New to this...

Hi everyone! I am new to this whole parenting thing...I am living with my boyfriend and his 2 children (a boy who is 3 1/2 and a girl who is 14 months). Anyways, I will probably be posting on here from time to time to ask for advice!

I wanted to get advice for dinner time.... The boy does not like to eat his dinner. Well, it's irregular. Some days he'll eat until you think that little tummy can't possibly hold more food, and then other times he refuses to eat at all. One night he'll love mashed potatoes, and the next he says he hates them! Anywas, we don't expect him to eat stuff that obviously most kids don't like, but we're expecting him to eat reasonably. We've tried everything from punishment (which just gets everyone upset and doesn't work at all), to telling him that's all he's going to get to eat that night, and no dessert...and if he says he's hungry then just offer him his dinner. But that isn't really working either.

The thing that is really screwing it up is his mother. Custody is split 50/50. So, he goes to his mom's and she lets him pretty much whatever he wants for dinner...cereal, whatever. So, anything that we do with him gets erased when he's there. My sister said that he'll eventually learn that he has to eat dinner when he's with dad. How long will it take? We would just like to get suggestions for the meantime. I don't want dinnertime to be a battle every night! Thanks!

Oh, and any advice about step-mothering would be helpful! We're not married, but might as well be!! Thanks!

Welcome to the wonderful world of feeding children. What you describe is totally normal for kids. Some days mine scarf up everything put in front of them and other days they could care less about eating. My son especially is a picky eater. Don't sweat it. Serve whatever you're serving and if he won't eat it don't worry. My kids a bit older so the rule is they have to at least take one bite if it's something new but if they don't like it they don't have to eat anymore. I don't cook anyoner special meals but I know my son doesn't like tomato sauce so I'll leave that off his pasta if that's what we're having or just plain chicken if he won't eat it with gravy or such. You get the idea. They won't starve.

Cowgirl said:

Hi everyone! I am new to this whole parenting thing...I am living with my boyfriend and his 2 children (a boy who is 3 1/2 and a girl who is 14 months). Anyways, I will probably be posting on here from time to time to ask for advice!

I wanted to get advice for dinner time.... The boy does not like to eat his dinner. Well, it's irregular. Some days he'll eat until you think that little tummy can't possibly hold more food, and then other times he refuses to eat at all. One night he'll love mashed potatoes, and the next he says he hates them! Anywas, we don't expect him to eat stuff that obviously most kids don't like, but we're expecting him to eat reasonably. We've tried everything from punishment (which just gets everyone upset and doesn't work at all), to telling him that's all he's going to get to eat that night, and no dessert...and if he says he's hungry then just offer him his dinner. But that isn't really working either.

The thing that is really screwing it up is his mother. Custody is split 50/50. So, he goes to his mom's and she lets him pretty much whatever he wants for dinner...cereal, whatever. So, anything that we do with him gets erased when he's there. My sister said that he'll eventually learn that he has to eat dinner when he's with dad. How long will it take? We would just like to get suggestions for the meantime. I don't want dinnertime to be a battle every night! Thanks!

Oh, and any advice about step-mothering would be helpful! We're not married, but might as well be!! Thanks!

Click to expand...

Perfectly normal. Don't force or punish - it won't do any good. I'm sure it's probably very confusing for them having different rules/schedules at different houses. They are so young and have a lot to deal with. Divorce really sucks!

Recipes for Kids

Cowgirl said:

Hi everyone! I am new to this whole parenting thing...I am living with my boyfriend and his 2 children (a boy who is 3 1/2 and a girl who is 14 months). Anyways, I will probably be posting on here from time to time to ask for advice!

I wanted to get advice for dinner time.... The boy does not like to eat his dinner. Well, it's irregular. Some days he'll eat until you think that little tummy can't possibly hold more food, and then other times he refuses to eat at all. One night he'll love mashed potatoes, and the next he says he hates them! Anywas, we don't expect him to eat stuff that obviously most kids don't like, but we're expecting him to eat reasonably. We've tried everything from punishment (which just gets everyone upset and doesn't work at all), to telling him that's all he's going to get to eat that night, and no dessert...and if he says he's hungry then just offer him his dinner. But that isn't really working either.

The thing that is really screwing it up is his mother. Custody is split 50/50. So, he goes to his mom's and she lets him pretty much whatever he wants for dinner...cereal, whatever. So, anything that we do with him gets erased when he's there. My sister said that he'll eventually learn that he has to eat dinner when he's with dad. How long will it take? We would just like to get suggestions for the meantime. I don't want dinnertime to be a battle every night! Thanks!

Oh, and any advice about step-mothering would be helpful! We're not married, but might as well be!! Thanks!

Click to expand...

I just got an e-mail the other day that I will share with you. They are recipes especially for kids.


Pizza Fries

This a popular dish that the kids love. The sauce can be placed on the fries before the cheese, but the fries won't stay crispy.

Ingredients

2 lbs. frozen French fries
1 jar pizza sauce
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. basil
1 tsp. garlic powder (to taste)
1/4 tsp. black pepper (to taste)
1/4 C. finely chopped red onion
2 C. shredded mozzarella
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped fine
1/4 C. Parmesan Cheese

Directions

Bake French fries on two cookie sheets in oven as directed on package. In a bowl, combine the red bell pepper, red onion, Mozzarella, and parmesan cheese. In a saucepan combine pizza sauce, oregano, pepper, garlic, and basil (if the pizza sauce is seasoned to your taste, skip the additions), and heat over low heat. When the fries are browned and crispy, top with cheese mixture. Return to oven until cheese melts. When cheese is melted, divide up evenly and put on plates. Serve sauce on the side for dipping.

Hamburger Casserole

A casserole the whole family will enjoy. This dish is easy to prepare and will satisfy any child's appetite.
Ingredients

1 7 oz. box spaghetti
2 cans tomato soup
2 lbs. ground meat
2 cans mushrooms or 1 can mushroom soup
1 can whole kernel corn
1 bell pepper
1 Tbs. onion flakes
1 Tbs. Worcestershire sauce

Directions

Cook spaghetti until tender, drain well. Brown ground meat. Combine remaining ingredients, ground meat and spaghetti. Place in a casserole dish. cover with grated cheese. Bake at 325° for 30 minutes.

Homemade Soft Pretzels

Fun for birthday parties and school treats, this is an easy recipe that the kids will love!

Ingredients

3 1/2 C. all-purpose flour
2 Tbs. sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 pkg. active dry yeast
1 C. water
1 Tbs. margarine
1 Tbs. water
1 egg yolk, beaten
Coarse salt for topping

Directions

Mix 1 C. flour, sugar, salt and undissolved yeast. Heat 1 C. water and margarine to 120-130 degrees. Gradually add to dry ingredients; beat 2 minutes at medium speed of mixer. Add 1/2 C. flour. Beat at high speed 2 minutes. Stir in enough additional flour to make a soft dough. On floured board, knead 5 minutes. Set in greased bowl; turn to grease top. Cover and let rise in warm, draft-free place 40 minutes. Divide dough into 12 equal pieces. Roll each into a 20-inch rope. Shape into pretzels or other shapes.
Place on greased baking sheets. Cover; let rest 5 minutes. Mix egg yolk and 1 Tbs. water; brush on pretzels. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake at 375 degrees 15 minutes or until done. Cool on racks.


Good Luck To You.

Thanks everyone!

RoMary said:

I just got an e-mail the other day that I will share with you. They are recipes especially for kids.


Pizza Fries

This a popular dish that the kids love. The sauce can be placed on the fries before the cheese, but the fries won't stay crispy.

Ingredients

2 lbs. frozen French fries
1 jar pizza sauce
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. basil
1 tsp. garlic powder (to taste)
1/4 tsp. black pepper (to taste)
1/4 C. finely chopped red onion
2 C. shredded mozzarella
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped fine
1/4 C. Parmesan Cheese

Directions

Bake French fries on two cookie sheets in oven as directed on package. In a bowl, combine the red bell pepper, red onion, Mozzarella, and parmesan cheese. In a saucepan combine pizza sauce, oregano, pepper, garlic, and basil (if the pizza sauce is seasoned to your taste, skip the additions), and heat over low heat. When the fries are browned and crispy, top with cheese mixture. Return to oven until cheese melts. When cheese is melted, divide up evenly and put on plates. Serve sauce on the side for dipping.

Hamburger Casserole

A casserole the whole family will enjoy. This dish is easy to prepare and will satisfy any child's appetite.
Ingredients

1 7 oz. box spaghetti
2 cans tomato soup
2 lbs. ground meat
2 cans mushrooms or 1 can mushroom soup
1 can whole kernel corn
1 bell pepper
1 Tbs. onion flakes
1 Tbs. Worcestershire sauce

Directions

Cook spaghetti until tender, drain well. Brown ground meat. Combine remaining ingredients, ground meat and spaghetti. Place in a casserole dish. cover with grated cheese. Bake at 325° for 30 minutes.

Homemade Soft Pretzels

Fun for birthday parties and school treats, this is an easy recipe that the kids will love!

Ingredients

3 1/2 C. all-purpose flour
2 Tbs. sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 pkg. active dry yeast
1 C. water
1 Tbs. margarine
1 Tbs. water
1 egg yolk, beaten
Coarse salt for topping

Directions

Mix 1 C. flour, sugar, salt and undissolved yeast. Heat 1 C. water and margarine to 120-130 degrees. Gradually add to dry ingredients; beat 2 minutes at medium speed of mixer. Add 1/2 C. flour. Beat at high speed 2 minutes. Stir in enough additional flour to make a soft dough. On floured board, knead 5 minutes. Set in greased bowl; turn to grease top. Cover and let rise in warm, draft-free place 40 minutes. Divide dough into 12 equal pieces. Roll each into a 20-inch rope. Shape into pretzels or other shapes.
Place on greased baking sheets. Cover; let rest 5 minutes. Mix egg yolk and 1 Tbs. water; brush on pretzels. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake at 375 degrees 15 minutes or until done. Cool on racks.


Good Luck To You.

Click to expand...

what exactly are you accomplishing by fixing "special" meals for the kids?? That if you are bratty enough you'll get treated special??

Let him go hungry, sooner or later he'll be hungry enough to eat what you put in front of him.. no snacks.. no goodies until he eats what is prepared for the whole family..

itsbob said:

what exactly are you accomplishing by fixing "special" meals for the kids?? That if you are bratty enough you'll get treated special??

Let him go hungry, sooner or later he'll be hungry enough to eat what you put in front of him.. no snacks.. no goodies until he eats what is prepared for the whole family..

Click to expand...

Ditto that....
No seconds,
You finish all thats on your plate and you can have
seconds of your favorite item.
Bottom line,
Do Not make a BIG DEAL.
they are looking for your response
more than anything else !!!
They will not starve themselves !!!!!
Engage in conversation with your significant other
and seemingly pay no attention to their complaining.

Cowgirl said:

Hi everyone! I am new to this whole parenting thing...I am living with my boyfriend and his 2 children (a boy who is 3 1/2 and a girl who is 14 months). Anyways, I will probably be posting on here from time to time to ask for advice!

I wanted to get advice for dinner time.... The boy does not like to eat his dinner. Well, it's irregular. Some days he'll eat until you think that little tummy can't possibly hold more food, and then other times he refuses to eat at all. One night he'll love mashed potatoes, and the next he says he hates them! Anywas, we don't expect him to eat stuff that obviously most kids don't like, but we're expecting him to eat reasonably. We've tried everything from punishment (which just gets everyone upset and doesn't work at all), to telling him that's all he's going to get to eat that night, and no dessert...and if he says he's hungry then just offer him his dinner. But that isn't really working either.

The thing that is really screwing it up is his mother. Custody is split 50/50. So, he goes to his mom's and she lets him pretty much whatever he wants for dinner...cereal, whatever. So, anything that we do with him gets erased when he's there. My sister said that he'll eventually learn that he has to eat dinner when he's with dad. How long will it take? We would just like to get suggestions for the meantime. I don't want dinnertime to be a battle every night! Thanks!

Oh, and any advice about step-mothering would be helpful! We're not married, but might as well be!! Thanks!

Click to expand...

I'm not an expert, but this is what it seems to me from the information you've provided:

Your "stepson" gets to choose what he want to eat when he's at moms house and he likes being able to eat what he wants all the time. He doesn't get that privelege when he's at dads house and his refusal to eat may be his way of telling you he doesn't want what is being offered. He'll only eat it when he decides for himself that's what he wants, or he gets so hungry he'll eat anything you put in front of him.

I had a friend who could only get her son to eat just a few choice items: Cheese Pizza, Chicken Strips or Hamburger (usually from McDonalds). Anything else and he would throw a temper tantrum. He was about the same age.

buddy999 said:

I had a friend who could only get her son to eat just a few choice items: Cheese Pizza, Chicken Strips or Hamburger (usually from McDonalds). Anything else and he would throw a temper tantrum. He was about the same age.

Click to expand...

So they had a three year old that ran the house, and set the rules. They should be so proud..

itsbob said:

So they had a three year old that ran the house, and set the rules

Click to expand...

IMO, it's the beginning of trouble.

He won't... want to wear that, brush his teeth, go to bed, etc.



Let him run amuck at mommy's. He will learn what is expected of him at dad's house, give it time and be consistant.

Tantrums and not eating are two completely separate problems. Tantrums are not acceptable, but picky eating for toddlers is normal. I'll probably get blasted for this, but I've got 3 kids, and I always felt that I'd rather them eat something made separately for them than nothing at all. If my kids wanted chicken nuggets every night for 3 months, so be it. I now have teenagers who have no eating problems. I'm not sure why dinner needs to be a power play between kids & parents. Feed them something healthy that they like... rather than sending them to bed hungry because they don't like what you're eating.

OK, ready for incoming missiles.

I know what it's like for a kid to only want the "good" stuff...which is usually the worst for him. I have a feeling he eats alot of junk like McD's nuggets and cereal at mom's. That's NOT ok here. I'm not expecting him to like stuffed peppers and liver, but I am not going to be a short order cook either. If it's reasonable food, he should eat it. He's going to have to learn that he doesn't have to eat what we put on the table for him, but that's all he's going to get offered to eat that night. I know he'll learn eventually, but it's frustrating in the meantime!

Oh, and I have no problem with cooking fun meals with him that I know he'll like too, but I'm not going to pick and choose what foods I cook just for his picky behind.

keekee said:

Tantrums and not eating are two completely separate problems. Tantrums are not acceptable, but picky eating for toddlers is normal. I'll probably get blasted for this, but I've got 3 kids, and I always felt that I'd rather them eat something made separately for them than nothing at all. If my kids wanted chicken nuggets every night for 3 months, so be it. I now have teenagers who have no eating problems. I'm not sure why dinner needs to be a power play between kids & parents. Feed them something healthy that they like... rather than sending them to bed hungry because they don't like what you're eating.

OK, ready for incoming missiles.

Click to expand...

No missiles.. but I believe a three year old shouldn't be in charge, and setting the rules.

We had a friends kid over ONE time in PA.. and the mom told us ALL she will eat is cheese sandwiches.. two slices of bread, a slice of cheese. nothing else.. and we already knew by talking to the mom that this child had health problems.. but this little girl had her mommy wrapped around her little finger, and mommy would do ANYTHING to make her daughter happy, even if it meant screwing up her health. A three year old doesn't know what is good for them. It's up to us as parents to take care of them and nurture them. If that means not being their friends, and them slamming the door and saying they hate us, and they make you cry, then so be it, that's our job, and we volunteered for it when we concieved them.

First, let me say I am a Pediatric Occupational Therapy student at Towson...and our education includes psych stuff. One of the areas OT addresses is feeding, specifically disabled populations, but the principles are universal.

My first question is whether or not there is a cause for the feeding issues? Any reflux in his past? If there is something might not have agreed with him or may have made him feel sick (think extra-spicy chili and heartburn)? If it's just brattiness, here are some soloutions that might make mealtime peaceful and help to foster a relationship between the two of you.

With children, there are only a very few things that they can control...feeding is the big one. In school, we are taught that feeding children is a huge measure for parents, especially mothers, as to the quality of parenting and the feeling of success that accompanies it. In another course, we were discussing eating disorders and the reason behind the development. One of the leading causes is young teenagers going through turbulent times and controlling what they ate was the main way they were able to exert control.

You said you are relatively new to "step-motherhood," so perhaps the split with the children's parents is recent as well? If not, adjusting to a new person in his life is still a huge change and he is adapting to your presence and the new "hierarchy." Prior to your arrival, you were just a friend and the heirarchy was 1. Dad, 2. Him, 3. little Sis. Now he is down a rank with another person directing him and his behavior.

Finally, a good way to get him to eat and to engage and build a relationship between the two of you (possibly easing the social situation at home) is to involve him in meal planning and preparation. If you're having chicken nuggets, let him help by laying them on the baking sheets. Also remember that his tastebuds are young and strong flavors to us are stronger to him, and adverse reactions are normal. Also think about the texture of foods he seems to like and those that he doesn't...what are the differences? Check for patterns in each area and plan to meet those needs.

You don't have to change all your meal plans to meet his preferences-but if there are dishes he REALLY doesn't like, perhaps those should be prepared when he's at his moms...Also think about ways that you can provide a simple meal for the kids, yet spice it up for you and your boyfriend-like when you order cheese pizza for the kids and supreme for yourself...a simple addition can change a basic receipe to suit everyone.

As for the mom-doesn't-make-me thing, establish very simple, easy to remember rules. Have your boyfriend approach the children's mother in a non-offensive/non-defensive manner to discuss making some ground rules that would be in place in both homes. He can raise concerns about the manner in which the children are transitioning from home to home. I don't know what kind of relationship there is between the children's mother and father and yourself, but if it is harmonious, approaching her in a seeking-advice manner to discuss ways to deal with the children, she may be receptive. Establishing an open relationship between the household and some continuity will only increase the children's security-perhaps helping with the tantrums and any insecurities that may be present.

Originally posted by KarenOT
If it's just brattiness...

Click to expand...

He's not 'being a brat,' he's being a regular 3 year old....

The split between his mother and father happened almost a year and a half ago, so he's not having issues with that...and he's just recently gotten worse as far as the dinner thing goes. I really think it is the control issue, because one day he'll love mashed potatoes, and the next he swears he hates them.
His father does just about all of the disciplining, I only step in when his dad is not there.

Confronting his mother is NOT an option. I don't want to say what I really think of her on this board, because I will probably get booted! But she is not a very reasonable person, and it will only make things worse. She feeds him McD's A LOT and cereal and junk.

We have been very consistent lately about mealtime...he gets his dinner, and if he eats, he eats. If not, he gets nothing else that night...if he gets hungry, he gets offered his dinner and water to drink. We have also been careful about portion control. It's amazing just how little kids need to eat. A serving size is a tablespoon per year of age for them. Giving him smaller portions helps alot. It's slowly getting better, but we still have a long way to go. I'm sure it'll get better with age too.