Sorry guys, but this is a long one...

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively. We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries. He was with me the night my horse died. We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days. He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery. We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together. We've had A LOT of good times together, of course. But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.

Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies. We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc. Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago. Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine. No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc. We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together. Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange. He seems distant. We spend tons of time together. He's not avoiding me. I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc. However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness. He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me. Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend. He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep. He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk. Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away. I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing. Im not sure how to explain it.

Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend. We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog. But I dont think he kissed me not one time. So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk. I asked him if I had done something to make him mad. He said no, like I figured he would. I asked him if he was questioning our relationship. He said yes; like I figured he would. While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset. He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will. He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run. Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different. He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship. I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does. He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together right now, but he just "needs to figure some things out." Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.

Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me. Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits. He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion. The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, if he makes it home relatively early.

Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?

I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation. I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc. Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.

I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties. Thank you everyone

EDIT: I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.

Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.

Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?

My full blown opinion...

You asking direct questions and getting the direct answers that you received but didn't want to hear did not make him start thinking negatively about your relationship. Whether or not you call/text him won't have a direct impact on his final decision as to whether or not he wants to grow old with you. Whether or not you worry about it won't affect his true feelings or the outcome. If after 4 full years of life with you he has come to the conclusion that you are not "the one", nothing you can say or do can change that in the long run. Even if you convince him to stay with you longer out of guilt you will most likely just be avoiding the inevitable.

You are young. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.

Just give him some space to work things out in his head. Don't text him or call him. Give him an opportunity to think and to miss you. You two have been through a lot and he probably just needs some time to himself. And when he gets home Sunday, make sure your legs are shaved and you smell good!

WOW! You two have been through so much together, a lot more than people who have been married for several years have. I would really hate for you all to go your seperate ways. :frown:

Before you said that he was questioning the relationship that is what my vibe was... he was considering you more as a friend than as a girlfriend/spouse/partner.

I think it may have somethign to do with losing your child. Did you all ever receive counseling for this? If not I would suggest that you two go to counseling.

I hope things work out for you two :huggy:

I would let him know that you are available to talk anytime he wants but you are going to give him the space and time he needs to think about your relationship. Don't call or text him.

If he is done with the relationship there is nothing you can do or say to change it.

WOW! You two have been through so much together, a lot more than people who have been married for several years have. I would really hate for you all to go your seperate ways. :frown:

Before you said that he was questioning the relationship that is what my vibe was... he was considering you more as a friend than as a girlfriend/spouse/partner.

I think it may have somethign to do with losing your child. Did you all ever receive counseling for this? If not I would suggest that you two go to counseling.

I hope things work out for you two :huggy:

Ooh, that's good advice! You're smart!

Just dump him now, that way you beat him to the punch.

My full blown opinion...

You asking direct questions and getting the direct answers that you received but didn't want to hear did not make him start thinking negatively about your relationship. Whether or not you call/text him won't have a direct impact on his final decision as to whether or not he wants to grow old with you. Whether or not you worry about it won't affect his true feelings or the outcome. If after 4 full years of life with you he has come to the conclusion that you are not "the one", nothing you can say or do can change that in the long run. Even if you convince him to stay with you longer out of guilt you will most likely just be avoiding the inevitable.

You are young. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.

Awww :bawl: Normally I would suggest this, but this particular couple has been through so much.

You dont think his questioning of the relationship may have something to do with the death of their child? That has to be the most traumatic thing to go through.

Ooh, that's good advice! You're smart!

This is so reminding me of Katelynn and Tyler :bawl:

This is so reminding me of Katelynn and Tyler :bawl:

Me, too!

Heres what I think, for whatever it is worth :killingme


Babies make men nervous. I am dealing with this myself, as it was not our timeline to have a baby at the moment. He may feel, (and I will explain why I think this in a moment) that losing the baby was some kind of "sign." Ridiculous? yes. But my SO's ex had a miscarriage (they didn't know she was pregnant) andhe told me later he had doubts about their relationship, and that had "sealed" it for him. Because he said he felt relief (as well as sadness) but that made him realize to be with her if she had the baby, would have made him unhappy.

Also, it could just be regular ole' cold feet. Babies make you question everything, even just the idea of one. And future, and growing up, and being responsible for someone other than yourself.


I would tell him that if he feels unsure, he is free to do as he wishes. and be prepared for him to walk away. Personally, I detest the thought of being a hanger-oner and wouldn't want to continue to try to keep someone with doubts that much. Let him know you love him and would like to continue your relationship (assuming you do) and he can call you if he feels the same way. It's hard, but if he walks away, you still have your dignity, if he doesn't you at least gave him the time and space to consider it.

Sorry guys, but this is a long one...

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively. We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries. He was with me the night my horse died. We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days. He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery. We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together. We've had A LOT of good times together, of course. But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.

Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies. We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc. Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago. Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine. No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc. We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together. Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange. He seems distant. We spend tons of time together. He's not avoiding me. I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc. However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness. He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me. Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend. He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep. He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk. Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away. I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing. Im not sure how to explain it.

Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend. We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog. But I dont think he kissed me not one time. So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk. I asked him if I had done something to make him mad. He said no, like I figured he would. I asked him if he was questioning our relationship. He said yes; like I figured he would. While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset. He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will. He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run. Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different. He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship. I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does. He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together right now, but he just "needs to figure some things out." Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.

Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me. Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits. He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion. The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, if he makes it home relatively early.

Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?

I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation. I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc. Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.

I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties. Thank you everyone

If you are second guessing your relationship and putting all of this out here, I think you know the answer.
My only advice is to give him that 4 day reunion break, do not text him, do not answer his calls. Take this break for your own soul searching.

Give him all the space he needs.

Set him free. If he comes back, he's yours and if he doesn't come back, he never was.
JMO

...and I'm old and have lots of experience with this kinda stuff. (just like Prep) :yay:

Awww :bawl: Normally I would suggest this, but this particular couple has been through so much.

You dont think his questioning of the relationship may have something to do with the death of their child? That has to be the most traumatic thing to go through.

No.

From the way she wrote it, she miscarried at 12 weeks, 6 days. That is different than losing a baby that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days old. So rather than think he is traumatized by losing a child, I see it as him being hit with the reality that he really doesn't see himself with her 18 years later raising a child into adulthood.

Heres what I think, for whatever it is worth :killingme


Babies make men nervous. I am dealing with this myself, as it was not our timeline to have a baby at the moment. He may feel, (and I will explain why I think this in a moment) that losing the baby was some kind of "sign." Ridiculous? yes. But my SO's ex had a miscarriage (they didn't know she was pregnant) andhe told me later he had doubts about their relationship, and that had "sealed" it for him. Because he said he felt relief (as well as sadness) but that made him realize to be with her if she had the baby, would have made him unhappy.

Also, it could just be regular ole' cold feet. Babies make you question everything, even just the idea of one. And future, and growing up, and being responsible for someone other than yourself.


I would tell him that if he feels unsure, he is free to do as he wishes. and be prepared for him to walk away. Personally, I detest the thought of being a hanger-oner and wouldn't want to continue to try to keep someone with doubts that much. Let him know you love him and would like to continue your relationship (assuming you do) and he can call you if he feels the same way. It's hard, but if he walks away, you still have your dignity, if he doesn't you at least gave him the time and space to consider it.

:dingding:

No.

From the way she wrote it, she miscarried at 12 weeks, 6 days. That is different than losing a baby that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days old. So rather than think he is traumatized by losing a child, I see it as him being hit with the reality that he really doesn't see himself with her 18 years later raising a child into adulthood.

Ohhhhhhh!

No.

From the way she wrote it, she miscarried at 12 weeks, 6 days. That is different than losing a baby that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days old. So rather than think he is traumatized by losing a child, I see it as him being hit with the reality that he really doesn't see himself with her 18 years later raising a child into adulthood.

Ok I read that as they had a child that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days.

I should have my own column on here...

"Ask Nanny"

I should have my own column on here...

"Ask Nanny"

:yeahthat:
Can you request that they type their questions in a larger font please? :lol:

:yeahthat:
Can you request that they type their questions in a larger font please? :lol:

Sure!

:killingme

Give him all the space he needs.

Set him free. If he comes back, he's yours and if he doesn't come back, he never was.
JMO

:yeahthat:

Ok I read that as they had a child that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days.

Either way, it seems to have made him question whether or not he sees himself with her for the long term.

Nanny Pam summed it up best... it can't be forced.

My full blown opinion...

You asking direct questions and getting the direct answers that you received but didn't want to hear did not make him start thinking negatively about your relationship. Whether or not you call/text him won't have a direct impact on his final decision as to whether or not he wants to grow old with you. Whether or not you worry about it won't affect his true feelings or the outcome. If after 4 full years of life with you he has come to the conclusion that you are not "the one", nothing you can say or do can change that in the long run. Even if you convince him to stay with you longer out of guilt you will most likely just be avoiding the inevitable.

You are young. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.

I really appreciate your complete honesty - this is the type of opinion I was hoping for. Not to say this is exactly what I want to hear/see, but I appreciate a well-constructed opinion.

I want to make on edit to my original post. I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.

Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen. Do you, kwillia, think that has something to do with it? Does that change your initial opinion or do you stick by your post? How about anyone else?

A guy's perspective:
If he has been distant for a while, he's had lots of time to consider what he is doing and the ramifications. His choices may or may not have to do with the loss of the child. If he is the nice person you make him out to be, I suspect he has already made up his mind that he does not want to pursue the relationship any further, and thinks (wrongly) he is sparing your feelings by not saying anything. But his actions speak for him.

I agree with not questioning him right now about it. You've spoken your mind, he knows what is next. Let him make the move. As was said, let him go. If he doesn't come back, better now than stretch it out with both of you being unsure and miserable.

I want to make on edit to my original post. I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.




That makes it sound like he's scared of the future. The permanence of it all, getting married, etc..... He's not able to make a commitment and deals with it by becoming distant.

You know the answer to all your questions already. You are just hoping for one of us to give you something different to hold onto because you are afraid to let it end. Bottom line is that none of our opinions will have any affect on the outcome of your relationship with him. Woman up and face the reality, be it what may.

Ok I read that as they had a child that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days.

No... I miscarried at 12 weeks and 6 days. I guess I should have been more clear; sorry about that.

I know there is a big difference in losing an unborn child and losing a child that has already been born. A BIG difference. I couldnt imaging losing a baby that I has carried to term and delivered sucessfully. But nevertheless, the ordeal really did take a toll on both of us; we would be 1st-time-parents.. I know, big deal, right? But we were really excited about it. :bawl: Losing the baby really hurt us both. I know its not uncommon and maybe Im dwelling on it more than I should... IDK. Off topic I guess

I really appreciate your complete honesty - this is the type of opinion I was hoping for. Not to say this is exactly what I want to hear/see, but I appreciate a well-constructed opinion.

I want to make on edit to my original post. I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.

Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen. Do you, kwillia, think that has something to do with it? Does that change your initial opinion or do you stick by your post? How about anyone else?

Because all of that sounds good. who wouldn't want that? To grow old with someone they love more than anything? But reality somtimes causes feelings that fantasy didn't allow for. Like being unsure, or having doubts, or being somewhat relieved they don't have to care for a child when they weren't ready. these feeling cause conflicts in people. So they can feel both ways at once, and feel the need to stifle to conflict or justify it. That could very well be the reason why he is worried you are not "compatible" because he needs to find a reason for why he feels both sure he loves you, and unsure he wants to continue.

Just give him some space to work things out in his head. Don't text him or call him. Give him an opportunity to think and to miss you. You two have been through a lot and he probably just needs some time to himself. And when he gets home Sunday, make sure your legs are shaved and you smell good!

:roflmao: haha, thanks for that. I just noticed that part.

Excellent advice :yay:

:roflmao: haha, thanks for that. I just noticed that part.

Excellent advice :yay:

:lol: :huggy:

Last year, when I was in my early 20s, I had some girlfriends who went through similar situations with their long-term boyfriends whom they'd been dating since they were very young. They all seemed to go through a space-needing thing and, while some of them split for good (and moved on happily with their lives) a few actually stayed (or got back) together, got married and had kids. But with the ones who did get back together, giving the dude lots of S-P-A-C-E was a key factor. It's not easy when you love someone and feel them slipping away and want to cling to them, but you have to do it. Listen to the Nanny! She's a smart one!!

My two cents:

As his g/f do you have any connection with any of the Key Wives with the Corps? If he is at 8th and I (you said DC and I'm presuming) there is an excellent Key wife program. I would suggest you "outreach" to them and ask if there is counseling available to you both due to the loss of the baby - Do NOT share anything esle with the key wife you speak to.

I really recommend you both go through counseling, if nothing else. You may discover you don't want to be with him afterwards though.

Secondly, you are young, you've been together through a lot, but he is not the end all of your world. You are. You need to take care of you.

You need to work out this weekend a few things - if you split, would you go back to NC? Do you have family there that could help you get on your feet. Do you have a job now? Do you have your own money? Will he pay to move you back to NC? Seriously, think about these things.

Lastly, men say things that leave you head scratching, because they don't want to hurt you, and to avoid confrontation. Your B/f is doing that. he doesn't want to hurt you, and he avoids personal conflict. Take everything he's said about grwoing old and babies and love and through it out the window.

I bet he does care for you, but he doesn't think you are the "one" and he may just be right.

Nothing you can do can change the outcome of his decision, whatever it may be. So get your ducks in a row and be prepared for the worst outcome when he comes home, but do it with diginity if you can.

I know you are seriously emotionally invested in him, but think things through as much as you can and work out what you would do if this relationship ends, and what you would do differenlty if you had it to do over again.

If the best outcome is he does go to counseling with you and he does make an effort to stay and reconnect, learn a lesson from this. Heck learn a lesson from this anyway. Always, always take care of you first. Have your own friends. Have your own job. Have your own money. Have your own car. Have your own activities outside of the home. And always have your own back-up plan.

Oh and take K-Jo's advice, be looking your darn classiest best when he comes home. But not for him, for you.

:lol: :huggy:

Last year, when I was in my early 20s, I had some girlfriends who went through similar situations with their long-term boyfriends whom they'd been dating since they were very young. They all seemed to go through a space-needing thing and, while some of them split for good (and moved on happily with their lives) a few actually stayed (or got back) together, got married and had kids. But with the ones who did get back together, giving the dude lots of S-P-A-C-E was a key factor. It's not easy when you love someone and feel them slipping away and want to cling to them, but you have to do it. Listen to the Nanny! She's a smart one!!

Thanks for the advice, K_Jo. Im really, REALLY bad at the whole space thing. I definitely go overboard with letting-him-know-Im-here-for-him thing. I dont meant to be clingy, but I dont ever want him to think for a second that Im not here for him for anything he needs.

I guess for now Ill take your advice and the advice of some others on here (including Nanny) - Ill let him have this weekend to just do his own thing. Im just worried about what state of mind he'll return in; if he would have missed me, or if he would have decided to let things go. Ultimately I guess I cant influence his decision. I feel like he is dwelling on bad things that have happened in the past and now that things are going really well for us again he is expecting that something bad is right around the corner. And since nothing bad is happening, he is almost trying to create a problem (i.e. us not being compatable). I just hope he dosnt call things off on the notion that something bad may happen :ohwell:

I just wish I knew what state of mind he'll be in when he gets back... Im not a very patient person. Waiting this out is going to kill me :dead:

Just think about how your future will be if you're constantly wondering, "Does he love me? Does he want to be with me? Is he pretending?" Life will be miserable if you think you love him more than he loves you, or if you want to be with him more than he wants to be with you. You want someone who can't live without you. If you don't get that feeling from him, it's probably time to move on. Right now it feels like you've been together forever, but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Last year, when I was in my early 20s,


:killingme:killingme:lmao::roflmao::lol:

My two cents:

As his g/f do you have any connection with any of the Key Wives with the Corps? If he is at 8th and I (you said DC and I'm presuming) there is an excellent Key wife program. I would suggest you "outreach" to them and ask if there is counseling available to you both due to the loss of the baby - Do NOT share anything esle with the key wife you speak to.

I think I may have been unclear about the whole Marine Corps, DC thing. When I met him, he was stationed in NC and I lived in MD. I was on vacation in Myrtle Beach with my two best friends during August of 2006. My friend, Sarah, grew up with a guy who was in the Corps and was stationed in NC, so we took the 2 hour drive to the barracks so Sarah could see her friend. Well, Sarah's friend, Karl, was friends with my now boyfriend. Karl introduced me to my now boyfriend and we started talking about random crap. I asked where he was from originally. He said a little middle-of-nowhere town called Dunkirk in MD. I said "Im from Chesapeake Beach." So he started coming home on weekends, etc... we really hit it off and the rest is history.

The whole thing with him going to DC is strickly because a bunch of guys from his unit decided to do a reunion. They were going to go to Vegas but 1.) wives threw a fit and 2.) they all decided they didnt have the money. So they all decided to go to DC instead. Im not sure that they're going to do in DC for 5 days, but knowing those boys they'll find something to get in to :lol:

I really recommend you both go through counseling, if nothing else. You may discover you don't want to be with him afterwards though.

If I thought for a second I could get him to go, I would. But I know he wont go. :ohwell:

Secondly, you are young, you've been together through a lot, but he is not the end all of your world. You are. You need to take care of you.

You need to work out this weekend a few things - if you split, would you go back to NC? Do you have family there that could help you get on your feet. Do you have a job now? Do you have your own money? Will he pay to move you back to NC? Seriously, think about these things.

Like I mentioned before, I actually always lived in MD so family, etc isnt a problem. I do have my own job and my own money, etc. Right now we're not even living together... we both think its kind of crazy to pay money to rent a place (why pay someone else's mortgage), so we unfortunately both live with our parents. We pay rent to our parents to cover food, etc., but both his family and my family are cool with having us stay home as long as we 1.) continute to pay rent and 2.) contribute to the house. We wanted to wait to live together until we bought a house together because if we're going to be paying anyone's mortgage, it might as well be our own. Right or wrong, thats just the mentality we have I guess

Lastly, men say things that leave you head scratching, because they don't want to hurt you, and to avoid confrontation. Your B/f is doing that. he doesn't want to hurt you, and he avoids personal conflict. Take everything he's said about grwoing old and babies and love and through it out the window.

I bet he does care for you, but he doesn't think you are the "one" and he may just be right.

Nothing you can do can change the outcome of his decision, whatever it may be. So get your ducks in a row and be prepared for the worst outcome when he comes home, but do it with diginity if you can.

I know you are seriously emotionally invested in him, but think things through as much as you can and work out what you would do if this relationship ends, and what you would do differenlty if you had it to do over again.

Thank you for your honesty and advice

If the best outcome is he does go to counseling with you and he does make an effort to stay and reconnect, learn a lesson from this. Heck learn a lesson from this anyway. Always, always take care of you first. Have your own friends. Have your own job. Have your own money. Have your own car. Have your own activities outside of the home. And always have your own back-up plan.

I definitely have my own friends, job, money, car, hobbies, etc. I just hoped to always have him around, too :frown:

Oh and take K-Jo's advice, be looking your darn classiest best when he comes home. But not for him, for you.

:yay:

:killingme:killingme:lmao::roflmao::lol:

Thank you! :diva: :lol:

If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away. Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures. "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."

Sorry. :huggy:

Oh and take K-Jo's advice, be looking your darn classiest best when he comes home. But not for him, for you.

Might I suggest a Brazilian wax? Baja28 has a salon in her basement.

If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away. Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures. "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."

Sorry. :huggy:

You're joking, right?

And to the OP, give him space and move on. :yay:

You're joking, right?

But their drama is fairly simple and nothing that needs major deciphering, don't you agree?

If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away. Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures. "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."

Sorry. :huggy:

I really think some of them (the young ones) actually need space to decide if they want to move on together or apart. I've seen it happen. Truly! Not to me, of course. I'm way too awesome.

But their drama is fairly simple and nothing that needs major deciphering, don't you agree?

:yeahthat: Women read WAAAY more into it than a guy can even think up... She should watch "He's Just Not That Into You" this weekend... twice. :yay:

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.

I really think some of them (the young ones) actually need space to decide if they want to move on together or apart. I've seen it happen. Truly!

I'll have to take your word for it. :shrug: My experience is that guys jerk you around with their "space" needs, typically because they're interested in another woman. Then, as soon as you start dating someone else, they come sniffing around again because they can't stand losing.

But of course you wouldn't know that because you're so awesome! :love:

Like I mentioned before, I actually always lived in MD so family, etc isnt a problem. I do have my own job and my own money, etc. Right now we're not even living together... we both think its kind of crazy to pay money to rent a place (why pay someone else's mortgage), so we unfortunately both live with our parents. We pay rent to our parents to cover food, etc., but both his family and my family are cool with having us stay home as long as we 1.) continute to pay rent and 2.) contribute to the house. We wanted to wait to live together until we bought a house together because if we're going to be paying anyone's mortgage, it might as well be our own. Right or wrong, thats just the mentality we have I guess

I definitely have my own friends, job, money, car, hobbies, etc. I just hoped to always have him around, too :frown:

:huggy: I did misunderstand and was worried you were here without a support network.

Then you are doing way better than most, and trust me you have a lot going on that makes you the most worthwhile thing ever. But take this weekend to think about if you want to stay with him yourself. You may discover some things that surprise you.

So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes, and start listing things you'd want to change in your life (both the things you have control over and those you don't) and the things that make you happy, and the things that he does that makes him worthwhile and the things that he does that doesn't make him worthwhile, and then visualize where you want to be in 20 years. Then sit back and take stock and see where he fits in the big picture.

And check with your job/insurance and get your own counseling. Miscarrying can be quite tramatic and some women need a sounding board to work out the hormones, and feelings and all. There is no shame in that. :huggy:

good luck and best wishes for your happiness.

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.

If you weren't such a stud, you wouldn't have to worry about babies.

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.
Hi, Schnugglemuffin! I was just about to post your famous quote for Vrai: "Men are very complex creatures."
:blahblah:

But of course you wouldn't know that because you're so awesome! :love:
Right! :kjo:

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.

:roflmao:

So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes, and start listing things you'd want to change in your life (both the things you have control over and those you don't) and the things that make you happy, and the things that he does that makes him worthwhile and the things that he does that doesn't make him worthwhile, and then visualize where you want to be in 20 years. Then sit back and take stock and see where he fits in the big picture.

Or you could simply go out and get laid.

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.

:roflmao: I knew I should have taken one of Catt's cats. :mad:

If you weren't such a stud, you wouldn't have to worry about babies.
For real. How much does it cost to get one of them neutered?

Or you could simply go out and get laid.

She can do that next week. When he comes back, she's going to be looking her best. If he says he's walking, she can call up her gals and go out on the town. If he says he realizes he was a fool, then she can let him mess up her hair.

She can do that next week. When he comes back, she's going to be looking her best. If he says he's walking, she can call up her gals and go out on the town. If he says he realizes he was a fool, then she can let him mess up her hair.

OR she could say..."Yeah, I kinda liked that whole 'space' thing. Bye-bye!"

OR she could say..."Yeah, I kinda liked that whole 'space' thing. Bye-bye!"

True that.

OR she could say..."Yeah, I kinda liked that whole 'space' thing. Bye-bye!"

Or, "Listen, I have a date with a really hot guy this Saturday, so could you possibly hold off on this until maybe Monday or so?"

When the puppy pees on the carpet, we correct its behavior, we don't reward it with affection.

Might I suggest a Brazilian wax? Baja28 has a salon in her basement.

I heard that salon uses dirty tools. :ohwell:

I heard that salon uses dirty tools. :ohwell:

OMG. I just almost choked to death! :killingme

For real. How much does it cost to get one of them neutered?

Not much!

Has anyone else noticed that she is conveniently ignoring comments from the guys? Well, ok.... some of them she should.....


:lol:

So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes,

I'm going to disagree here. Eating junk and wearing comfy clothes will make her feel worse. She needs to be out and about doing things! Take a walk (raise your endorphins!), dress nicely, and go have fun! Don't sit home and wait around.

I'm going to disagree here. Eating junk and wearing comfy clothes will make her feel worse. She needs to be out and about doing things! Take a walk (raise your endorphins!), dress nicely, and go have fun! Don't sit home and wait around.

Ahh, my reasoning was to have her work things out on paper in her room, such as priorities, and don't come out until she's evaluated her life herself. Then she comes out gets all dressed up and is revived and rejuvenated.

But I understand your point as well.

So maybe OP you should get all dressed up, go out and take a notebook with you. :lol:

OMG all of you are too funny! I was laughing so hard I almost cried haha! :killingme

Women read WAAAY more into it than a guy can even think up... She should watch "He's Just Not That Into You" this weekend... twice.

Ugg I hate that movie. Probably because its brutally honest :wink:

I did misunderstand and was worried you were here without a support network.

Then you are doing way better than most, and trust me you have a lot going on that makes you the most worthwhile thing ever. But take this weekend to think about if you want to stay with him yourself. You may discover some things that surprise you.

So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes, and start listing things you'd want to change in your life (both the things you have control over and those you don't) and the things that make you happy, and the things that he does that makes him worthwhile and the things that he does that doesn't make him worthwhile, and then visualize where you want to be in 20 years. Then sit back and take stock and see where he fits in the big picture.

And check with your job/insurance and get your own counseling. Miscarrying can be quite tramatic and some women need a sounding board to work out the hormones, and feelings and all. There is no shame in that. :huggy:

good luck and best wishes for your happiness.

Thank you! :smile: I think I may take your advice and take this time away from him to reevaluate things. I did this similar thing when I first found out I was preggo back in March. My verdict back then – if he changes A, B and C we’ll stay together. I confronted him with it, he made the changes and hes actually stuck to them! :yay: Which is good because they weren’t really changes relationship wise, but more changes in himself. Anyway, Im sure it couldn’t hurt to bust out the ol’ notebook again.

Or you could simply go out and get laid.

Good advice… but I just cant do that. I’d probably cry :lmao:

if a dude tells his gf, u can`t make it w/o me. that`s bs. totally.

cut yr w/e losses, there`s always better tosses.

Well he’s never said that to me. Im honestly surprised at your honest attempt at good advice! Props, Lance :lol:

Has anyone else noticed that she is conveniently ignoring comments from the guys? Well, ok.... some of them she should.....


Oh I didnt mean to! Its just that the comments from some of the hott chicas/mamas on here caught my attention more :biggrin:

I'm going to disagree here. Eating junk and wearing comfy clothes will make her feel worse. She needs to be out and about doing things! Take a walk (raise your endorphins!), dress nicely, and go have fun! Don't sit home and wait around.

I think Im going to spend a lot of time at the barn and riding my horse. Any time spent at home will probably involve cleaning my room, kitchen, saddle, etc., and/or a NyQuil induced slumber :lmao:

Just give him some space to work things out in his head. Don't text him or call him. Give him an opportunity to think and to miss you. You two have been through a lot and he probably just needs some time to himself. And when he gets home Sunday, make sure your legs are shaved and you smell good!

:yeahthat:

It might help if you made some plans and went out with your girlfriends, just dont sit around him on baited breath hoping for a change of heart. If he sees you doing your own thing he might snap out of it and think, "I dont want to lose this girl!" However, if youre moping around hurt and upset he may think "I need to cut my losses so I dont have to feel guilty everytime I look at her."

Just my two cents, but I think guys are always more attracted to a girl when they know she doesnt need them.

Hey, Inmarsh ..... :huggy:

Sorry guys, but this is a long one...

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively. We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries. He was with me the night my horse died. We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days. He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery. We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together. We've had A LOT of good times together, of course. But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.

Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies. We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc. Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago. Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine. No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc. We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together. Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange. He seems distant. We spend tons of time together. He's not avoiding me. I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc. However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness. He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me. Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend. He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep. He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk. Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away. I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing. Im not sure how to explain it.

Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend. We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog. But I dont think he kissed me not one time. So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk. I asked him if I had done something to make him mad. He said no, like I figured he would. I asked him if he was questioning our relationship. He said yes; like I figured he would. While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset. He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will. He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run. Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different. He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship. I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does. He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together right now, but he just "needs to figure some things out." Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.

Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me. Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits. He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion. The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, if he makes it home relatively early.

Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?

I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation. I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc. Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.

I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties. Thank you everyone

EDIT: I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.

Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.

What kind of tent ?

if you can't look at your partner and know with all your being you are loved then it might be time to rethink your situation. because it isn't living if you are second guessing your relationship all the time. I was married for 28 years, we might have not always liked each other but there was never a time we didn't feel loved.

if you can't look at your partner and know with all your being you are loved then it might be time to rethink your situation. because it isn't living if you are second guessing your relationship all the time. I was married for 28 years, we might have not always liked each other but there was never a time we didn't feel loved.

But thats the thing... I feel loved. I know he loves me. Not just because he says it, but because I know him. I wholeheartedly believe that he loves me and always has. I could just tell that he had something on his mind and when I asked "Are you questioning our relationship?" I hit the nail right on the head. I know him that well - I knew thats what the problem was. But thats what I dont understand... I dont understand how he can love me but think we're not compatible. I mean, its crossed my mind before that maybe we're not right for each other. But its always been a fleeting thought (Im sure everyone feels that way about their SO at one point or another), and I've never acted on it because of how I feel for him.

I think hes making a mountain out of a molehill... waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think that since things are going so right for us right now, hes expecting something bad to happen. I think its all fueled by the fact that things were going so great before, when I was pregnant. And then out of no where, I go in for a regular appointment and they cant find the heartbeat. :frown: There were no signs. I did everything right. Baby just didnt make it... I think hes stuck on something I said to him after my surgery - "If we didnt have bad luck we have no luck at all."

The thing is, since nothing bad is happening, hes almost subconsciously creating a problem with our relationship. I know that sounds stupid, but I know him. Yes, men are simple creatures and he holds true to that. But he twists his brain around like a woman does sometimes, I swear :lol:

Im trying really hard to not contact him in any way. Its hard though. I want so badly to tell him that us not being compatible is all in his head. But I know its probably best if I just give him time to be with his guys and just relax and clear his head. Its just hard to wait around for him to call me...especially since knowing him and his work schedule, he wont call until hes been home for a day or so. Im dreading the thought that he may come home and act on this crazy notion that we're not compatible (according to him, we're "technically" still together right now). I want to say that I am more leaning toward the fact that he'll realize hes acting crazy and just forget the whole "we may not be compatible" thing... but I cant tell if thats how I really feel, or if thats just me being optimistic...

What kind of tent ?

You mean like, the tent from camping? HellifIknow. He bought it LOL. And we ended up sleeping in the truck cause we (and the inside of the tent) got soaked lol

But thats the thing... I feel loved. I know he loves me. Not just because he says it, but because I know him. I wholeheartedly believe that he loves me and always has.

So what's the problem and why did you feel the need to confront him with your non-existent fears?

I dunno...when I was younger I kind of enjoyed the drama of some guy who wasn't into it. The thrill of the chase - "WHY don't you want me, Fabio!!!???" Now that I'm older, I vanish at the first sign he's dicking me around.

Well part of the know you are loved is also complete trust. Trust in your partner to be able to work things out for themselves, trust in yourself to let them. As you get older and you go through life experiences you start to see things differently. One of the biggest lessons for me is that only person I have any control over is myself and the way I react to situations. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to you can't fix another person. You have to trust he can work through this in his own mind, even if you don't like the outcome.
Not to get into any big discussion but it's kind of a Zen principal that sometimes you have to step away and let people have their own experience. Everybody has a journey to travel, seperate but connected in a way, does that make sense? You are a part but not the whole. So for now, let him work through this and do things that feed your soul and make you happy. You sound like you have alot going for you, so take care of yourself.

But thats what I dont understand... I dont understand how he can love me but think we're not compatible. I mean, its crossed my mind before that maybe we're not right for each other. But its always been a fleeting thought (Im sure everyone feels that way about their SO at one point or another), and I've never acted on it because of how I feel for him.

Part of the maturing process is being able to accept that sometimes while somebody is a good or a great person, that doesn't necessarily equate that they are are a good or great person FOR YOU. And unfortunately he may be coming to terms with that....

But at this point you have no control what so ever on his choice or his decisions so as with anything, you need to look at what is best for you. Like others have said, don't call or text him. Believe me, I know its hard when you feel like you are losing him. But being only 27 myself, I remind myself that humans and animals are similar in terms of human nature. The more you try to confine an animal or tie it to your yard, the more intriguing over the fence, down the street, and out of the neighborhood seems. And in the end, you only want him to stay if that's what he TRULY wants. I have learned that when you pressure someone, you either get the exact opposite of what you are looking for (sometimes just out of spite) or if they give in only to appease you, you are getting what you want for the wrong reasons and it will only be temporary.

So what's the problem and why did you feel the need to confront him with your non-existent fears?

IDK... Im just stupid I guess. I guess it bothered me knowing that something was bothering him. So I tried to talk about it with him

I dunno...when I was younger I kind of enjoyed the drama of some guy who wasn't into it. The thrill of the chase - "WHY don't you want me, Fabio!!!???" Now that I'm older, I vanish at the first sign he's dicking me around.

I like the thrill of the chase, dont get me wrong. But not when it comes to the man I truly love (so cliché, I know). If its just some random guy, I wouldnt care if he were acting like this. But its just different... IDK. Like I said, Im just stupid I guess

Well part of the know you are loved is also complete trust. Trust in your partner to be able to work things out for themselves, trust in yourself to let them. As you get older and you go through life experiences you start to see things differently. One of the biggest lessons for me is that only person I have any control over is myself and the way I react to situations. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to you can't fix another person. You have to trust he can work through this in his own mind, even if you don't like the outcome.
Not to get into any big discussion but it's kind of a Zen principal that sometimes you have to step away and let people have their own experience. Everybody has a journey to travel, seperate but connected in a way, does that make sense? You are a part but not the whole. So for now, let him work through this and do things that feed your soul and make you happy. You sound like you have alot going for you, so take care of yourself.

Thanks, spinner, for the words of wisdom.

Sometimes you just have to give that 1 sincere guy a fair chance, before assuming.

Im trying…

If any1 ever read sumwhere what I feel are important ingredients to an Awsesome relationship are, I know dang well someone also has a Gr8 memory.

Trust, Communication, Loyalty, Understanding.

:yeahthat: And I don’t want to lose that :ohwell:

IDK... Im just stupid I guess. I guess it bothered me knowing that something was bothering him. So I tried to talk about it with him

I don't think you're stupid, I think you're just young. It's fun and new, and you think putting up with broody men is part of the deal. As you get older, you realize life is too short to constantly be second-guessing your relationship.

But, hell - have fun with it now. I thought it was fun when I did it. :shrug:

Part of the maturing process is being able to accept that sometimes while somebody is a good or a great person, that doesn't necessarily equate that they are are a good or great person FOR YOU. And unfortunately he may be coming to terms with that....

I really hope you’re wrong. Im not saying “you’re full of shyt” or “that’s not MY situation”… because you may be right and that is the SAME goddam advice I've told friends who's relationships didnt end up working out. But oh God I hope you’re wrong

But at this point you have no control what so ever on his choice or his decisions so as with anything, you need to look at what is best for you. Like others have said, don't call or text him. Believe me, I know its hard when you feel like you are losing him. But being only 27 myself, I remind myself that humans and animals are similar in terms of human nature. The more you try to confine an animal or tie it to your yard, the more intriguing over the fence, down the street, and out of the neighborhood seems. And in the end, you only want him to stay if that's what he TRULY wants. I have learned that when you pressure someone, you either get the exact opposite of what you are looking for (sometimes just out of spite) or if they give in only to appease you, you are getting what you want for the wrong reasons and it will only be temporary.

I know I know… I keep telling myself to just leave him be and let him work things out in his own head. Im trying to not text or call… But like you said, its hard. But you are right – I don’t want to back him into a corner.

Nobody thinks you're stupid, just young. We've all been through heartache before, if you haven't you really haven't lived.
As hard as it is not to call or text try looking at this time in a different way. I see it as you are giving him a gift of space and trust, I see you having a gift of time to examine what you want from your relationship. It's all in the perspective.

:yeahthat: And I don’t want to lose that :ohwell:

It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.

I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.

c i can tipe rite, if i wanna. ;-)

Meanwhile....tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.[/QUOTE]

Is it me or is this just hard to read?

It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.

I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.

c i can tipe rite, if i wanna. ;-)

Meanwhile....tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.

Is it me or is this just hard to read?[/QUOTE]

Do you really attempt to read his posts? :twitch:

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.Oh...and that's all K_Jo's fault. :lol:

It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.

I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.

c i can tipe rite, if i wanna. ;-)

Meanwhile....tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.

Is it me or is this just hard to read?

Translation:

"It appears [I’ve] already lost some of what makes a good relationship (I think)

I wish you the best. I cant say what I want to on this forum because some people could/would take it the wrong way… some are good at that

See, I can type right if I want to

Meanwhile, take care of business. Focus on that and music (94.1 in FL). If you like the beach, you’d have a blast in FL where you can just be yourself. Those who never focus on being themselves never will be able to be true to themselves."

OMG… I can speak Lance-inese! :jameo:

:cds:

Lol jk :lmao: :howdy:

It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.

I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.

c i can tipe rite, if i wanna. ;-)

Meanwhile....tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.

Is it me or is this just hard to read?[/quote]

Yes, it is just hard to read. All of his posts are too painful to read and it makes my head hurt. I don't bother reading his posts.

Here's my take. Live your life, don't wait on him. If you are meant to be, you'll find your way back together. But get on about things, which means date, do the things you want to do.

I guess, overall, the questions I'd ask myself are:

1) If the relationship - married or not - continues just as it is now, is that something you want? That is, if he continues to more or less behave as he did on the camping trip?

2) If the relationship isn't going to work out, would you rather it end now, or sometime down the road - or some years down the road?

and lastly

3) Despite the years you've put into this - is this what you want, for the rest of your life?

I know it sounds like I'm saying get out now, but only you know enough about the situation to make a good judgment. I know that gut reactions usually tell the truth. I also know that when you're young, facing adult situations can put the brakes on what otherwise seems like a continuous fun ride. And I know that everyone gets cold feet in a relationship - sometimes on the wedding day.

On the other hand, I also know when I was young, I was involved with girlfriends I had no intention of building a life together with them. It was fun, and they were great companions. And I know at that age, I didn't really want the mantle of adulthood - I still wanted to play.

Here's my take. Live your life, don't wait on him. If you are meant to be, you'll find your way back together. But get on about things, which means date, do the things you want to do.

:yay:

Here's my take. Live your life, don't wait on him. If you are meant to be, you'll find your way back together. But get on about things, which means date, do the things you want to do.

I don’t really want to date :lol: I mean, the game is fun and all but it gets really old really quick. And honestly… I just don’t want to see other people right now. But as far as doing the things I want to do, I am… Nothing’s really changed there.

I guess, overall, the questions I'd ask myself are:

1) If the relationship - married or not - continues just as it is now, is that something you want? That is, if he continues to more or less behave as he did on the camping trip?

If the relationship continues as it is right now, then no… that’s not something I want. But I’m not sure how he is acting right now is a permanent thing…

2) If the relationship isn't going to work out, would you rather it end now, or sometime down the road - or some years down the road?

If I knew for sure that things weren’t going to work out, then I’d rather end it sooner rather than later. But Im not sure that things aren’t going to work out. Im not sure that they are, either…

and lastly

3) Despite the years you've put into this - is this what you want, for the rest of your life?

As things are going right now, no. Its not what I want for the rest of my life. But the more I think about it and calm down about it (as opposed to when I did my original post while I was freaking out) I think this is just a random fluke thing. Like I said – he’s got his mind twisted around things.

I know it sounds like I'm saying get out now, but only you know enough about the situation to make a good judgment. I know that gut reactions usually tell the truth. I also know that when you're young, facing adult situations can put the brakes on what otherwise seems like a continuous fun ride. And I know that everyone gets cold feet in a relationship - sometimes on the wedding day.

Im thinking this is more like cold feet...

On the other hand, I also know when I was young, I was involved with girlfriends I had no intention of building a life together with them. It was fun, and they were great companions. And I know at that age, I didn't really want the mantle of adulthood - I still wanted to play.

He WANTS those responsibilities of adulthood. He wants a house, family, kids, etc. I know hes in DC right now and him and his buddies are gonna party it up, but he’s settled down quite a bit since I first met him. Hes not big into bars and/or parties anymore. And 9 times out of 10, he volunteers to be the DD. I know that’s not a huge deal Im just saying… hes matured a lot over the past 4 years.

On another note; I texted him this morning...

...But only because it was in reply to a text he sent me last night! :yahoo:

I don’t really want to date :lol: I mean, the game is fun and all but it gets really old really quick. And honestly… I just don’t want to see other people right now. But as far as doing the things I want to do, I am… Nothing’s really changed there.



On another note; I texted him this morning...

...But only because it was in reply to a text he sent me last night! :yahoo:

Happy For you, I feel like I'm reading a novel. Hopefully it was a "good" text message to you. Keep it that way ALL weekend. Only text him if he texts you & even then don't do it immediately. Trust me, been there done that! (even the miscarriage part, so if you need an ear, pm me)
Good Luck! & enjoy your weekend!

I asked him if I had done something to make him mad. He said no, like I figured he would. I asked him if he was questioning our relationship. He said yes; like I figured he would. While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset. He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will. He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run. Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different. He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship. I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does. He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together right now, but he just "needs to figure some things out." Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.



OK, kiddo, you've painted a picture of a straight up guy and that's what you are saying; bolded part #1.

Then, you're questioning whether he really is, as in bolded part #2 after he already gave you the answer. He's questioning it and he just is, for the stated reasons.

There isn't a thing you can do about him questioning whether you are too much alike or too different for the long run. You either are or are not. And that is what he is stewing over, that's what he is trying to figure out.

What you can do is listen to what he is saying and believe him. By him telling you exactly how he feels and what is on his mind, what more could you ask for? It can hurt you, make you feel bad and not even make sense...to you. But, it's the truth and you either want that or you don't. But, you're dealing here with a simple man who put it to you simply. You are rejecting him by saying the second bolded part. He's hearing you say he's doing something wrong by feeling the way he's feeling. You're making him wish he'd never said a word and hence the withdraw. He opened up and you stung him for it. You didn't mean to but, I'm just saying, a guy presenting his feelings, he's vulnerable. Sure sounds like you know him real well, though.

Guys don't do 'feelings' a whole lot and the meekest woman can chop down the mightiest man by rejecting his feelings when he gets them out. If he keeps saying the same thing to you and you keep saying, in affect, "too bad for you" he'll get the message.

The bad part is he isn't asking anything of you that you can fix and that's, obviously, frustrating for you. So, if you wanna 'do' something, do what he asks; let him figure it out. Guys are real clear. When we have a problem and we tell you what it is you know have immense power we just handed you and you can either accept that or reject that.

Which gives you something to figure out. :lol:

Happy For you, I feel like I'm reading a novel. Hopefully it was a "good" text message to you. Keep it that way ALL weekend. Only text him if he texts you & even then don't do it immediately. Trust me, been there done that! (even the miscarriage part, so if you need an ear, pm me)
Good Luck! & enjoy your weekend!

"I feel like I'm reading a novel." <-- :lmao: Im one of those losers who have kept a journal on and off since I was about 8. I swear one day im going to publish them; I laugh hysterically re-reading some old chapters of my life that I dont even remember. Sometimes I write very eloquently... other times, Im a mess

It was a good message. On our way to go camping last weekend I had asked him to please text/call me at least once a day while he is in DC simply to let me know he's alive (obviously, I worry a lot). I hadnt brought it up again after that... then low and behold I get a text around 1:30am saying "I just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight." I personally would have liked to have seen a little "I love you" thrown in there. But the fact that he not only remembered my request but also cared enought about what I said to actually abide by it makes me happy :biggrin:

We'll see if it continues through the weekend...

OK, kiddo, you've painted a picture of a straight up guy and that's what you are saying; bolded part #1.

Then, you're questioning whether he really is, as in bolded part #2 after he already gave you the answer. He's questioning it and he just is, for the stated reasons.

There isn't a thing you can do about him questioning whether you are too much alike or too different for the long run. You either are or are not. And that is what he is stewing over, that's what he is trying to figure out.

What you can do is listen to what he is saying and believe him. By him telling you exactly how he feels and what is on his mind, what more could you ask for? It can hurt you, make you feel bad and not even make sense...to you. But, it's the truth and you either want that or you don't. But, you're dealing here with a simple man who put it to you simply. You are rejecting him by saying the second bolded part. He's hearing you say he's doing something wrong by feeling the way he's feeling. You're making him wish he'd never said a word and hence the withdraw. He opened up and you stung him for it. You didn't mean to but, I'm just saying, a guy presenting his feelings, he's vulnerable. Sure sounds like you know him real well, though.

Guys don't do 'feelings' a whole lot and the meekest woman can chop down the mightiest man by rejecting his feelings when he gets them out. If he keeps saying the same thing to you and you keep saying, in affect, "too bad for you" he'll get the message.

The bad part is he isn't asking anything of you that you can fix and that's, obviously, frustrating for you. So, if you wanna 'do' something, do what he asks; let him figure it out. Guys are real clear. When we have a problem and we tell you what it is you know have immense power we just handed you and you can either accept that or reject that.

Which gives you something to figure out. :lol:

Thanks, Larry. You're the first guy to comment on this whole mess who really made sense to me. I've pretty much come to those same conclusions as of late... but you just sured it up for me. I honestly dont remember if I "stung" him for what he said by continuing to ask "why" when him and I talked last... I would like to say that I just sat there quietly and accepted what he was saying to me. I, however, know myself well enough to know I probably opened my big mouth and said something like "but that dosnt make any sense!" I distinctly remember crying and when I get to that point of being upset, I usually say things I shouldnt.

Thank you for your insight on the whole situation. All the more reason you have my vote for President :yay: :lol:

Thanks, Larry. You're the first guy to comment on this whole mess who really made sense to me.


Shhhh! Don't say that out loud. They'll burn you at the stake for consorting with a known blasphemer. Very touchy bunch around here about their orthodoxy. :lol:

I honestly dont remember if I "stung" him for what he said by continuing to ask "why" when him and I talked last...


To be clear, I know you didn't mean to and that was not your intent. It's just that we're a bunch of touchy wusses about our feelings when we get around to trying to sort them out.

:drama:

Thanks, Larry. You're the first guy to comment on this whole mess who really made sense to me. I've pretty much come to those same conclusions as of late... but you just sured it up for me. I honestly dont remember if I "stung" him for what he said by continuing to ask "why" when him and I talked last... I would like to say that I just sat there quietly and accepted what he was saying to me. I, however, know myself well enough to know I probably opened my big mouth and said something like "but that dosnt make any sense!" I distinctly remember crying and when I get to that point of being upset, I usually say things I shouldnt.

Thank you for your insight on the whole situation. All the more reason you have my vote for President :yay: :lol:

This is why Muslim men don't let their women speak and hit them with sticks if they dare. "But Achmed, if you love me, why do you look at the camels that way???" :lol:


You don't have a camel, do you? Just checking...

:evil:

Shhhh! Don't say that out loud. They'll burn you at the stake for consorting with a known blasphemer. Very touchy bunch around here about their orthodoxy. :lol:
:roflmao:

To be clear, I know you didn't mean to and that was not your intent. It's just that we're a bunch of touchy wusses about our feelings when we get around to trying to sort them out.

:drama:
Oh yea, I definitely wasn’t trying to “sting” him with what I said. Ugh. I knew yall were big babies when it came to not feeling well (my big tough Marine wasn’t so big nor so tough after his HumV accident and subsequent surgeries! Or hell… when he has a friggin cold)... But big babies when it comes to feelings? Jeez... and I thought females were bad! :lol:


This is why Muslim men don't let their women speak and hit them with sticks if they dare. "But Achmed, if you love me, why do you look at the camels that way???" :lol:


You don't have a camel, do you? Just checking...

:evil:
No… but I do have a horse. :shocking:

:roflmao:


Oh yea, I definitely wasn’t trying to “sting” him with what I said. Ugh. I knew yall were big babies when it came to not feeling well (my big tough Marine wasn’t so big nor so tough after his HumV accident and subsequent surgeries! Or hell… when he has a friggin cold)... But big babies when it comes to feelings? Jeez... and I thought females were bad! :lol:



No… but I do have a horse. :shocking:

Oh no...

Male opinion, I need my space like some else mentioned it means he is pretty much ready to quit, just does not want to hurt your feeling in the process. But be sure he will be calling you up for booty calls. He is hoping you will say it before he does so later he can say you broke up with me. Long term split ups are not easy because feeling don't go away overnight. You two went through some rough things, but you have an entire life ahead of you still. Seems its time to put your self back on the market. One other thought I had was that he won't even kiss you, sure sign their, but if I bet you bend over and back it up on him he won't have a problem with that, us men are so wrong.

But big babies when it comes to feelings? Jeez... and I thought females were bad! :lol:

Do not forget about this part:

...when we get around to trying to sort them out.

Typically by the time they get around to sorting their feelings out, they've nuked the bridge and you barely remember their name anymore.

At the end of the day, people do what they want to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So it's either not so bad with your beau, or he's a dick who should be kicked to the curb. Only you know the answer to that because you're the one in the situation.

I wonder if their is another lady in the picture? Ladies alway saying Not my man, you would be surprise how many men are creeping. Vraiblonde man for example, just kidding V. But InMish your probably hot and still young and guess what Tigers divorce is final now, so your problem is solved give him a buzzzzzzzzz.

Typically by the time they get around to sorting their feelings out, they've nuked the bridge and you barely remember their name anymore.



I don't see how that applies here. She describes the relationship in terms where, for a pretty good while, they got along great and were both happy and made it through some tough stuff, together, not a mention of a nuked bridge or fridge or even out house. :lol: She isn't describing some guy who has been having problems with the relationship and never wanna talk about it, far from it, until recently. Hell, she even predicted what he was thinking and what he'd say when there was a problem.

So, given what she's described, him telling her something was wrong, which she knew, and her reaction to it, I'm just telling her how he took her reaction. Maybe he is a dick, I don't know him but, he sounds like a pretty solid guy to me, knew what was wrong and told her so.

I'm just pointing out the disconnect when women want communication, get it and then, in essence, tell him 'you're wrong about how you feel'. You told her nothing could ever keep him from her if that was what he 'really' wanted and that is mostly true. However, the most powerful force in the universe can push him away; her disapproval and rejection.

I've told you that for years and I know we disagree about it but, you are, in essence, presuming this is all on him and I'm saying to add to the conversation that that may be, he's just a dick, but, not based on what I am reading. You don't have to think he's being honest but, you sure can't fault the guy for not being able to say what he feels and thinking. Doesn't sound like much of a dick to me.

:lol:

I've told you that for years and I know we disagree about it but, you are, in essence, presuming this is all on him

Huh? I posted that he may or may not be a dick, and that she's the only one who can determine that because I don't know the guy. And earlier I asked her why she was confronting him if there was no problem. How do you get that I'm presuming it's all him?

If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away. Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures. "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."
Sorry. :huggy:

I'll have to take your word for it. :shrug: My experience is that guys jerk you around with their "space" needs, typically because they're interested in another woman. Then, as soon as you start dating someone else, they come sniffing around again because they can't stand losing.
But of course you wouldn't know that because you're so awesome! :love:

Or, "Listen, I have a date with a really hot guy this Saturday, so could you possibly hold off on this until maybe Monday or so?"

When the puppy pees on the carpet, we correct its behavior, we don't reward it with affection.

So what's the problem and why did you feel the need to confront him with your non-existent fears?

I dunno...when I was younger I kind of enjoyed the drama of some guy who wasn't into it. The thrill of the chase - "WHY don't you want me, Fabio!!!???" Now that I'm older, I vanish at the first sign he's dicking me around.

Do not forget about this part:



Typically by the time they get around to sorting their feelings out, they've nuked the bridge and you barely remember their name anymore.

At the end of the day, people do what they want to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So it's either not so bad with your beau, or he's a dick who should be kicked to the curb. Only you know the answer to that because you're the one in the situation.

Huh? I posted that he may or may not be a dick, and that she's the only one who can determine that because I don't know the guy. And earlier I asked her why she was confronting him if there was no problem. How do you get that I'm presuming it's all him?

Wild guess? :lol:

Huh? I posted that he may or may not be a dick, and that she's the only one who can determine that because I don't know the guy. And earlier I asked her why she was confronting him if there was no problem. How do you get that I'm presuming it's all him?

Also, my post may have read funny;

However, the most powerful force in the universe can push him away; her disapproval and rejection.

I've told you that for years and I know we disagree about it but, you are, in essence, presuming this is all on him and I'm saying to add to the conversation that that may be, he's just a dick, but, not based on what I am reading.

That was in two paragraphs. I meant for the first to tie into the second, there.

And I totally got that you were saying maybe he is a dick, maybe he's not. I did not read you to say that it is, for sure, all on him. That said, you didn't seem to be saying anything, at all, about her role in this and much about him and guys in general.

Wild guess? :lol:

What's wrong with any of that? It's true. You are surely not suggesting that men are these sensitive communication experts who always express their emotions and feelings in clear, concise language?

Repost 4 OP. There is Life out There

I was nice, & said Hey. @ least she read my posts & could decipher what i tiped. Very few can. & what i said is nunyas biz. So there.

Me = Candid - Yep, Bold - heck Yeah, Confident = Dbl Hell Yeah.

Sometimes you have 2 give sum1 a fair chance. If he or she cannot more than just express themselves, either in writing or verbally or even telephonically without true feelings & emotion, then it`s def time 2 move on. ...........or confront it Str8 up & accept the outcome. Take a timeout, & enjoy things u may have in yr shallow bucket list. Any relationship has to have that Open Communication, w/o any bs. Hell, doesn`t take the smooth talk, etc... crap just b yrself. If it aint rite, & ya have that slightest reasonable doubt, that`ll b more than justa simple w/e. Bookwise is 1 thing, application in Real Life is another. Stupidity is/or can b a learned behavior. Becoming smarter & understanding from past bs, makes ya even smarter. Lotsa ppl have been slam dunked 4 i dumazz reason or another. (Oh do i know by just bein me) if sum1 says they haven`t, they`re liein. feel free 2 correct typos, sp, but the txt is only mine. I`m not shy 2 tell it like it is. i culda tiped it in cmplt txt. :P Hang in there Inmarsh, u`ll b k, U`ll Do. ;-)

c i can tipe if & wenn i wanna.

where eva this 2n may fit: wakeup call

YouTube - Rob Thomas - Someday (Video) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6pODq8_FxE)

100% connexité et bien connecté

:crazy:

What's wrong with any of that? It's true. You are surely not suggesting that men are these sensitive communication experts who always express their emotions and feelings in clear, concise language?

Far from it. :lol:

Soooo how did it go?

Soooo how did it go?

Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him. :frown:

I got the text from him around 1:30am on Friday saying "Just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight." Then nothing. At all. Until yesterday.

I knew he was supposed to come home yesterday. Now I know that checkout at any random hotel is around 10:00am. So I assumed he'd be home by 1:00-ish. So I honestly got worried when I hadnt heard from him come 3:00pm. I havnt gone that long w/o talking to him since he was in Iraq. My mind went from everything from "Did he make it home ok and just fall asleep?" to "Did he cheat on me?" to "Did he get arrested?" to "Is he even effing ALIVE?!" Ugg... So I texted him. I said "Im sorry for texting you because I know I said I wouldnt but I've gotten worried. I just want to make sure you're Ok." I didnt get anything back so I called. It rung 3 times and his voicemail came on... meaning he ignored my call. So I didnt get anything until literally midnight and even then all it was was a text that said "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Well, havnt heard from him. I texted him and asked "Do you work tonight?" because normally, he leaves to go to work about the time I head home from work so we dont see each other unless he dosnt have work. Now he has Sprint and I have Verizon, so normally there is no way for me to tell if hes actually read my texts... my phone dosnt let me know like if I were to text another Verizon person. Unless I send a picture message... then it tells me if he's read it. So i sent the "Do you work tonight?" text as a pictures message :lol:. He opened it about an hour after I sent it (probably because he was sleeping). That was about two hours ago... And I havnt heard anything.

At this point, Im desperate to talk to him. I just need to know WTF is going on! Even if its not what I want to hear, I just need to know.

Im honestly so blown on the issue I dont know whether to be mad at him for not talking to me for the past few days or to cry because I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done. And I still dont understand why...

Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him. :frown:

...


What a dick! :lmao:

I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done. And I still dont understand why...

Start dating someone else - anyone, it doesn't matter. I'll bet you $10 he comes sniffing around the minute he finds out about it.

Start dating someone else - anyone, it doesn't matter. I'll bet you $10 he comes sniffing around the minute he finds out about it.

That is actually really good advice. Dating - not hooking up. It'll keep your mind off him and get you out and about and even if he doesn't come back, you'll be having some fun instead of saying why me. Sitting around waiting on him is the worst thing you can do right now. Move forward.

Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him. :frown:

I got the text from him around 1:30am on Friday saying "Just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight." Then nothing. At all. Until yesterday.

I knew he was supposed to come home yesterday. Now I know that checkout at any random hotel is around 10:00am. So I assumed he'd be home by 1:00-ish. So I honestly got worried. I havnt gone that long w/o talking to him since he was in Iraq. My mind went from everything from "Did he make it home ok and just fall asleep?" to "Did he cheat on me?" to "Did he get arrested?" to "Is he even effing ALIVE?!" Ugg... So I texted him. I said "Im sorry for texting you because I know I said I wouldnt but I've gotten worried. I just want to make sure you're Ok." I didnt get anything back so I called. It rung 3 times and his voicemail came on... meaning he ignored my call. So I didnt get anything until literally midnight and even then all it was was a text that said "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Well, havnt heard from him. I texted him and asked "Do you work tonight?" because normally, he leaves to go to work about the time I head home from work so we dont see each other unless he dosnt have work. Now he has Sprint and I have Verizon, so normally there is no way for me to tell if hes actually read my texts... my phone dosnt let me know like if I were to text another Verizon person. Unless I send a picture message... then it tells me if he's read it. So i sent the "Do you work tonight?" text as a pictures message :lol:. He opened it about an hour after I sent it (probably because he was sleeping). That was about two hours ago... And I havnt heard anything.

At this point, Im desperate to talk to him. I just need to know WTF is going on! Even if its not what I want to hear, I just need to know.

Im honestly so blown on the issue I dont know whether to be mad at him for not talking to me for the past few days or to cry because I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done. And I still dont understand why...

Actions speak louder than words. I'm sorry to say this but it really sounds like he's done. He's acting like a child, not responding to his girlfriend's calls or texts. He owes you an explanation for his recent actions, you guys definitely need to talk. It sounds like he's taking the cowardly way out - instead of breaking up with you, it seems like he's trying to piss you off enough so that you break it off with him.

Now, of course I could be completely wrong. But honestly, he's playing games and you don't deserves that. Relationships shouldn't be so difficult. I went through hell in a couple of relationships in the past, to the extent that I almost thought that's just the way relationships were supposed to be. Then I met my hubby and we actually get along great, rarely fight, and never disrespect one another. Point being.....this is not the way every relationship will be. He sounds like a selfish person and if he's going to treat you like this after being with you for so long, you're truly better off without him. I know that sucks but it seems his heart is no longer in it. You deserve better, nobody should deal with disrespect. Life's too short to waste it with the wrong person.

It sounds like he's taking the cowardly way out - instead of breaking up with you, it seems like he's trying to piss you off enough so that you break it off with him.

Imagine that... (http://forums.somd.com/dating-marriage/206610-has-come-my-attention.html)

Imagine that... (http://forums.somd.com/dating-marriage/206610-has-come-my-attention.html)

I know, I thought of that thread as I was typing out my response. :killingme

But there is a lot of truth to it, why else would people start acting like such jackasses when they're no longer happy in a relationship? I, myself, would rather just be told "goodbye" than have someone play mind games. I wish everyone would just be honest. Even though the truth sometimes hurts, it hurts a lot less than constantly wondering what is going on in someone's head as they treat you like crap. I just have such a low tolerance for BS that I would've kicked his butt to the curb already.

Aww I'm sorry. If I can give you advice (and I will but likely you won't follow it, because it is tough :lol:) Don't try to make him stay. Don't cry, don't think that if you convince him you love him enough he will...Don't beg for explanations or want to talk about it constantly. Ask him if he could meet you somewhere to talk and then let him explain what he needs to say, let him know he needs to be man enough to say what he needs to say..and then say ok. nice knowing you..and go cry at home. The dignity is worth FARR more than anything else. I lost my dignity once, and I will NEVER do it again. Because a little while down the line..you will totally regret it and realize how much BETTER things are than you thought they would be.

The dignity is worth FARR more than anything else.

I don't know. A friend made me see this a bit differently awhile back. He's hurt you with dishonesty and poor behavior, so the very least you could do back is cry, scream, and beat him down until you feel better. If he wants drama instead of a healthy, mature, honest break-up - then by god, give it to him. He's going to paint you as a psycho to everyone who will listen to him anyway, no matter what you do. Might as well have some fun with it.

Of course, you have to have the stomach for that sort of thing.

I don't know. A friend made me see this a bit differently awhile back. He's hurt you with dishonesty and poor behavior, so the very least you could do back is cry, scream, and beat him down until you feel better. If he wants drama instead of a healthy, mature, honest break-up - then by god, give it to him. He's going to paint you as a psycho to everyone who will listen to him anyway, no matter what you do. Might as well have some fun with it.

Of course, you have to have the stomach for that sort of thing.

That's it. :lol: I merely acted like I was sad rather than ok F you like I would have normally. That was enough for me to feel like a biatch. That's the way to be. then they look back sad they messed up..rather than glad they got away from clingy mess chick.

I'm not usually into game playing, but I think I'd ignore his calls for a while (assuming he does call).

So he just called me. Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).

I asked him how his weekend was. He said "Good, until yesterday." Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room. Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast. So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel. He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.

So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home. He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds. Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it. Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox. So he went to the hospital. Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down. Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home? Yes. However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call. Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial. That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me. Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him. All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital. Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...

So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work. I just wanted to call and say Hi. Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home? Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work." I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good. I hope you have a good day, babe. Ill see you later. I love you. Bye."

That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting juuusssttt a lil bit this weekend. Now like I said, Im not making excused for him. Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets). Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign. :yay: Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore :lol:

I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday. Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried. Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids :lmao:

I don't know. A friend made me see this a bit differently awhile back. He's hurt you with dishonesty and poor behavior, so the very least you could do back is cry, scream, and beat him down until you feel better. If he wants drama instead of a healthy, mature, honest break-up - then by god, give it to him. He's going to paint you as a psycho to everyone who will listen to him anyway, no matter what you do. Might as well have some fun with it.

Of course, you have to have the stomach for that sort of thing.

:yeahthat:

been there, lived that....

have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap

as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around

:yeahthat:

been there, lived that....

have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap

as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around


:killingme Oh you're funny!!! I definitely LOL'ed at the "as the psycho b1tch from he!!..." part

maybe u`ll get the drift????? idk. hate 2 use that sayin w/e or i told ya so.

True caring means sharing, & not just part time, get my drift?

if ya wanna live in that kinda mode, sooner or l8r u`ll xplode. lookin 4 that appropriate 2n




You can't buy sage advice like this.

Heres what I think, for whatever it is worth :killingme


Babies make men nervous. I am dealing with this myself, as it was not our timeline to have a baby at the moment. He may feel, (and I will explain why I think this in a moment) that losing the baby was some kind of "sign." Ridiculous? yes. But my SO's ex had a miscarriage (they didn't know she was pregnant) andhe told me later he had doubts about their relationship, and that had "sealed" it for him. Because he said he felt relief (as well as sadness) but that made him realize to be with her if she had the baby, would have made him unhappy.

Also, it could just be regular ole' cold feet. Babies make you question everything, even just the idea of one. And future, and growing up, and being responsible for someone other than yourself.


I would tell him that if he feels unsure, he is free to do as he wishes. and be prepared for him to walk away. Personally, I detest the thought of being a hanger-oner and wouldn't want to continue to try to keep someone with doubts that much. Let him know you love him and would like to continue your relationship (assuming you do) and he can call you if he feels the same way. It's hard, but if he walks away, you still have your dignity, if he doesn't you at least gave him the time and space to consider it.


I have to agree here also!!! Regardless of whether there was a baby or not, the baby may have triggered the emotion a little sooner, but perhaps it would have happened anyway. If he is having second thoughts, doubts, questions, whatever, just let it go. You can't hang on to someone who doesn't want to be held. It isn't fair to you or him. It will hurt like hell, but you will have dignity and respect for yourself and for him and his feelings. He will either realize he will miss you and want you back or he won't and you both will go your separate ways.

So he just called me. Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).

I asked him how his weekend was. He said "Good, until yesterday." Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room. Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast. So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel. He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.

So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home. He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds. Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it. Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox. So he went to the hospital. Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down. Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home? Yes. However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call. Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial. That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me. Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him. All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital. Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...

So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work. I just wanted to call and say Hi. Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home? Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work." I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good. I hope you have a good day, babe. Ill see you later. I love you. Bye."

That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting juuusssttt a lil bit this weekend. Now like I said, Im not making excused for him. Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets). Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign. :yay: Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore :lol:

I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday. Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried. Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids :lmao:

I wouldn't just disregard the whole conversation w/him in the earlier post. Just because he "seems" okay now, doesn't make it so. Women have a tendency to stick their head in the sand and ignore things because it is all of a sudden "fixed" for the time being or we want to see things that may or may not be there. You weren't overreacting....if he said those things to you about being uncertain, those feelings are still there. Don't sweep them under the carpet!!!

I stopped browsing after my eyes and palms started to bleed.

I'd like to hear all 3 sides of the story :popcorn::jerry:

I stopped browsing after my eyes and palms started to bleed.

You are so unromantic. :mad:

What's wrong with any of that? It's true. You are surely not suggesting that men are these sensitive communication experts who always express their emotions and feelings in clear, concise language?


The ones that do aren't interested in women.

You are so unromantic. :mad:

Do you really want me to sum up this thread? :roflmao:

I wouldn't just disregard the whole conversation w/him in the earlier post. Just because he "seems" okay now, doesn't make it so. Women have a tendency to stick their head in the sand and ignore things because it is all of a sudden "fixed" for the time being or we want to see things that may or may not be there. You weren't overreacting....if he said those things to you about being uncertain, those feelings are still there. Don't sweep them under the carpet!!!

:yeahthat: Just an observation - While he was driving home and intended to go to the hospital.... he couldn't text you or call you and let you know :shrug: That seems pretty thoughtless & uncaring right there as he knew you expected him home. He read your texts and didn't call, he "should" have known you would have been worried. Cell phone reception or not the hospital does have landlines I believe.
So as you make excuses for him, think about yourself... do you want to be treated as an "oh yeah" I should call her and let her know that I will be a day late coming home.
What the hell were you supposed to think, he was the one that stated he wasn't sure about your relationship and then pulls this crap. Oh hell no put your big girl panties on and show him the door.

Meanwhile...... i think i kinda summed it up w/my post(s). it was quoted. & i have the original 1 2. (elsewhere) :D

i think i made my point well known, meanwhile...... :D

anything else is as it`s said, we`ll see. ya think?????

ya don`t have 2 read my post, but it has substance 2 it. i have it in it`s original txt. i keep my personal biz personal & privy.

not everything is Strictly Business. wow i can tipe wenn i wanna, all depends on 2 & with whom???????????

kinda like that 2n in my thread.

YouTube - Rob Thomas - Someday (Video) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYh3olR9xKA)

If a dang nice guy can`t express from his heart what he feels, then u best get smart real dang quik; otherwise he`s pullin that bs outta his ass. time 2 walk. scru that noise, etc.............. Adieu


Originally Posted by Lance
Repost 4 OP. There is Life out There

I was nice, & said Hey. @ least she read my posts & could decipher what i tiped. Very few can. & what i said is nunyas biz. So there.

Me = Candid - Yep, Bold - heck Yeah, Confident = Dbl Hell Yeah.

Sometimes you have 2 give sum1 a fair chance. If he or she cannot more than just express themselves, either in writing or verbally or even telephonically without true feelings & emotion, then it`s def time 2 move on. ...........or confront it Str8 up & accept the outcome. Take a timeout, & enjoy things u may have in yr shallow bucket list. Any relationship has to have that Open Communication, w/o any bs. Hell, doesn`t take the smooth talk, etc... crap just b yrself. If it aint rite, & ya have that slightest reasonable doubt, that`ll b more than justa simple w/e. Bookwise is 1 thing, application in Real Life is another. Stupidity is/or can b a learned behavior. Becoming smarter & understanding from past bs, makes ya even smarter. Lotsa ppl have been slam dunked 4 i dumazz reason or another. (Oh do i know by just bein me) if sum1 says they haven`t, they`re liein. feel free 2 correct typos, sp, but the txt is only mine. I`m not shy 2 tell it like it is. i culda tiped it in cmplt txt. :P Hang in there Inmarsh, u`ll b k, U`ll Do. ;-)

c i can tipe if & wenn i wanna.

where eva this 2n may fit: wakeup call

YouTube - Rob Thomas - Someday (Video)

100% connexité et bien connecté



Saved For Posterity and Privity

:crazy: :twitch: :crazy:

dumazz Baboon c..n <^!^^ :killingme

:crazy: :twitch: :crazy:

So he just called me. Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).

I asked him how his weekend was. He said "Good, until yesterday." Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room. Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast. So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel. He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.

So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home. He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds. Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it. Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox. So he went to the hospital. Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down. Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home? Yes. However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call. Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial. That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me. Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him. All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital. Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...

So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work. I just wanted to call and say Hi. Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home? Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work." I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good. I hope you have a good day, babe. Ill see you later. I love you. Bye."

That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting juuusssttt a lil bit this weekend. Now like I said, Im not making excused for him. Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets). Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign. :yay: Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore :lol:

I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday. Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried. Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids :lmao:

I really wish the best for you but IMO you have managed to validate every concern you have about your relationship when you should not have to. If a relationship is not meeting your needs then why would you wat to continue it?

You do realize that the stop by at 9pm tonight think is a "Booty Call" don't you? I know you love this guy but you need to not call, not be available and move on with your life. He is playing you like a puppet and you are going right along for the ride. I am a mother of a 20 yr old myslef and I wish that it would work out for you but if you voiced your concerns here then you new things were not right.

Never compromise who you are and what you want for anyone else. This will most likely be a learning experience for you and you will survive it. It will be painful but it will just be a step towards the life you will have later on. Life works in mysterious ways and this may very well be the light that you ned to realize that you can have more.

Validating uncaring and inconsiderate behavior of your partner lessens who you are and that is unfair to you. I would not call and yell or anything else I would just get up tommorow and do my best to put on a smile and go on with your life. If he really wants to make it work then he will get in line and do what needs to be done.

:huggy:

Oh dang, I can't read all that!

Here's my take...

Men aren't afraid of commitment. But they think very deeply about if they're making the right decision. No man wants to wind up divorced in 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.

I would say give him his time to think and be with his buddies. (And prep yourself like someone who is wise suggested)

You two have been through a lot together. Just on a hunch, that means a lot to him. Just like it does you.

You two are young, let him figure out what he wants. I think it will probably include you.

Oh hell no put your big girl panties on and show him the door.

You are as unromantic as Dye. :mad:

Don't listen to her, LM. I think you should keep on doing what you're doing, since it obviously makes you happy and there's no problem.

You are as unromantic as Dye. :mad:

Don't listen to her, LM. I think you should keep on doing what you're doing, since it obviously makes you happy and there's no problem.

I was going to tell Tigerlily she was "spot on", but I'm askeered you'll claim me to be an unromatic too...:frown:

To be clear, I know you didn't mean to and that was not your intent. It's just that we're a bunch of touchy wusses about our feelings when we get around to trying to sort them out.

:drama:

Dammit! You just broke the Bro Code!!! :cds: :smack:

I was going to tell Tigerlily she was "spot on", but I'm askeered you'll claim me to be an unromatic too...:frown:

There's no romance in this thread .

:yeahthat:

been there, lived that....

have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap

as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around

Maybe you are... :shrug:

Maybe you are... :shrug:

and your point?

There's no romance in this thread .

:flowers:...wanna' August lilly...(purple, not the white ones)..:rolleyes:....they're blooming again.....:lol:

Oh dang, I can't read all that!

Here's my take...

Men aren't afraid of commitment. But they think very deeply about if they're making the right decision. No man wants to wind up divorced in 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.

I would say give him his time to think and be with his buddies. (And prep yourself like someone who is wise suggested)

You two have been through a lot together. Just on a hunch, that means a lot to him. Just like it does you.

You two are young, let him figure out what he wants. I think it will probably include you.

last two minutes of this should sum it up....:lol:

5KkXOz3nmHU

Men aren't afraid of commitment. But they think very deeply about if they're making the right decision. No man wants to wind up divorced in 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them. Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that! :roflmao:

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them. Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that! :roflmao:

Right off the top of my head....hmmmmmm......I can name at least 2 that I know personally...if you give me a couple of minutes, I could prolly come up with the other 3 :biggrin:

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them. Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that! :roflmao:

Right off the top of my head....hmmmmmm......I can name at least 2 that I know personally...if you give me a couple of minutes, I could prolly come up with the other 3 :biggrin:

You skanks are wrong.
Most guys think long and hard before they make the decision to propose.
I said "Most" not "All".

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them. Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that! :roflmao:

:yay:
Ummmm....Women know within 10 minutes of meeting a man whether she will be just a friend, a #### buddy, or a complete drainer of a man's heart, dick, and wallet,...depends on the station of life she is at, at the present time.....and guys, you know as well as I do, that wimmins are 3 days ahead of you in decision making and plans that will bust your ass when you least expect it...They claim they want good guys, but they love the drama and the chance to change a man.....and nice guys scare the #### out of them because they can't pull their poor me, listen to all my past :bs:....that we really don't want to hear...the needle skips a lot to the same tune....:love:

You skanks are wrong.
Most guys think long and hard before they make the decision to propose.
I said "Most" not "All".


Give me your forehead :hot: You have a fever :faint:

They might have thought long and hard but it wasn't with their big head.

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them. Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that! :roflmao:

:faint: :lol:

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them:

You must have some f'd up friends because I don't know anyone that has done this. :crazy:

You skanks are wrong.
Most guys think long and hard before they make the decision to propose.
I said "Most" not "All".

:yay:
Ummmm....Women know within 10 minutes of meeting a man whether she will be just a friend, a #### buddy, or a complete drainer of a man's heart, dick, and wallet,...depends on the station of life she is at, at the present time.....and guys, you know as well as I do, that wimmins are 3 days ahead of you in decision making and plans that will bust your ass when you least expect it...They claim they want good guys, but they love the drama and the chance to change a man.....and nice guys scare the #### out of them because they can't pull their poor me, listen to all my past :bs:....that we really don't want to hear...the needle skips a lot to the same tune....:love:

I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single

You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world

:yeahthat:

been there, lived that....

have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap

as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around

:roflmao:

That is absolutely ridiculous. Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend. I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them. Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that! :roflmao:

Give me your forehead :hot: You have a fever :faint:

They might have thought long and hard but it wasn't with their big head.

ALL of you are divorced. And older.
Please don't try to crush this poor girls life with your bitterness...
Divorce happens to most, but not all...

I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single

You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world

:snort:

:snort:
She forgot to include the Italian Stallion...:ohwell:

ALL of you are divorced. And older.
Please don't try to crush this poor girls life with your bitterness...
Divorce happens to most, but not all...

Really? I was married for 25 years before I left. I left...Don't take this personally, but I have heard you wank about your ex and marriage.

The young girl needs to know she doesn't have to settle for what she's getting handed. There is greener grass...:yay:

I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single

You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world

And you could advise chicks how? :howdy:

I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single

You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world

Thank you....and women our age are more jaded then us.....:lol:...:ohwell:,..life's a biatch, then you die.....:huggy:

She forgot to include the Italian Stallion...:ohwell:

He is too busy on his religious soapbox to worry about women. :yay:

:snort:

you too.

Really? I was married for 25 years before I left. I left...Don't take this personally, but I have heard you wank about your ex and marriage.

The young girl needs to know she doesn't have to settle for what she's getting handed. There is greener grass...:yay:

The woman usually leaves. 75% of the time. Scientific fact. :shrug:

The woman usually leaves. 75% of the time. Scientific fact. :shrug:

And you know why....

And you know why....

Yes I do. PMS and Menopause... :lmao:

And you know why....

Sounds like he is part of the 75% :lmao:

Sounds like he is part of the 75% :lmao:

Oh, wait...

Yes I am part of the 75%.

Yes I do. PMS and Menopause... :lmao:

:smack: No. {okay I giggled a little} Someone usually screws up, cheats, they grow apart instead of together, jail, greener grass...there is no one reason :duh:

I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single

You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world

Or run off together. :yay:

Oh, wait...

Yes I am part of the 75%.

:eyebrow:

ALL of you are divorced. And older.
Please don't try to crush this poor girls life with your bitterness...
Divorce happens to most, but not all...

I am happily divorced, however I don't believe that I EVER said that it was my ex husband that did this, now did I?

I also did not direct anything towards the orginial poster of this tread....I am not now, nor have I ever been bitter about anything that my ex's have done to me.... life is too short and it's not the way I chose to live

It is her life and she needs to make the choice that best suits her

She forgot to include the Italian Stallion...:ohwell:

Who? :confused:

:smack: No. {okay I giggled a little} Someone usually screws up, cheats, they grow apart instead of together, jail, greener grass...there is no one reason :duh:

Oww! That HURT!

OK... mine was all of the above... :bawl:

Or run off together. :yay:

:lmao:

Or run off together. :yay:

:bigwhoop:

That's the best you could come up with?

:eyebrow:

just sayin'...

The woman usually leaves. 75% of the time. Scientific fact. :shrug:

Oh, wait...

Yes I am part of the 75%.

just sayin'...

:killingme

You just admitted that you were a woman

:killingme

You just admitted that you were a woman

You have seen me. Do you think I'm a woman? :lmao:

Or run off together. :yay:

He is cute.....:whistle:...Love me some jailbait..:smoochy:

He is cute.....:whistle:...Love me some jailbait..:smoochy:

b!tch, I'm not jailbait! LOL!

b!tch, I'm not jailbait! LOL!

:killingme...poke me back babe..I'm waiting....:yahoo:

There is greener grass...:yay:

No there's not. Most people are highly dysfunctional in some way, and they'll throw away a perfectly nice person they could have been happy with because that person isn't (blank) enough. You've heard me frankly admit that if I'd been more mature, my kids' dad and I would still be together to this day. Not that I'm sorry, but there it is.

But many men are highly attracted to vipers and we (you and I, Dye) are intimately familiar with at least three of them who went down that path. So for SM to say they think about it and are cautious because they don't want to be divorced later....

My god! :roflmao:

No there's not. Most people are highly dysfunctional in some way, and they'll throw away a perfectly nice person they could have been happy with because that person isn't (blank) enough. You've heard me frankly admit that if I'd been more mature, my kids' dad and I would still be together to this day. Not that I'm sorry, but there it is.

But many men are highly attracted to vipers and we (you and I, Dye) are intimately familiar with at least three of them who went down that path. So for SM to say they think about it and are cautious because they don't want to be divorced later....

My god! :roflmao:

:confused: By greener grass, I meant she could find happiness, do better for herself and be happy. Something better for her, is on the other side of him.

Oh, I know more than 3 men that went merrily skipping down that path :roflmao:

:confused: By greener grass, I meant she could find happiness, do better for herself and be happy. Something better for her, is on the other side of him.

Oh, I know more than 3 men that went merrily skipping down that path :roflmao::howdy:

Sometimes, the grass IS greener......






:smoochy:

:howdy:

Sometimes, the grass IS greener......

:smoochy:

Sometimes it is....however, more times than not, the grass turns brown rather quickly

Saw the movie "why did I get married" the other day and one guy talked about the 80-20 rule....it's basically where a person has 80(almost everything they want) at home and they trade it for 20(what they think they want at the time)

There is usually a bit of regret when the person that leaves the 80 to find that what they saw in them wasn't what was really there

Sorry guys, but this is a long one...


EDIT: I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. .

bet your fingers are sore (just kidding)
I think your answer from him is clear in what he said to you above. you heard the old saying "relationships need time to grow". I never met your Marine although know many and been around them for a long time. They are ABRASIVE by nature and training and keep their talk short and to the point. I would just give him some time and a little space. He might have just had nerves with upcoming reunion with his buddies. I think trying to drag him through any type of proffessional services would be counterproductive at his age. I suggest relying on your own communication with him when he comes to his senses and responds to your love. Give him time to figure things out within him and maybe in a few weeks, talk to him about the past a little and try to clear up any questions in his mind. Good luck;hope things work for you both.

:confused:

Yeah, I went off on a tangent and forgot my point. :lol:

Maybe the grass isn't greener? Maybe this guy is as green as it gets for her? Like 1BDZ said, 80/20 - which is what I was alluding to in my other post but she said it better.

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you settle for potential, be prepared to live with deprivation."

:diva:Yeah, I went off on a tangent and forgot my point. :lol:

Maybe the grass isn't greener? Maybe this guy is as green as it gets for her? Like 1BDZ said, 80/20 - which is what I was alluding to in my other post but she said it better.

:diva:

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you settle for potential, be prepared to live with deprivation."

And one of mine:

Woody: How's the wife, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Better than nothing.

Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him. :frown:

I got the text from him around 1:30am on Friday saying "Just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight." Then nothing. At all. Until yesterday.

I knew he was supposed to come home yesterday. Now I know that checkout at any random hotel is around 10:00am. So I assumed he'd be home by 1:00-ish. So I honestly got worried when I hadnt heard from him come 3:00pm. I havnt gone that long w/o talking to him since he was in Iraq. My mind went from everything from "Did he make it home ok and just fall asleep?" to "Did he cheat on me?" to "Did he get arrested?" to "Is he even effing ALIVE?!" Ugg... So I texted him. I said "Im sorry for texting you because I know I said I wouldnt but I've gotten worried. I just want to make sure you're Ok." I didnt get anything back so I called. It rung 3 times and his voicemail came on... meaning he ignored my call. So I didnt get anything until literally midnight and even then all it was was a text that said "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Well, havnt heard from him. I texted him and asked "Do you work tonight?" because normally, he leaves to go to work about the time I head home from work so we dont see each other unless he dosnt have work. Now he has Sprint and I have Verizon, so normally there is no way for me to tell if hes actually read my texts... my phone dosnt let me know like if I were to text another Verizon person. Unless I send a picture message... then it tells me if he's read it. So i sent the "Do you work tonight?" text as a pictures message :lol:. He opened it about an hour after I sent it (probably because he was sleeping). That was about two hours ago... And I havnt heard anything.

At this point, Im desperate to talk to him. I just need to know WTF is going on! Even if its not what I want to hear, I just need to know.

Im honestly so blown on the issue I dont know whether to be mad at him for not talking to me for the past few days or to cry because I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done. And I still dont understand why...


STOP calling, STOP texting him. dont contact him for anything at all. not one single text or call. IF he wants to talk to YOU, he will seek you out and find you. IF he doesnt, than you know your answers. IF he does, than you know he wants to communicate with you. you will NEVER know your answers if you keep "making" him respond to your calls and texts. call a friend or family member whenever you get the urge to call him, but do not call him. soon enough, you will know. even if 4,5,6,7 days go by and you havent heard from him. he's a big boy ~ you will eventually hear about it if something bad happens to him... just my thoughts. its the ONLY way you will know if HE is interested in you in his own doing, not just because you are making him be. try it and see.... wish you the best.

when he comes to his senses and responds to your love.

See? Read up, you bitter hags - THIS is romance! :yay:















:lol:

STOP calling, STOP texting him. dont contact him for anything at all. not one single text or call. IF he wants to talk to YOU, he will seek you out and find you. IF he doesnt, than you know your answers. IF he does, than you know he wants to communicate with you. you will NEVER know your answers if you keep "making" him respond to your calls and texts. call a friend or family member whenever you get the urge to call him, but do not call him. soon enough, you will know. even if 4,5,6,7 days go by and you havent heard from him. he's a big boy ~ you will eventually hear about it if something bad happens to him... just my thoughts. its the ONLY way you will know if HE is interested in you in his own doing, not just because you are making him be. try it and see.... wish you the best.

I think that the only issue with this is that he may call/text her and feed her a line of crap because they have been together for so long and she is "comfortable" to him....he will string her along while he is making up his mind on what he wants, all the while, she thinks they are moving forward with the relationship when in fact they aren't he is just using her

2 months/years from now....he finally figures out what he wants and it's not her, she is broken hearted, he is gone

I think that the only issue with this is that he may call/text her and feed her a line of crap because they have been together for so long and she is "comfortable" to him....he will string her along while he is making up his mind on what he wants, all the while, she thinks they are moving forward with the relationship when in fact they aren't he is just using her

2 months/years from now....he finally figures out what he wants and it's not her, she is broken hearted, he is gone

OMG you are so mean!!! I think he's going to come to his senses and respond to her love. :yay:

I think that the only issue with this is that he may call/text her and feed her a line of crap because they have been together for so long and she is "comfortable" to him....he will string her along while he is making up his mind on what he wants, all the while, she thinks they are moving forward with the relationship when in fact they aren't he is just using her

2 months/years from now....he finally figures out what he wants and it's not her, she is broken hearted, old, and he is gone with some young twenty something slut

:fixed: :smile:

i didnt mean to "wait forever".... if he doesnt make any contact in a few weeks, writing is all over the wall there. No ???

i didnt mean to "wait forever".... if he doesnt make any contact in a few weeks, writing is all over the wall there. No ???

The writing was on the wall when he said something to the effect of being better off as friends...

Sounds like he wants a "friends with benefits" type of relationship...or to call her whenever he feels the urge as he knows she will wait for him.

I think she has a choice of either going "all in" and devoting her life to questioning a relationship or "folding" and moving on with her life.

now ya know Y i ain`t hooked @ the hip "Yet".



Ah... this mystery is finally explained!

The writing was on the wall when he said something to the effect of being better off as friends...

Sounds like he wants a "friends with benefits" type of relationship...or to call her whenever he feels the urge as he knows she will wait for him.

We established in another thread awhile back that men don't want to be friends with a former girlfriend. The consensus among the guys was that once they no longer want to have sex with a woman, she's pretty much worthless to them.

So if he means it that he wants to be friends, it also means he still wants to have sex with her, which means she still has his attention and everything is good to go. :yay:

And one of mine:

Woody: How's the wife, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Better than nothing.

:lol:


Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?

i do have a way with words,



This is proven daily.

We established in another thread awhile back that men don't want to be friends with a former girlfriend. The consensus among the guys was that once they no longer want to have sex with a woman, she's pretty much worthless to them.

So if he means it that he wants to be friends, it also means he still wants to have sex with her, which means she still has his attention and everything is good to go. :yay:

Not necessarily...some guys will keep stringing the girl along knowing that if he does, he will continue to have the booty call whenever he wants it...it doesn't mean that she still has his attention....it just means that he wants some place to stick his dick when he can't get it from who he really is going after

and I have to agree....once the sex is gone, so is the "friend"

:lol:


Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?

Exactly. What a crock of ####! This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses :rolleyes:

:lol:


Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?

That's what I thought. :lol:

:lol:


Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?

Exactly. What a crock of ####! This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses :rolleyes:


You know, and the thing is...that isn't even funny!!! People are just crazy!!! To come up w/some stupid story about going to the hospital because he's sick and then couldn't call? I just think he's a real horses ass and if he is truly lying, she needs to seriously kick his ass to the curb and DON'T LOOK BACK!!! All she has to do is call the hospital to find out if he was admitted to see if he is lying or not.

You know, and the thing is...that isn't even funny!!! People are just crazy!!! To come up w/some stupid story about going to the hospital because he's sick and then couldn't call? I just think he's a real horses ass and if he is truly lying, she needs to seriously kick his ass to the curb and DON'T LOOK BACK!!! All she has to do is call the hospital to find out if he was admitted to see if he is lying or not.

I'm sure he has some sort of paperwork he can show her. And if he really was in the hospital, the reason he gave her is BS. My guess is alcohol poisoning. :yay:

We established in another thread awhile back that men don't want to be friends with a former girlfriend. The consensus among the guys was that once they no longer want to have sex with a woman, she's pretty much worthless to them.


Maybe I should 'splain this.


There are very few women who enjoy engaging in the same activities as I do.

I like playing Halo, eating copious amounts of red meat, fixing mechanical and electronic gadgetry and watching movies where there are car chases, aliens, explosions and guys saying one-liners before blowing someone's head off.

Most chicks don't like these things.

Instead most chicks don't play any video games, they eat raw green food, the only thing they "fix" is their hair, and they enjoy movies where people form ya-ya sisterhoods and where women get their grooves back.


Speaking only for myself, it was not very often that I would meet a women who likes all the same bull#### that I like myself. It's even LESS often that I would meet a woman who liked all the same #### as me, and was still attractive enough to want to sleep with (it may be shallow, but being physically attracted to my partner is pretty important to me).


Anyway - when I finally came across one of these rare women who like the same #### as me, I would hold on as best as I could. And when these women would leave, I might have wanted to remain friends - but it was just too damn painful to be reminded of what I lost. So getting a plutonic friendship going seems to be a lost cause there.



As for the other women, I never bothered to remain friends, simply because I'm not interested in the same things they are - nothing personal. The only reason to stay in such as relationship is for booty-calls.


So if he means it that he wants to be friends, it also means he still wants to have sex with her, which means she still has his attention and everything is good to go. :yay:

:yay:

Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags! Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him. When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.

I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...

Not necessarily...some guys will keep stringing the girl along knowing that if he does, he will continue to have the booty call whenever he wants it...it doesn't mean that she still has his attention....it just means that he wants some place to stick his dick when he can't get it from who he really is going after

and I have to agree....once the sex is gone, so is the "friend"

Yep, I agree. He could be just holding on for the sex until something else better comes along. Plenty of men out there who do that. Sex does not keep a couple together. She needs to stop being delusional and come to terms w/the idea that this guy could be stringing her along and feeding her a load of crap! BEWARE!!!!

Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags! Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him. When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.

I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...

:rolleyes: <--you felt me do this at you, right?

Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags! Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him. When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.

I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...

I just called the hospital. They've never heard of him.

Not necessarily...some guys will keep stringing the girl along knowing that if he does, he will continue to have the booty call whenever he wants it...it doesn't mean that she still has his attention....it just means that he wants some place to stick his dick when he can't get it from who he really is going after

and I have to agree....once the sex is gone, so is the "friend"

I'm sure he has some sort of paperwork he can show her. And if he really was in the hospital, the reason he gave her is BS. My guess is alcohol poisoning. :yay:

:killingme:dingding:

I don't believe he was really critically sick because any man that loves a woman would be sure to let their woman know they were sick or hurt in order to receive the healing nurturing that comes from a woman's love, nursing and undivided attention until he's healed.

I don't believe he was really critically sick because any man that loves a woman would be sure to let their woman know they were sick or hurt in order to receive the healing nurturing that comes from a woman's love, nursing and undivided attention until he's healed.

What if the "sickness" for which he sought treatment was an STD?

I like playing Halo, eating copious amounts of red meat, fixing mechanical and electronic gadgetry and watching movies where there are car chases, aliens, explosions and guys saying one-liners before blowing someone's head off.

I was happy perfect for you except for that fixing gadgetry line. :ohwell: :bawl:

i amaze myself sumtimes that i can put more than 1 thawt 2gether & tipe

You and me both. :crazy:

What if the "sickness" for which he sought treatment was an STD?

That is exactly how Elvis came up with his "Hunkahunk of Burning Love" song.

That is exactly how Elvis came up with his "Hunkahunk of Burning Love" song.

:nono: Don't you blasphemy THE King...Elvis :jameo: :faint:

f U go mess w/yr kind. called a whiteboy f off.

Leave your lights on!

:nono: Don't you blasphemy THE King...Elvis :jameo: :faint:

That's my favorite Elvis song and I will NOT let Kwillia ruin it for me! :lalala:

That's my favorite Elvis song and I will NOT let Kwillia ruin it for me! :lalala:

The not-well known B side is his remake of "Burning Ring of Fire".

The not-well known B side is his remake of "Burning Ring of Fire".

:miggyisnarrowinghereyesatkwilliabear: That is totally untrue. The B-Side was "It's a Matter of Time".

I was happy perfect for you except for that fixing gadgetry line. :ohwell: :bawl:



Well, if you like watching me fixing gadgetry, then you're right back in there :)

:miggyisnarrowinghereyesatkwilliabear: That is totally untrue. The B-Side was "It's a Matter of Time".

Best liine in the song "Time and penicillin heal all wounds".. :huggy:

I don't believe he was really critically sick because any man that loves a woman would be sure to let their woman know they were sick or hurt in order to receive the healing nurturing that comes from a woman's love, nursing and undivided attention until he's healed.

I think it was very thoughtful of him not to bother her with his petty medical problems.

:nono: Don't you blasphemy THE King...Elvis :jameo: :faint:

Aside:

I taught my 1.5 yo grandson to respond, "Elvis!" when I ask him, "Who's the King?"

:lol:

:lol:


Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?

Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP. By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.

Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP. By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.

Like ####### skanky, young #######? :shocking:

Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP. By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.

I think I saw this same story on an episode of Cheaters :popcorn:

Well, if you like watching me fixing gadgetry, then you're right back in there :)
:fistpump: YES! :yahoo:

Best liine in the song "Time and penicillin heal all wounds".. :huggy:
:burning: lol

Aside:

I taught my 1.5 yo grandson to respond, "Elvis!" when I ask him, "Who's the King?"

Awww. I always like to hear of youngsters being raised right.

Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP. By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.

Back to topic...I concur completely. I think the problem I had was the "be here at 9pm babe for snuggle time" my words not the OPs - which screams to me "booty call" and "I am just using you". :shrug: But that's me being judgmental.

Aside:

I taught my 1.5 yo grandson to respond, "Elvis!" when I ask him, "Who's the King?"

:lol:

21 months!!! :jameo:

:lol:

I think I saw this same story on an episode of Cheaters :popcorn:

When I read this earlier, I thought it said Cheers, not Cheaters, and I did not get it at all. :lol:

When I read this earlier, I thought it said Cheers, not Cheaters, and I did not get it at all. :lol:

Sam was always neglecting Diane thus leaving her with doubt. :frown:

I think it was very thoughtful of him not to bother her with his petty medical problems.

Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?

If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around

Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?

If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around

I thought she meant he was detoxing from missing his pain meds.

Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?

If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around

I think he said that he was detoxing from not taking his pain meds. If I was in the OP's situation, I'd want to see his discharge papers from the hospital. It's a pretty well thought out story, and it may be true, but it seems a little too convenient that all this happened on the one weekend that he wanted his space to hang out with his buddies in DC. If his story was indeed true, then I apologize for not trusting him. Just sounds shady to me.

I wonder if the OP met up with him last night and what happened? Hope it wasn't a booty call and that they talked about what's been going on.

I thought she meant he was detoxing from missing his pain meds.

And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?

And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?

And I dont' know much about being addicted to pain meds, but when House would skip a dose, it wouldn't send him to the hospital. :lol: I mean, one dose causes someone to be hospitalized? :confused:

Wait, I just re-read. Apparently he had food poisoning as well.

So he just called me. Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).

I asked him how his weekend was. He said "Good, until yesterday." Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room. Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast. So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel. He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.

So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home. He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds. Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it. Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox. So he went to the hospital. Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down. Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home? Yes. However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call. Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial. That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me. Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him. All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital. Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...

So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work. I just wanted to call and say Hi. Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home? Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work." I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good. I hope you have a good day, babe. Ill see you later. I love you. Bye."

That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting juuusssttt a lil bit this weekend. Now like I said, Im not making excused for him. Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets). Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign. :yay: Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore :lol:

I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday. Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried. Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids :lmao:


SORRY, just reading backwards here.... i hope he didnt honestly say there was NO CELL SERVICE at Calvert Memorial...???. I have been in that ER four occasions in the past year and have been able to call my ex regarding our daughters injuries EVERY TIME...from in the treatment room...one being in the very back of the ER area. In the past 10 years, we have been there on probably 8 occasions total and have ALWAYS had service...outgoing and incoming calls both. Sprint, Nextel and Verizon ALL have service there. Sweetie, you need to STOP listening to his BS. Take a deep breath and feel blessed that you CAN WALK AWAY without ever having to look back. But better yet, if you insist, be crazy and ask him to show you the discharge papers they gave him....or did he lose them already? I'm sorry.... if you're willing to believe him, than be willing to live the life of "stories". :(

And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?

:dingding:

And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?

:howdy: And if he steals from me to support his habit...:hot:

If I was in the OP's situation, I'd want to see his discharge papers from the hospital.

Why? If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.

Why? If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.

Starting a thread wouldn't be enough of a clue? :lol:

Why? If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.

As if the clue of him needing a little space wasn't clear enough... :lol:

It's over. You will now be known as the FWB.

Starting a thread wouldn't be enough of a clue? :lol:

Heck no. Ya gotta get a consensus from strangers before you can move on to Clueville.

Why? If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.

By the way, I don't care if the OP wants to see them or not (I think she's abandoned us anyway). I want to see them!! I was rooting for these kids and I'd love it if he were telling the truth because I love love!

Heck no. Ya gotta get a consensus from strangers before you can move on to Clueville.

That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer. :burning:

That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer. :burning:

I gave you a serious answer - Sheetz french fries :yay:

I gave you a serious answer - Sheetz french fries :yay:
Sheetz has French Fries? :doh:

That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer. :burning:

I highly recommend Lone Star in Waldorf...:smile:

Sheetz has French Fries? :doh:

Vegan and gluten-free! And organic!

real love is in the heart, & not online.
once it`s realized, it`s not all about
what is yours or mine.

ya just have to give it a fair chance,
instead of wondering
about all the dance.

be yrself, & it will all be as you so wish it to be.
Otherwise U`ll still be typing & thinkin,
if only i could just live that Glee.

:swoon:

I highly recommend Lone Star in Waldorf...:smile:

:killingme

That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer. :burning:

I did! :buddies:

If u attempt a hill that is 2 steep
don`t think twice b4 U take that leap.
If yr confident about the goal in mind,
U`ll never look behind.

Once there, everything else is downhill
than U have no reason to seek any other thrill
Once U decide to commit to it,
all the rest is what u make of it.

Words to Live By

c i can tipe wenn i wanna. :D

:double-swoon: I have a thing for forum poetry.

If u attempt a hill that is 2 steep
don`t think twice b4 U take that leap.
If yr confident about the goal in mind,
U`ll never look behind.

Once there, everything else is downhill
than U have no reason to seek any other thrill
Once U decide to commit to it,
all the rest is what u make of it.

Words to Live By

c i can tipe wenn i wanna. :D

:killingme

:loser:

:lol:


Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?

Exactly. What a crock of ####! This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses :rolleyes:

That's what I thought. :lol:

You know, and the thing is...that isn't even funny!!! People are just crazy!!! To come up w/some stupid story about going to the hospital because he's sick and then couldn't call? I just think he's a real horses ass and if he is truly lying, she needs to seriously kick his ass to the curb and DON'T LOOK BACK!!! All she has to do is call the hospital to find out if he was admitted to see if he is lying or not.

Actually the story wasn’t BS. I’ve seen the 3 IV marks (one in each arm, one in his wrist) because his veins kept closing, along with his wrist band in the trash and the initial discharge bill. Since he is covered under the VA's healthcare, TriCare, he isnt supposed to go to anywhere other than a VA hospital because they wont cover the costs. He was so sick, however, that he had to go to Calvert instead of going to DC. So after 6 hrs, 3 IV bags, 3 shots of morphine and 2 shots of anti-vomiting meds, his initial bill is $400+

I'm sure he has some sort of paperwork he can show her. And if he really was in the hospital, the reason he gave her is BS. My guess is alcohol poisoning. :yay:

Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP. By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.

They wouldn’t give him three shots of morphine for alcohol poisoning. They would give him three shots of morphine if he was going through morphine withdrawals…

Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?

If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around

I meant “detox” in the sense of “withdrawls” from his pain meds

And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?

Hes not a junkie. Hes an Iraqi War veteran who received severe back injuries from two deployments and is on pain meds so that he can not only get through everyday life, but also WORK and not have to rely on welfare, etc. Cut him some slack...

Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags! Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him. When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.

I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...

Thanks, Vrai.

FYI to all who are still following :lol:- I went over the other night, and we talked. Thats it. I gotta run for now but Ill give more details later.