What do y'all think?

Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
Ok...got a scenario..just want some opinions. My BF has two kids-boy will be 4 end of March, girl is 18 months. BF has split custody 50/50. The custody agreement states that each parent is responsible for the children during that parent's 50% of the time. This means that there is no child support.

Boy is in daycare during the day. BF's mom watches girl when it's our time with the kids. When BF's ex has the kids, her mom watches the girl. The other day, ex calls BF and says her mom can't watch girl anymore, or not reliably, so she wants girl to go into daycare. Well, I don't know if it is financially possible for BF to afford the extra expense right now. Ex is going to get daycare assistance through SS (and pretty much every other kind of assistance available), so she gets a pretty hefty break off the price of daycare. She also has a BF that helps her pay her bills, not to mention her parents helping her.

BF has got childcare covered already, ex is the only one with the problem. BF said she should be responsible for childcare when she has the kids. Boy's daycare does not provide full day care for 18 month olds. They only provide care 3 days a week for a few hours a day. So, ex went out and found a new daycare, and now says she wants to switch boy to the new one, and have the girl go fulltime as well. Boy is doing extremely well in his current daycare. When boy was signed up for daycare, BF wasn't even told about it. He had no say in choosing the daycare. She just one day said "Oh, I enrolled boy in day care..." Ex wants BF to pay 100% of boy's daycare, and she said she'll pay 100% of girl's childcare. Well, this means she'd be paying less than she is right now, because she'll get assistance from social services. This will double BF's daycare expenses.


So, what do you think? Do you think BF should have to pay money that he doesn't really have right now, just because ex can't provide care for the kids when she has them?
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
I had a hard time figuring out what the nitty gritty details in your post were so lets see if I can simplify.

1) Ex's boyfriend does not fit into this scenerio. They are not his children. It doesn't' matter what he makes. He is not financially responsible for them.

2) It makes sense to put both kids in the same daycare if possible, so I don't think that should be an issue.

3) To heck with her saying he should pay for 1 kid and her the other. Take the total out of pocket cost of daycare and divide it 50/50 between mother and father.
 
Nickel

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
kwillia said:
I had a hard time figuring out what the nitty gritty details in your post were so lets see if I can simplify.

1) Ex's boyfriend does not fit into this scenerio. They are not his children. It doesn't' matter what he makes. He is not financially responsible for them.

2) It makes sense to put both kids in the same daycare if possible, so I don't think that should be an issue.

3) To heck with her saying he should pay for 1 kid and her the other. Take the total out of pocket cost of daycare and divide it 50/50 between mother and father.
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Kwilly's so smart. :love: That solution seems like the only logical one to me.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
kwillia said:
I had a hard time figuring out what the nitty gritty details in your post were so lets see if I can simplify.

1) Ex's boyfriend does not fit into this scenerio. They are not his children. It doesn't' matter what he makes. He is not financially responsible for them.
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I agree, I was just saying that she's not financially dependent, so it makes it easier for her to pay the added expense. Sorry, I won't count that anymore...it doesn't matter.

2) It makes sense to put both kids in the same daycare if possible, so I don't think that should be an issue.
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Well, BF hates to bounce boy around, especially since he's doing so well. Girl will be 2 in July, so it would be best to wait till then if she's going to go full time. Know what I mean?

3) To heck with her saying he should pay for 1 kid and her the other. Take the total out of pocket cost of daycare and divide it 50/50 between mother and father.
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I agree 100%. My question was mainly do you think BF should have to pay for girl to go in daycare when he has his end covered? The child custody agreement states that each parent is responsible for every aspect of the kids' care when that parent has them.


Thanks for the input!
 
MMDad

MMDad

Lem Putt
Legally and ethically, he shouldn't have to pay anything for the kids while she has them. However, as their father, he should do whatever he can to ensure the kids have the best situation possible. They should be the focus, not the agreement or any animosity toward the ex.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
Well, BF hates to bounce boy around, especially since he's doing so well. Girl will be 2 in July, so it would be best to wait till then if she's going to go full time. Know what I mean?

He's 4 years old. He will get over it. Probably the same day he starts the new daycare. You can't wait until girl is 2 because she needs full-time daycare coverage NOW.

I agree 100%. My question was mainly do you think BF should have to pay for girl to go in daycare when he has his end covered? The child custody agreement states that each parent is responsible for every aspect of the kids' care when that parent has them.

Your daughter needs a reliable full-time daycare. Daycares fill a full time spot and charge full time cost. They don't let you pick and chose which weeks you want to use and pay for. Therefore, if the only way your daughter is guaranteed dependable care is by placing her in a full time daycare, so be it.

DO NOT let the mom say I'll pay for one kid, you pay for the other, because that sounds like nothing but future problems and bickering over money. The total out of pocket expense for both kids should be split equally. Whatever the check amount is that mom writes for her week should be the same amout dad writes for his week. If he let's her do the kids separately, I suspect she'll reap the government assistance benefits and that wouldn't be fair to the father.
 
H

harleygirl

Working for the weekend
Cowgirl said:
Ok...got a scenario..just want some opinions. My BF has two kids-boy will be 4 end of March, girl is 18 months. BF has split custody 50/50. The custody agreement states that each parent is responsible for the children during that parent's 50% of the time. This means that there is no child support.
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Wow...that is a very strange custody agreement. Usually with a 50/50 split, one parent is given "primary custody", which means the child or children resides primarily with one parent. I recently read an article in Psychology Today about the court systems trying to move away from this idea, thinking that living in one primary residence is a more stable environment. The important issue here is that the children have consistancy, I would probably pick one day care provider agreed upon with both parents and split the cost. To me it would provide more stability than shuffling the kids around to different places.
 
Chasey_Lane

Chasey_Lane

Salt Life
harleygirl said:
To me it would provide more stability than shuffling the kids around to different places.
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I don't think there's anything "unstable" about 50/50 custody. In fact, I think it is in the child(rens) best interest. They get to spend equal amount of time with both parents and the costs are split equally as well. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. :shrug:
 
S

StrwberryKisses

Guest
Chasey_Lane said:
I don't think there's anything "unstable" about 50/50 custody. In fact, I think it is in the child(rens) best interest. They get to spend equal amount of time with both parents and the costs are split equally as well. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. :shrug:
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I agree. Neither parent feel like they are being left out because the other has more time with the children. Totally a Win-Win.
 
dustin

dustin

UAIOE
50/50 split on the total cost

tell BF to look for daycare as well for both kids and not just what ex says is good.
 
H

harleygirl

Working for the weekend
StrwberryKisses said:
I agree. Neither parent feel like they are being left out because the other has more time with the children. Totally a Win-Win.
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It is really not up to what is best for the parent, but what is best for the child. If does work well in some cases. I work with two children in this situation. One child, the parents are on very friendly terms, and live in walking distance of each other. Every decision is made jointly, and the child feels like he is not being pulled in either direction. The next child lives one week with mom and one week with dad, who hardly speak to one another. Both parents realize that the child will soon be old enough to decide if he wants to live at either place, so mom and dad are putting the pressure on this child. There are two entirely different sets of rules for each household, and since they are not on good terms he definately has the game figured out, and constantly plays one against the other. If the child is stable and both parents have a good relationship, it can work. But unfortunately with divorce there is so much anger and bitterness built up with the parents, they lose sight of what is important, the child's happiness and well-being.
 
S

StrwberryKisses

Guest
harleygirl said:
It is really not up to what is best for the parent, but what is best for the child. If does work well in some cases. I work with two children in this situation. One child, the parents are on very friendly terms, and live in walking distance of each other. Every decision is made jointly, and the child feels like he is not being pulled in either direction. The next child lives one week with mom and one week with dad, who hardly speak to one another. Both parents realize that the child will soon be old enough to decide if he wants to live at either place, so mom and dad are putting the pressure on this child. There are two entirely different sets of rules for each household, and since they are not on good terms he definately has the game figured out, and constantly plays one against the other. If the child is stable and both parents have a good relationship, it can work. But unfortunately with divorce there is so much anger and bitterness built up with the parents, they lose sight of what is important, the child's happiness and well-being.
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I see your point. In the end the parents need to be able to put their problems aside and focus on the child and the priorities of the child.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
harleygirl said:
Wow...that is a very strange custody agreement. Usually with a 50/50 split, one parent is given "primary custody", which means the child or children resides primarily with one parent. I recently read an article in Psychology Today about the court systems trying to move away from this idea, thinking that living in one primary residence is a more stable environment. The important issue here is that the children have consistancy, I would probably pick one day care provider agreed upon with both parents and split the cost. To me it would provide more stability than shuffling the kids around to different places.
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Well, boy would stay at one daycare fulltime..whichever one they choose. But the question is with girl. They don't split one week here, one week there. It's every 2 or 3 days they switch. So, for week 1, BF has the kids Monday and Tuesday, ex has them Wednesday, Thursday, BF has them Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Week 2 is the opposite-Ex has them Monday, Tuesday, BF has them Wednesday, Thursday, Ex has them Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Sorry if that is confusing. This has worked extrememly well for the kids. They are so young, and going a week without seeing one parent would probably be hard on them.

BF thinks he girl should continue to stay with his mom on the days he has her. He thinks ex should find her own daycare while she has her. Certainly there are childcare places that offer part-time care, on only a few days a week. Ex doesn't want to have to do that. She wants girl to go full-time.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
BF thinks he girl should continue to stay with his mom on the days he has her.

There is no reason she can't... however, the daycare will still expect to get paid for a solid week even if the child does not show up.


He thinks ex should find her own daycare while she has her. Certainly there are childcare places that offer part-time care, on only a few days a week.

You won't find that with a legitimate daycare. A daycare is a business. A daycare is limited to the total amount of children that can attend. You would be asking that daycare to take a loss by holding a spot for girl and only getting paid for a few days every two weeks. Think about what you are expecting.


Ex doesn't want to have to do that. She wants girl to go full-time.

It sounds like Ex is looking to put girl in a dependable daycare.
 
H

harleygirl

Working for the weekend
Cowgirl said:
Well, boy would stay at one daycare fulltime..whichever one they choose. But the question is with girl. They don't split one week here, one week there. It's every 2 or 3 days they switch. So, for week 1, BF has the kids Monday and Tuesday, ex has them Wednesday, Thursday, BF has them Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Week 2 is the opposite-Ex has them Monday, Tuesday, BF has them Wednesday, Thursday, Ex has them Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Sorry if that is confusing. This has worked extrememly well for the kids. They are so young, and going a week without seeing one parent would probably be hard on them.

BF thinks he girl should continue to stay with his mom on the days he has her. He thinks ex should find her own daycare while she has her. Certainly there are childcare places that offer part-time care, on only a few days a week. Ex doesn't want to have to do that. She wants girl to go full-time.
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Good luck to you, cowgirl...... :huggy: It seems like you have your hands full. Wait until you and BF have kids of your own..........then they never go anywhere for a few days!! :shocking:
 
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