Should 11 and 12 year old children be cleaning toilets, dusting and vacuuming?

If it's their "holiday" should they be allowed to play video games all day and not help out?

Opinions, please.

They should clean my house because I have a disable. :huggy:

They should clean my house because I have a disable. :huggy:

OMG. :smack:

Last I heard you got a Roomba. :dye:

OMG. :smack:

Last I heard you got a Roomba. :dye:

I :heart: you and I love my Roomba. Thank you so very much. I need the kids at 10:00. :lol:

Mine started dusting and vacuuming at age 6. 11/12 is when I trained the first two in bathroom duty.

But considering they had schoolwork over the holiday (whoever came up with the science fair schedule is a real Scrooge), all chores - other than laundry are on vacation too.

My 7 & 10 year olds are on bathroom duty. :shrug:

Mine started dusting and vacuuming at age 6. 11/12 is when I trained the first two in bathroom duty.

But considering they had schoolwork over the holiday (whoever came up with the science fair schedule is a real Scrooge), all chores - other than laundry are on vacation too.


No homework here and no excuses. (Esperanza)

The other has testing in DE when he returns. You really can't study for that and he does great on the standardized tests.

They will both learn how to clean toilets tomorrow, etc...

My 7 & 10 year olds are on bathroom duty. :shrug:

:yay: :yay:

I'm in a home with three males. Somehow, they think I should do it all.

I feel they should be grateful I am teaching them how to keep a clean/sanitary home.

HA! I will stop cooking next week.

:yay: :yay:

I'm in a home with three males. Somehow, they think I should do it all.

I feel they should be grateful I am teaching them how to keep a clean/sanitary home.

HA! I will stop cooking next week.
I always tell mine to pretend I'm dead and they don't want to go to a foster home. That way they have to keep the house like a responsible adult lives there. :shrug:

Of course, this doesn't always work. :lol:

:yay: :yay:

I'm in a home with three males. Somehow, they think I should do it all.

I feel they should be grateful I am teaching them how to keep a clean/sanitary home.

HA! I will stop cooking next week.Daddy's the one who decided that the two boys needed to be on bathroom duty. :shrug: My girls don't have specific chores, besides their own rooms....of course, my girls are 5 & 5 months. :shrug:

My 7 & 10 year olds are on bathroom duty. :shrug:
10 y.o. has been doing the bathroom for at least 3 years. 7 y.o. started after turning 6 I believe. # 1 daughter will be added to the hall bath list after her birthday and #1 son will be moved up to more difficult chore. Thinking cleaning the master bath by himself.

Yes, I am evil.

10 y.o. has been doing the bathroom for at least 3 years. 7 y.o. started after turning 6 I believe. # 1 daughter will be added to the hall bath list after her birthday and #1 son will be moved up to more difficult chore. Thinking cleaning the master bath by himself.

Yes, I am evil.You are teaching them life skills.

Stepson doesn't want to do Scouts anymore, yet his daddy is paying for him to go skiing on a Scout trip.

What does this teach him?

He will be cleaning the latrines tomorrow. :whip:

My 9, and 8 year old boys are both on bathroom duty. They dust their trophy shelf once a week, bathroom duty gets rotated, he who swishes also does trash, the other wipes out the toothpaste off the sink and surrounding area. I do the floor. One wipes with windex on the mirror.

They have floor duty at night before bed. All clothes get picked up and put away before the lights go out.
All are expected to make beds and be dressed before breakfast. School aged kids are responsible for their own lunches, library books on media day and homework going to and from school. My pre-K daughter makes her own lunch too. She can grab a yogurt and a juice pouch and ask for the snack she wants. She gets out her napkin and spoon too. Miss Thing doesn't like sandwiches, so we have other options.

You are teaching them life skills.

Stepson doesn't want to do Scouts anymore, yet his daddy is paying for him to go skiing on a Scout trip.

What does this teach him?

He will be cleaning the latrines tomorrow. :whip:

Aren't you the new kid in town? My opinion would be you need to tread lightly. :yay:

Best I can remember my only chore growing up was to feed the dog each evening. Oh, I also had to cut the grass which I didn't like at all until Dad got our first power mower. I was then taught very well in the art of cleaning and bathroom duty in boot camp as well as learning the language of a true sailor (you know all those 4-letter words Mom wouldn't say to me).

Aren't you the new kid in town? My opinion would be you need to tread lightly.

As someone who was once in Wenchy's position, I agree with this.

When I "took over a household", I wish I'd have been more tolerant of the existing lifestyle instead of trying to put my mark on everything and "straighten them up".

:yay: :yay:

I'm in a home with three males. Somehow, they think I should do it all.

I feel they should be grateful I am teaching them how to keep a clean/sanitary home.

So, before you moved in, D had a nasty dirty house?

I find that hard to believe.

Should 11 and 12 year old children be cleaning toilets, dusting and vacuuming?
If it's their "holiday" should they be allowed to play video games all day and not help out?

Opinions, please.

Yes, Yes, Yes.

:huggy:

As someone who was once in Wenchy's position, I agree with this.

When I "took over a household", I wish I'd have been more tolerant of the existing lifestyle instead of trying to put my mark on everything and "straighten them up".

I have never been in this position but I have sat on the sidelines and watched blended families and the issues that come up and I tend to be (or better yet - used to be) empathetic to a fault but can still see the issues. These are issues my husband and I choose to not ever deal with and the reason why we agreed to make our marriage work. Those issues really did outweigh any problems we felt we had and to us, it wasn't worth the exchange.

When you are used to having things one way and when you attempt to blend into another established situation, you are going to have issues. It cannot always be about what *I* want and bliss or acceptable bliss cannot be accomplished overnight.

Readers would have to know Wenchy's situation and that 1 of these children has a primary residence on the Eastern Shore for school and such and the other is back and forth between another residence, locally. People like me, huntr, bre, who have joint biological parental control or sole control cannot advise Wenchy on this situation and the only advice that matters are from the people who have actually had experience with these types of 'blended' situations, like you, like Catt... but agree that treading lightly is the only way (from an empathetic standpoint of course).

Should 11 and 12 year old children be cleaning toilets, dusting and vacuuming?

If it's their "holiday" should they be allowed to play video games all day and not help out?

Opinions, please.Mom had us doing chores as soon as we could walk. Hell, by 11 or 12 I was mowing the grass and we had a lot of it to mow with a regular push mower.

My 6 year old son makes his bed, keeps his room clean (including dusting and vacuuming) same with the playroom, feeds to dog and walks the dog once a day and takes out the trash and clears the table after dinner. He gets an allowance for doing this stuff and if he cleans his 2yo sisters room he gets a lil bonus

Mom had us doing chores as soon as we could walk. Hell, by 11 or 12 I was mowing the grass and we had a lot of it to mow with a regular push mower.


:high5:

I was on a tractor with a bushhog.

Should 11 and 12 year old children be cleaning toilets, dusting and vacuuming?

If it's their "holiday" should they be allowed to play video games all day and not help out?

Opinions, please.

When is the kid available.... I have lots of laundry to fold and dishes to do. TIA.

We just went over this AGAIN with the kids. 14-7-6 years old. They've been home for two weeks and the chores are just as important now. The messes don't get any smaller. So they get to clean the bathroom. Do the laundry and wash the dishes.

Readers would have to know Wenchy's situation and that 1 of these children has a primary residence on the Eastern Shore for school and such and the other is back and forth between another residence, locally. People like me, huntr, bre, who have joint biological parental control or sole control cannot advise Wenchy on this situation and the only advice that matters are from the people who have actually had experience with these types of 'blended' situations, like you, like Catt... but agree that treading lightly is the only way (from an empathetic standpoint of course).

She deserves respect from all children in the household..visiting..living there..whatever. Decisions on child rearing, etc. are best left to the bio parent(s) and gradually over time all parties can work together to reach an even keel. It's hard to keep consistency with chores/kids when they're not there on an equal time basis and perceptions of unfairness will loom.

All of that said, in answer the other original question, I believe children should have some responsibilities in the home.

She deserves respect from all children in the household..visiting..living there..whatever. Decisions on child rearing, etc. are best left to the bio parent(s) and gradually over time all parties can work together to reach an even keel. It's hard to keep consistency with chores/kids when they're not there on an equal time basis and perceptions of unfairness will loom.

All of that said, in answer the other original question, I believe children should have some responsibilities in the home.

Absolutely, she deserves respect but I wasn't thinking along the lines of respect at all when I responded, just that it is hard to keep consistency with chores when they are not always there at regular intervals. For somebody like me, it is rather easy and downright expected that they perform certain tasks in the house but that would be cramped if there wasn't regularity in their living arrangements. That is what I meant. :biggrin:

I think, Wen, that rather than insisting on chores and making a big deal out of it, it might be more effective to enlist them instead. "Jimmy, will you please help me fold this laundry?" or "Let's all clean up the house so we can enjoy our day - Bobby, will you help me by vacuuming?"

Especially since neither kid lives full time in the house, it's not routine for them so a more helping approach would probably give you better results.

I think, Wen, that rather than insisting on chores and making a big deal out of it, it might be more effective to enlist them instead. "Jimmy, will you please help me fold this laundry?" or "Let's all clean up the house so we can enjoy our day - Bobby, will you help me by vacuuming?"

Especially since neither kid lives full time in the house, it's not routine for them so a more helping approach would probably give you better results.

:yeahthat:

Mine were usually doing "chores" at the age of 5 or 6....it usually started with vacuuming/cleaning their rooms/loading the dishwasher/bringing all their laundry to the washer....by age 10/11 they were cutting grass and/or leaf blowing and doing their own laundry

It teaches them responsibility and skills that they will use later in life

I think, Wen, that rather than insisting on chores and making a big deal out of it, it might be more effective to enlist them instead. "Jimmy, will you please help me fold this laundry?" or "Let's all clean up the house so we can enjoy our day - Bobby, will you help me by vacuuming?"

Especially since neither kid lives full time in the house, it's not routine for them so a more helping approach would probably give you better results.

Chores teach a child how to contribute in a family atmosphere but this is trickier with a blended family...for all the already stated reasons.
Flexibility and communication are a must, so no one becomes the wicked step parent and the kids learn that working together is much easier on all than a rigid "my way or the highway" type of approach.

I have a blended family one bio son 12yrs, two step daugthers 11 and 7, we have no chldren togther both are from revious relationships. daugthers come every other weekend. yes all children have chores. Son has to walk dogs, feed ferrets, take out trash, wash own clothes and keep room tiddy. The girls mst keep room tiddy and are given chores throughout stay, help cook dinner, take out dogs, take out trash, sweep floors, dishes, etc. The boy has set chores because he lives here all the time, the girls still have to learn responsibility but it's not as easy to make perment chores when they don't live in the home. The kids will adjust to the different family arranagements and know what is expected in the different households...

I think, Wen, that rather than insisting on chores and making a big deal out of it, it might be more effective to enlist them instead. "Jimmy, will you please help me fold this laundry?" or "Let's all clean up the house so we can enjoy our day - Bobby, will you help me by vacuuming?"

Especially since neither kid lives full time in the house, it's not routine for them so a more helping approach would probably give you better results.

That sounds like a good plan. It would be even better if the bio-parent would ask the kids to help out so it's not put on her. I don't know the situation, so he may be doing that, but it doesn't really sound like it (hence the reason for starting the thread :lol:).

If I had a live-in who had custody of his kids and we shacked up, all kids get equal chores appropriate for their age. I had chores when my step sib didn't and that's :bs:

I don't let kids handle flamables or dangerous things, so I do grass and the oven. I also start all the laundry to keep my whites white and not pink.

Short kid does all the trash collection, his toys, gathers the laundry and empties the dryer.

Tall kid, does ALL dishes, vacuum and her room and the dog.

:yay:

If I had a live-in who had custody of his kids and we shacked up, all kids get equal chores appropriate for their age. I had chores when my step sib didn't and that's :bs:

I don't let kids handle flamables or dangerous things, so I do grass and the oven. I also start all the laundry to keep my whites white and not pink.

Short kid does all the trash collection, his toys, gathers the laundry and empties the dryer.

Tall kid, does ALL dishes, vacuum and her room and the dog.

:yay:

She vacuum's the dog? :lmao:

She vacuum's the dog? :lmao:

I had a lab that LOVED to be vacuumed. :lmao:

I had a lab that LOVED to be vacuumed. :lmao:

I know. Some pet's enjoy it. My Jack and Alex, did not. :lol:

I know. Some pet's enjoy it. My Jack and Alex, did not. :lol:

Rassie doesn't mind it. Yoda doesn't need it. Wenchy gave me a Zoomba for Xmas (:huggy:). Yoda is terrified of it and Rassie just watches it or goes upstairs. :lol: I also gave Tom and the boy remote controlled cars for Xmas (their fun gift cause guys are all children at heart). Rassie ignores them, Yoda chases them and picks them up in his mouth when he can do it. These dogs entertain me to no end.

Rassie doesn't mind it. Yoda doesn't need it. Wenchy gave me a Zoomba for Xmas (:huggy:). Yoda is terrified of it and Rassie just watches it or goes upstairs. :lol: I also gave Tom and the boy remote controlled cars for Xmas (their fun gift cause guys are all children at heart). Rassie ignores them, Yoda chases them and picks them up in his mouth when he can do it. These dogs entertain me to no end.

Alex has been gone for five years now, Jack, 6 months. Jack didn't play with anything for a long time. Just too old.

Alex has been gone for five years now, Jack, 6 months. Jack didn't play with anything for a long time. Just too old.

You need a new kitty. :huggy:

She vacuum's the dog? :lmao:

If he's dusty, why not?:shrug:

I've vacuum'd sand from my son's head before:yay:

:lol:

My 14 yr old stepson lives w/us every weekend and during the summer. His father doesn't believe he should be assigned chores. My husband and I have 2 kids together, 5 and soon to be 2. The rules are completely different for the s/s, which sucks. When my son says something to the fact about why his older brother doesn't have to listen to my rules, my reply is "i'm not the boss of Eric". I always tell my son & daughter that I/Daddy are the boss of them. Both for safety and listening reasons. It's very hard to have a blended family when the bio won't let the step parent be involved in an authorative position. I've been told not to disipline at all when it comes to stepson-which can bring tension between me and the stepson.

My 14 yr old stepson lives w/us every weekend and during the summer. His father doesn't believe he should be assigned chores. My husband and I have 2 kids together, 5 and soon to be 2. The rules are completely different for the s/s, which sucks. When my son says something to the fact about why his older brother doesn't have to listen to my rules, my reply is "i'm not the boss of Eric". I always tell my son & daughter that I/Daddy are the boss of them. Both for safety and listening reasons. It's very hard to have a blended family when the bio won't let the step parent be involved in an authorative position. I've been told not to disipline at all when it comes to stepson-which can bring tension between me and the stepson.

Welcome to the forums! :howdy:

Thank you BS Gal. I've been reading the forums for a couple months now, and decided to join. Never been on a forum or chat room, so it's all new!

Thank you BS Gal. I've been reading the forums for a couple months now, and decided to join. Never been on a forum or chat room, so it's all new!

Very addictive. Ignore the idiots.

You need a new kitty. :huggy:
I know. Not ready yet. :ohwell:
If he's dusty, why not?:shrug:

I've vacuum'd sand from my son's head before:yay:

:lol:

Baby powder works MUCH better! :lol:

I have to say, it's a little intimidating when you read all the mean things people say on here to others.

My 14 yr old stepson lives w/us every weekend and during the summer. His father doesn't believe he should be assigned chores. My husband and I have 2 kids together, 5 and soon to be 2. The rules are completely different for the s/s, which sucks. When my son says something to the fact about why his older brother doesn't have to listen to my rules, my reply is "i'm not the boss of Eric". I always tell my son & daughter that I/Daddy are the boss of them. Both for safety and listening reasons. It's very hard to have a blended family when the bio won't let the step parent be involved in an authorative position. I've been told not to disipline at all when it comes to stepson-which can bring tension between me and the stepson.

This is why I have vowed not to date another man with kids. Some people may think I am being selfish but the blending of families is too hard for me. I was with a man for 3+ years and our biggest problem was different parenting types. Believe it or not, I was the meany who didn't let the kids swing off doors, play on the steps, draw on the walls, etc. It was my fiance who let them run wild. I have 1 child, he had 2... all boys and close in age, I thought they would play good together and help around the house equally... I was way wrong. Between the baby mamma drama and different parenting styles, I say NO to baby daddy's.

This is why I have vowed not to date another man with kids. Some people may think I am being selfish but the blending of families is too hard for me. I was with a man for 3+ years and our biggest problem was different parenting types. Believe it or not, I was the meany who didn't let the kids swing off doors, play on the steps, draw on the walls, etc. It was my fiance who let them run wild. I have 1 child, he had 2... all boys and close in age, I thought they would play good together and help around the house equally... I was way wrong. Between the baby mamma drama and different parenting styles, I say NO to baby daddy's.

Good for you.

This is why I have vowed not to date another man with kids. Some people may think I am being selfish but the blending of families is too hard for me. I was with a man for 3+ years and our biggest problem was different parenting types. Believe it or not, I was the meany who didn't let the kids swing off doors, play on the steps, draw on the walls, etc. It was my fiance who let them run wild. I have 1 child, he had 2... all boys and close in age, I thought they would play good together and help around the house equally... I was way wrong. Between the baby mamma drama and different parenting styles, I say NO to baby daddy's.

That's how it is with me. I'm the so called "Mommy Dearest" according to my husband. In reality, it's just tougher being a good parent where you have to discipline and have rules, then it is to let them run wild. The biggest problem with us is the different parenting styles. Thank goodness his ex and I have a great relationship. I've included her in the 2 younger kids b-days, our xmas, etc.

This is why I have vowed not to date another man with kids. Some people may think I am being selfish but the blending of families is too hard for me. I was with a man for 3+ years and our biggest problem was different parenting types. Believe it or not, I was the meany who didn't let the kids swing off doors, play on the steps, draw on the walls, etc. It was my fiance who let them run wild. I have 1 child, he had 2... all boys and close in age, I thought they would play good together and help around the house equally... I was way wrong. Between the baby mamma drama and different parenting styles, I say NO to baby daddy's.

:yay:

If for some very odd reason I ever got divorced or something and dated again...he could not have little kids. They'd have to be grown and gone or something. :lol: No way I want to deal with that stuff.

My kids never had any chores at all until last year. I am trying finally to make them ready to be on their own. :lol: I always had that SAHM guilt or something, I think.

That's how it is with me. I'm the so called "Mommy Dearest" according to my husband. In reality, it's just tougher being a good parent where you have to discipline and have rules, then it is to let them run wild. The biggest problem with us is the different parenting styles. Thank goodness his ex and I have a great relationship. I've included her in the 2 younger kids b-days, our xmas, etc.

My theory on why fathers are so easy on the kids who come every other weekend... They don't want to be the bad parent, they want to be the friend not the parent. Actually that is what my ex told me, something like.. I only get them a few days a week I want it to be fun. This is BS! Last time I checked we are their parents, not their friends. They will make friends throughout life, but it is the responisiblity of a parent to teach our children responsibility, morals, kindness, etc. I want my son to come to me with problems, if he gets addicted to drugs, money problems or whatever I will be there for him, But I do not want a child who disrepects me or walks all over me because I am his friend not his mother. My son told me once I was not his friend anymore. I told him he was right, I am his mother who deserves respect.
I am glad to hear you get along with the mother. I grew up in a large family, my aunt's and uncle's are all divorced but the exes still come to family parties and still treated like family. I was totally off guard to find out what kind of mess I was getting myself into with my ex and the mother of his kids.

My theory on why fathers are so easy on the kids who come every other weekend... They don't want to be the bad parent, they want to be the friend not the parent. Actually that is what my ex told me, something like.. I only get them a few days a week I want it to be fun. This is BS! Last time I checked we are their parents, not their friends. They will make friends throughout life, but it is the responisiblity of a parent to teach our children responsibility, morals, kindness, etc. I want my son to come to me with problems, if he gets addicted to drugs, money problems or whatever I will be there for him, But I do not want a child who disrepects me or walks all over me because I am his friend not his mother. My son told me once I was not his friend anymore. I told him he was right, I am his mother who deserves respect.
I am glad to hear you get along with the mother. I grew up in a large family, my aunt's and uncle's are all divorced but the exes still come to family parties and still treated like family. I was totally off guard to find out what kind of mess I was getting myself into with my ex and the mother of his kids.

I just donned my flame retardent suit for this but...omg, come on. If you only get a kid for a weekend here and there, why in the frick would you make them clean, etc? My God. Really.

That's exactly what I think it is (not wanting to be the bad guy). But he also gets upset with me when I discipline our children, i.e.: at dinner when I'm correcting my son about something he's doing, husband complains about never having a quiet dinner!! That's just one of a many things!! The Ex and I don't have the same teaching styles, but I don't judge, although it's very frustrating at times when I hear about things that s/s is allowed to do and not do!!

I just donned my flame retardent suit for this but...omg, come on. If you only get a kid for a weekend here and there, why in the frick would you make them clean, etc? My God. Really.

I fully agree. It would be wrong of a part time parent to inflict this torture on a child! :lol: :huggy:

Really......

That's exactly what I think it is (not wanting to be the bad guy). But he also gets upset with me when I discipline our children, i.e.: at dinner when I'm correcting my son about something he's doing, husband complains about never having a quiet dinner!! That's just one of a many things!! The Ex and I don't have the same teaching styles, but I don't judge, although it's very frustrating at times when I hear about things that s/s is allowed to do and not do!!

Can you be more specific? I'm not getting your problem with this child.

I just donned my flame retardent suit for this but...omg, come on. If you only get a kid for a weekend here and there, why in the frick would you make them clean, etc? My God. Really.


Yea, beyond the child cleaning up their own mess, it seems rediculous to make them do chores around the house. :coffee:

I fully agree. It would be wrong of a part time parent to inflict this torture on a child! :lol: :huggy:

Really......

And there it is. Done. :yay:

:love:

Yea, beyond the child cleaning up their own mess, it seems rediculous to make them do chores around the house. :coffee:

Exactly. Thank you.

They do not live there. They are pretty much just a visitor really. Do people really make guests clean their house??

Exactly. Thank you.

They do not live there. They are pretty much just a visitor really. Do people really make guests clean their house??

We must all suffer forum retardation. It's a curse! :killingme

I just donned my flame retardent suit for this but...omg, come on. If you only get a kid for a weekend here and there, why in the frick would you make them clean, etc? My God. Really.

1. Most likely the full time parent probably has the kid do chores or at least clean up after themselves. So if the part-time parent makes it nothing but a fun visit guess what happens... Kid doesn't want to live with mean full-time parent who makes them follow rules, kid wants to live with fun part-time parent. This will involve years of child putting full-time parent down and always sticking up for fun parent, begging to live with part-time parent making full-time parent feel bad.

2. Obviously a kid who doesn't spend 100% of time in a house shouldn't have to clean up after everyone while they sat around doing nothing. But the child should be expected to help around the house a bit, clean their room or shared playroom if they also made a mess. My point was you can't expect the kids who live in a home 100% of the time to clean up after themselves but when the step kids come around now step-daddy is cleaning up after his kids. Does that sound fair?

3. I may have gotten a bit off topic, I was think more of my situations. Like when the step-son drew on the walls, flushed toys down the toilet, ran back in forth across the street and almost got hit by a car (just a few examples) and never got in trouble. But when my son didn't want to eat all his veggies, he got sent to his room. I am sure I was not perfect in making everyone feel equal, obviously every parent is going to defend their child. I can honestly say I was hardest on my child at first, trying to make the step-kiddies feel comfortable but when I noticed the step-kiddies NEVER getting in trouble I was a bit disappointed.

We must all suffer forum retardation. It's a curse! :killingme

Kain... I love you. omg. :killingme

Exactly. Thank you.

They do not live there. They are pretty much just a visitor really. Do people really make guests clean their house??

Depends on the parent :ohwell: You would think that some parents have children so they can pawn off their household chores on the kids so they don't have to do anything.

Can you be more specific? I'm not getting your problem with this child.

It's frustrating to me when my stepson's mom allows him not to do things i.e. homework (i'm talking about important things). And when he's not disciplined for ANYTHING.

And in reference to the comments about it not being fair/right to have my stepson do chores around the house, i'd like to know if you are in my situation with step kids.

1. Most likely the full time parent probably has the kid do chores or at least clean up after themselves. So if the part-time parent makes it nothing but a fun visit guess what happens... Kid doesn't want to live with mean full-time parent who makes them follow rules, kid wants to live with fun part-time parent. This will involve years of child putting full-time parent down and always sticking up for fun parent, begging to live with part-time parent making full-time parent feel bad.

2. Obviously a kid who doesn't spend 100% of time in a house shouldn't have to clean up after everyone while they sat around doing nothing. But the child should be expected to help around the house a bit, clean their room or shared playroom if they also made a mess. My point was you can't expect the kids who live in a home 100% of the time to clean up after themselves but when the step kids come around now step-daddy is cleaning up after his kids. Does that sound fair?

3. I may have gotten a bit off topic, I was think more of my situations. Like when the step-son drew on the walls, flushed toys down the toilet, ran back in forth across the street and almost got hit by a car (just a few examples) and never got in trouble. But when my son didn't want to eat all his veggies, he got sent to his room. I am sure I was not perfect in making everyone feel equal, obviously every parent is going to defend their child. I can honestly say I was hardest on my child at first, trying to make the step-kiddies feel comfortable but when I noticed the step-kiddies NEVER getting in trouble I was a bit disappointed.


1. Cleaning up after themselves is totally different from where I saw this thread heading. That is a given to me. Chalk one up for you. My oldest is a "step child" for my husband. Her dad did and still does only make things "fun"... she never said, omg, I wanna go live with fundaddy because I don't have to clean. I mean, really.

2. To me, that does sound fair. I mean...the kid is actually a "guest" as sad as that is. Call it what you will, but I'm being honest.

3. Well, the "real" kids do all that stuff too and get punished at their real home. That is my feeling on it. The step kid?? Daddy knows mommy is going to deal with it, he doesn't have to. I don't agree that a child is treated differently in front of the other as you may have been getting at. That would be wrong and I would just say it outright. :shrug:

Exactly. Thank you.

They do not live there. They are pretty much just a visitor really. Do people really make guests clean their house??

You are right, they shouldn't have to do major chores when they don't make all the mess. But they aren't a visitor, they are a part of the family also, with the exception of a child who only sees a parent during summer or holiday breaks because of distant, than those every other weekends add up and it gets tiring making special visits for a child. I have seen many friends grow up with "friend" parents, and when the kids get out of control during teen years the parent tries putting their foot down, it's too late. So what happens if the kid moves in full-time, they might be used to having such a fun time that when parents need to get serious the kid won't listen.

It's frustrating to me when my stepson's mom allows him not to do things i.e. homework (i'm talking about important things). And when he's not disciplined for ANYTHING.

And in reference to the comments about it not being fair/right to have my stepson do chores around the house, i'd like to know if you are in my situation with step kids.

Why does he not getting disciplined bother you when he is with his mom? Homework, etc? Honestly... it's none of your business. That is between he and mom...who, I might add, is raising him.

So if I don't have step kids I have no validation here? What if mine is the step child? She is.

Depends on the parent :ohwell: You would think that some parents have children so they can pawn off their household chores on the kids so they don't have to do anything.

Yep. :ohwell:

Sometimes we get frustrated, by Disney Dadddies and Mommies. It's natural but in the end, the full time parent gets all of the respect.

I look at my grown children today and thank God for all of those years of frustration. They know where their bread is buttered.

Sometimes we get frustrated, by Disney Dadddies and Mommies. It's natural but in the end, the full time parent gets all of the respect.

I look at my grown children today and thank God for all of those years of frustration. They know where their bread is buttered.

Yep!! I agree! As frustrating as it might be to always be the "mean" parent they will appreciate it when they get older.

[QUOTE=meangirl;3496100]Why does he not getting disciplined bother you when he is with his mom? Homework, etc? Honestly... it's none of your business. That is between he and mom...who, I might add, is raising him.

So if I don't have step kids I have no validation here? What if mine is the step child? She is.[/QUOT

You're right it is her business, but are you going to tell me that when you see a parent not doing their job "parenting" it doesn't upset you? Maybe it's because I love my stepson and I see him going down a bad path because the lack of parental involvement. I want my stepson to prosper, and I feel that all parents involved must be completely involved.
The part about chores--are you telling me that it's okay for the stepson to feel like a visitor--because if you're treating him like one, he's going to feel like one. The reason for chores for children are to feel like they are a part of "the Family", among other things i.e. responsibilty. I've read alot about how to smooth a blended family, and i've read several times they must be included in household chores--if not, they will not feel a part of the family.

You are right, they shouldn't have to do major chores when they don't make all the mess. But they aren't a visitor, they are a part of the family also, with the exception of a child who only sees a parent during summer or holiday breaks because of distant, than those every other weekends add up and it gets tiring making special visits for a child. I have seen many friends grow up with "friend" parents, and when the kids get out of control during teen years the parent tries putting their foot down, it's too late. So what happens if the kid moves in full-time, they might be used to having such a fun time that when parents need to get serious the kid won't listen.


Umm, you are talking about something that "might" happen. It could happen in a "together" home too. Then what? Just curious because I am not getting it honestly.

And no offense, or maybe so... I love how some stepmoms say "they are part of the family"... oh really? I don't think so. They are a sometime visitor that pisses ya'll off. Period. Sorry. :bawl:

Yep!! I agree! As frustrating as it might be to always be the "mean" parent they will appreciate it when they get older.

My mom was the mean parent, my father (when I saw him) was the fun parent. I love my mom more than anything for her trying to teach me better, I will admit that I was a brat at times and asked to live with the fun dad. I am now grown with a child of my own, and as many times as I said I won't be like my mom, guess what, I am.

[QUOTE=meangirl;3496100]Why does he not getting disciplined bother you when he is with his mom? Homework, etc? Honestly... it's none of your business. That is between he and mom...who, I might add, is raising him.

So if I don't have step kids I have no validation here? What if mine is the step child? She is.[/QUOT

You're right it is her business, but are you going to tell me that when you see a parent not doing their job "parenting" it doesn't upset you? Maybe it's because I love my stepson and I see him going down a bad path because the lack of parental involvement. I want my stepson to prosper, and I feel that all parents involved must be completely involved.
The part about chores--are you telling me that it's okay for the stepson to feel like a visitor--because if you're treating him like one, he's going to feel like one. The reason for chores for children are to feel like they are a part of "the Family", among other things i.e. responsibilty. I've read alot about how to smooth a blended family, and i've read several times they must be included in household chores--if not, they will not feel a part of the family.

My husband raised my 3 children.... They absolutely love and respect him as if he was their father. No doubt about it!

Umm, you are talking about something that "might" happen. It could happen in a "together" home too. Then what? Just curious because I am not getting it honestly.

And no offense, or maybe so... I love how some stepmoms say "they are part of the family"... oh really? I don't think so. They are a sometime visitor that pisses ya'll off. Period. Sorry. :bawl:

Are you fkkking kidding me? We're not a part of the family? Does your daughter have a mean stepmom? Why else would you say something completely off base? I do everything for my stepson plus some that his own father won't do for him. How dare you say I'm not a part of the family.

You're right it is her business, but are you going to tell me that when you see a parent not doing their job "parenting" it doesn't upset you? Maybe it's because I love my stepson and I see him going down a bad path because the lack of parental involvement. I want my stepson to prosper, and I feel that all parents involved must be completely involved.
The part about chores--are you telling me that it's okay for the stepson to feel like a visitor--because if you're treating him like one, he's going to feel like one. The reason for chores for children are to feel like they are a part of "the Family", among other things i.e. responsibilty. I've read alot about how to smooth a blended family, and i've read several times they must be included in household chores--if not, they will not feel a part of the family.

Ok, if you hated me before, you will really hate me now.

It doesn't bother me at all, EVER, if a step parent isn't doing a great job parenting. Guess what? You are not his mom. In the big picture, you matter not at all unless you are the *main* caregiver/parent. (Which my child did/does have)

Chores to this day do not make me feel "part of the family" come on now. You are really reaching.

Are you fkkking kidding me? We're not a part of the family? Does your daughter have a mean stepmom? Why else would you say something completely off base? I do everything for my stepson plus some that his own father won't do for him. How dare you say I'm not a part of the family.
Secret of success in a step family.... NO DIVIDE!

My mom was the mean parent, my father (when I saw him) was the fun parent. I love my mom more than anything for her trying to teach me better, I will admit that I was a brat at times and asked to live with the fun dad. I am now grown with a child of my own, and as many times as I said I won't be like my mom, guess what, I am.

I was the same way growing up. Once I was grown up and had children of my own I appreciated my own mom more than ever.

I now watch my own daughter going through the same thing. She thinks her father's house is cool because she has no rules or responsibility. I am mean and make her do homework and go to bed at a certain hour. And they do fun stuff whenever she is there. That's easy to do when you are a parent every other weekend. We do lots of "fun" things to... but they are mixed it with REAL LIFE.

[QUOTE=tygrace;3496121]

My husband raised my 3 children.... They absolutely love and respect him as if he was their father. No doubt about it!

Same with my hubby. He has raised my daughter since she was 10 months old. She worships him and is his little girl. She knows that he is the one she can ALWAYS depend on.

Ok, if you hated me before, you will really hate me now.

It doesn't bother me at all, EVER, if a step parent isn't doing a great job parenting. Guess what? You are not his mom. In the big picture, you matter not at all unless you are the *main* caregiver/parent. (Which my child did/does have)

Chores to this day do not make me feel "part of the family" come on now. You are really reaching.

No I'm not reaching at all--do you have some kind of degree that has educated you so much to dismay anything that I have said? I never said I wanted to be his real Mom. I did say, however, I love my stepson. Yes, I know that stepkids look at step parents with a third eye-but it really upsets me that you are so negative about stepmoms. It's harder being a step mom than being a bio mom-that is for certain. I'm always thinking ahead so anything I might say/do won't hurt/offend stepson.

I can see how people really lose it on these forums with some of the remarks made by others.

No I'm not reaching at all--do you have some kind of degree that has educated you so much to dismay anything that I have said? I never said I wanted to be his real Mom. I did say, however, I love my stepson. Yes, I know that stepkids look at step parents with a third eye-but it really upsets me that you are so negative about stepmoms. It's harder being a step mom than being a bio mom-that is for certain. I'm always thinking ahead so anything I might say/do won't hurt/offend stepson.

I can see how people really lose it on these forums with some of the remarks made by others.

:roflmao: I highly doubt that

No I'm not reaching at all--do you have some kind of degree that has educated you so much to dismay anything that I have said? I never said I wanted to be his real Mom. I did say, however, I love my stepson. Yes, I know that stepkids look at step parents with a third eye-but it really upsets me that you are so negative about stepmoms. It's harder being a step mom than being a bio mom-that is for certain. I'm always thinking ahead so anything I might say/do won't hurt/offend stepson.

I can see how people really lose it on these forums with some of the remarks made by others.

HELLO PEOPLE! I'm telling you that step parents can be hugely important and successful in step kids lives. We are living proof!

Umm, you are talking about something that "might" happen. It could happen in a "together" home too. Then what? Just curious because I am not getting it honestly.

And no offense, or maybe so... I love how some stepmoms say "they are part of the family"... oh really? I don't think so. They are a sometime visitor that pisses ya'll off. Period. Sorry. :bawl:

Actually, it happened with my family. My step father was friends with my step brothers, he got them every weekend and sometimes half the week. They ended up moving in full time and after a year or so, one of them got into a physical altercation with my stepdad and the other just moved out because he stopped getting his way. They now come around on their birthdays, christmas and other present giving holidays. they didn't even show up for his birthday once, he literally offers to pay them to visit. I feel terrible for my stepfather, I want to cry when I see him hurt. As great of a father he was to me and was even better to his own children.

Also, I did love my stepkids. On the first Christmas together I bought the oldest tons of toys for the house so he could feel at home, his father bought him a pair of shoes. when I heard my stepson was caught in a naughty postion with a girl his age(5) I cried for days thinking someone had molested him and he was mistreated by another adult, while his parents just laughed it off. When the youngest was sick and mommy had to go to work, I offered to keep him. I grew up in blended families and most of the time I felt a like one big happy family, other times I felt a bit out of place. I only tried making everyone feel comfortable.

:roflmao: I highly doubt that

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

You need to stand tall darlin. Seriously! Trust me when I say life has a funny way of turning full circle. :huggy:

You need to stand tall darlin. Seriously! Trust me when I say life has a funny way of turning full circle. :huggy:

I'm not understanding what you mean-please give me more. Sometimes "I just don't get it!"

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

I have no idea? It is not harder to be a step parent then it is to be a real parent especially when that step parent is a part-timer... and has the kids a couple days a month.

And why wouldn't I add my 2 cents? This is a public forum in which you are sharing YOUR 2 cents in and so am I.

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

What I know about your family is what you have posted. You can't discipline your husband's son because he won't allow it. It sounds like your problems begin with your husband. So how exactly is it harder for you to parent him when you are not allowed to do so?

I have no idea? It is not harder to be a step parent then it is to be a real parent especially when that step parent is a part-timer... and has the kids a couple days a month.

And why wouldn't I add my 2 cents? This is a public forum in which you are sharing YOUR 2 cents in and so am I.

1. I haven't judged in anyway-just stated the facts in my life, you however have judged me.

2. It's no only a "couple days of a month".

3. Regarding my comment about being harder: It's much harder emotionally with my step son because I'm always trying to make it work, make it comfortable, make him feel "at home", because I want him to feel like he's valued and a part of the family-not just a "visitor".

I'm not understanding what you mean-please give me more. Sometimes "I just don't get it!"

The kids will grow up and know 100% who loved them!

The kids will grow up and know 100% who loved them!

You're completely right-they will.
I just don't understand why some people have to make such ignorant comments about what has happened in their life and mirror it on to others.

1. I haven't judged in anyway-just stated the facts in my life, you however have judged me.

2. It's no only a "couple days of a month".

3. Regarding my comment about being harder: It's much harder emotionally with my step son because I'm always trying to make it work, make it comfortable, make him feel "at home", because I want him to feel like he's valued and a part of the family-not just a "visitor".

I judged you because I disagreed with your opinion?

Maybe you should stop trying so hard. It's been at least what 6 years? It's not gonna happen if you force it and it's really not gonna happen if you and your husband are not on the same page.

I have no idea? It is not harder to be a step parent then it is to be a real parent especially when that step parent is a part-timer... and has the kids a couple days a month.

And why wouldn't I add my 2 cents? This is a public forum in which you are sharing YOUR 2 cents in and so am I.

I don't know which is harder but I will say that it is more heart breaking at times being the real mom and more frustrating at times being stepmom.

Real mom has to deal with everyday crisis, dr.appts., kid throwing tantrums because your a meany. And as much as a real mom does, we get very little aprreciation. It breaks my heart when my son wants to live with his dad, who he hasn't seen in years because I won't let him watch bad movies or buy him a toy everytime we go to walmart.

step mom has to deal with real mommy (unless good relationship between real and step), must walk on tippy toes around everyone because you don't want to overstep boundaries, any time an accident happens at part-time house good chance you will get blamed. I was frustrated everytime I thought I was doing something right, it was never good enough.

IMO daddy needs to step in and fix some of this. stop being a p*&%#

What I know about your family is what you have posted. You can't discipline your husband's son because he won't allow it. It sounds like your problems begin with your husband. So how exactly is it harder for you to parent him when you are not allowed to do so?

You're right-my problems do start with my husband. He and I disagree on some things when it comes to parenting (alot actually). I am by no means saying I'm perfect and my ideas are the best. An example of what I was talking about when I said I do more for my stepson: when he was 9/10, I had been with his father since he turned 7, he had not seen a dentist since I met him (neither mom nor dad took him). I made the appointment, I took him and I followed up with keeping him going every 6 months. You could tell just by looking at him that he needed braces-but neither parent thought it was important. I'm not on a high horse, but that is one of several things that i'm referring to. I am allowed to do things for my stepson -anything that is pleasureable and helpfull, but when it comes to discipline-I'm not involved-that is frustrating.

You're right-my problems do start with my husband. He and I disagree on some things when it comes to parenting (alot actually). I am by no means saying I'm perfect and my ideas are the best. An example of what I was talking about when I said I do more for my stepson: when he was 9/10, I had been with his father since he turned 7, he had not seen a dentist since I met him (neither mom nor dad took him). I made the appointment, I took him and I followed up with keeping him going every 6 months. You could tell just by looking at him that he needed braces-but neither parent thought it was important. I'm not on a high horse, but that is one of several things that i'm referring to. I am allowed to do things for my stepson -anything that is pleasureable and helpfull, but when it comes to discipline-I'm not involved-that is frustrating.

Maybe you should consider disengaging.

You're right-my problems do start with my husband. He and I disagree on some things when it comes to parenting (alot actually). I am by no means saying I'm perfect and my ideas are the best. An example of what I was talking about when I said I do more for my stepson: when he was 9/10, I had been with his father since he turned 7, he had not seen a dentist since I met him (neither mom nor dad took him). I made the appointment, I took him and I followed up with keeping him going every 6 months. You could tell just by looking at him that he needed braces-but neither parent thought it was important. I'm not on a high horse, but that is one of several things that i'm referring to. I am allowed to do things for my stepson -anything that is pleasureable and helpfull, but when it comes to discipline-I'm not involved-that is frustrating.

My husband and I, made a pact upon winning custody of the kids. "United Front" at all times. All disagreements were handled behind closed doors.

Bring Daddy in or all will be lost

I judged you because I disagreed with your opinion?

Maybe you should stop trying so hard. It's been at least what 6 years? It's not gonna happen if you force it and it's really not gonna happen if you and your husband are not on the same page.

It was a statement, not an opinion, I made about my family in which you have no idea about. It was a smart azz comeback to my statement-so yes you judged me.

You're right, i do try to hard-it breaks my heart to think about what he feels inside just about the divorce, let alone having to deal with his father's new family. I feel very sorry for him for the way things go for him. I just want him to be happy and healthy (mentally).

I have tried to disengage, but when you love someone and care for their well being--it's difficult to do. My husband has baggage (paris hilton size baggage!) from childhood that he won't deal with. Until he gets straight with all of that, he won't be helpful.

I have tried to disengage, but when you love someone and care for their well being--it's difficult to do. My husband has baggage (paris hilton size baggage!) from childhood that he won't deal with. Until he gets straight with all of that, he won't be helpful.

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging (http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html)


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging (http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html)


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

Very true LM! Shes living in hell.

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging (http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html)


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

I'm just hoping that he takes something from what I give to him (ie advice,etc.), and how he sees a different way to act as an adult, other than his father. I love my husband, and I'm determined to stay with him, unless it isn't healthy for our children. They are my main concern. My parents stayed married even though it would have been better on us kids not to. I won't do that to my children.

This brings me to my first statement, say no to baby daddy's. Honestly, I can't say I will NEVER be with another one, love conquers all and there might be better situations out there. Just at this time and if I am to learn from past mistakes, I say no for now. some may think I am selfish but I have been told by others they feel the same and agree with me. It is not the children that are the problem, it is the different parenting styles and parental conflicts. I loved my step kids (weren't really step kids, never married the father) but stress that came with it was just too much for our relationship.

That's exactly it- "it's not the children, it's the parent"!! If my husband and I were on the same page, life would be so much better! But we're not even on the same page with our children. I wish I would have been aware of some of the things you need to ask your other half before marrying them!

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging (http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html)


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

This is a great read, thank you.

:roflmao: I highly doubt that

I want to apologize to you. I went back and looked at what you said "you highly doubt"--I thought it was about the part where I said I do more for my s/s then his father. I was wrong and wanted to let you know I'm sorry.

Very addictive. Ignore the idiots.

Then what is she going to have left to read? :ohwell:

Depends on the parent :ohwell: You would think that some parents have children so they can pawn off their household chores on the kids so they don't have to do anything.

If both parents work long hours, the kids should help carry the load. However, if one adult does not work and stays home, they should carry most the load to contribute and not try to make the kids do the chores for them.

Then what is she going to have left to read? :ohwell:

She could read mine or your posts.

Well, mine anyway.

"Let them be little"

She could read mine or your posts.

Well, mine anyway.

:lmao:

She could read mine or your posts.

Well, mine anyway.

I don't love you anymore.

"Let them be little"

:lol: At what point do you start teaching them what it takes to keep a house clean?

This also reminds me of the thread about tween/teenage boys. The stepson is immaculate and my son...:killingme He announced to me the other day that he had finally clipped his toenails. I figure 12 is too old for me to do it for him and he just needs to be reminded, but then he forgets. :lol:

Interesting comments/viewpoints so far.

Keep them coming. :yay:

If both parents work long hours, the kids should help carry the load. However, if one adult does not work and stays home, they should carry most the load to contribute and not try to make the kids do the chores for them.

I agree. When I was domestic, the only thing I wouldn't do is mow the lawn or work on cars, but I didn't have boys pissin' all over the bathroom, either. I think if I had, cleaning toilets would have been an assigned chore.

Children should have chores, like mowing the lawn, raking, walking dogs, keeping their rooms clean, bringing their dirty clothes to the laundry room, putting away their clean laundry, cleaning the kitchen after dinner...if they have time. If they are loaded with homework and activities, it could be too much.

cha-ching

I agree. When I was domestic, the only thing I wouldn't do is mow the lawn or work on cars, but I didn't have boys pissin' all over the bathroom, either. I think if I had, cleaning toilets would have been an assigned chore.

Children should have chores, like mowing the lawn, raking, walking dogs, keeping their rooms clean, bringing their dirty clothes to the laundry room, putting away their clean laundry, cleaning the kitchen after dinner...if they have time. If they are loaded with homework and activities, it could be too much.

cha-ching

:yeahthat:

I totally forgot about the activities. I barely had enough time to keep a meal on the table when the kids were involved in sports, etc. Seemed like Ott was at one end of the county and I was at the other. Between homework and sports there wasn't much time for anything else. My boys fed the dogs..that was pretty much their only "chore" but, interestingly, both kept their rooms very clean and neat..the oldest one obsessively. They also started doing their own laundry on their own when they were 11/12. From a young age I taught them how to do laundry, cook and DANCE!

When Ott's daughter was at the house, she didn't have any chores but she helped out when asked if there was something to do. Most often she was there on a weekend and the weekends were always about the kids.

I've never had visiting steps - my steps lived with me. But if I did have visiting steps, it's unlikely that I would expect them to do more than clean up after themselves and possibly help clear dinner dishes or something like that. Especially if I didn't work because I'd have all the housework done so that the weekend could be fun time for us.

Should 11 and 12 year old children be cleaning toilets, dusting and vacuuming?

If it's their "holiday" should they be allowed to play video games all day and not help out?

Opinions, please.

I'll answer this in two parts.

First, yeah. That's life. Holiday doesn't mean a day at the spa or a day of pampering. If it's your day off and the sink stops up or the tire blows out, that's the way it is for the rest of us. If an 11 or 12 year old thinks that a holiday means a day of doing nothing, they should consider that it's Mom and Dad's day to do the same thing. As in, good for you, but you're making your own dinner and I ain't driving you nowhere, because it's my day off too. There's no understanding anywhere on the planet that Christmas or New Year's is a day off just for kids.

But on a broader not, I think a requirement for simple household chores is *great* for kids, and every single kid in my extended family who was exempted from simple chores - well, it shows. Slovenly, tardy, slipshod attitude towards work and commitments. I'm not saying it's a guarantee, but it's astonishing how a lack of any kind of regimen in their life has borne such awful fruit.

Amazingly, when I look back on my own parents, they did not pawn off jobs on me because they were too self-occupied to do them themselves - they kept at us to do things like take 20 minutes make our own beds even though they could have just told us to step aside and do it themselves in about a minute. My dad would work in the yard while little brother and me would stack the firewood or clean the garage - a job that might take us all morning but would have been effortless for him. Everyone had simple daily tasks like set the table for dinner, take out the trash, feed the dog. Mom and Dad could *easily* have done this themselves - and I have siblings who DID take this route with their kids - and I am glad they took the time to do that.

I agree. When I was domestic, the only thing I wouldn't do is mow the lawn or work on cars, but I didn't have boys pissin' all over the bathroom, either. I think if I had, cleaning toilets would have been an assigned chore.

Children should have chores, like mowing the lawn, raking, walking dogs, keeping their rooms clean, bringing their dirty clothes to the laundry room, putting away their clean laundry, cleaning the kitchen after dinner...if they have time. If they are loaded with homework and activities, it could be too much.

cha-ching

I think I should be implemementing more chores for my kids after reading this post. Right now they are 11, 10, and 8 and clean their rooms, bring down the laundry, pick up the front room (toys etc) and occasionally vacuum.... but they do make a mess of the bathroom so I think I will walk them all thru on how to clean the bathroom.

I'll answer this in two parts.

First, yeah. That's life. Holiday doesn't mean a day at the spa or a day of pampering. If it's your day off and the sink stops up or the tire blows out, that's the way it is for the rest of us. If an 11 or 12 year old thinks that a holiday means a day of doing nothing, they should consider that it's Mom and Dad's day to do the same thing. As in, good for you, but you're making your own dinner and I ain't driving you nowhere, because it's my day off too. There's no understanding anywhere on the planet that Christmas or New Year's is a day off just for kids.

But on a broader not, I think a requirement for simple household chores is *great* for kids, and every single kid in my extended family who was exempted from simple chores - well, it shows. Slovenly, tardy, slipshod attitude towards work and commitments. I'm not saying it's a guarantee, but it's astonishing how a lack of any kind of regimen in their life has borne such awful fruit.

Amazingly, when I look back on my own parents, they did not pawn off jobs on me because they were too self-occupied to do them themselves - they kept at us to do things like take 20 minutes make our own beds even though they could have just told us to step aside and do it themselves in about a minute. My dad would work in the yard while little brother and me would stack the firewood or clean the garage - a job that might take us all morning but would have been effortless for him. Everyone had simple daily tasks like set the table for dinner, take out the trash, feed the dog. Mom and Dad could *easily* have done this themselves - and I have siblings who DID take this route with their kids - and I am glad they took the time to do that.

Thank you.

I understand it is different when you throw in the blended family as well.

Granted, I could make their beds, do all the laundry, and all household necessities, but when are they to learn how to do it themselves if I do it all? Both have an interest in cooking and I am more than willing to teach. (Cleanup as well...:lol:)

It's actually painful, but they are learning.

So far, so good.

The house had a lot of extra "stuff" when I moved in which is now cleared out (no, the house wasn't filthy but it was cluttered) Now that it's all cleared away the house is much easier to keep up.

The boys cleaned their bathroom yesterday and D cleaned his (toilets and sinks) I will be washing all the towels, bathroom rugs and scrubbing the floors today.

We have company coming to stay and everything must be ship-shape.

The boys have been great. :yay:

:lmao:

This thread has been reported to the mother of my soon to be stepson from four different sources.

It was a good conversation and I think we all have a different view on it. This is what the forums are about.

My hope is these children will grow up and know how to cook, clean, pay their bills and so on.

I'm no longer posting about the other.

This doesn't mean that 12 days out of 14 I will not be an influence on him.

I will still post about my bio's.

:howdy:

:lmao:

This thread has been reported to the mother of my soon to be stepson from four different sources.

It was a good conversation and I think we all have a different view on it. This is what the forums are about.

My hope is these children will grow up and know how to cook, clean, pay their bills and so on.

I'm no longer posting about the other.

This doesn't mean that 12 days out of 14 I will not be an influence on him.

I will still post about my bio's.

:howdy:

Isnt that just lovely

Isnt that just lovely

Yes.

What a lovely world we now have. :sarcasm:

Going to play some REM. The 80's and 90's were still okay. :dance:

Isnt that just lovely

Sounds like a normal forum day!

Your home, your rules. :shrug:
As long as you aren't abusing them it shouldn't matter what happens at your house. Simple chores never killed anybody.

Can I change my answer?