This site is hilarious: texts from last night (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)

Some sample texts:

(215): saw you walking with that piece of ####
(267): and that piece of #### just read that

--------------

(515): Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.

--------------

(972): It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

--------------

(949): if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.

--------------

(803): I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

--------------

(433): There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables

--------------

(931): so today I found out that she used to be a he....
(1-931): are you gonna get a divorce?

--------------

(915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
(1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

--------------

(972): I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
(1-972): More like "Chia Pet"

--------------

(209): I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.

--------------

(773): My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
(1-773): didn't stop?
(773): naw, they were rude, not me.

--------------

(214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
(1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope

--------------

(270): I do regret it. But I can't un#### her

--------------

(843): At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump

--------------

(303): We have to go find her ####ing car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it


ENJOY!!!

This site is hilarious: texts from last night (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)

Some sample texts:

(215): saw you walking with that piece of ####
(267): and that piece of #### just read that

--------------

(515): Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.

--------------

(972): It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

--------------

(949): if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.

--------------

(803): I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

--------------

(433): There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables

--------------

(931): so today I found out that she used to be a he....
(1-931): are you gonna get a divorce?

--------------

(915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
(1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

--------------

(972): I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
(1-972): More like "Chia Pet"

--------------

(209): I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.

--------------

(773): My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
(1-773): didn't stop?
(773): naw, they were rude, not me.

--------------

(214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
(1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
--------------

(270): I do regret it. But I can't un#### her

--------------

(843): At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump

--------------

(303): We have to go find her ####ing car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it


ENJOY!!!

OMG that one has me :roflmao:

Here is some more good ones:

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

------------

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

-----------

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

-----------

(813): I'm ####ing your sister right now.
(1-813): You mother####er
(813): She's next.

--------------

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
(1-972): I want to be a cop.

Wow.

(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.

Here is some more good ones:

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

------------

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

-----------

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

-----------

(813): I'm ####ing your sister right now.
(1-813): You mother####er
(813): She's next.

--------------

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

":lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

can I do that???

"(209): I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope. "

They posted that one today on their status on facebook. Yes, I'm a fan. :lol:

I like the BK and goalie ones. :lmao:

Just went there and read about 20 pages. That site is priceless. Thanks for posting it! :killingme :killingme :killingme

Maybe Geek can answer this one....

(313): I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes

This would make me throw away my cell phone forevah

(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

That's ####ing awesome. :lmao:

(815): We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
(847): And they lived happily ever after....


:killingme

This site is hilarious: texts from last night (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)


I have to thank you for posting this site. I have to check it everyday now. Not only does it make me laugh joyously it makes me damn glad I'm not young, single, and partying anymore! :yay:

No worries... I check it daily too :)

And these...

"(314): like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now"

"(772): bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls "

"(876): you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you ####ing a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom"

"(339): I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. "

All I can say is wow.

This is effing awesome:

"(480): I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot "

"(518): After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still #### the #### out of you" "

No worries... I check it daily too :)

And this one...

"(314): like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now"

All I can say is wow.

(416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

:killingme

Some of these would make good sig lines!

(416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

:killingme

Some of these would make good sig lines!

Haha... 69 is always better when the woman is on the top :)

Haha... here is one from the 301 area code...

"(301): this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately. "