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OliveOyl
01-07-2003, 09:12 PM
Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

Sharon
01-07-2003, 09:21 PM
Originally posted by OliveOyl
What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)? Just get a pet instead. :lol: Kids need parents not babysitters. Enjoy them while they're young and go back to work when they start school.

*running for cover* :razz:

RoseRed
01-07-2003, 09:23 PM
See my newest post about her driving me crazy....

Kain99
01-07-2003, 09:27 PM
They are full of it! Being a parent is awesome! Yes, it is a lifetime of work and dedication but the rewards are endless!

vraiblonde
01-07-2003, 09:32 PM
:yeahthat: What Sharon said. Although my sister-in-law (who has a 1 year old) works two days a week and leaves the baby with my other sister-in-law and it seems to be working for her. But if you're going to work full-time, I'd advise you to wait for kids.

The best part about having kids is watching these little humans grow and learn - it's the next best thing to being God. You will have a bond with your child that you've never had with any other person, not even your husband.

The worst part is, if you do it right, it's a LOT of work and an 18 year committment*. You have to really put your life on hold while you're raising this person. And they're ungrateful until they're old enough to understand why you wouldn't let them do what they want.

*Actually that's not true - it's a LIFETIME committment.

RoseRed
01-07-2003, 09:36 PM
I love my daughter to death and I would never, never ever trade her for anything. BUT.... there are moments that your nerves are spread verrrry thin!

Fortunatley, it's all good for 97% of the time. We all have our moments! Right ladies!?! and that doesn't necessarily mean the kids... :biggrin:

Ken King
01-07-2003, 09:39 PM
Vraiblonde,

It doesn't end at 18, it just gets more expensive helping them out when they need it. And in Maryland it is the law that you have to still provide for them if they are unable to provide for themselves.

Olive,

Personally, I say if you’re going to have them do it while you are young and have the stamina to keep up with them.

The best – all the firsts, walking, talking, riding a bike, their first dance, romance, etc..

The worst – teenage behavior, the mouth, attitudes, thinking they know everything, and their breaking your heart.

RoseRed
01-07-2003, 09:42 PM
Originally posted by Ken King
The best – all the firsts, walking, talking, riding a bike, their first dance, romance, etc.. Ahhh, precious moments. Be sure to have lots of film on hand and be able to afford lots of copies for family. But then again, if you have digital, then you can forward via e-mail for much, much less! :biggrin:

Oz
01-07-2003, 09:55 PM
Originally posted by Ken King
The best – all the firsts, walking, talking, riding a bike, their first dance, romance, etc..

The worst – teenage behavior, the mouth, attitudes, thinking they know everything, and their breaking your heart.

That's funny... You put talking, and talking in the best and worst category. Which one is it, Ken? :biggrin:

JabbaJawz
01-07-2003, 10:00 PM
Pretty much what the others said. It should be a committment that both parents are willing to enter into, and you should do lots of research so you know what you're getting into. When I was pregnant I honestly thought I KNEW - and I'm a very realistic person. But once my daughter was born, reality set in and things were very different than I thought. It does require time, patience, and a lot of selflessness...but like Kain and Vrai said, it's worth it!

Kain99
01-07-2003, 10:08 PM
Call me crazy, but I never had that moment where I said.. Oh crap what have I done....

My daughter will be 16 this month and the boys are not far behind.

The commitment does not end at age 18 that's a lie...

I just can't wait for 21 - 35 - 40 ya know???

Maybe you just have to be a Mommy from birth... I have loved almost every minute of it!

vraiblonde
01-07-2003, 10:14 PM
Originally posted by Kain99
Call me crazy, but I never had that moment where I said.. Oh crap what have I done.... I did - right after my son was born. They laid him on my stomach and I had a rather significant panic attack. I chilled out quick but there was just that dazed moment of, "Ohgodohgodohgodohgod...what have I DONE!?!" It just seemed like such a big responsibility - and it was.

I'm enjoying my relationship with my adult son - it was worth the 19 years to get him there. And I'm looking forward to the day when I can relate to my daughters woman-to-woman rather than parent-child.

So there IS a reward for all that work.

JabbaJawz
01-07-2003, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by vraiblonde
I did - right after my son was born. They laid him on my stomach and I had a rather significant panic attack. I chilled out quick but there was just that dazed moment of, "Ohgodohgodohgodohgod...what have I DONE!?!" It just seemed like such a big responsibility - and it was.

Agreed!!! That moment was completely surreal to me. I wasn't ready to have a child when I did, although I give myself complete props for taking the responsibility on like a champ and being a great mother. But there were moments at first where I felt that there I was still learning to be responsible for my own decisions - and I was all of a sudden 100% responsible for making decisions for this brand new person!!

Oz
01-07-2003, 10:22 PM
Originally posted by vraiblonde
laid him on my stomach and I had a rather significant panic attack. I chilled out quick but there was just that dazed moment of, "Ohgodohgodohgodohgod...what have I DONE!?!"


Funny how that same thing gets you to the labor room in the first place, huh?

Sharon
01-07-2003, 10:26 PM
Later on it's more likely to say to your kids, "Oh crap...what have YOU done!" :wink:

JabbaJawz
01-08-2003, 06:08 AM
Originally posted by Sharon
Later on it's more likely to say to your kids, "Oh crap...what have YOU done!" :wink:

Yes ma'am!!! You got that right!! :biggrin:

JabbaJawz
01-08-2003, 06:09 AM
Originally posted by Oz
Funny how that same thing gets you to the labor room in the first place, huh?

Kain99
01-08-2003, 06:51 AM
Lose your nerve Lauren? :lmao:

Ken King
01-08-2003, 08:20 AM
Originally posted by Oz
That's funny... You put talking, and talking in the best and worst category. Which one is it, Ken? :biggrin:
Actually, if you would read what I wrote you would see this as two totally separate thoughts. I was talking about the best being the precious moment a child first starts to speak. Any parent knows this joy. The worst is what happens when the child becomes a teen and the things that come out of that once precious mouth. Not the same thing at all is it?

I realize that you are just p!ssed because I challenged you on the feedhorn issue (with facts) and now you are trying to exact a little revenge. Why not bring your pfister on down and we’ll see what ends up going down the drain?

JabbaJawz
01-08-2003, 08:44 AM
Originally posted by Kain99
Lose your nerve Lauren? :lmao:

Well sheet!!! My note didn't show up!! It was just a smart alleck comment, but I can't even remember what it was, heeh!:confused:

Kizzy
01-08-2003, 09:53 AM
Today is one of those dreaded days for a working mother. I am home with my youngest that is complaining of a sore throat. It is hard to have children and work a full time job. If you can afford to stay home, by all means do. But, if you cannot, you need to set your priorities straight. My first priority is my family and my second is my job, so I don't hesitate to call out now when a family member is sick. I did at first, but now, I don’t let it get me down. I found the transition from one child to two a bit difficult. Now, the silence is the back seat of the car is non-existent. Also when one gets to stay home sick, the other gets ticked off. I just got the ticked one off on the school bus. I would hope that your husband wants a child as much as you do, if not, you may have a side kick with you everywhere you go.

SeaRide
01-08-2003, 10:17 AM
:yeahthat:

My life is all about raising my kids PERIOD. I can die for my kids anytime. Being a single parent can be tough raising two kids. Having two kids are like another two full time jobs plus your real life full time job.

Long time ago, someone said to me, "small children means small problems, big kids means big problems" ... I think it's more like bigger challenges to deal with whether it's good and bad.

I can only emphasize one thing.. spend lots of quality time with the kids!

I want my kids to be better than me in everything! I mean education, experience, skills, knowledge etc.

Dymphna
01-08-2003, 10:42 AM
The best thing about having kids is that before you do, you think you know what it means to love someone. You think you know what it means that your parents love you. Once you have a child, you realize how little you knew. There is no way to describe the feeling of loving a child.

The worst thing is the worry that they will grow up "right" however you perceive "right" to be.

As far as working or not. I have been a working mom with an understanding boss, working with a boss who resented women with kids because in his view they were unreliable, I've worked out of my house and I've been a stay-at-home mom. There are advantages to working and not working both to the kids and the parents. As soon as you see a study that recommends staying at home, you'll see one that recommends working. I ended up quiting my job because my boss was a jerk and it cost as much in full-time daycare for two kids as I was taking home, so I didn't see the point.

The answer is love your kids. If you work, search for daycare arrangement you and the kids feel comfortable with. Make sure your job is understanding enough to not hassle you about the occasional sick day. Share responsibilities equally with your spouse. If you stay home, you need to find outlets for yourself and the kids. Get out of the house, both alone and with the kids and make sure your spouse understands your need for "mommy time" (alone). And make sure he also knows not to expect a spotless house. If you spend all your time cleaning, instead of spending time with the kids, you may as well go to work.

yakky doodle
01-08-2003, 12:02 PM
Do NOT let people make you feel guilty about going back to work if you choose to do so. I stayed home with my daughter till she was 14 months old. About a month later, I realized that I could have stopped my insanity months earlier had I just traded in my apron for my work clothes again. It's not that I don't love my daughter; totally the opposite; rather, I am not "built" to be a stay-at-home mom. It's just not me. I need to have my 'thing' outside of mommy-hood (and now that I'm a single mom, it's a requirement to work). Now, of course I wish I had more time with my daughter -- who doesn't. But at least she doesn't have to experience quality time with me in a mental ward somewhere, which is where I'd be had I remained June Cleaver one more year. :crazy:

Now, that being said, it doesn't mean I think less of those who CAN stay home. I do admire their ability, and I know it's not just soap operas and bon-bons all day long. I do grow annoyed though with people who lay you on a guilt trip for deciding to work and be a mom. It is possible to do/be both.

Tonio
01-08-2003, 12:10 PM
I believe that whether a mother stays home or works is her own damn business. Don't let anyone tell you you "have" to go back to work or "have" to stay home with the kids.

On a lighter note, anyone notice how much pressure people give you to reproduce? If you're single, people ask you when you're getting married. If you're married, people ask you when you're going to have a baby. If you have a baby, people ask you when you're having the next one. This must be some kind of genetic desire to ensure the survival of the human race.

yakky doodle
01-08-2003, 12:16 PM
have a tee-shirt made if/when you are preggers that says:

Touch My Belly and I Kick Your A$$! You either send a clear message from the get-go, or you have every stranger you pass touching your belly (without asking permission!) :mad:

cattitude
01-08-2003, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by yakky doodle
have a tee-shirt made if/when you are preggers that says:

Tough My Belly and I Kick Your A$$!

Probably be a cheap t-shirt, what with the typo and all.:biggrin:

yakky doodle
01-08-2003, 12:34 PM
:blushing: sorry; wrote that with way too much emotion; could ya tell? :biggrin: I wanted to deck the strangers who'd come up and go "awwww, look at that big belly; that'll be a boy or girl by the way you are carrying." meanwhile they are rubbing my belly like they are feeling up a crystal ball. :mad::burning:

JabbaJawz
01-08-2003, 01:48 PM
Originally posted by yakky doodle
Do NOT let people make you feel guilty about going back to work if you choose to do so. I stayed home with my daughter till she was 14 months old. About a month later, I realized that I could have stopped my insanity months earlier had I just traded in my apron for my work clothes again. It's not that I don't love my daughter; totally the opposite; rather, I am not "built" to be a stay-at-home mom. It's just not me. I need to have my 'thing' outside of mommy-hood (and now that I'm a single mom, it's a requirement to work). Now, of course I wish I had more time with my daughter -- who doesn't. But at least she doesn't have to experience quality time with me in a mental ward somewhere, which is where I'd be had I remained June Cleaver one more year. :crazy:

Now, that being said, it doesn't mean I think less of those who CAN stay home. I do admire their ability, and I know it's not just soap operas and bon-bons all day long. I do grow annoyed though with people who lay you on a guilt trip for deciding to work and be a mom. It is possible to do/be both.

Yakky - I'm 100% with you on this one. I really don't think I'm the SAHM type either - I'd go insane, and so would my daughter! We need that break from each other, and I need 'me'/adult time. Of course there are days when I miss the crap out of her and wish I could be at home, but my working is a requirement and works fine for us. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, which was SO soon, but I had no choice.

OliveOyl
01-08-2003, 08:02 PM
Wow, everyone gave excellent advice.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

Any advice on that? :confused:

I also think it will be hard to be a working mom, but I couldn't imagine staying at home. I just think I would get bored, and I've always felt that you shouldn't rely on someone else. It would be really hard for me to allow my husband to "bring home the bacon." I want to be able to take care of myself with my own money, with or without a child. It's a respecting myself kind of thing...

JabbaJawz
01-08-2003, 08:15 PM
Originally posted by OliveOyl
My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

Any advice on that? :confused:


I'm an only child and I guess the transition from ME to MOMMY sort of happened automatically. I do wish I'd waited to have a child so that I could have been selfish for longer, but I don't resent my daughter for that. It was my fault I got pregnant sooner than I meant to, and even though at the time it seemed like a bad mistake - it is really SUCH a blessing. As long as you and your husband understand how your life will change, and the sacrifices that are involved, go for it. I'm very excited about my next pregnancy since I'm so much more ready and can enjoy it.

Kizzy
01-08-2003, 09:07 PM
My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

No that will change, trust me. There is no love greater than that of a parent for a child. I would jump out in front of a moving truck to save the life of one of my children. You are not too self centered to consider the added addition to your household and to ask questions before hand. It isn't easy, your live WILL change and you will too.

vraiblonde
01-08-2003, 10:39 PM
I have resentful moments all the time where I come home to these slovenly little pigs who leave their junk all over the place, borrow my stuff without asking, ask for stuff incessantly, think their social life is of utmost importance and if I have to cancel plans to drive them somewhere, oh well.

I think (because I am one) that selfish parents make the best parents of all. Their kids don't grow up with this childish self-importance, thinking they are the be-all, end-all of the universe and they learn how to compromise and negotiate instead of being shocked the first time someone tells them 'no'.

And, Olive, there is NO MORE IMPORTANT JOB than raising the future generation. Whatever your husband does for a living pales in comparison.

OliveOyl
01-08-2003, 10:45 PM
Originally posted by vraiblonde

And, Olive, there is NO MORE IMPORTANT JOB than raising the future generation. Whatever your husband does for a living pales in comparison. [/B]

OliveOyl reflects...

Ok, I just had an "ah ha!" moment...:shocked:

I NEVER really thought about what you said, vrai. Sometimes I get way too caught up in the things that aren't so important in the long run.

My husband means the world to me, and I'm sure my children will too. Everything else really does pale in comparison.

Oz
01-11-2003, 05:22 PM
Originally posted by Ken King
I realize that you are just p!ssed because I challenged you on the feedhorn issue (with facts) and now you are trying to exact a little revenge. Why not bring your pfister on down and we’ll see what ends up going down the drain?

Actually, on the feedhorn issue, I simply yielded to your expertise. (As referenced by the fact that I didn't bring up the issue in 2 threads unrelated to DirecTV.)

No axes to grind, or issues, or grudges with anyone, including you. Just havin' fun, slinging a one-liner in here or there to lighten the conversation...

Dymphna
12-29-2003, 11:39 PM
Originally posted by cmcdanal
The best thing about having kids is that before you do, you think you know what it means to love someone. You think you know what it means that your parents love you. Once you have a child, you realize how little you knew. There is no way to describe the feeling of loving a child.

The worst thing is the worry that they will grow up "right" however you perceive "right" to be.

As far as working or not. I have been a working mom with an understanding boss, working with a boss who resented women with kids because in his view they were unreliable, I've worked out of my house and I've been a stay-at-home mom. There are advantages to working and not working both to the kids and the parents. As soon as you see a study that recommends staying at home, you'll see one that recommends working. I ended up quiting my job because my boss was a jerk and it cost as much in full-time daycare for two kids as I was taking home, so I didn't see the point.

The answer is love your kids. If you work, search for daycare arrangement you and the kids feel comfortable with. Make sure your job is understanding enough to not hassle you about the occasional sick day. Share responsibilities equally with your spouse. If you stay home, you need to find outlets for yourself and the kids. Get out of the house, both alone and with the kids and make sure your spouse understands your need for "mommy time" (alone). And make sure he also knows not to expect a spotless house. If you spend all your time cleaning, instead of spending time with the kids, you may as well go to work.

My one year anniversary of being on the forums is coming up. I didn't recall posting way back in January, so I decided to look up my first ever post. Dang, I'm one long winded biatch. :biggrin:

Fortunately for you guys my second post didn't come for another 2 months. THAT's when the real addiction began.

zuchick
12-30-2003, 12:12 AM
Originally posted by OliveOyl
Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

Olive, I would advise you have atleast 3 about 2 years apart. Only children have it hard in this world and atleast with brothers, sisters of a mixture of each they will have a pretty good support group which will come in handy.

The Best part about youngins:

The Best part about youngins is their eyes. They are full of hope and excitement.. It is a Blessing to watch them as they discover something new and their eyes tells the entire story.

They are full of First Moments and unlike adults they show the zeal these first moments brings.

The Worse part about youngins:

That is an easy one.. When you put them to bed one night and they are just as sweet as angels and then.... Then one morning they will wake up as teenagers and you will wonder what has ever pocessed your child.. I think when a child is starting to pull away from their parents are the hardest times for us. It is a time for adjusement and re-adjustments for both the children and mom and dad.

Mother's have it the best because they have the child to themselves for the first 9 months of their lives, but then when the baby is born they have to begin letting go. The father's on the other hand have it the hardest because when the child begins pulling away, they generally do so with someone of the opposite sex.. The daughters are the hardest for the fathers.. It is when they daughters begin dating the fathers must step down as being the only man in their little girls lives to that of second fiddle.. He also feels compelled to protect his children, sometimes with a club, sometimes with words, but it ain't easy..

But really what is hard about yougins is being a parent and not a friend. A child can get friends at school, but we only got two parents. It is the youngins job to push the limits and the parents job to set them which ain't easy. The hardest things I, as a parent of two grown boys and two grown girls is being a parent espeically a father who is supposed to be like a stone stead fast..

So far, unfortuntely, I am 50-50.. I have two failures which are entirely my faught and two successes which I claim as being both mine and my honey's faught. Now that my two successes are grown, I can afford to be their friends, but when they were coming up, I couldn't afford to be their friends because the World is full of wolves and I was the only one who stood between my youngins and the wolves..

But all-n-all, I would advise you to have children.. Don't plan for them, just have them.. You plan vacations and menus, you have children. Just don't have one child, have 2 or 3 it may be a bit hard from the start on you and your spouse, but not on your children when they are grown..

Kizzy
12-30-2003, 12:15 AM
You just wasted your words of wisdom on a banned forum person.

:killingme And all that work you put into your post.

Kizzy
12-30-2003, 12:17 AM
Also, my boys are 3 years a part and fight like cats and dogs, so not sure that having them 2-3 years apart is such good advice.

zuchick
12-30-2003, 12:28 AM
Originally posted by IM4Change
You just wasted your words of wisdom on a banned forum person.

:killingme And all that work you put into your post.

I'm sure there are more reading this then the one who is banned from the forum.

zuchick
12-30-2003, 12:33 AM
Originally posted by IM4Change
Also, my boys are 3 years a part and fight like cats and dogs, so not sure that having them 2-3 years apart is such good advice.

But it is wise to have them a couple years apart.. It give the mother time to full recover from having their first, gives both mom and dad the oppertunity to make most of the mistakes with the eldest so they cn avoid making the same mistakes with the younger.. And I have noticed that those youngins who fight the most when they are babies tend to have the tightest bond as adults.. When my two would fight, I would move two chairs facing each other about a foot apart and make both set in them and look at the other and think what it would be like if something were to happen to the other and they would never see them again. Now they have very tight bonds.

Kizzy
12-30-2003, 12:37 AM
Originally posted by zuchick
When my two would fight, I would move two chairs facing each other about a foot apart and make both set in them and look at the other and think what it would be like if something were to happen to the other and they would never see them again. Now they have very tight bonds.

Those chairs better be REAL far apart in my house, so they cannot kick each other. :rolleyes:

I sure hope your right about them growing up to be close. They do love each other, but when they have fights, it gets pretty nasty. Neither of them will back down.

zuchick
12-30-2003, 12:47 AM
Originally posted by IM4Change
Those chairs better be REAL far apart in my house, so they cannot kick each other. :rolleyes:

I sure hope your right about them growing up to be close. They do love each other, but when they have fights, it gets pretty nasty. Neither of them will back down.

Michael my eldest son, told me that his sister Staci literally would throw him through doors and the like.. Today they are very protective of one another..

My two youngest John and Joanie used to also fight like cats nd dogs.. It got to the poit I got tired of being the referee and told them not to come back until their is blood.. Of course I was joking, but they did not realize it..

One evening my wife's sister and her hubby came out to the house and we started playing rummy. The John and Joanie was down the hall out of site of my wife and myself, but my sister-n-law and her hubby could see them very well. All of a sudden wanda, my sister-n-law, started laughing.. I ask her what was happening and she told me that both John and Joani was down at the end of the Hallway Duking it out and not making a sound..

But now Michael and Staci are 32 & 31 and John and Joanie are 30 & 27. I can not say much about the two eldest, but the two youngest are very tight and protective of one another. Mike and Staci have been estranged from me so long, about all I can say for them is that they are protective of one another.

huntr1
12-30-2003, 10:07 AM
Originally posted by IM4Change
Also, my boys are 3 years a part and fight like cats and dogs, so not sure that having them 2-3 years apart is such good advice. There is 2.5 years between 1 & 2, & 2 years between 2 & 3. They get along great, and are very helpful with each other. Plus, we shouldn't have 3 in college at any 1 time.

kwillia
06-17-2006, 09:47 PM
Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?
I wonder how many chitlins she done popped out by now...:yawn:

crabcake
06-17-2006, 10:37 PM
I wonder how many chitlins she done popped out by now...:yawn:

You know what they say ... Paris is for lovers. :whistle:

Nickel
06-17-2006, 11:31 PM
I would advise you have atleast 3 about 2 years apart. Only children have it hard in this world and atleast with brothers, sisters of a mixture of each they will have a pretty good support group which will come in handy.
Guess I missed that boat. :dance:

CandyRain
06-18-2006, 06:47 AM
Wow, everyone gave excellent advice.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

Any advice on that? :confused:

I also think it will be hard to be a working mom, but I couldn't imagine staying at home. I just think I would get bored, and I've always felt that you shouldn't rely on someone else. It would be really hard for me to allow my husband to "bring home the bacon." I want to be able to take care of myself with my own money, with or without a child. It's a respecting myself kind of thing...

I had an epiphany within the first couple months of my son's life. I looked at him and realized that it wasn't about me anymore. That I wasn't going to be the same "me" that I was before he was born. Motherhood changes you in ways you can't imagine and it makes you want to be a better person. It's the hardest (physically and emotionally), most demanding job in the world and there are no breaks. Even if you get a sitter, your mind is still with that child.

As far as working vs. staying home? That's something only the individual can decide. There are plenty of each in the world and there are plenty of good and bad kids on both side of the equation. Your motherly instincts will guide you to what's best for you and your child. :yay:

bcp
06-18-2006, 03:58 PM
Here is my advice.
Go ahead and have the baby.
forget most everything everyone tells you about how that baby needs to be raised.

raise the child the way you think he/she should be raised, treasure every single moment that you have with him/her because they will be grown faster than you can imagine.

make sure to take the child to all the places that are meant for children, amusement parks, chuckie cheese, everything, and while you are doing it, remember how it felt when it was you going for the first time.

take millions and millions of pictures and video along the way. make sure to laugh in private at what they did after you yell at them for doing it.

One day at a time and make the most of it and everything else will just sorta fall into place.

I wouldnt trade my time raising my daughter for anything.

RoseRed
06-18-2006, 07:26 PM
Here is my advice.
Go ahead and have the baby.
forget most everything everyone tells you about how that baby needs to be raised.

raise the child the way you think he/she should be raised, treasure every single moment that you have with him/her because they will be grown faster than you can imagine.

make sure to take the child to all the places that are meant for children, amusement parks, chuckie cheese, everything, and while you are doing it, remember how it felt when it was you going for the first time.

take millions and millions of pictures and video along the way. make sure to laugh in private at what they did after you yell at them for doing it.

One day at a time and make the most of it and everything else will just sorta fall into place.

I wouldnt trade my time raising my daughter for anything.

:yeahthat: x100

jackoholic
06-18-2006, 09:57 PM
Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?In my opinion, you should wait until you both have stable jobs you both love, enough money saved up, a home that you can afford, and travel a bit before the kids come along. You will love them a lot more when all the other shiat is out of the way.

CoastieWife86
06-18-2006, 11:02 PM
I'm 38 weeks pregnant, two weeks away from my due date. This is our first child, and he was unplanned. We've been married 2 years, and were planning to wait until we'd been married 5 years, so we could see the sights and things like that... However, I've never been happier. Every time I feel my little guy move, or hear his heartbeat on the doppler, my heart grows two sizes... I cannot wait to meet him, and couldn't imagine things any different.

Even though he wasn't planned, I have no regrets. It took a month or two for me to come to this conclusion, but I love him so much already, and cannot wait to be a mom. My entire life has changed, and my focus has changed... I used to be really selfish, and me and my husband would just go out and buy things we didnt need, or go places to waste money, but all of that has changed... I think about what we could buy with that money for the little one instead. I think about things I want to do with him, and places I want to take him. I don't think this happens to everyone, but with me it just happened..

One day, I went to the mall, and spent $75 on baby things and came away with nothing for myself. I realized it when I got home, and I have to admit, it made me happy... I have changed alot, and put him before myself, and he hasn't even been born yet. I think it just happens.... You won't even realize it most likely...

As for working, I don't know. I'm going to be a stay at home mom, because I can't imagine missing all of the tiny things in his life. My husband is in the Coast Guard and will be gone alot of the little guy's life, and I want to be here for him whenever he needs me. Right now, my husband is able to be home more often, but once we leave here, he won't be home so much, and I want my child to feel like he has at least one parent who is always there for him. Plus, at this point, I would just be working to pay for childcare. I plan on going back to school, probably once he's in kindergarten, but to me, it's more important to NOT miss the tiny things, because when they're little, they change so much every day.

I didnt read through all the replies, so I dont know if anyone else has said any of this already, but its something that I would have liked to have known when I was in your shoes. My husband and I were talking about "trying" for awhile, and then when we quit talking about it, I got pregnant. Total mistake, lol... I wish you the best of luck with everything!

CoastieWife86
06-18-2006, 11:06 PM
I just realized I replied to a post from jan 2003..wow. I didnt read the date on it before I replied..Is anyone still reading this and getting advice from it? :whistle:

marianne
06-20-2006, 07:32 PM
My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

That's not how you have kids :lmao:


What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

If you want to have more than one child, have them close together (i.e., 1 year apart) and know that your heart will be constantly torn apart. I've heard of situations where children desperately want to stay with the daycare provider at the end of the day rather than going home with their moms (one mom quit work the following day because she was so upset about it). Be prepared to be looked down upon by yourself (and possibly others) for outsourcing the raising of your children. And don't assume that when the kids start school, are at a more fun age, and you're more financially stable that you'll be staying home with them before & after school while working half time in order to mend your heart and spend more time with the kids. Chances are, they'll be accustomed to and want to be in after school activities rather than with you.


My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. ...

You don't give it up -- your kids ARE you. Have you ever read Carlos Casteneda? In his book "The Second Ring of Power" he talks about how people who have children have holes in their stomachs or luminosity. I always have a mental picture of that, signifying how your children truly are a piece of you.



I also think it will be hard to be a working mom, but I couldn't imagine staying at home. I just think I would get bored, and I've always felt that you shouldn't rely on someone else. It would be really hard for me to allow my husband to "bring home the bacon." I want to be able to take care of myself with my own money, with or without a child. It's a respecting myself kind of thing...

You can respect yourself without having a full time job. My role model is a mom who stayed home with her kids and did fantastic things with them. She took them to Egypt. She bred and showed dogs with them. She took art classes with them. You don't need to pick up your husbands socks and wait for him to bring home the bacon to be a good mom.