Manners! Where are they?

J

jeneisen

Indy Bound
What I would like to know is what happened to the days when men would open doors for women, say excuse me, smile, etc? Instead I get a "hey baby" or "hey can I get a number" things like that. I mean I don't think I am asking too much but a little courtesy and less groaping and staring would be nice.

The reason I bring this up is I am noticing it in the younger generation of men. So few of them have the manners that I am used to seeing from my father and men in my family. Even at work, I walk by a man and drop something and he just keeps on walking, or my hands are full and instead of holding the door open so I can walk through, they run to just hurry through it and I am on my own. I would hold it for them in the same situation.

Anyone have any idea why this happens? Just curious.
 
A

andwhat

Member
Wow, what a fun new thread. I'm not trying to defend anything that other a$$holes like me may do, but I still hold doors open for women, carry things etc. However I've also had women get in my face about doing such things and been accused of viewing women as inferior b/c I try to carry something for them.
I agree that this is part of the pproblem with the women's movement. Equality for everyone, except when the woman wants to be treated special. Unfortunately the women's movement and the continuing feminist movement could not agree on exactly how to deal with this issue. Some women wanted complete equality (i.e. no opening doors, paying for checks etc. by men) while others wanted to be treated the same as men but still too be treated special. And others still liked the old system of viewing men and women as seperate and inherently different.

I know the first thing a chuvinist would say is that he's not a chauvinist but i'm not. However I was labeled as such in a class (Feminism and philosophy, please don't ask me why i took it, worst idea ever) b/c I said that women and men were inherently different. Physically we are different and if for no other reason than that, our life experiences are different and hence we are different.

So now many young men are being attacked for the policies of their fathers who viewed women in one way and being attacked by women who wish to be viewed differently.

The way I see it is women have had about three generations of the true women movement while men are in their 1st and 2nd generations of a response to it and we're just behind.

As for the younger generation, I would agree with a general lack of respect for everything. not so much my generation but more so that of my sister who is in college as a freshman now.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I was going into Peebles a few years back - as I was walking toward the door, there was a guy and another woman heading that way too. The guy got there first and held the door for us. I went first and said thanks. The other woman proceeds to harangue this guy - "What, do you think I can't get the door? Sexist pig!" That sort of thing. So the guy says, "Fine, b*tch, get it yourself" and walks through the door, shutting it firmly behind him. The look on that woman's face - I laughed like crazy and high-fived the guy!
:roflmao:
 
B

bknarw

Attire Monitor
Right on all counts BchBns!

I'm a "door holder" myself; I've always done it, but all too often, a woman has strolled right past me as I hold the door without as much as a thank-you. I still do it, though...
And the "kids today" (boy do I sound like an old fart!) don't seem to have the manners they once did, either.
I spent a number of years living in Savannah, GA, and I must say that the manners thing is very much alive and well there. It did a lot to teach me, that's for sure!
 
jazz lady

jazz lady

~*~ Rara Avis ~*~
PREMO Member
Originally posted by bknarw
Right on all counts BchBns!

I spent a number of years living in Savannah, GA, and I must say that the manners thing is very much alive and well there. It did a lot to teach me, that's for sure!
Click to expand...

I spent a week in Savannah on vacation - boy, are you right about manners being alive and well there! (BTW - I loved Savannah so much I named my dog that!) The people were just so mannerly and polite - I thought I'd fallen off the Earth and landed on another planet... :lol:

The servers were excellent at all of the restaurants and the cashiers in the stores too. I met some great people down there - I can't wait to go back someday...
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
Right On Blondie

Your story cracked me up and I would have done the same as you! :cheers:

How did this woman think she sounded??? Did she think "well, I told him" or what? To me she sounded like an ungrateful slob. Perhaps she thought that a bit of common curtosy was WAY to insulting, so, by calling him names it makes her a more empowred woman!?! LOL!!!

I for one will hold the door for both males and females, it make no difference to me.
 
B

bknarw

Attire Monitor
Originally posted by jazz lady


I spent a week in Savannah on vacation - boy, are you right about manners being alive and well there! (BTW - I loved Savannah so much I named my dog that!) The people were just so mannerly and polite - I thought I'd fallen off the Earth and landed on another planet... :lol:

The servers were excellent at all of the restaurants and the cashiers in the stores too. I met some great people down there - I can't wait to go back someday...
Click to expand...

I loved it there, but it's hotter than three hells down there! But I did learn a lot about manners. It's also amazing how differently people treat you.
I'm 43, yet I still call men "sir" and women "ma'am" when they're in my age vicinity or older. You learn to say "Pardon?" instead of "huh?" and "No thank you" instead of "naah". It really helped a lot!


Nice dog name, by the way. I've always said that if I have a daughter that would be her name.
 
sgtsprout

sgtsprout

Mr. Shud da hell up
well...

I am like the old man lol in the 70's pic as someone described. I hold doors open and thank people to extremes. Once in awhile, once in a great while someone doesn't say thank you. Well if that happens I am sorry I will be rude back, and be like, OH YOUR SO WELCOME. nice and loud. my g/f hates it. But people get caught up in a rush and don't think about it. I don't take it personally.

As far as the chivalry part. Some men are simple almost scared to do it. Not like this big fear. I beleive it crosses some dudes minds and they decide agasint it, fear they will be made fun of whatever.

And the other thing is, look at their parents. Some kids aren't brought up right. My g/f sometimes doesn't say thank you in a reastaraunt. Cause she was spoiled. Well I am sure to embarass her and teach her right, same with the kids. But to the original post. I like to beleive your a bit exagerattered. Cause all to often I see men and women both holding doors open for each. So an occasional ass doesn't. When ya think about it--Does he or she OWE you something to open the door NO. Its curtesy. So let them. But don't be afraid to correct someone being stupid...in addition to making a thread here---tell the so called asses staring and googling.(Which I LIKE TO GOOGLE) who doesn't? Someone attractive goes by have a looks see. Consider it a compliment and not you on display.
 
S

Slynx

New Member
This was a really nice thread to read! I loved the Peebles story!!!

I have to admit that when my son was little he was teased at school for being a Mommy's boy because for one: I instilled the fear of God into him, and he listened...and for two: I demanded that he be nothing less than a complete "gentleman". Well, now he is almost all grown up (will always be my baby) and what a fine young man he has turned out to be! I am very proud of him. I for one would much rather hear a young man say "Yes Maam" and risk insulting my age :eek:), then to hear a "ya" as an answer! A little parental instruction didn't hurt my boy any! It also didn't hurt that he grew up in a house with all women....The single Mom thing....

I think our society has gotten so bogged down with equal rights this, and civil rights that, we forgot the basic tenet of "humanity"....treat others the way you would like to be treated. I also think a lot of women who are screaming for the equal rights and such are the same ones that get ticked off if a man actually DOES treat her like an equal, and then it becomes harassment. Where is the line?
 
missi1013

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
My son is 3 and I'm teaching him manners! He always holds the door open for people (that's if it's not too heavy). I love it!!! I hold the door open for men. I don't think it should be just a man thing, everyone should do it. It's just the nice thing to do. I think everything should be equal these days. But hey, I'm the younger generation talking.:blushing:
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
Missi, isn't it fun teaching those manners! My daughter will be 3 next month and has been saying please, thank you and you're welcome since she was 1 1/2. She also knows to say excuse me when she toots, wants too interrupt, leave the table, or to get around someone. She even says it to the dog!

But my gosh, I feel like I repeatmyselfrepeatmyselfrepeatmyself...... :twitch:

Also proper language, like "what do you have", not "whutchagot?
:cussing:

At least I know I am doing the right thing by teaching her these things.
 
B

bknarw

Attire Monitor
Rose,

You and Missy are certainly unique! Nice to hear that...

Last week, I gave a friend's daugher a little bubble set to play with while she's at the beach. She's about 3.
She looked at me and said "fank yew mr. John!"
Too cute...
:)
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
BK - very cute!

I myself was raised to use manners and respect my elders and in turn, will do the same for my daughter. I find that using the proper terms and manners all the time with my daughter works the best. Set an example. If she hears and sees me do it, she will copy and do it on her own.

My mother in law has been complemented on how well behaved my daughter is. Of course I am never so lucky to see that!

Now... to get her to stop sticking her finger in her nose....ewwww....:barf:
 
B

bknarw

Attire Monitor
Originally posted by RoseRed
BK - very cute!

I myself was raised to use manners and respect my elders and in turn, will do the same for my daughter. I find that using the proper terms and manners all the time with my daughter works the best. Set an example. If she hears and sees me do it, she will copy and do it on her own.

My mother in law has been complemented on how well behaved my daughter is. Of course I am never so lucky to see that!

Now... to get her to stop sticking her finger in her nose....ewwww....:barf:
Click to expand...

ALL kids stick their fingers in their noses. It's tradition! It's part of discovering yourself!!!
lol

I think part of the problem we're seeing with grown adults today comes from the lack of training as kids.

Simple things, like having dinner sitting down, together, at a table (what a concept!), can make a big difference in a kid's life.

Unfortunately, most kids now think that manners is something you put on a sandwich!
 
missi1013

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
I agree, we always eat dinner at the table. My mom told me that, that was the only time she got to see us, when ever we got older. Plus it gets them away from the tv for a while.
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
We try and have dinner together all the time.

She was thrilled that we ate outside last night and the night before out on the deck. Easy to please....
 
jazz lady

jazz lady

~*~ Rara Avis ~*~
PREMO Member
Originally posted by bknarw


ALL kids stick their fingers in their noses. It's tradition! It's part of discovering yourself!!!
lol
Click to expand...

A lot of ADULTS still do this...I was at a traffic light the other day and looked in my rear view mirror to see the guy behind me 'digging for gold' ... EWWWW!!! :barf:
 
B

bknarw

Attire Monitor
Originally posted by jazz lady


A lot of ADULTS still do this...I was at a traffic light the other day and looked in my rear view mirror to see the guy behind me 'digging for gold' ... EWWWW!!! :barf:
Click to expand...


Guys do this especially.
I saw a guy in the car behind me the other day and he was buried up to the third knuckle!
 
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