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demsformd
01-28-2003, 08:23 PM
Ok, I''ve mentioned this a couple of times but I really need some help here. My youngest daughter (child for that matter) is currently dating a young man that is 2 years older than her (read: college guy taking advantage of an inexperienced high school girl). He and I have had several run-ins about the way that he acts and the type of person that he is. He is the type of person that subscribes to Mariyln Manson (sp?) music and the whole dark chlothes and other unfashionable clothes genre. This lil sh*t has alreay told me to f myself as well as other terrible things. I have allowed this relationship to last a little while now because I remembered how I was with my wife when I was a kid and how much her dad hated me (after all, I told him to f himself). But his behavior is rubbing off on my little girl who is moving more and more into seculsion and her grades are dropping. When I talk to her about it, she goes into a tirade about how she is being an "individual." I need to end this terrible relationship but my daughter will hate me for it. How can I deal with this?

demsformd
01-28-2003, 08:29 PM
I know, I know...I think that God is getting back at me for the stuff that I did to Mr. Hayden.

Kain99
01-28-2003, 08:29 PM
Dems... Let her hate you now. She will Love you later. Daddy always know best! Us girls just take a little longer to realize it. Your in a position to understand this jerks motives much better than your little girl is. Take the chance, lay down the law and let her grow. One day in a few years when she is giving birth to her first baby with a wonderful husband she will look up at you and say Thanks... I owe all of this to you! Trust me. :smile:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 08:31 PM
But the more you force, the more they rebel.

Kain99
01-28-2003, 08:34 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
But the more you force, the more they rebel.

T Total B.S. You just don't know how to force! Back in the day I thought just like you do..... Now I watch the kids under Biscuits rule and all is well with the world! When you throw down, you have to be prepared to back it up with some major Arse!

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 08:36 PM
That's a tough one, and I'm not exactly sure how I'd deal with this one. To me, the facts are clear - her attitude, grades, etc... are suffering due to her boyfriend, and that has to stop (whether he stays in the picture long-term or not). Personally, his appearance wouldn't matter to me nearly as much as the type of person he is. He obviously doesn't have respect for his elders, which is a big :nono: from the start. I don't care if Mackenzie gets older, wears funky clothing, and dyes her hair blue, etc... as long as she's a good kid. Things like individual appearance are the least of my worries with all of the issues kids have to deal with these days. Anyway, this dude sounds like a butthead, and it's taking an obvious toll on your daughter.

Have you tried telling her to shape up in the problem areas or she is going to be restricted from seeing him?

Oh, and by the way, I fully realize that I'm just rambling and have no good answer to your question, lol! I'm actually anxious to hear what others say on how to deal with this issue.

Kain99
01-28-2003, 08:36 PM
Cari I am so with you onthe musical taste issue but the age concerns me... What does a college boy want from a high school girl? Yep, you guessed it, The goods! Obviously no one his age is interested. Kinda scary.

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 08:39 PM
Originally posted by bluto
How did you stop your head from exploding when he told you to eff off?

OMG, I know. I'd have wanted to beat the living sh*tola out off him!!! :lol:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 08:42 PM
Originally posted by Kain99
T Total B.S. You just don't know how to force! Back in the day I thought just like you do..... Now I watch the kids under Biscuits rule and all is well with the world! When you throw down, you have to be prepared to back it up with some major Arse!

I see it all the time Kain. Growing up, the ones who forced their opinions on their kids ended up with kids that rebel. Now, I'm not saying let them do whatever they want. But show them why you feel a certain way and also listen to what the kid is saying. Parenting is not just about telling, it is about listening as well. Especially when they reach the teenage years.

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 08:44 PM
Originally posted by Kain99
T Total B.S. You just don't know how to force!

How do you force so that they actually listen, yet still respect the parent. I've seen some parents do this and be successful, and others do it and end up with even more of a rebel. I guess it all depends on the child, parent, and situation in general. I'm curious, and still trying to figure out how in the heckle I'm going to beginnnn to deal with the teenage years!!

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 08:45 PM
Originally posted by cariblue
Now, if you were a guy, would you want to try and build a relationship with a woman whose main objective and college major is getting laid and drunk?

Ahh, I miss the college days :biggrin:

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 08:48 PM
Originally posted by cariblue
Now, if you were a guy, would you want to try and build a relationship with a woman whose main objective and college major is getting laid and drunk?


I would...if I were a guy who's major objective was also to get laid and drunk, :cool: :cheers: !

Seriously, though, I do see what you're trying to say.

Kain99
01-28-2003, 08:49 PM
Originally posted by laureng
How do you force so that they actually listen, yet still respect the parent. I've seen some parents do this and be successful, and others do it and end up with even more of a rebel. I guess it all depends on the child, parent, and situation in general. I'm curious, and still trying to figure out how in the heckle I'm going to beginnnn to deal with the teenage years!!

Crap if I know... Biscuit says jump and they scream how high? I think it's a tone of voice issue..... Maybe it's size... Doubt it, Biscuits Mom has the same effect! :smile:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 08:51 PM
Originally posted by cariblue
Yeah, but was it a relationship you were looking for? :wink:

I met my wife in college at a party... Over a keg of killians red beer. :biggrin:

Kain99
01-28-2003, 08:55 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
I met my wife in college at a party... Over a keg of killians red beer. :biggrin:

And.... she looked really, reallly good that night, right? :biggrin:

SeaRide
01-28-2003, 08:55 PM
What does the law say about an adult messing around with an underage girl? what's her age? 17 or under?
Talk firmly to this lil snot to either help your daughter improve grades in high school and her attitudes OR else ... (my mind went blank .. dang) Why don't you talk to the counselor at the school and get some guidance on this issue immediately.

yakky doodle
01-28-2003, 08:56 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
I met my wife in college at a party... Over a keg of killians red beer. :biggrin:

ST -- when will you learn that there are just some personal things you don't want to make public knowledge on this forum :nono: :biggrin:

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 08:57 PM
Originally posted by yakky doodle
ST -- when will you learn that there are just some personal things you don't want to make public knowledge on this forum :nono: :biggrin:

Poop!!! I'm too late on learning this fact. Just like I was too late to realize we weren't supposed to use our 'real' names on here!! :eek: :confused:

:biggrin: :lol: :biggrin:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 08:57 PM
Originally posted by Kain99
And.... she looked really, reallly good that night, right? :biggrin:

Yes. And lucky for me, she didn't change when I sobered up :smile:

SeaRide
01-28-2003, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
I met my wife in college at a party... Over a keg of killians red beer. :biggrin:
Dang! you must be 20 something.

Kain99
01-28-2003, 09:01 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
Yes. And lucky for me, she didn't change when I sobered up :smile:

Prove it Baby! Post her picture! :biggrin:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:02 PM
Originally posted by SeaRide
Dang! you must be 20 something.

28. What is wrong with killians? It is "our" beer now :smile:
Being a shy guy, had it not been for the beer I never would have had the nerve to talk to her!
Actually, I guess Molson Ice should be my beer also. We were all drinking at my apartment when we ran out of Molson Ice. So we decided to go to that party.
:smile:

yakky doodle
01-28-2003, 09:03 PM
Originally posted by laureng
Poop!!! I'm too late on learning this fact. Just like I was too late to realize we weren't supposed to use our 'real' names on here!! :eek: :confused:

:biggrin: :lol: :biggrin:

it's okay lauren ... first off, you did that before you became a brunette :lol: and secondly, you are a Soopuh-Stahhhhh! :biggrin:

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 09:03 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
28. What is wrong with killians? It is "our" beer now :smile:
Being a shy guy, had it not been for the beer I never would have had the nerve to talk to her!
Actually, I guess Molson Ice should be my beer also. We were all drinking at my apartment when we ran out of Molson Ice. So we decided to go to that party.
:smile:

ST...I'm surprised...I totally thought you were older than 28.

SeaRide
01-28-2003, 09:06 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
28. What is wrong with killians? It is "our" beer now :smile:
Being a shy guy, had it not been for the beer I never would have had the nerve to talk to her!
Actually, I guess Molson Ice should be my beer also. We were all drinking at my apartment when we ran out of Molson Ice. So we decided to go to that party.
:smile:
Nothing wrong with Killians but when I first heard about Killians I knew that was for those in late 20s. Killians wasn't around when I was in my 20s. That's how I knew. :biggrin:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:06 PM
Originally posted by cariblue
I think that's great! How many of the other women at the party would you have considered a relationship with? Was your future wife's major "get laid"?


None, she was the only one I had my eyes on :biggrin:

Kain99
01-28-2003, 09:06 PM
Excuses, Excuses Smalltown!

Yakky isn't night time posting a $hite load better than daytime?

Lauren I hope your locked in a closet away from my man tonight! :biggrin:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:07 PM
Originally posted by laureng
ST...I'm surprised...I totally thought you were older than 28.

Not sure if that is a good thing, or a bad thing!:smile:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:09 PM
Originally posted by SeaRide
Nothing wrong with Killians but when I first heard about Killians I knew that was for those in late 20s. Killians wasn't around when I was in my 20s. That's how I knew. :biggrin:

ahh ok. I think it was relatively new back then... During the whole "red" craze. Seemed like every new beer coming out was Something Red.

Kain99
01-28-2003, 09:09 PM
Ya know something, I thought he was alot older until I saw his fine arse at Ashai a couple of weeks ago!

JabbaJawz
01-28-2003, 09:10 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
Not sure if that is a good thing, or a bad thing!:smile:

It would be a bad thing if you had posted a picture...because then I'd be sayin' you look old. But since I'm going off of posts alone, it's not a bad thing. Pretty well spoken for a 20-something!

yakky doodle
01-28-2003, 09:12 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
None, she was the only one I had my eyes on :biggrin:

OMG I have blood dripping down my chin from biting my tongue! :lol:

It's all good. I can laugh reading this w/o getting banned! :biggrin: See Vrai -- I'm getting it; I really am getting it! :lmao:

Kain99
01-28-2003, 09:14 PM
It's only temporary Yakky! I'm counting on it! :biggrin:

SeaRide
01-28-2003, 09:17 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
ahh ok. I think it was relatively new back then... During the whole "red" craze. Seemed like every new beer coming out was Something Red. yeah .. I remember about six or seven years ago, my friend and I were traveling to WV. At this bar in WV, my friend from Wash DC area loves the killians red and he was not sure if this WV bar has any. Sure enuff, they did have killians red as it was popular(not cheap) in Wash DC area at that time. We drank just a few tall glasses. We asked for the bill.. we were floored when we saw the total amount. It was only $7 for seven glasses of killians. I mean the glasses were damn tall and big. I looked around the bar and saw patrons drinking Bud and Miller. I asked the bartender how much are for the bud.. he said $2.50.. so we drank more Killians Red. :biggrin:

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:18 PM
Originally posted by yakky doodle
OMG I have blood dripping down my chin from biting my tongue! :lol:

It's all good. I can laugh reading this w/o getting banned! :biggrin: See Vrai -- I'm getting it; I really am getting it! :lmao:

What was wrong with that? Sometimes when you meet someone, things just "click".

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:20 PM
Originally posted by SeaRide
yeah .. I remember about six or seven years ago, my friend and I were traveling to WV. At this bar in WV, my friend from Wash DC area loves the killians red and he was not sure if this WV bar has any. Sure enuff, they did have killians red as it was popular(not cheap) in Wash DC area at that time. We drank just a few tall glasses. We asked for the bill.. we were floored when we saw the total amount. It was only $7 for seven glasses of killians. I mean the glasses were damn tall and big. I looked around the bar and saw patrons drinking Bud and Miller. I asked the bartender how much are for the bud.. he said $2.50.. so we drank more Killians Red. :biggrin:

Killians and Sam Adams were the kegs of choice at school. Don't know if they had good deals on those or what.

SeaRide
01-28-2003, 09:28 PM
Originally posted by SmallTown
Killians and Sam Adams were the kegs of choice at school. Don't know if they had good deals on those or what. I am not sure why it was cheap .. but I did asked the female patron sitting next to us at the WV bar if she had tried the killians red. She paused and look around to see if the locals were listening to us. She said, "everyone here drinks bud or miller" I was like," okay no problem" I keep forgetting what it's like to live in a very tiny town where everybody knows everybody. Geez.

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:35 PM
And how could I forget... I pretty much grew up on IceHouse... They still make the stuff? I pretty much lived at the bowling alley (yea, sad) so we pretty much new everyone there. This one chick who worked there thought I was cute (Was good friends with her husband, WASN'T going there!) so we were always getting free beer. On tap they had IceHouse, Miller Light, and Bud Light. Needless to say, IceHouse was the lesser of three evils... Yummm.. Until she got caught giving us stuff and got fired. Bummer.

SmallTown
01-28-2003, 09:38 PM
hmm, I hope dems' daughter doesn't log on here. All the beer talk might give her more ideas!

SeaRide
01-28-2003, 09:57 PM
back to the topic .. umm .. when I was in high school I had college girlfriend for about two years. It didn't work out though. I remember one weekend staying at the dorm with my g/f, we took shower together in the girls shower ..umm .. it was more like a common shower area. We were alone until two girls came in and didn't mind us. My g/f said they are cool and don't worry about them. It was hard for me to focus on my g/f while those two gorgeous girls taking shower too. Later on, I asked my g/f if she has seen any guy in the shower with other girls lately, she said yep sure this is college life. What she told me blew my mind. I broke up with my g/f before I graduate from high school for many reasons. Then I went to college in NY and I end up with another g/f anyway.

Sharon
01-28-2003, 10:58 PM
Originally posted by demsformd
Ok, I''ve mentioned this a couple of times but I really need some help here. My youngest daughter (child for that matter) is currently dating a young man that is 2 years older than her (read: college guy taking advantage of an inexperienced high school girl). He and I have had several run-ins about the way that he acts and the type of person that he is. This lil sh*t has alreay told me to f myself as well as other terrible things. But his behavior is rubbing off on my little girl who is moving more and more into seculsion and her grades are dropping. When I talk to her about it, she goes into a tirade about how she is being an "individual." I need to end this terrible relationship but my daughter will hate me for it. How can I deal with this? If one of my kid's dates disrespected me like that, they would no longer be welcome at my home (including their car in my driveway) and their phone number would be blocked from calling. I would forbid my kid from seeing that person. Your daughter might still sneak out to be with him on the sly, but it would make it hard for her, especially if you are the type that punishes for catching your kids in lies. After a while she might just find someone else.

When the kids don't play fair neither do I, and I've done a lot of things to keep my daughter in line that I wish I never had to do. I also found out a lot of things she was doing that I wish I never had to know.

Teenagers are very hard to raise, especially when they have their minds set on their own selfishness. Sometimes they learn from their mistakes and other times they make the same ones over again. If I only had a nickel for every time one of them said they "hated" me for punishing them. :wink: Don't give up and don't wimp out. As long as she is in your home - you have rule of the roost.

Ken King
01-28-2003, 11:46 PM
Teenage girls, man oh man, what a pain. My youngest daughter is 24, with a loser boy friend currently cooling his heals in the County hotel. I know your pain.

You're between a rock and a hard-place. Anything you do or say against him will make her want him more and more. After all, like every teen, they know more than us old farts or so they think. But it is your life, besides your daughters, that this jerk is screwing with. If you donít like it donít deal with it, fix it.

His words and actions towards you are enough to get a no trespassing warrant against him. Get one and enforce it, your daughter canít allow him to be there if you donít. Catch him there, lock his @ss up. Donít play around with the punk, donít argue with him, just take the action as you see fit.

Let your daughter know that, while you love and support her, you arenít going to just sit around and watch what he is doing to her or let it continue any longer. Re-enforce that what you are doing is not only for your sanity but for her protection. Remind her that, if and, when she graduates and goes out into the world on her own she can do what she wants, how she wants, when she wants, and with whom she wants. But as long as she lives under your roof that you call the shots and this clown isnít going to be one of your calls. Time for a little tough love, buddy.

vraiblonde
01-29-2003, 12:13 AM
Okay, Cattitude, I'm NEVER going to complain about my kids again! Pinky swear!

Dems, I'm trying to imagine how many teeth that kid might have had left in his mouth if he'd have dared tell Larry to F himself. If you haven't taught your daughter basic respect at this point, you're going to have a tough time starting now. You said that you told your wife's father to F himself too - guess what? You reap what you sow.

RoseRed
01-29-2003, 07:48 AM
Me thinks that if you try and forbid her from seeing him, she will just sneak around to see him anyway she can. You are in a tough spot and I cannot give you advice. I was one of those kids that did whatever I damn well pleased because my father would never follow up on what he said so I got away with whatever I did. Surprisingly enough, I turned out to be a decent and responsible human being. (I am sure that could be debatable though)

RoseRed
01-29-2003, 07:56 AM
Originally posted by cariblue
I did this and fortunately it worked. She stopped seeing the boy. I was concerned that she would sneak around behind my back, but she didn't. Now, when this boys name comes up, she gags. It is hard to say how this will turn out, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down. I had always told my kids I wouldn't pick their friends as long as they made sound decisions about who they hung out with. This wasn't a good decision on her part, so I was compelled to step in. You are fortunate. I think it is a 50/50 chance of her going either way. I think a lot depends on the relationship between the father and daughter. I didn't have respect for my father so I never listened to him and did what I wanted because I could. I am speaking of my experience.

justhangn
01-29-2003, 09:06 AM
Originally posted by demsformd
Ok, I''ve mentioned this a couple of times but I really need some help here. My youngest daughter (child for that matter) is currently dating a young man that is 2 years older than her (read: college guy taking advantage of an inexperienced high school girl). He and I have had several run-ins about the way that he acts and the type of person that he is. He is the type of person that subscribes to Mariyln Manson (sp?) music and the whole dark chlothes and other unfashionable clothes genre. This lil sh*t has alreay told me to f myself as well as other terrible things. I have allowed this relationship to last a little while now because I remembered how I was with my wife when I was a kid and how much her dad hated me (after all, I told him to f himself). But his behavior is rubbing off on my little girl who is moving more and more into seculsion and her grades are dropping. When I talk to her about it, she goes into a tirade about how she is being an "individual." I need to end this terrible relationship but my daughter will hate me for it. How can I deal with this?

Dems, you old dog........here's my two cents worth on this subject.

1. Music has nothing to do with the person, itís not the musicís fault heís a maggot.
2. I started dating my wife when she was 15 and I was 19. Her grandparents hated me with a passion because ďI was only there for one reason.Ē In time, being the great person I am, they have learned to love me more than her. (her words)
3. The more they pushed us apart, the more we snuck around to see each other.

The dropping of her grades could be a sign of drug use amongst other things, Iím sure Iíll get :bs: for saying this, but I remember seeing it happen to people when I was in school. It may just be that sheíd rather be with boyfriend than do school work; I hope itís the latter.

I can only suggest you keep your relationship with your daughter very close and open. Try your best not to push your standards down her throat (even if you want to ring her neck) and hopefully she will see what an a$$clown this dirtbag really is.

I feel your pain though; Iím not looking forward to this stage in my daughterís life.

yakky doodle
01-29-2003, 09:33 AM
Originally posted by RoseRed
You are fortunate. I think it is a 50/50 chance of her going either way. I think a lot depends on the relationship between the father and daughter. I didn't have respect for my father so I never listened to him and did what I wanted because I could. I am speaking of my experience.

:yeahthat: I explored my teen years while living with my father(parent's divorced when I was young). That was probably the worst thing that my mother could have ever "okay'd" in my opinion. My father (some of you hear me refer to him as a 50-year-old Hugh Hefner :wink:) shot pool, played golf, drank beer and worked (in that order). He never once questioned my boyfriend at the time (who I came to realize was a low-life) or my grades when they began to fall (in fact, I don't know if he even ever saw my report cards, come to think of it :ohwell:). I had the run of the town and did what I wanted, to include going to a college campus in another state on weekends as a junior in HS with my b/f :yikes:. I'm very lucky -- I could have turned out far worse considering the crowd I sometimes hung out with and my boyfriends "influence." Luckily, I woke up upon graduation and realized I was not in the 'life' that I wanted to be in 10 years from then. I didn't want to stay in the same, blue-collar/farming town and join my classmates in competing for that minimum wage job at 7-11.

I think that talking to your daughter about how her decisions today will shape who she is tomorrow and letting her know that you respect her desire for individuality and can understand it but demand respect from her and her 'friends' (male and female) while she explores her youth will go miles ahead of pushing her in one directon or another and forbidding her to do certain things.

Good luck! I'm glad I have a few years and all of you to watch in dealing with this in today's society before I have to go through it. Of course, my 4-yr-old already got married on the trampoline at daycare, so I guess my worries are through :lol:

vraiblonde
01-29-2003, 09:40 AM
Originally posted by justhangn
Try your best not to push your standards down her throat You can't be serious.

Kimmy
01-29-2003, 09:43 AM
Originally posted by justhangn
Dems, you old dog........here's my two cents worth on this subject.

1. Music has nothing to do with the person, itís not the musicís fault heís a maggot.
2. I started dating my wife when she was 15 and I was 19. Her grandparents hated me with a passion because ďI was only there for one reason.Ē In time, being the great person I am, they have learned to love me more than her. (her words)
3. The more they pushed us apart, the more we snuck around to see each other.

The dropping of her grades could be a sign of drug use amongst other things, Iím sure Iíll get :bs: for saying this, but I remember seeing it happen to people when I was in school. It may just be that sheíd rather be with boyfriend than do school work; I hope itís the latter.

I can only suggest you keep your relationship with your daughter very close and open. Try your best not to push your standards down her throat (even if you want to ring her neck) and hopefully she will see what an a$$clown this dirtbag really is.

I feel your pain though; Iím not looking forward to this stage in my daughterís life.

I have to agree with what justhangn just posted.
I am going to use what happened to me as an example.
I was dating this guy when is was 17 and he was bad news. But I wanted so hard to prove my parents wrong. I had in my mind that I was going to change him and we would live happily ever after. WRONG!!! I was soon pregnant by 18. We moved in with each other and that is when everything went down hill. The beatings, the stolen stuff, the drugs etc. etc.. I even went to jail for a day because I was sooo in love and was sooo much believed everything that he said. A checked bounced for an amount over $300.00 and because I believe him that there was money in the bank I signed my name and I done the time. Well anyway to make a long story short. The more that my parents b!@#$ to me about him the more distance I got. I just couldn't take NO for an answer.
I don't think that there is a right or wrong answer on how to handle a teenager. We could give you advise all day long and still not solve a thing. The only advise that I can give is to keep communicating with her. Tell her no about things that happened to you when growing up. Even if you do have to lie. Or better yet have a talk with that boyfriend and tape record what you guys talk about. And if he says anything that may change your daughters mind than play it for her.
Good-Luck

Makavide
01-29-2003, 09:46 AM
I still have a few years to go before I have this worry so hopefully I will get some good advice now from you all on this.

But my thoughts are since your daughters grades are falling I would use that as a "weapon". Talk to them both at the same time, explain that since her grades are falling there will be some restrictions on them seeing each other. Let them know that the daughter is not allowed to go out (much) until the grades improve, but that if they really want to see each other, the b/f is welcomed into the house to help her study (and must improve on his showing respect) in the living room only. If the guy really wants to see your daughter he will help her study and get the grades improved, but if that is too much of a hassle for him he won't help and your daughter will realilze what kind of a guy he really is.

justhangn
01-29-2003, 09:49 AM
Originally posted by vraiblonde
You can't be serious.


No matter how hard you try to make your child what you want them to be, they will do what they want, you can only hope that what you have taught and showed them helps them in their life.

You can't possibly think that your children do as you say when you are not there.......are you that old you don't remember your own childhood?? :really:

Voter2002
01-29-2003, 09:50 AM
Jeez...I have 7 & 13 year old girls at home...this is what I get to look forward to???

I afraid that if any "boyfriend" told me to f**** off, I would have done the Incredible Hulk transformation and the maggot would have been immediately eating dirt and begging for forgivness before I choked the living breath out of his lungs...

:burning:

yakky doodle
01-29-2003, 09:52 AM
the only 'heartburn' i have with this whole mess is the guy. I'd make very few concessions for him b/c let's face it -- there are very few stand-up guys at that age (JustHangn is the exception :wink:) who are truly wanting a smart girlfriend to excel in her studies outside of sex-ed. I'd smack that little maggot down and tell your daughter that if he's going to disrespect her father, that he'll disrespect her 10-times worse. :burning:

you might consider enlisting the wife's assistance here. have her plan a 'girl-night' and rent some movie showing what a dirtbag some chic's boyfriend is and how she screws her own head on right and ditches him and his ignorance in the end. hollywood has a movie about everything; surely this storyline didn't escape them. :bubble:

justhangn
01-29-2003, 09:52 AM
Originally posted by Voter2002
Jeez...I have 7 & 13 year old girls at home...this is what I get to look forward to???

I afraid that if any "boyfriend" told me to f**** off, I would have done the Incredible Hulk transformation and the maggot would have been immediately eating dirt and begging for forgivness before I choked the living breath out of his lungs...

:burning:


:lmao: Yep, I have to agree with that...Dems did an awesome job controlling his temper.

Voter2002
01-29-2003, 10:00 AM
but that if they really want to see each other, the b/f is welcomed into the house to help her study (and must improve on his showing respect) in the living room only

...uh....excuse me....you would allow this kid back into your home after he tells you to f*@# off? Not on my watch! If he didn't have the intelligence to show respect in the first place, I don't see how you can take any future sign of respect as real...just a false respect so he can continue his quest to get your daughter. But then again, it sounds like this loser doesn't have the intelligence to even attempt real respect.

:boo: :boo: :boo: :boo: :boo: :boo: :boo: :boo:

Kimmy
01-29-2003, 10:06 AM
Why don't you talk to his parents. And tell them what there son is up to....

Makavide
01-29-2003, 10:10 AM
Originally posted by Voter2002
...uh....excuse me....you would allow this kid back into your home after he tells you to f*@# off?


I would rather have them in my house, where I can watch/control what goes on, instead of having them sneek around unsupervised.

justhangn
01-29-2003, 10:12 AM
Originally posted by Makavide
I would rather have them in my house, where I can watch/control what goes on, instead of having them sneek around unsupervised.


:howdy: Ah guys........me and the she did all kinds of things AT THE GRANDPARENTS HOUSE when we were only supposed to see eachother there. :really:

yakky doodle
01-29-2003, 10:15 AM
Originally posted by justhangn
:howdy: Ah guys........me and the she did all kinds of things AT THE GRANDPARENTS HOUSE when we were only supposed to see eachother there. :really:

:blushing: :yeahthat: it's like they say ... most car accidents happen within 5 miles of the home. So do other types of "accidents." :ohwell:

justhangn
01-29-2003, 10:18 AM
Originally posted by yakky doodle
:blushing: :yeahthat: it's like they say ... most car accidents happen within 5 miles of the home. So do other types of "accidents." :ohwell:

Adrenaline adds to the excitement!! :roflmao:

and we are the classic example of what happens when the thrill of it being taboo wears off. :really:

yakky doodle
01-29-2003, 10:20 AM
yep; the whole "thrill of getting caught."

it's tough, as we get older, to not lose touch with our youth as we progress into elderlyhood. :frown:

Makavide
01-29-2003, 10:21 AM
Originally posted by justhangn
:howdy: Ah guys........me and the she did all kinds of things AT THE GRANDPARENTS HOUSE when we were only supposed to see eachother there. :really:


The point I was trying to make though, was that the idiot would probably tell Dems daughter that he doesn't want to spend his free time helping her study and that she could call him when her grades improve and then he might see her again.

vraiblonde
01-29-2003, 10:34 AM
Originally posted by justhangn
You can't possibly think that your children do as you say when you are not there Of course they don't - they're kids. But at some point you have to set down expectations and stick with them. Certainly we realize that the kids will smoke, drink, have sex, etc. But that doesn't mean we should either condone it or just throw up our hands and give up.

I remember my own teen years like they were yesterday. I grew up in a very unstructured environment with no parental supervision or guidance. I didn't get busted breaking the rules because #1, there were very few rules, and #2, my Mom was too busy with her own life to spend a lot of time worrying about mine. She let me have boyfriends over to spend the night when I was in high school. She let me stay out until all hours. She didn't know who my friends were. She let me date a 28 year old guy when I was 17.

At the time I thought it was cool but, as an adult, I have a lot of resentment toward my mother because she didn't care enough to parent me. I was always secretly jealous of the kids whose parents gave them a curfew and genuinely cared about their well-being.

My first husband came from one of those Ozzy and Harriet families, where they all sat down to dinner together, you were required to show your parents respect and they waited up for you when you went on a date. I was so drawn to that because the parents seemed to really CARE what their kids were doing, unlike what I was getting at home.

My ex's folks warned him off me a zillion times and were very clear that I wasn't what they had in mind for their son. But it was through exposure to them and their values that I grew up and started making better choices for myself. They had EXPECTATIONS of me and they had STANDARDS. And I wanted more than to be "wrong side of the tracks girl" to them.

vraiblonde
01-29-2003, 10:37 AM
When your daughter grows up, she's going to remember that her father didn't care enough to run off guys who were disrespectful of her. He didn't care enough to try and protect her and cherish her, and teach her to cherish herself. And DEMAND that any boy that comes calling cherish her as well.

Larry tells our daughters, "My girls are precious gems and my gift to the world. Any boy who comes around will damn well appreciate that gift."

Kain99
01-29-2003, 10:40 AM
Originally posted by vraiblonde
At the time I thought it was cool but, as an adult, I have a lot of resentment toward my mother because she didn't care enough to parent me.


Are we sisters :confused: All of this talk about the kids resenting Dems and sneaking around anyway is just a bunch of excuses. These ideas make it easy not to challenge teens. If we all walk around and assume we have absolutely no control over our children well then, we don't have to do jack! What a complete and total diservice to your children!

justhangn
01-29-2003, 10:48 AM
Originally posted by vraiblonde
My first husband came from one of those Ozzy and Harriet families, where they all sat down to dinner together, you were required to show your parents respect and they waited up for you when you went on a date. I was so drawn to that because the parents seemed to really CARE what their kids were doing, unlike what I was getting at home.

My ex's folks warned him off me a zillion times and were very clear that I wasn't what they had in mind for their son. But it was through exposure to them and their values that I grew up and started making better choices for myself. They had EXPECTATIONS of me and they had STANDARDS. And I wanted more than to be "wrong side of the tracks girl" to them.

I totally agree, kids thrive for guidance from their parents and will do anything they can to get it, even if the attention is negative.

What I was saying Vrai is that if you flat out tell you kid, ďyou wonít do thisĒ they will do it just to spite you and see how far they can push their boundaries.

Iím not defending the dirtbag here, he needs to get the jack slapped out of him!

JabbaJawz
01-29-2003, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by Makavide
I still have a few years to go before I have this worry so hopefully I will get some good advice now from you all on this.

But my thoughts are since your daughters grades are falling I would use that as a "weapon". Talk to them both at the same time, explain that since her grades are falling there will be some restrictions on them seeing each other. Let them know that the daughter is not allowed to go out (much) until the grades improve, but that if they really want to see each other, the b/f is welcomed into the house to help her study (and must improve on his showing respect) in the living room only. If the guy really wants to see your daughter he will help her study and get the grades improved, but if that is too much of a hassle for him he won't help and your daughter will realilze what kind of a guy he really is.

I don't think that's a 1/2-bad idea...assuming he can stand to be in the same room with the little sh*t who told him to f-off!! LOL!

demsformd
01-29-2003, 07:36 PM
Thank you so much for this advice...I think that I am gonna have to put my foot down and end it. I don't want my baby's future to be messed up because of one indiscretion. She may hate me now but we all hate our parents when we are teens. Later we understand that they really were doing the good stuff for us.

Kain99
01-29-2003, 09:30 PM
Way to go Dems! You'll both be glad later!

yakky doodle
01-29-2003, 09:49 PM
:clap: Dems ... if you and the missus raised her right, when she gets past it and realizes that he was the loser you said he was, she'll thank you for it. You may never hear her speak it, but she'll think it. :wink:

demsformd
01-30-2003, 02:27 PM
After Casey came in after track pratice my mother and I had a good sit-down talk with her. My main problem with her was that she was dating a complete loser that was far too the extremes of social convention, but my wife had a problem with their lack of communication about things. But anyway, we had a good discussion and Casey blew up a couple of times and said that she would she that buttface despite what I said. But we got into it and we basically psycho-analyzed why she did her actions...Her mom was especially good at this since she knew EVERYTHING about her life. At the end, all of us were crying and did a great group hug:smile:
I am so glad that this crisis has been resolved for it threatened to tear this family apart.

demsformd
01-30-2003, 02:28 PM
Originally posted by demsformd
After Casey came in after track pratice my mother and I had a good sit-down talk with her.
I mistyped here. I meant to type her mother a.k.a. my wife. Sorry for the confusion.

JabbaJawz
01-30-2003, 03:03 PM
Originally posted by demsformd
At the end, all of us were crying and did a great group hug:smile:

Dems, that's great!!! I'm really glad that you all had a talk and got everything out into the open!! What was the verdict on her seeing him anymore...is she going to?

Kain99
01-30-2003, 04:03 PM
Great job Dems! I know that was hard! :wink:

vraiblonde
01-30-2003, 04:06 PM
Originally posted by Kain99
Great job Dems! I know that was hard! Talking to your kids isn't so hard - what's hard is either not knowing what's going on or watching them make horrendous mistakes.

I've come to the conclusion that if your teens don't hate you at some point and think you're a Nazi, you're probably not doing it right.

Good for you, Dems! :clap: