of her "vacations" by herself? Does she get along with your ex?

Click to expand...

Sounds like it would be a great time for you son, as long as everyone can be civil. Of course there will be weirdness, but as long as everyone remembers it's for the sake of the child, you should be able to pull it off.

If there is anyone who is especially bitter and you are unsure about, make sure you or the ex has a little chat with them and they either buck it up for the kid's sake, or don't come at all.

The ex and his wife are at all of my children's birthday parties. Although the children primarily invite classmates, family members with children (both sides) are also invited. It's all about a great day for the child - real adults will set aside any negative emotions for special occassions such as this.

My oldest kid is 9 yrs old, and me and his dad broke up in 96, and he has seen his son in that time period for 5 months, that's all. So I don't have to worry about having bday parties with him because he's not around. You should be glad that your ex wants anything to do with the baby and enjoy the bday party with whoever comes.

Originally posted by bresamil
The ex and his wife are at all of my children's birthday parties.

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Yeah, we party as a big extended multi-tentacled family, too. Larry's ex and her family, my ex and his family, the whole shebang.

Johnny, I think it's a wonderful gesture on your ex's part and would probably mean a lot to your son. Go for it!

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Yeah, we party as a big extended multi-tentacled family, too. Larry's ex and her family, my ex and his family, the whole shebang.

Johnny, I think it's a wonderful gesture on your ex's part and would probably mean a lot to your son. Go for it!

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I was waiting for you to reply.

I think it's great too. Heck, Otter's ex-wife and I were at the birth of our grandbabies. Before my ex died, he attended a lot of my son's parties, etc. as did his parents.

Originally posted by ynnhoj
does anyone else share their childrens bdays together with their ex's and their families/friends?
opinions?

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We do and it always works well. We have a great relationship, though, and it's nice that we can do that.

Yeah, I've tried this before and I guess things are still in the early stages. My ex is very high strung and gets unnerved when the folks and I are around. My parents won't speak to her other than to say hello because they won't forgive her for what she did to my family. I get along great with my in-laws and can sit and talk for hours with them as do my folks.

I think there's still too much tension between us to be trying that again. Children can sense this, God bless em. They are like little emotional "weathervanes" and don't need to see the stress between their parents. I'll pass for now.

ok, well ... we're going to give it a try.
we're going to split the costs of food, drinks, moonbounce, etc. and we each have a batch of invites to send out.

with only a couple weeks till the party date, i'll have to make phone calls tomorrow.

Good Luck & I hope all the adults behave themselves, let us know how it turns out

well the party is just short of a week away. so far all is going well. the ex and i went to pick out the cake, and were going tues to get the party favors for the kids.
i've gotten ALOT of phone calls from my family and friends asking me if i was crazy. i could only expect that much with them knowing what we had been through. everyone will be well behaved im sure.

thanks for the responses.