HELP! My daughter's driving me insane!

vraiblonde · May 23, 2002

Anyone out there who is raising or has raised teenagers? My 15 year old daughter is being a total piss - surly, selfish, unreasonable, temperamental, ungrateful. I keep telling myself that this is fairly normal teenage behavior and, if I can stand it for another 2 years, I can ship her butt off to college.

Or should I send her out for shock therapy?

My son (now 19) was a handful in his day but not like this one. He got into trouble mostly for disregarding his curfew. This one gets in trouble for her mouth and mean ways.

Anyone care to give me advice or just commiserate? I have two more coming up the pike and I'd sure like to know if this is normal or not.

Sharon · May 23, 2002

Been there, done that

---got the t-shirt and some grey hairs!

Anyone care to give me advice or just commiserate?

Anytime-- email, PM, or Aolim. I've heard it, seen it, done it, and been thru it...ALL!

bknarw · May 23, 2002

I wish I could help, but I have a teenaged son. From what I understand, and in spite of popular theory, boys are much easier to raise than girls.
And, as one of my comedians likes to say: "When you have a boy, you only have ONE penis to worry about!"

Sierra39 · May 23, 2002

Wow...if anyone can FEEL YOUR PAIN, it's moi! I have a 15-yr-old girl, too. She's been nicknamed "Claire the Bear" since age 15 MONTHS, if THAT gives you an idea of how difficult she is!

Needless to say, since she was my first, she's my ONLY one!!! (I had a friend who had triplets, and said they were ALMOST equal to Claire...)

If they have "issues" – as mine does – they only get WORSE when hormones kick in (I'm sure you've noticed THAT!). The main advice I can give is this:

• Don't sweat the SMALL stuff (hair color, clothes, etc.)
• NEVER lose your sense of humor
• Pick your battles CAREFULLY
• Make as FEW rules as possible and let her have input on consequences for breaking the rules so she'll know AHEAD OF TIME what she' in for in she chooses to break them!
• Don't forget – there's still a little girl inside that loves you and needs to spend "fun time" with you
• Don't LECTURE – she'll just tune you out, anyway! I pick a time when we're both "mellow" to have "serious" discussions
• Let her have a chance to "spread her wings" by giving her little pieces of freedom at a time

Sierra39 · May 23, 2002

Wow...if anyone can FEEL YOUR PAIN, it's moi! I have a 15-yr-old girl, too. She's been nicknamed "Claire the Bear" since age 15 MONTHS, if THAT gives you an idea of how difficult she is!

Needless to say, since she was my first, she's my ONLY one!!! (I had a friend who had triplets, and said they were ALMOST equal to Claire...)

If they have "issues" – as mine does – they only get WORSE when hormones kick in (I'm sure you've noticed THAT!). The main advice I can give is this:

• Don't sweat the SMALL stuff (hair color, clothes, etc.)
• NEVER lose your sense of humor
• Pick your battles CAREFULLY
• Make as FEW rules as possible and let her have input on consequences for breaking the rules so she'll know AHEAD OF TIME what she' in for in she chooses to break them!
• Don't forget – there's still a little girl inside that loves you and needs to spend "fun time" with you
• Don't LECTURE – she'll just tune you out, anyway! I pick a time when we're both "mellow" to have "serious" discussions
• Let her have a chance to "spread her wings" by giving her little pieces of freedom at a time

vraiblonde · May 23, 2002

I should probably count my blessings with all of them - no drugs, promiscuity or violence. I'm pretty comfortable saying that because we keep good tabs on them and I think we'd notice.

Claire the Bear - that's funny! We call Kyle "Katie Kaboom" (ever see that cartoon?). I have a hard time not taking it personal when she's being a snot - she really says the meanest things.

What hurts my heart is that she seems so unhappy. It's not all the time - most of the time she's friendly and fun. But she's in a negative stage right now - everybody hates her, everybody's stupid, everybody's mean.

Do you ever just feel like smacking the sh*t out of them? Or do I need anger management classes?
:lol:

Christy · May 23, 2002

Vrai, wait til June 1st and you get to hear the horror stories from Jo, Mother of my sweet darling 15 year old niece. Well she was until she hit about 13!

The devil has taken over, and nothing short of a full exorcism, we reckon, will make her nice again! Anyone got an in with the Pope so we can expedite the request? :lmao:

She put it best when she called me on the phone and said "I tucked my dear sweet angel into bed last night, and what walked out that bedroom the next morning was Satan incarnate!"

My five year old is bad enough without the hormones. I'm very afraid of what life is going to be like when they arrive! :bawl:

DarbyOhara · May 23, 2002

Originally posted by Sierra39

• Don't sweat the SMALL stuff (hair color, clothes, etc.)
• NEVER lose your sense of humor
• Pick your battles CAREFULLY
• Make as FEW rules as possible and let her have input on consequences for breaking the rules so she'll know AHEAD OF TIME what she' in for in she chooses to break them!
• Don't forget – there's still a little girl inside that loves you and needs to spend "fun time" with you
• Don't LECTURE – she'll just tune you out, anyway! I pick a time when we're both "mellow" to have "serious" discussions
• Let her have a chance to "spread her wings" by giving her little pieces of freedom at a time

I am sorry... but I come from the dark ages or something.... this motto is TOO damn easy! LET HER CHOSE THE PUNISHMENT? Sierra... I am slappin my head! I grew up with a year older sis and a 2 year older brother... Sis ALWAYS got away with murder compared to us.... but discipline is NECESSARY! You the idea of "few rules" is like opening up the door to disaster. All you are doing is making it easier for her to WALK all over you.... Again, I must come from the dark ages... I believe in discipline... This "value" has been lost in the current house hold and schools.... Why on EARTH do you people think the military has been around for over 200 years and still producing the same LEAN MEAN FIGHTING MACHINES.. and well-rounded educated young soldiers?????? discipline! Use it! Live it! Enforce it! and Love it!

If the word discipline is a bad word in your household... then change it to something more realistic CONDITIONING!

ok... enough coffee for me this morning! lol

missi1013 · May 23, 2002

vari,

Only being 23, I wasn't there too long ago! But the more rules and the more you yell at her the worst it is going to get!!! You have to let her make her mistakes and dissions and live with them! I know it's hard. My poor mom with me would sit up and cry all night, pretty much all through my teenage life! I was really bad!!! I put my mother through so much, I'm in debt with her forever!!(and no not money). But my mom and I are best friends now!! It will get better. What does she like to do? One day, take her out of school and take her shopping and have a heart to heart talk about what's going on. Just be her friend, not her mom at this point! All kids have to learn by them selves. I hope I have helped a little. But it is had. My oldest is 3, and I'm not looking forward to the teenage years!!!

vraiblonde · May 23, 2002

I am a firm believer in discipline but I didn't think Sierra's rules were outside that. "Discipline with compassion" is our motto. Because even when they're driving me batsh*t, I still love them and want them to be happy. Couple that with my natural disciplinarian tendencies and I feel guilty ALL THE TIME!!!

So maybe it's not the daughter who's a problem - maybe it's just her neurotic mother who needs a kick in the ass.

missi1013 · May 23, 2002

The more you discipline her, the worst she will get. Then the next thing you know she's out of the house by 16 and you won't see her for a couple of years, when you bail her out!!! Trust me! That used to work back then, but not on kids today!!! We don't get mad, we get even!!!

DarbyOhara · May 23, 2002

Re: DISCIPLINE

Originally posted by cariblue
Darby,

Discipline isn't always the answer. Each parent knows what each individual child needs, it's just a matter of sorting through what works and what doesn't. Sometimes discipline can make a problem worse and make the kid more rebelious and resentful. One first has to get to the root of the problem before applying discipline or help, whichever is needed.

WRONG! for lack of a better word... it is almost required for "control"! Yeah, you have your variables such as a root of the problem, ages, etc.... but if there are is no discipline, then you lost control... you think the military treats ALL people like individuals? To a certain point, yes, but everyone has the same rules, everyone gets equal punishment (and the soldier DON'T get to pick the punishment). Rebelious and resentment is another issue. If things come to that, then professional help is needed and there is more issues here than plain old child discipline..... Tell me what university you attended studying this theory? Or tell me where this is a documented fact.. and I'll PROVE it that I am right... look at over 200 years of the military discipline! It works on ALL kids... black, white, yellow, red, tall, short, country punkins from georgia and the NY bronx so-called tuffies.... Oh yeah! You had your problem childs... they were/are dealt with accordingly.... I was raised in a strict environment... which included discipline (physical sometimes) in school... course, we didn't have other students shooting us up in the cafeteria.. Hmmmm... wonder why......

vraiblonde · May 23, 2002

Here's another thing:

Witchgirl's latest beef is that we won't buy her a car when she turns 16. Her rant is that her friend's parents are buying her a car and EVERYBODY'S parents are getting them a car EXCEPT HER! So she's sulking and telling everyone who will listen to her that we are the meanest people in the whole wide world. Her aunt calls her "poor little match girl", which Kyle doesn't think is funny but makes the rest of us howl. It really is embarrassing how she talks about us to other people. Not embarrasing on my part but on hers because she sounds like a spoiled, ungrateful brat and I hate to have people think that's what she is.

Buying cars for kids: yay or nay?

DarbyOhara · May 23, 2002

Originally posted by missi1013
vari,

Only being 23, I wasn't there too long ago! But the more rules and the more you yell at her the worst it is going to get!!! You

Blah.. you are still a kid... read what I typed and said earlier... GO into the military if you can hang.... then come back in about 20 years and jump into this topic!

and you still look like a duck! lol

vraiblonde · May 23, 2002

And I also think Missi and Darby have two different meaning when they say "discipline". I think Darby's saying that the kid must learn self-control, which is taught through proper parenting. Maybe Missi is talking about the more strict kind - getting punished for insignificant things, no room for error, like that.

If that's the case, I agree with both of you.

DarbyOhara · May 23, 2002

Originally posted by vraiblonde
I am a firm believer in discipline but I didn't think Sierra's rules were outside that. "Discipline with compassion" is our motto. Because even when they're driving me batsh*t, I still love them and want them to be happy. Couple that with my natural disciplinarian tendencies and I feel guilty ALL THE TIME!!!

So maybe it's not the daughter who's a problem - maybe it's just her neurotic mother who needs a kick in the ass.

All I said was discipline! I didn't say she had to apply it on her daughter did I? She can apply it on herself... and Sierra.. I get to do the bootin! Naw, do like Pop use to do... "Get me the Switch, NOW... Pull down your pants and bend over............ I DON'T care who is watching, DO IT"! lol

DarbyOhara · May 23, 2002

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Here's another thing:

Witchgirl's latest beef is that we won't buy her a car when she turns 16. Her rant is that her friend's parents are buying her a car and EVERYBODY'S parents are getting them a car EXCEPT HER! So she's sulking and telling everyone who will listen to her that we are the meanest people in the whole wide world. Her aunt calls her "poor little match girl", which Kyle doesn't think is funny but makes the rest of us howl. It really is embarrassing how she talks about us to other people. Not embarrasing on my part but on hers because she sounds like a spoiled, ungrateful brat and I hate to have people think that's what she is.

Buying cars for kids: yay or nay?

I think you should if she has no money! Or at least help... Reasoning? because transportation in our daily lifestyles today is required... this promotes responsibility to her, this ensures her own self esteem (plus she don't have to rely on someone else) and the best thing! YOU BOUGHT IT.. you control it! Another discipline advantage.. take away those keys for an evening... now that HURTS a licensed teenager!

[I usually charge for this advice... consider yourself fortunate]

Ken King · May 23, 2002

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Here's another thing:

Witchgirl's latest beef is that we won't buy her a car when she turns 16. Her rant is that her friend's parents are buying her a car and EVERYBODY'S parents are getting them a car EXCEPT HER! So she's sulking and telling everyone who will listen to her that we are the meanest people in the whole wide world. Her aunt calls her "poor little match girl", which Kyle doesn't think is funny but makes the rest of us howl. It really is embarrassing how she talks about us to other people. Not embarrasing on my part but on hers because she sounds like a spoiled, ungrateful brat and I hate to have people think that's what she is.

Buying cars for kids: yay or nay?

I say nay, kids going to high school don't need their own private party mobile, after all our taxes pay for the bus for them to get back and forth, and we all know what some of these kids get in to. If she has a job that she needs to get to that is one thing but just because the other parents are getting their kids a car is absolutely no reason to do it. Not to mention what it will do to YOUR insurance costs.

Kyle · May 23, 2002

If you do go with buying the car....Get ready for the next battle when the one you pick is a few years old, "not cool enough" or worse yet...."It's icky!"

:lol:

missi1013 · May 23, 2002

ok the whole discipline issue, don't be too strict. The more you are strict, the more your kid is going to be rebelious. This is a family, not the military. That might have worked when they were little, but now they want freedom. You tell them that they can have freedom,but with respect. They should tell you were they are going,not a ten page essay, just where. You have to gain there trust, but as soon as they break it, that's it, no more! You also have to tell them that if they make a mistake, then they have to fix it, by themselves.(no money). They only way a teenager is going to learn, is learning it the hard way!

And the car issue, tell her to get a job!!! That's what I had to do.

It's hard for me to explain in typing. Just be her friend sometimes, instead of her mother all the time! Try to understand were she is coming from.

And Darby, I know I'm young. But I'm speaking from her daughters view! I have been there, done that!

HELP! My daughter's driving me insane!

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