The nurse brought a lunch tray to Norman Cousins, who was in a hospital "laughing his way to wellness." The nurse also brought Mr. Cousins one of those glasses used for urine specimens, saying that when convenient he should put a specimen in the glass, that she'd pick it up when she came back to pick up the tray. Mr. Cousins, seeing some apple juice on the tray, put two and two together, and poured the juice in the specimen glass. The nurse came back. She picked up the specimen, held it up to the light, said, "Mr. Cousins, this looks a little off, the color doesn't seem quite right, are you feeling okay?" Mr. Cousins reached out his hand for the glass and said, "Here, let me look." After looking at it, he said, "Okay, I'll run it through again," then drank it.
The nurse fainted...
~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat
they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As
lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then
come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs. One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch. One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... "You idiot! "You're sitting on the mop bucket!
~~~~~~~~~~
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees
this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is
a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as
he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth
in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above.
The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say,
"You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in
me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well,
that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you
make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the
heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to
close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its
eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I
am about to receive..."
The nurse fainted...
~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat
they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As
lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then
come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs. One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch. One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... "You idiot! "You're sitting on the mop bucket!
~~~~~~~~~~
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees
this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is
a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as
he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth
in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above.
The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say,
"You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in
me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well,
that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you
make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the
heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to
close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its
eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I
am about to receive..."