So what goes on in a male's head that leads them to hit the woman they are with? Especially when it's a fairly big dude and a tiny petite little gal? Seriously. Is this learned behavior or something broken in the brain pan?

I had the ocassion to respond to just such an incident... and I can't wrap my head around how... I mean, I'm 6'3" and cannot even picture striking any female out of anger, let alone one that is 4'10" and less than half my body weight...

I just don't get it. How can a man think this is OK? Anyone know the actual reason some guys do this (as opposed to "some guys are jerks" or some other over simplified answer)?

I beleive they feel the need to be superior and in control at all times. I was an abused spouse for 7 years, and always felt it was my fault for one reason or another. They manage to brain wash you that way. I still wrestle to this day, at times, as to what I am worth and why people care about me. I can honestly say that I would go through it all again to get where I am now. Three wonderful sons came from that abusive relationship, and currently celebrating 25 years in a second marriage. I was fortunate....I came out alive :-) Many don't!

Control. Probably witnessed it themselves as boys and think its the way to handle a woman.

Unraveling.

Some people just lose it for a moment.

Unraveling.

Some people just lose it for a moment.

MMmmm maybe sometimes... this was at least the third time this guy has done this... we had a 'chat' about it, don't know if it'll do any good... I talked to her too, and now at least she knows she's got help if she wants it. :shrug: Don't really know what else to do.

Seems to me this is definitely more in the 'control' category... but even that, you don't need to beat someone to control them. It's just mind boggling to me I guess. Like people who seriously abuse little kids. I just don't get the mindset. Personally, every fiber of my being rails against that sort of behavior so when I encounter it it's almost surreal.

MMmmm maybe sometimes... this was at least the third time this guy has done this... we had a 'chat' about it, don't know if it'll do any good... I talked to her too, and now at least she knows she's got help if she wants it. :shrug: Don't really know what else to do.

Seems to me this is definitely more in the 'control' category... but even that, you don't need to beat someone to control them. It's just mind boggling to me I guess. Like people who seriously abuse little kids. I just don't get the mindset. Personally, every fiber of my being rails against that sort of behavior so when I encounter it it's almost surreal.
Crazy behavior to me as well. That's why it's not set in stone, black and white. Could be any number of factors or a combination. In any case, it's wrong.

I know I personally could never do it. Makes me sick to my stomach. Seeing it in action has it's lasting impressions.

Some, I think, its learned, from Dad perhaps. Others, I think its control through and based on fear. If they dont make the other fear them, they dont think they have any control, because they know they only obey what they fear. Those types, I think can never really change, and will only stop if they fear the consequences of being abusive.

My sisters first husband was abusive, this was back when he was 20 and she was 17. She left then, never went back to him. I think he was the first type. They are a good bit older now, and he has actually turned into a decent guy, treats his wife right. Not sure when he learned, must have been sometime during the 15 years he was not a part of my sisters life. Luckily, none of his kids seem to have picked it up. The cycle can be broken.

My father was an abusive arsehole to my mother for 30 yrs. Personally, I'd like to see someone bigger than him, kick his/their f-ing arse everytime they lay a hand on a woman in anything but a loving manner. Feel it. Know what it feels like...know what I mean?

I think a sign that things may not go well in a relationship is when the guy doesn't ever accept responsibility for anything he's done wrong. Then when he hits his woman he blames HER for "making"him do it. Really now? How did SHE make HIM hit her?

Oh there's also the type that hits (violent temper), then apologizes for it, but it becomes a repeated event ..... over, and over, and over ........ I LOVE YOU he says ..... (he only THINKS he loves her .... love does not include regular (or irregular) abuse ....

Usually it is control ..... plain and simple. You will do as I say or else. You will fear me and quiver in your shoes for fear that I may hit you again. You will continue to fear me and therefore be a good woman to me.

Being 5' tall and so small, I can't possibly be much of a threat to anyone, especially not a big guy.

MMmmm maybe sometimes... this was at least the third time this guy has done this... we had a 'chat' about it, don't know if it'll do any good... I talked to her too, and now at least she knows she's got help if she wants it. :shrug: Don't really know what else to do.

Seems to me this is definitely more in the 'control' category... but even that, you don't need to beat someone to control them. It's just mind boggling to me I guess. Like people who seriously abuse little kids. I just don't get the mindset. Personally, every fiber of my being rails against that sort of behavior so when I encounter it it's almost surreal.

I decidied after his first attempt to beat me that I did not like it. I beat the crap out of him with my fists. I hit him like a man would hit him. I balled up my fists and punched him 3 times, it was a right-left-right, and it was over. We were in a pool, and he had been messing with a teenage girl. I was a teen myself, but I knew he was a pervert by then, so I had warned him, "touch that girl one more time and I will beat the crap out of you". He smiled and did it again. Anyway there was a large audience of fellow appartment dwellers, so he was more embarrased. I gave him a huge black eye. It was followed by him hitting me on the head while I dried my hair, and then again the next night, He was embarrased and was trying to get me for it. I knew I was going to kill him, so I dumped him. The next man in my life, I lived with for a year before I married him. He has never laid a hand on me in anger. He is my teddy bear. Men who beat weaker smaller people should never get to be with a woman, or have kids. I chose not to live my life that way, or allow my child to witness that crap like I did throughout my childhood. I did consider my Mom a coward, and didn't want to be like her.:smack: I forgot to add that I wrote A$$hole bacwards with perm marker on his forehead so he could read it right way in the mirror the next day, he went to work like that, along with the black eye.:whistle:

A man I dated hit me only once. Actually he threw me down the stairs. I was far from home and scared of having nowhere to go, but luckily I had a friend who didn't ask any questions and helped me get back on my feet.

Before I left, I put Nair in his shampoo and took the cover off the air return in his bedroom and deposited frozen fish and meat from the fridge. He'd met another woman and I thought the stench in the bedroom would help his new romance.

My father was an abusive arsehole to my mother for 30 yrs. Personally, I'd like to see someone bigger than him, kick his/their f-ing arse everytime they lay a hand on a woman in anything but a loving manner. Feel it. Know what it feels like...know what I mean?

Well, I didn't beat him down, but I did punch him in the mouth hard enough to knock him on his arse when he called her a b*tch in front of me. He never actually got it all out... He really calmed down and dropped the attitude after that too. :yay: I think some of these guys have never been treated that way themselves, and this guy, now he knows...

At any rate, I heard from her this AM he has agreed to counseling, which he wouldn't do before. I'd like to think I helped with that.

Regretfully, incidents like this seem to increase around the holiday season, i heard multiple 10-16's going out yesterday ( domestic problems). Thank you Turbo for stepping in and making a difference. I have done the same as you did and have stepped in the middle of it before, sometimes the abuser and abusee learn but regretfully a lot of times they don't and the cycle just continues.

I had the ocassion to respond to just such an incident... and I can't wrap my head around how...





You Never Met MY EX-Wife .......... I had to divorce that ##### or I was going to end up killing her .... (not making excuses for Neanderthal's that beat women because they can) my Ex knew all the buttons to push, her shouting matches were character assignations ... not a meaningful discussion about what I did wrong this time ......... but things I did wrong 6 months ago or last yr ....

We learn at an early age that when we start crying there are going to be guys showing up with their ####s sticking out looking to exploit the situation. So, your knight-in-shining-armor routine doesn't fool me any more than the women's babe-in-the-woods routines.

Nice try. It was my 'little' cousin. Family, jackass. Knight in shining armor? For family? You bet your ass.

Blow me.

We learn at an early age that when we start crying there are going to be guys showing up with their ####s sticking out looking to exploit the situation. So, your knight-in-shining-armor routine doesn't fool me any more than the women's babe-in-the-woods routines.You sound like someone who needs a good punch or three. :smack: :shutup:

You Never Met MY EX-Wife .......... I had to divorce that ##### or I was going to end up killing her .... (not making excuses for Neanderthal's that beat women because they can) my Ex knew all the buttons to push, her shouting matches were character assignations ... not a meaningful discussion about what I did wrong this time ......... but things I did wrong 6 months ago or last yr ....

Oh don't get wrong... I've been with women before like that. But wanting to knock the crap out of someone half your size, and actually doing it, are two different things. I've had my share of shouting matches and reduced one or two to tears, sure. But hit out of anger? Um, no. If it is that bad, then you do what you did, get out. :shrug: Women aren't the only ones who can ditch an abusive or manipulative relationship. :shrug:

I agree in can go either way. Isn't always physical abuse either.

Most men KNOW if the woman they are with is the type to put him down excessively or not. If she's that type and you don't like that, why are you with her? Why put up with that?

For ETC? Not sure WHAT was going on for her to have such an extensive list of bad stuff to draw on that spanned months and months on end? :gossip:

Oh don't get wrong... I've been with women before like that. But wanting to knock the crap out of someone half your size, and actually doing it, are two different things. I've had my share of shouting matches and reduced one or two to tears, sure. But hit out of anger? Um, no. If it is that bad, then you do what you did, get out. :shrug: Women aren't the only ones who can ditch an abusive or manipulative relationship. :shrug:

Don't remember why but my first wife pissed me off and I slapped her. She slapped me back. First and only time that ever happened. I don't like getting beat up.

A man should never hit a woman.


Unless she doesn't listen.

My husband and I had a talk about this subject when we met,as he grew up in an abusive household. I just explained to him that although he may be stronger,he has to sleep eventually. No problems 14 years later.

:evil:

My husband and I had a talk about this subject when we met,as he grew up in an abusive household. I just explained to him that although he may be stronger,he has to sleep eventually. No problems 14 years later.

I know you said this to get a reaction ..... so here ya go

:smack:

A man should never hit a woman.


Unless she doesn't listen.

My husband and I had a talk about this subject when we met,as he grew up in an abusive household. I just explained to him that although he may be stronger,he has to sleep eventually. No problems 14 years later.

If your "talk" with your husband is anything like your posts on here, he should be nominated for the Noble Peace prize...... or he is deaf

I know you said this to get a reaction ..... so here ya go

:smack::kiss:

Nah,he is with me because I own him. Remember,I luv's the blacks,Hazy.

In hindsight, I wish I had abused the F### out of my ex.

In hindsight, I wish I had abused the F### out of my ex.

In hindsight, I wish I realized being beaten for no reason was not normal. F all of you who are making fun of domestic abuse.

You are the abusers.

That's just about all that will have you.

My husband is white - I'm being sarcastic. He also had children with me,not someone else,unlike yours. :buddies: And by saying that is all that would have me,you are saying that a black man isn't as good as a white one,I presume? Meh,no point debating,you are behind the keyboard,so you'll keep going - the only thing that stops women like you is being face to face,then you don't have much to say. :bigwhoop: I'm not going to be nasty,it's the holidays,so have a good one, I hope you got a lot of Nascar memorabilia for Christmas,and that you were able to get your sheets nice and white for the upcoming new year rallies and such. :love: Make sure you tell that daughter of yours (do you call her yours since your husband had her with another woman?) best wishes on her surely impending teen pregnancy and trailer. Oh,I saw your other post about how you gave blowjobs for Christmas. Glad to see you are working again.

In hindsight, I wish I had abused the F### out of my ex.

In hindsight, I wish I realized being beaten for no reason was not normal. F all of you who are making fun of domestic abuse.

You are the abusers.

Dang, he must have beat the sense of humor out of you. :killingme

Either that, or you not realizing being beaten wasn't normal, means you are a moron.

I decidied after his first attempt to beat me that I did not like it. I beat the crap out of him with my fists. I hit him like a man would hit him. I balled up my fists and punched him 3 times, it was a right-left-right, and it was over. We were in a pool, and he had been messing with a teenage girl. I was a teen myself, but I knew he was a pervert by then, so I had warned him, "touch that girl one more time and I will beat the crap out of you". He smiled and did it again. Anyway there was a large audience of fellow appartment dwellers, so he was more embarrased. I gave him a huge black eye. It was followed by him hitting me on the head while I dried my hair, and then again the next night, He was embarrased and was trying to get me for it. I knew I was going to kill him, so I dumped him. The next man in my life, I lived with for a year before I married him. He has never laid a hand on me in anger. He is my teddy bear. Men who beat weaker smaller people should never get to be with a woman, or have kids. I chose not to live my life that way, or allow my child to witness that crap like I did throughout my childhood. I did consider my Mom a coward, and didn't want to be like her.:smack: I forgot to add that I wrote A$$hole bacwards with perm marker on his forehead so he could read it right way in the mirror the next day, he went to work like that, along with the black eye.:whistle:

Did you hit him first and he hit back? or did he start with the physical stuff, because the way you are explaining it seems like you hit him because he was flirting with some poon in the pool. Guys should not hit girls but girls shouldn't hit guys either, it goes both ways.
Still guys in general are bigger and badder and should not lay hands on females out of anger. Period. Provoked or not, a real man should walk away before he clocks a woman that isn't attempting to kill him in earnest.
Don't remember why but my first wife pissed me off and I slapped her. She slapped me back. First and only time that ever happened. I don't like getting beat up.
:killingme

Control. Probably witnessed it themselves as boys and think its the way to handle a woman.

Not necessarily the way to handle a woman, but it's probably about control. When these guys were young they probably got smacked around by their parents for misbehaving. If they think they should be the Alpha male then they'll revert back to behavior that established other people as their Alpha.

Did you hit him first and he hit back? or did he start with the physical stuff, because the way you are explaining it seems like you hit him because he was flirting with some poon in the pool. Guys should not hit girls but girls shouldn't hit guys either, it goes both ways.
Still guys in general are bigger and badder and should not lay hands on females out of anger. Period. Provoked or not, a real man should walk away before he clocks a woman that isn't attempting to kill him in earnest.

:killingme

He beat her up. This was the third time. I drove up there to 'talk' to him (family and all). He starting mouthing off and called her a b*tch for no reason, as she was basically welcoming me at the door. So I hit him. It was all I needed to see (hear).

He has anger issues. That much is obvious. So do I, but I didn't beat HIM up, even though I had reason (family rights :lmao:). By his own admission he hit her, she never hit him.

After the pop in the kisser he settled down and got right nice and open about everything over a couple cups of coffee. I didn't entirely by the 'poor me and my inability to control myself' speach though...

My SO has weaknesses and shortcmings just like everyone else on the planet..but I know for a fact he would never lay a hand on me..as much as I push his buttons sometimes. In fact, he is the kind of person that would see a chick getting handled rough by a guy and intervene. He hates it. I, by the same token would never lay a hand on him..as much as I would love to whack him sometimes:jerry: if I hit him, he would be well within his rights to hit me back, and then he would die. we know that, and understand that about each other. So, instead we just yell and scream the way God intended.

Now, that makes sense. :sarcasm: If you hit him, he would have a right to hit you back, but you would kill him for doing so. That flawed logic is exactly why I have very few female friends.
:whoosh:

This raises a concern for me.
My daughter watches movies where girls kick the crap out of guys.
She then thinks she can do it (she's a munchkin).
How do I tell her that even though she thinks she can hit boys, one day one will hit her back, hard?
I don't want that to happen.

Seems unanimous that it is a control factor, I feel like whooping some azz now, come here ANNEYMAYER and HAZYCLOUD you to need two learn to get along ha ha, hold on let me get my white T, uuma learn ya

I saw plenty abuse growing up, the stair throwing, screams, mom gone for days spending nights in a state home with a Nanny. Years ago, but no man should ever hit a lady. I would intervene if I saw this happening also, ut sad the women will stick up for the man though. But what gets me is that most women stay after the first Tyson punch I LUV HIM, geeeesh. There is something about that first punch that seems to turn a lady on I guess.

Well how do you keep your wife in line? Oh maybe she keeps you in line .... ?


j/k :jerry:

Seems unanimous that it is a control factor, I feel like whooping some azz now, come here ANNEYMAYER and HAZYCLOUD you to need two learn to get along ha ha, hold on let me get my white T, uuma learn ya

I saw plenty abuse growing up, the stair throwing, screams, mom gone for days spending nights in a state home with a Nanny. Years ago, but no man should ever hit a lady. I would intervene if I saw this happening also, ut sad the women will stick up for the man though. But what gets me is that most women stay after the first Tyson punch I LUV HIM, geeeesh. There is something about that first punch that seems to turn a lady on I guess.

This whole thread makes me very sad.

Yes. I am a moron for putting up with it, still loving him and for God's sake, I protected him and never pressed charges even when the police had him in public after smacking me down.

He's a good man in so many ways and he took his anger out on me. Great father, etc...

I was a punching bag.

He's also a good "ol local boy and he knew he had me.

He apologized each time and I chose to believe him. We had a nice life...BUT

I finally got out of it, but I needed help.

To this day he refuses to get counseling but admits he has a major anger problem. Xanax has helped to an extent. His doctor prescribes it for "anxiety".

If you know anybody in this situation, please help them.

TMI, but it might help somebody or get somebody to help a person in this situation.

Well how do you keep your wife in line? Oh maybe she keeps you in line .... ?


j/k :jerry:

Girl don't make me, some people call me "Big Ike" I have been known to slap a hoe for not buttering my bread right, not saying you a hoe so don't take it personal beetch :killingme It's really just crazy how women put up with it, insecurity, they want to be loved and feel that is the best they can do. Surley a phsycological thing with women who take this sheit. Someone mentioned at one point in time the man has to go to sleep, that abused spouse just might make sure he never wakes up again. Some women are just phsycologicly weak minded, very beautiful or ugly and they still will put with it. Ark you be good the rest of the day or else.

This whole thread makes me very sad.

Yes. I am a moron for putting up with it, still loving him and for God's sake, I protected him and never pressed charges even when the police had him in public after smacking me down.

He's a good man in so many ways and he took his anger out on me. Great father, etc...

I was a punching bag.

He's also a good "ol local boy and he knew he had me.

He apologized each time and I chose to believe him. We had a nice life...BUT

I finally got out of it, but I needed help.

To this day he refuses to get counseling but admits he has a major anger problem. Xanax has helped to an extent. His doctor prescribes it for "anxiety".

If you know anybody in this situation, please help them.

TMI, but it might help somebody or get somebody to help a person in this situation.

So when he drew first blood why the F didn't you leave, that what most people will never understand. And it affects the kids for the rest of thier lives too whether they show it or not.

So when he drew first blood why the F didn't you leave, that what most people will never understand. And it affects the kids for the rest of thier lives too whether they show it or not.

He had me in complete control. I was a housewife with children who was a prior working gal with children. The former was preferable because he was able to work more (self-employed) Work included many golf outings and chit chatting with clients after hours.

If you treated me bad? .... You wouldn't want ME to butter your toast for you, believe me ..... :whistle:

Girl don't make me, some people call me "Big Ike" I have been known to slap a hoe for not buttering my bread right, not saying you a hoe so don't take it personal beetch :killingme It's really just crazy how women put up with it, insecurity, they want to be loved and feel that is the best they can do. Surley a phsycological thing with women who take this sheit. Someone mentioned at one point in time the man has to go to sleep, that abused spouse just might make sure he never wakes up again. Some women are just phsycologicly weak minded, very beautiful or ugly and they still will put with it. Ark you be good the rest of the day or else.

My husband is white - I'm being sarcastic. He also had children with me,not someone else,unlike yours. :buddies: And by saying that is all that would have me,you are saying that a black man isn't as good as a white one,I presume? Meh,no point debating,you are behind the keyboard,so you'll keep going - the only thing that stops women like you is being face to face,then you don't have much to say. :bigwhoop: I'm not going to be nasty,it's the holidays,so have a good one, I hope you got a lot of Nascar memorabilia for Christmas,and that you were able to get your sheets nice and white for the upcoming new year rallies and such. :love: Make sure you tell that daughter of yours (do you call her yours since your husband had her with another woman?) best wishes on her surely impending teen pregnancy and trailer. Oh,I saw your other post about how you gave blowjobs for Christmas. Glad to see you are working again.

TFF

Some of us don't know what TFF is?

My husband is white - I'm being sarcastic. He also had children with me,not someone else,unlike yours. :buddies: And by saying that is all that would have me,you are saying that a black man isn't as good as a white one,I presume? Meh,no point debating,you are behind the keyboard,so you'll keep going - the only thing that stops women like you is being face to face,then you don't have much to say. :bigwhoop: I'm not going to be nasty,it's the holidays,so have a good one, I hope you got a lot of Nascar memorabilia for Christmas,and that you were able to get your sheets nice and white for the upcoming new year rallies and such. :love: Make sure you tell that daughter of yours (do you call her yours since your husband had her with another woman?) best wishes on her surely impending teen pregnancy and trailer. Oh,I saw your other post about how you gave blowjobs for Christmas. Glad to see you are working again.

Do you know where she is working at today? I would like to drop by for some Christmas cheer.

Some of us don't know what TFF is?

You obviously don't know a thing about Domestic Violence either. Do some extensive reading on the subject, then come back on and bad mouth the women evolved.

You obviously don't know a thing about Domestic Violence either. Do some extensive reading on the subject, then come back on and bad mouth the women evolved.

I did not bad mouth anyone, I asked questions, I wanted to hear from a person that went through, she put it out there not me. We share thoughts and learn things here if you would pay attention, I don't need need to read a dam book dummy. Are you one of those weak minded people, if so sorry. If its a weak minded issue that some women have well then it is what it is, why should I sugar coat it, but thanks for your opinion anyway :smoochy: happy new year

I did not bad mouth anyone, I asked questions, I wanted to hear from a person that went through, she put it out there not me. We share thoughts and learn things here if you would pay attention, I don't need need to read a dam book dummy. Are you one of those weak minded people, if so sorry. If its a weak minded issue that some women have well then it is what it is, why should I sugar coat it, but thanks for your opinion anyway :smoochy: happy new year

TFYD

TFYD

Women who allow that type of abuse are weak minded, I stick by that statement.

Women who allow that type of abuse are weak minded, I stick by that statement.

Just show's that you DKWTFYATA

You know where you can stick that....

Do you know where she is working at today? I would like to drop by for some Christmas cheer.

I would venture to guess somewhere near Budd's Creek. Or you could try that trailer park on Hermanville. Just remember,ROLL YOUR PENNIES. No loose change. Let's keep it classy.

This whole thread makes me very sad.

Yes. I am a moron for putting up with it, still loving him and for God's sake, I protected him and never pressed charges even when the police had him in public after smacking me down.

He's a good man in so many ways and he took his anger out on me. Great father, etc...

I was a punching bag.

He's also a good "ol local boy and he knew he had me.

He apologized each time and I chose to believe him. We had a nice life...BUT

I finally got out of it, but I needed help.

To this day he refuses to get counseling but admits he has a major anger problem. Xanax has helped to an extent. His doctor prescribes it for "anxiety".

If you know anybody in this situation, please help them.

TMI, but it might help somebody or get somebody to help a person in this situation.

Wenchy has a very valid point. Everyone on here,and in life has character flaws and weaknesses. And a lot of times,these things start in childhood. My daughters have friends who I can look at their home situation and think wow,they are in for a tough road as they grow up. You guys jump on her as if she did something wrong by tolerating abuse-she did something not in good judgement,but not necessarily wrong-she did what she could at the time. Good for you Wenchy for leaving,but every woman on here who has been married and has children,and has been in a position where they hadn't worked in years,maybe had no education,knows that you might get angry and self righteous that you SHOULD leave,but you can't always just go on the spot. Not everyone has family or friends to help them and a bad home is better than none at all,especially if you could wind up penniless and homeless with children. I'm not saying to take it,just that I can see how some people have low self worth so ingrained,and feel so trapped they put up with way too much b.s.

Wenchy has a very valid point. Everyone on here,and in life has character flaws and weaknesses. And a lot of times,these things start in childhood. My daughters have friends who I can look at their home situation and think wow,they are in for a tough road as they grow up. You guys jump on her as if she did something wrong by tolerating abuse-she did something not in good judgement,but not necessarily wrong-she did what she could at the time. Good for you Wenchy for leaving,but every woman on here who has been married and has children,and has been in a position where they hadn't worked in years,maybe had no education,knows that you might get angry and self righteous that you SHOULD leave,but you can't always just go on the spot. Not everyone has family or friends to help them and a bad home is better than none at all,especially if you could wind up penniless and homeless with children. I'm not saying to take it,just that I can see how some people have low self worth so ingrained,and feel so trapped they put up with way too much b.s.

ANNE - I am not sure where you grew up or who you listened to, but EVERYONE I have ever listened to tells the woman to GET OUT of an abusive relationship and don't look back. Everyone has 100 or 200 dollars in a bank they can withdraw for a hotel for a couple of days until they can find somewhere to help them out.

Better to live in a hotel for a couple of days and make a couple of phone calls to local agencies than to wind up dead from being beaten.

ANNE - I am not sure where you grew up or who you listened to, but EVERYONE I have ever listened to tells the woman to GET OUT of an abusive relationship and don't look back. Everyone has 100 or 200 dollars in a bank they can withdraw for a hotel for a couple of days until they can find somewhere to help them out.

Better to live in a hotel for a couple of days and make a couple of phone calls to local agencies than to wind up dead from being beaten.

It sure would be nice if EVERYONE lived in your world.

A hotel room for a couple of days on 100.00 MFP

It sure would be nice if EVERYONE lived in your world.

A hotel room for a couple of days on 100.00 MFP

It can be done...this is what I found in just 10 seconds of checking...

Lexington Park Hotels - Lexington Park, MD - Yahoo! Travel (http://travel.yahoo.com/p-hotel-476441-lexington_park_hotels-i?fromiy=1&sortby=price&price=50,100)

Please note the attached link does not include the typical no tell motels...

Edit: please go back to my original post...I originally said 100-200 dollars. If you are going to quote, please do it in its entirety.

It can be done...this is what I found in just 10 seconds of checking...

Lexington Park Hotels - Lexington Park, MD - Yahoo! Travel (http://travel.yahoo.com/p-hotel-476441-lexington_park_hotels-i?fromiy=1&sortby=price&price=50,100)

Please note the attached link does not include the typical no tell motels...

Edit: please go back to my original post...I originally said 100-200 dollars. If you are going to quote, please do it in its entirety.

It certainly can be done. Also, there are shelters for women.

Locally:

Community/Shelters - Southern Maryland Online (http://somd.com/community/shelters/)

My ex was /is a very prominent person in the community he lives in. This tormented me because if I sought public help or ever pressed charges he would lose his livelihood. I learned instead to maintain the status quo and to never do anything that could ignite his fire (it would still ignite on occasion, but I pretty much became a very quiet partner) I also stayed for the children. I left of my own free will once my children were able to be on their own. I am now the Wench who left her wonderful husband and am no longer welcome in our previous social circle. I never told anyone what was going on, and they still don't know.

I did have the forums...:lol: I met a special man and many friends who have helped me through the hard times.

Thank you. :huggy:

It can be done...this is what I found in just 10 seconds of checking...

Lexington Park Hotels - Lexington Park, MD - Yahoo! Travel (http://travel.yahoo.com/p-hotel-476441-lexington_park_hotels-i?fromiy=1&sortby=price&price=50,100)

Please note the attached link does not include the typical no tell motels...

Edit: please go back to my original post...I originally said 100-200 dollars. If you are going to quote, please do it in its entirety.

Please note:"but EVERYONE I have ever listened to tells the woman to GET OUT of an abusive relationship and don't look back. Everyone has 100 or 200 dollars in a bank they can withdraw for a hotel for a couple of days until they can find somewhere to help them out."



"It sure would be nice if EVERYONE lived in your world."

It must feel good to get that out. I can actually relate from previous experience. I don't know if the "prominent person in the community" was a political leader, but too often abusers share characteristics with politicians, clergys, lawyers, and, I'm sorry...police officers. It's the control that drives them, and they are so clever and manilupative at hiding their controlling ways when they need to. I'm sure your ex- was very charming in the beginning when you all were dating.

He was charming for over 17 years and still is. He's Mr Wonderful with a dark side.

I hope he will get counseling one day.

What makes a man beat a woman?

I have no idea.

I just know it's a nightmare a woman wants to wake up from and still have her Mr Wonderful at her side.

He was charming for over 17 years and still is. He's Mr Wonderful with a dark side.

I hope he will get counseling one day.

What makes a man beat a woman?

I have no idea.

I just know it's a nightmare a woman wants to wake up from and still have her Mr Wonderful at her side.

Wenchy, You are not going to get through to anyone on here. It is more complicated then they can imagine. In their minds it is cut and dry, he hits you, you leave. It is just not that simple for most people. That is why a few posts back I suggested to fed up to do some research on the subject. I myself never understood it until I went through it. A club I wish I didn't belong to. The dues are too high.
It is like all abusers "went to different schools together".:buddies:

Wenchy, You are not going to get through to anyone on here. It is more complicated then they can imagine. In their minds it is cut and dry, he hits you, you leave. It is just not that simple for most people. That is why a few posts back I suggested to fed up to do some research on the subject. I myself never understood it until I went through it. A club I wish I didn't belong to. The dues are too high.
It is like all abusers "went to different schools together".:buddies:


I got everything out for the time being. A beer is good. Thanks. :cheers: and :huggy:

Wenchy, You are not going to get through to anyone on here. It is more complicated then they can imagine. In their minds it is cut and dry, he hits you, you leave. It is just not that simple for most people. That is why a few posts back I suggested to fed up to do some research on the subject. I myself never understood it until I went through it. A club I wish I didn't belong to. The dues are too high.
It is like all abusers "went to different schools together".:buddies:

ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.

So, a woman who does none of the three must deserve it?

???????

Not sure what to make of your post...I posted what I would expect my wife to do to me if I were to ever strike her...I have no idea how you came up with, "she deserves it" from my post...

Some people don't want to be middle-aged and have a boat-load of debt and no place to call home that they own (or almost own) - sometimes they trade the security of a bad home as being better than no home at all?

It's all about choices, and most often the woman ends up with little to nothing by abandoning the "sometimes bad" relationship.

Just how many years will others want to help support her? Or is it just until she meets someone one else to try out as a life-partner? Kinda hard to live in this area on one 1 income. What kind of future does she have alone?

Just things to consider.

ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.

ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.
That is why I said "PEOPLE" apposed to women.

You seem to be headed on the right track to understanding. If you really care you should read up on the subject. Then you will understand this part " was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything". Like I said it is much more complicated then you understand. And I am not going to keep this up to explain it to you. Happy Reading.

I got everything out for the time being. A beer is good. Thanks. :cheers: and :huggy:

Your welcome. I am done here also.(unless I get really provoked)

It can be done...this is what I found in just 10 seconds of checking...

Lexington Park Hotels - Lexington Park, MD - Yahoo! Travel (http://travel.yahoo.com/p-hotel-476441-lexington_park_hotels-i?fromiy=1&sortby=price&price=50,100)

Please note the attached link does not include the typical no tell motels...

Edit: please go back to my original post...I originally said 100-200 dollars. If you are going to quote, please do it in its entirety.

Not everyone has help or money.

Not everyone has help or money.

Sorry, I don't believe that either.

Monday night - he hits you. Tuesday morning - he goes to work (maybe the woman does too). While she is at work or home (away from him), she makes a couple of calls and is out of the house Tuesday night.

Someone earlier posted a website for local abused women to get help. The bottom line is, there is help available to anyone that wants it.

Sorry, I don't believe that either.

Monday night - he hits you. Tuesday morning - he goes to work (maybe the woman does too). While she is at work or home (away from him), she makes a couple of calls and is out of the house Tuesday night.

Someone earlier posted a website for local abused women to get help. The bottom line is, there is help available to anyone that wants it.
The cycle of abuse often includes alienating the victim from her family and friends. Belittling her until she believes that there is no life without him. It's a lot more than just getting hit. I have a family member in an abusive relationship who chose to move OUT of her mothers house and IN to an apartment, that she pays for, with her abuser. You can offer help until you're blue in the face but ultimately she has to decide to take it. It's heartbreaking, but it's like they're wired differently. Or brainwashed.

That being said, there are obviously women out there who get out at the first sign of trouble. But everyone is different and you can't paint everyone with the same brush.

ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.

Give it up; She's arguing just to argue.......
Roberta = BOH

Weax-you are as usual an incredibly simplistic thinker. You see your world,and your situation and don't have room for another viewpoint. Why don't you prove us all wrong. Pretend right now,this moment,you are a woman who just got hit. Now,tell us all EXACTLY what agency will step in TONIGHT,and give you a place to live,even if it is temporary? What shelter guarantees space not only for the woman but also her children? What about their pets? Their belongings? What if she has never worked and never got an education? But in your world,there are open arms waiting. And everyone-your words-has at least 1-200 dollars just waiting for them. Let's pretend everyone has 200.00 free,at their disposal. How far does that get? Furthermore,let's consider that if a woman has been abused and suppressed by her husband and has no job prospects,several children,and no CREDIT in her own name,how does she get by,with no time to prepare? Because what I said was not to stay,but that leaving the minute things happen is not reasonable to expect. Have you ever considered letting people know they have money in the bank-remember,EVERYONE does? Because I know people who swear they are flat broke. Now,let' walk through this while I give you the special ed version of why women don't just roll out at the first sign of trouble. Your husband hits you....or beats you up badly. He goes to work the next day. This is the scenario you laid out. You get on the phone,and start calling agencies. They either are 1.full,or 2.want you to press charges. You are scared to,since you know that piece of paper is worthless and won't protect you. But wait,now you find a place to help you. You say you have kids,and they say no problem. Now,you have a dilemma. You leave,but the car is in his name. You now have no vehicle. You have money in the bank,but he takes care of that as soon as he sees you are gone. You have no credit and your cards are reported stolen by this controlling jerk you just pissed off,so they are useless. Now,you get to leave with nothing but the kids,but wait-they are also having to leave their pet behind,because the shelter won't allow it to come,and a man who will beat his wife will surely abuse her animal. But,no matter,you leave anyway. The shelter won't let you stay indefinitely and now,your kids have no toys,no pets,no nothing in this world,and you feel like it is all your fault. You don't even have a way to feed yourself at this point save for the help of others. I am telling you this not as a made up story,but what really happened to a friend of mine who refused to cool off and do things methodically and left her husband in a rush - as you suggest. No one was hitting her anymore,but she found herself penniless,homeless,and he killed her dog who she had for the past 17 years. Her children wound up being taken from her and her ex got custody because he was financially stable and she had no proof of the abuse,and was homeless. Judges do dumb #### every day. Would you be so quick to risk one giving an angry ex visitation or even custody? I'm tired and I'm rambling at this point,but your stupid,simplistic view is just retarded.

Sorry, I don't believe that either.

Monday night - he hits you. Tuesday morning - he goes to work (maybe the woman does too). While she is at work or home (away from him), she makes a couple of calls and is out of the house Tuesday night.

Someone earlier posted a website for local abused women to get help. The bottom line is, there is help available to anyone that wants it.

Ok the website for a shelter didn't help me 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong you unsympathetic ##### I didn't stay but it wasn't easy to leave with no money and no support from my family. So untill you know what it's like maybe you should keep your big mouth shut.

Ok the website for a shelter didn't help me 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong you unsympathetic ##### I didn't stay but it wasn't easy to leave with no money and no support from my family. So untill you know what it's like maybe you should keep your big mouth shut.

OK, so once name calling starts, any and all "adult" conversations/debates end.

I NEVER said it would be easy - so stop putting words in my mouth.

OK, so once name calling starts, any and all "adult" conversations/debates end.

I NEVER said it would be easy - so stop putting words in my mouth.

Yea because your such an "adult". You sure act like it's cute and dry when it's not, so you put those words in your mouth not me.

:Wah: There. Maybe this helps.

Maybe you should spend more time with you out of control teen and less time on the Internet.

I agree with you, Weaxman, that it is not easy. I also agree it is not easy for a man who is faced with a wife who is cheating on him, and they have kids together, etc. Like the wife being abused, the man being cheated on is going to have an uphill battle proving this to the court, and he better not leave until then because he will lose full custody of the kids and pay child support up the yinyang (which he will probably end up doing regardless).

Some women in this thread are trying to make it seem like the deck is stacked against them. That is not true in my opinion.

So that's why your a douchebag your ex-wife cheated on you. I can see why.

Maybe you should focus on not saying and doing things to provoke men to knock the crap out of you.

Maybe you should work on being less of an ass and maybe people won't cheat on you.

Oh, so that is what happened to your husbands first marrige. That is why he married you. You are so incredibally stupid that you will believe anything he tells you. Good luck with that.

My ex-wife??? Ha! I am the wife. You really are confused.

No I just don't pay enough attention to your dribble to realize your a female. Poor excuse for one at that.

No I just don't pay enough attention to your dribble to realize your a female. Poor excuse for one at that.

OH, I thought it was a dude too!

Well, this thread has nuked the fridge with all the immature mud slinging. :rolleyes:

Turbo, I'm really sorry about your relative - good on you for helping her out! I hope her husband/boyfriend does seek and continue in counseling. She should get counseling no matter what, but if he refuses or stops going, she should dump him. (Planning ahead, if she can.)

Be aware: she may not stick with counseling, either. And, as much as you want to help her - you can't really, unless she wants and is ready for it. You might be able to kick his butt, report him to the police, etc., but that's about it.

I hope it all works out for her.

Well, this thread has nuked the fridge with all the immature mud slinging. :rolleyes:

Turbo, I'm really sorry about your relative - good on you for helping her out! I hope her husband/boyfriend does seek and continue in counseling. She should get counseling no matter what, but if he refuses or stops going, she should dump him. (Planning ahead, if she can.)

Be aware: she may not stick with counseling, either. And, as much as you want to help her - you can't really, unless she wants and is ready for it. You might be able to kick his butt, report him to the police, etc., but that's about it.

I hope it all works out for her.

YEA kick his butt, put the shoe on the other foot and let him see how it feels.

ANNE - I am not sure where you grew up or who you listened to, but EVERYONE I have ever listened to tells the woman to GET OUT of an abusive relationship and don't look back. Everyone has 100 or 200 dollars in a bank they can withdraw for a hotel for a couple of days until they can find somewhere to help them out.

Better to live in a hotel for a couple of days and make a couple of phone calls to local agencies than to wind up dead from being beaten.

You're pretty ignorant if you think A) everyone has 100-200 in the bank, and B) that 100 would get 2 days in a hotel that isn't some crap motel. Regardless, what will 2 days in a hotel get you? Do you think the local agencies are going to come and arrest the guy and he's not going to be able to get out and the women could go home and feel 100% safe? Yeah ok. I have a friend dealing with this crap right now and it's not that simple. The cops can really suck the big one sometimes when it comes to domestic disputes.

AND they also need to research the divorce laws in their State to see what they will face if it doesn't work out. You don't want the laws used to divorce you to surprise you. BUT, how many people actually research that before they get married? Not many I bet. I know I didn't.

With people being able to get partner benefits through their jobs, it's getting to the point where there isn't much actual benefit to getting married these days. Sort of makes it easier for a lot people, especially in MD, where my lawyer said there are archaic divorce laws on the books.

Men and women alike need to pay better attention to who they are making lives with.

Weax-you are as usual an incredibly simplistic thinker. You see your world,and your situation and don't have room for another viewpoint. Why don't you prove us all wrong. Pretend right now,this moment,you are a woman who just got hit. Now,tell us all EXACTLY what agency will step in TONIGHT,and give you a place to live,even if it is temporary? What shelter guarantees space not only for the woman but also her children? What about their pets? Their belongings? What if she has never worked and never got an education? But in your world,there are open arms waiting. And everyone-your words-has at least 1-200 dollars just waiting for them. Let's pretend everyone has 200.00 free,at their disposal. How far does that get? Furthermore,let's consider that if a woman has been abused and suppressed by her husband and has no job prospects,several children,and no CREDIT in her own name,how does she get by,with no time to prepare? Because what I said was not to stay,but that leaving the minute things happen is not reasonable to expect. Have you ever considered letting people know they have money in the bank-remember,EVERYONE does? Because I know people who swear they are flat broke. Now,let' walk through this while I give you the special ed version of why women don't just roll out at the first sign of trouble. Your husband hits you....or beats you up badly. He goes to work the next day. This is the scenario you laid out. You get on the phone,and start calling agencies. They either are 1.full,or 2.want you to press charges. You are scared to,since you know that piece of paper is worthless and won't protect you. But wait,now you find a place to help you. You say you have kids,and they say no problem. Now,you have a dilemma. You leave,but the car is in his name. You now have no vehicle. You have money in the bank,but he takes care of that as soon as he sees you are gone. You have no credit and your cards are reported stolen by this controlling jerk you just pissed off,so they are useless. Now,you get to leave with nothing but the kids,but wait-they are also having to leave their pet behind,because the shelter won't allow it to come,and a man who will beat his wife will surely abuse her animal. But,no matter,you leave anyway. The shelter won't let you stay indefinitely and now,your kids have no toys,no pets,no nothing in this world,and you feel like it is all your fault. You don't even have a way to feed yourself at this point save for the help of others. I am telling you this not as a made up story,but what really happened to a friend of mine who refused to cool off and do things methodically and left her husband in a rush - as you suggest. No one was hitting her anymore,but she found herself penniless,homeless,and he killed her dog who she had for the past 17 years. Her children wound up being taken from her and her ex got custody because he was financially stable and she had no proof of the abuse,and was homeless. Judges do dumb #### every day. Would you be so quick to risk one giving an angry ex visitation or even custody? I'm tired and I'm rambling at this point,but your stupid,simplistic view is just retarded.

That hurt my eyes.

We don't want Turbo to end up in jail for trying to help out ..... that guy could file assault charges against him.


YEA kick his butt, put the shoe on the other foot and let him see how it feels.

The cycle of abuse often includes alienating the victim from her family and friends. Belittling her until she believes that there is no life without him. It's a lot more than just getting hit. I have a family member in an abusive relationship who chose to move OUT of her mothers house and IN to an apartment, that she pays for, with her abuser. You can offer help until you're blue in the face but ultimately she has to decide to take it. It's heartbreaking, but it's like they're wired differently. Or brainwashed.

That being said, there are obviously women out there who get out at the first sign of trouble. But everyone is different and you can't paint everyone with the same brush.


The voice of reason has spoken. The rest of you zip it! :coffee:

The voice of reason has spoken. The rest of you zip it! :coffee:

YEAH.....:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat: You can never understand a situation like this unless you have experienced it yourself.

I'd like to take this opportunity to commend all women that have managed to extricate themselves from relationships fraught with domestic violence, whether it took them 3 days or 30 years to do so. I suspect most of you deserve credit for what you were able to do, more so than you do criticism for not having been able to do it for so long.

We humans have a tendency to analyze situations external to ourselves, and about which we have insufficient information and understanding, by instinctively filling in that missing information and understanding with assumptions born from our own experiences, perspectives, and conditions of existence. The result is that we often find ourselves unshakably convinced that we are right about things which, in reality, we don't have a friggin clue about. I'm fairly sure you won't, but please don't let someone that didn't go through whatever you went through cause you to retrospectively doubt the strength it took for you to get through it. You know what you went through and you know what it took for you to emerge from it intact, better off, and with possibilities renewed, and that's all that matters.

For those of you that now feel comfortable and secure enough with yourself to talk openly about what you endured, even more credit is due - you never know what anonymous, similarly-situated listener out there your story will, or has, resonated with, and how it might move, or might have moved, them to a similarly positive resolution.

Logically, in a lot of cases, it should be easy to walk away from an unhealthy, let alone an abusive, relationship. However, humans aren't purely logical beings - there's a heavy non-logical, psychological component to what and who we are. Emotions are a big part of what separates us from most of the other matter in the Universe, and they are powerful forces within us. Love and fear are among the strongest of them. I'm just speculating here, but I would think that many women that find themselves in abusive relationships are moved to prolonged inaction by the interplay of those two emotions. On the one hand, love deludes you into believing that things will eventually get better and elevates hope as a blinding force, while on the other, fear (of both the expected and the unknown) paralyzes you into accepting the status quo and elevates anxiety as a crippling force. At any given moment, you aren't too far removed from the one emotion clouding your better judgment or the other crushing your strength to execute on it.

The day you, for whatever reason, find yourself able to separate yourself from both of those emotions - to have your identity step outside of the love and the fear that had previously defined that identity - is the day you're able to earnestly try to get away from the situation and begin the process of re-sculpting that identity more permanently. Some people are lucky enough to have that day of discovery come sooner rather than later, while others aren't so lucky. At any rate, it's not always a simple 2 + 2 adds up to 4 situation, and 'should be able to' doesn't much matter in the real world - in that world, there's 'able to' and 'not able to', and sometimes what separates one from the other doesn't make much logical sense.

We don't want Turbo to end up in jail for trying to help out ..... that guy could file assault charges against him.


:popcorn: where is tubo today anywho????

:whistle: :cds:

That hurt my eyes.You bothered to even read it??

:popcorn: where is tubo today anywho????

:whistle: :cds:

I'm lurking this thread and marveling at how it went from a "how can a man do this" to "what women are doing wrong etc."

See, that's part of the problem right there.

The case I was specifically referring to had a clear aggressor and a clear victim. Period, dot, end of story.

A young women, with no savings and nothing of her own because her 'man' controls everything, with no family withing several hundred miles, and nowhere to turn.

I get involved and Hazy there jumps my ass... whatever... :rolleyes:. Of course, now she's talking like that's exactly what women like this need, is for family and others to help... :rolleyes:

People really amaze me.

That is all.

We don't want Turbo to end up in jail for trying to help out ..... that guy could file assault charges against him.

He didn't go kick the guy's butt unsolicited. And I kind of doubt the guy would try to have him arrested for assault if he's involved in assault himself.

Hmm...you had said in an earlier post that she was a cousin, and now you say that she has no family within several hundred miles of her. I assume she was either visiting your area for the holidays or you made a trip of several hundred miles to intervene. If not for those thoughts, I'd start to wonder if you'd made the story up for your own ego.


:rolleyes:

In the eye of the law it wouldn't matter. All that would matter is that Turbo punched the guy in the face when there was no immediate danger to Turbo's safety. Try using it is a defense that you punched a man because he allegedly hit your cousin or because he called your cousin a "b#tch" in your presence and see how far that defense gets you.
I doubt that too, but it's certainly possible that the man he supposedly punched could press charges while the man's girlfriend continues to not press charges. In fact, if the man kept his mouth shut and played his cards right (relatively speaking), there could actually be more evidence against Turbo for his assault than evidence against the man for assault against his girlfriend. That's just the way it goes.

Oh for crying out loud. Let's just create a million scenarios in order for you to justify your point.

Turbo - again - KUDOS to you for being a good guy to your relative. Keep in touch with her & check on her situation just in case she might need you again. I'm out of the thread, as I have no desire to argue with idjits.

Some people just don't learn.......7:42 and still no dinner on the table; know what that means :smack:

Some people just don't learn.......7:42 and still no dinner on the table; know what that means :smack:

Maids day off? :whistle:

Wenchy, You are not going to get through to anyone on here. It is more complicated then they can imagine. In their minds it is cut and dry, he hits you, you leave. It is just not that simple for most people.

Bull####. It IS that simple. Women leave their husbands all the time with less reason than abuse. I've had a couple of girlfriends with abusive spouses/boyfriends. Offered up my home for as long as they needed it, only to have them run right straight back to get their ass kicked some more.

I've also seen domestic abuse up close and personal in my own family, where there have been any number of options for escape. A friend of my Mom's was actually the breadwinner for her abuser who laid around drunk all day.

So it's not loss of home or income or any of that stuff that keeps these women with some guy who beats the crap out of them. And any woman who says she stays with her abuser "for the kids" is sick and needs her kids taken away from her. Most kids don't really like seeing and hearing Daddy beat the chit out of Mommy - not exactly conducive to happy childhood memories.

Walking away IS that simple, but some women choose not to do it for whatever reason - and that reason is NOT that they have no choice.

You're pretty ignorant if you think A) everyone has 100-200 in the bank, and B) that 100 would get 2 days in a hotel that isn't some crap motel. Regardless, what will 2 days in a hotel get you? Do you think the local agencies are going to come and arrest the guy and he's not going to be able to get out and the women could go home and feel 100% safe? Yeah ok. I have a friend dealing with this crap right now and it's not that simple. The cops can really suck the big one sometimes when it comes to domestic disputes.

That's the dumbest post I've read so far in this thread. Congratulations.

Everyone has friends or family or someone they work with or a neighbor. That's a BS excuse, that "there's nowhere to go". There's ALWAYS somewhere to go, but these women choose not to go there. Apparently they'd rather get their ass kicked and have their children watch it happen than swallow their pride and ask for help.

And a crap motel vs. someone kicking the chit out of you?? Are you serious???

Last but not least, cops are typically fantastic about handling domestics IF the stupid woman doesn't start harassing them when they show up. "Don't take my man! He didn't mean it! He didn't do anything!" That's why now they do not need the woman to press charges - if there are clear signs of physical abuse, the cops arrest the guy whether she likes it or not. They just might be a little slower showing up the 2nd or 8th or 23rd time she calls them...

There is no - zero - excuse for a woman to stay with a physically abusive man. ESPECIALLY if she has children.

79435

That's the dumbest post I've read so far in this thread. Congratulations.

Everyone has friends or family or someone they work with or a neighbor. That's a BS excuse, that "there's nowhere to go". There's ALWAYS somewhere to go, but these women choose not to go there. Apparently they'd rather get their ass kicked and have their children watch it happen than swallow their pride and ask for help.

And a crap motel vs. someone kicking the chit out of you?? Are you serious???

Last but not least, cops are typically fantastic about handling domestics IF the stupid woman doesn't start harassing them when they show up. "Don't take my man! He didn't mean it! He didn't do anything!" That's why now they do not need the woman to press charges - if there are clear signs of physical abuse, the cops arrest the guy whether she likes it or not. They just might be a little slower showing up the 2nd or 8th or 23rd time she calls them...

There is no - zero - excuse for a woman to stay with a physically abusive man. ESPECIALLY if she has children.

I have to agree with V, every excuse why they can't leave, I wuv him, don't press charges against him. I will never respect any man that has to hit a lady. I also don't think everyone is not that close to their neighbors like it was years ago, many of us keep to ourselves these days, because their is just too much sheit going on. Embarrisment is a factor too, everyone wants people to believe they are living the American dream, good husband/wife, nice car, home and kids; mentality issue amongst many others issues which could be talked about for days.

It's true - it's a CHOICE. The woman makes a choice. If they want to be smart and be able to prosecute the guy, they need to seek the help/advice of others as to how to document the abuse. If they just want to get away, then that can be arranged also. They will get away when they DECIDE to get away. Sounds too simple to be true, but it's true.

Yes there are a boatload of mitigating circumstances to each case, but in the simplest version you choose to leave or don't. Sometimes choosing to leave causes the guy to attack. I think many times the fear of being attacked/killed keeps women in abusive homes. But, they are still making a CHOICE. It sounds harsh but it's true.



There is no - zero - excuse for a woman to stay with a physically abusive man. ESPECIALLY if she has children.

That's the dumbest post I've read so far in this thread. Congratulations.

Everyone has friends or family or someone they work with or a neighbor. That's a BS excuse, that "there's nowhere to go". There's ALWAYS somewhere to go, but these women choose not to go there. Apparently they'd rather get their ass kicked and have their children watch it happen than swallow their pride and ask for help.

And a crap motel vs. someone kicking the chit out of you?? Are you serious???

Last but not least, cops are typically fantastic about handling domestics IF the stupid woman doesn't start harassing them when they show up. "Don't take my man! He didn't mean it! He didn't do anything!" That's why now they do not need the woman to press charges - if there are clear signs of physical abuse, the cops arrest the guy whether she likes it or not. They just might be a little slower showing up the 2nd or 8th or 23rd time she calls them...

There is no - zero - excuse for a woman to stay with a physically abusive man. ESPECIALLY if she has children.



I was resisting chiming in too much...because I didn't wanna get flamed..but since you are braver than I...:killingme I agree. I have known a gf or two who had abusive bfs..and frankly the abusers look for low self esteem women. the couple I have known thought they were "lucky" to have him because he was so good looking, or nice when he wasn't being abusive. They had places to go...they didn't. If no where else a firestation, police station, or hospital will help you. People who stay "for the kids" are using them as an excuse. Women who don't leave don't do so because it isn't easy or comfortable.


Best thing to do is to raise your daughter to not be dependent on any man and to be a hell raising ##### so no one will screw with her.

Wow Lance you sure seem to have a lot of knowledge about the marriage stuff. How many times have you been married? Got any kids? I just wonder if you've had any turmoil in your personal life that has been as dramatic as some of what these women have been through? I mean getting beat up and all.

People who have not been through it personally really are not qualified to speak on the topic unless they have had extensive training from an outreach or LE aspect. Just wondering if you were the one who abused someone, or were you the one that was abused?

1-2 hundred bux will get ya outta Md. & some states only require 6 mos residency. then u married miserable ppl, can file, let yr whateva 2 b X, appear where u filed. payback...... if u can go online u def have 100-200 bux.

Co-Dependency - look it up dummies whether married or not.
any excuse to stay in a scrued ^ relationship is what it is - aka An Excuse..Period. (children, financial insecurity, etc...)i c a lot of it in this website 2 include the drama crap. Y me bs......etc. dial 1-800-whocares

Sumtimes just cut yr losses & get the heck outta Md`s archaic bs, or w/e state yr displeased with. if sum1 can`t comprehend that, then oh well, enjoy yr misery.

There is Life out There, unless u neva been anywhere else...get outta the pity party box & Wake ^.
Y`all sound like worse than w/e any soap operas 4 damn sure. a t total Reality Flop. neva make it past the 1st cut. :eyebrow:

sayin goees - Pay Now or Pay Later. 1 way or the otha

It's true - it's a CHOICE. The woman makes a choice. If they want to be smart and be able to prosecute the guy, they need to seek the help/advice of others as to how to document the abuse. If they just want to get away, then that can be arranged also. They will get away when they DECIDE to get away. Sounds too simple to be true, but it's true.

Yes there are a boatload of mitigating circumstances to each case, but in the simplest version you choose to leave or don't. Sometimes choosing to leave causes the guy to attack. I think many times the fear of being attacked/killed keeps women in abusive homes. But, they are still making a CHOICE. It sounds harsh but it's true.

Sorry ARKY - I agree with most of your post but the end.

Sometimes they fear leaving because it MIGHT cause a guy to attack? They KNOW they are going to be attacked if they stay home. So, what is better for the woman...leaving and she MIGHT be attacked or staying at home and KNOW she will be attacked...and fearing every day because today might be the day of that attack?

I still stick with my original thought (which has been backed up by VRAI and LIBERTY - thanks you 2 - but be prepared to be flamed)...it is always best to get out of an abusive relationship. It does not matter the cost or the hardship - people can recover even though it is a hard road. It is impossible to recover from being beaten literally to death.

We're all wired differently and that's the reason some people will stay in abusive relationships and why some of us will never understand people that do, why some of us feel empathy towards the abused and some of us don't. Physical abuse really isn't all that different than any other dysfunctional relationship, mental abuse, alcoholism, drug use, etc. I stayed with one man for years that never had anything nice to say or lifted a finger around the house yet left one the second he laid a hand on me. Was one situation worse than the other? Depends on who you ask. Obviously I was more tolerant of one. My grandmother was married to my grandfather for over 30 years, from what I've heard he was very abusive. She divorced him only to remarry a man who was even more abusive. Why? Because we can all justify whatever we want in out own heads and we can all also look at another's situation more objectively than they can.

You bothered to even read it??

Of course not. It hurt my eyes just to see the big blob of spew.

I was resisting chiming in too much...because I didn't wanna get flamed..but since you are braver than I...:killingme I agree. I have known a gf or two who had abusive bfs..and frankly the abusers look for low self esteem women. the couple I have known thought they were "lucky" to have him because he was so good looking, or nice when he wasn't being abusive. They had places to go...they didn't. If no where else a firestation, police station, or hospital will help you. People who stay "for the kids" are using them as an excuse. Women who don't leave don't do so because it isn't easy or comfortable.


Best thing to do is to raise your daughter to not be dependent on any man and to be a hell raising ##### so no one will screw with her.

Well everything you said was good except the last sentence, everyones daughter will get screwed :killingme

Embarrisment is a factor too, everyone wants people to believe they are living the American dream, good husband/wife, nice car, home and kids;

I think it's this. ^ People don't like to admit they made a mistake, so they suck it up and pretend everything is fine.

I understand that but what I *don't* understand is how family members can look the other way. I've seen that a time or two as well - girl goes to her parents and they either ignore it or blame her. Some SOB puts his hands on one of my girls, he better pray to God I never find out about it. And she would simply not be allowed to take him back, the end.

Maybe I should have said attack again with greater force? Just meant that the leaving could spark a retaliation attack ..... as opposed to them being attacked at the next unknown time in the future if they stayed. Oh sheesh that sounded confusing didn't it?

V3FnpaWQJO0

Sorry ARKY - I agree with most of your post but the end.

Sometimes they fear leaving because it MIGHT cause a guy to attack? They KNOW they are going to be attacked if they stay home. So, what is better for the woman...leaving and she MIGHT be attacked or staying at home and KNOW she will be attacked...and fearing every day because today might be the day of that attack?

I still stick with my original thought (which has been backed up by VRAI and LIBERTY - thanks you 2 - but be prepared to be flamed)...it is always best to get out of an abusive relationship. It does not matter the cost or the hardship - people can recover even though it is a hard road. It is impossible to recover from being beaten literally to death.

but be prepared to be flamed

Wouldn't be the first time :lol:

Anyone who's lived in this area for a long time, remember that girl down in the Flattops who was beaten to death by her "boyfriend" while his family members basically sat back and watched? He beat her repeatedly over the course of a couple of days, until the woman finally died. This was probably 20 years or so ago.

My former fiancee actually responded to a few domestic calls from her, prior to her death. She was offered every opportunity to get out, and kept going back to this guy. We can see how that turned out.

I think it's this. ^ People don't like to admit they made a mistake, so they suck it up and pretend everything is fine.

I understand that but what I *don't* understand is how family members can look the other way. I've seen that a time or two as well - girl goes to her parents and they either ignore it or blame her. Some SOB puts his hands on one of my girls, he better pray to God I never find out about it. And she would simply not be allowed to take him back, the end.

Well you can't control her actions, she can sneak back to him. But I feel the same way, if I even think a man is thinking of putting his hands on my daughter all hell is going to break lose and I will make sure there no evidence I did it ha ha. For your own blood to turn there back on is effed up too. Why do family members turn their backs? Because they don't want too take sides, she married him so legally he is family now, sorry blood is thicker any day in my book.

Wouldn't be the first time :lol:

Anyone who's lived in this area for a long time, remember that girl down in the Flattops who was beaten to death by her "boyfriend" while his family members basically sat back and watched? He beat her repeatedly over the course of a couple of days, until the woman finally died. This was probably 20 years or so ago.

My former fiancee actually responded to a few domestic calls from her, prior to her death. She was offered every opportunity to get out, and kept going back to this guy. We can see how that turned out.

Sometimes the Dieck is that good I guess, sex can mess your mind of too.

Well you can't control her actions, she can sneak back to him. But I feel the same way, if I even think a man is thinking of putting his hands on my daughter all hell is going to break lose and I will make sure there no evidence I did it ha ha. For your own blood to turn there back on is effed up too. Why do family members turn their backs, because they don't want too take sides, she married him so legally he is family now, sorry blood is thicker any day in my book.


Sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes. I work with a lady that I like a great deal who is in a very abusive relationship with a small child that gets to witness it. You can only offer your advice and help so much before you have to accept that it's not your choice.

Sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes. I work with a lady that I like a great deal who is in a very abusive relationship with a small child that gets to witness it. You can only offer your advice and help so much before you have to accept that it's not your choice.

Why don't you get somebody to f him up? Better yet you sneak behind him one day and bust him in the head with something he will never no who did it ssshhhhhhh, carve in his car paint, this man is a women beater :killingme These bastards like to hide and have people think they are the pillars of the community.

Why don't you get somebody to f him up?

Because I'm not making the foolish choice and I'm not going to risk putting myself or my own family in harms way for her poor choices.

Because I'm not making the foolish choice and I'm not going to risk putting myself or my own family in harms way for her poor choices.

Does she tell you why she won't leave him?

Walking away IS that simple, but some women choose not to do it for whatever reason - and that reason is NOT that they have no choice.

It's just like alcoholism, drug abuse, or smoking. It's easy, just don't drink, use, or smoke, right?

Yet you know it's not that easy. You know alcoholics who know that their drinking will kill them, that try to stop, but they just keep going back. You know people who tried to quit smoking, tried hypnotism, gum, patches, and meds, yet still smoke.

As for the family members, it eventually gets to a point where you realize that you cannot save them if they don't want to be saved. 25 years ago I took emergency leave from the Navy, drove 800 miles from San Diego to the CA/OR border and back to rescue my mom from an abusive drug addicted husband. I went on a six month deployment to the Arabian Gulf, and when I got home there she was on the pier with her husband.

Later I flew from MD to San Diego to rescue her again - she moved herself back a month later. Then I helped her move out here to get away, and she packed up after a few weeks and drove back. The next time I said no. I told her I would not help her unless she could show me that the abuser had been charged. She wasn't willing to do that to him, he's a nice guy, yada yada, so I had no choice but to say no. I'm not going to let her ruin my life.

You must realize that as soon as you insert the human factor into the situation it is no longer as simple as "just leave" or "don't let him hit you" or "I wouldn't let her get back with him."

All we can do is have resources available for those willing to get the help they need. It would be great if the cops could do more, but they constantly see women get abused, get protective orders, press charges, then reconcile and refuse to testify. How are they supposed to know that this time she's serious?

:buttkick:

itz all saved elsewhere if i need to repeat anything! I`m sure it was 100% comprehensible. i can tipe wenn i wanna, even sumtimez spail rite.

with a small child that gets to witness it.

I think kids should be removed from abusive homes. If some dumb woman wants to stay and get smacked around, go for it. But to subject a child to that is bull####. Even if he never lays a hand on the kid, it's still traumatizing to listen to Daddy beat the chit out of Mommy.

Does she tell you why she won't leave him?

Says she's going to. We shall see!

I think kids should be removed from abusive homes. If some dumb woman wants to stay and get smacked around, go for it. But to subject a child to that is bull####. Even if he never lays a hand on the kid, it's still traumatizing to listen to Daddy beat the chit out of Mommy.

I agree. :love:

That's the dumbest post I've read so far in this thread. Congratulations.

Everyone has friends or family or someone they work with or a neighbor. That's a BS excuse, that "there's nowhere to go". There's ALWAYS somewhere to go, but these women choose not to go there. Apparently they'd rather get their ass kicked and have their children watch it happen than swallow their pride and ask for help.

And a crap motel vs. someone kicking the chit out of you?? Are you serious???

Last but not least, cops are typically fantastic about handling domestics IF the stupid woman doesn't start harassing them when they show up. "Don't take my man! He didn't mean it! He didn't do anything!" That's why now they do not need the woman to press charges - if there are clear signs of physical abuse, the cops arrest the guy whether she likes it or not. They just might be a little slower showing up the 2nd or 8th or 23rd time she calls them...

There is no - zero - excuse for a woman to stay with a physically abusive man. ESPECIALLY if she has children.


Did you bother reading the post I was responding to, or did you just decide to post without giving it much thought? The person I responded to was talking about getting a hotel and said everyone has money in the bank, which isn't true. They also said in a later post about that money being enough to get decent hotels when people were saying they were would be hotels, but I didn't quote that one.

The poster acted like getting out for a couple of days and calling the cops would magically solve everything. That's just not the case. It takes more than that and it really depends on the situation. Like I said, I have a friend who is dealing with this right now. The guy never left marks or bruises on her and when she called the cops they didn't really do anything. She finally got an injunction against him based on past complaints but even after doing that, they didn't really bother with it. They never arrested him for the abuse and they FINALLY arrested him for breach of the injunction after she reported enough crap. It was absurd. He's out on house arrest but that doesn't really mean much. At least she got out, but she went back SO MANY TIMES because she felt like she knew another side of him and that he was a good person and blah blah blah garbage.

Back to your first comment, I'm of the opinion that there's always somewhere for the person to go if you try hard enough, but sometimes you may have to try REALLY hard. I know people who swear up and down that they have nowhere to go, at least on a semi-permanent basis. There are plenty of people who have alienated themselves from friends and families due to these abusive relationships...and as HORRIBLE as it sounds, I have heard of a time where people REFUSED to help after she realized the problems and tried to find a place to stay to get away. It was dumbfounding that people could be so cold and heartless.

Nice try. It was my 'little' cousin. Family, jackass. Knight in shining armor? For family? You bet your ass.

Blow me.

We are in somd so I'm sure you thought you had a chance of scoring. You sick bastard.

People who have not been through it personally really are not qualified to speak on the topic unless they have had extensive training from an outreach or LE aspect.

:yay::yay::yay:

We are in somd so I'm sure you thought you had a chance of scoring. You sick bastard.

Sherlock sir, IMHO you are and idiot

We are in somd so I'm sure you thought you had a chance of scoring. You sick bastard.

:smack: Because someone who is a decent human being stood up and protected a family member? Perhaps YOU are the sick bastard for even thinking such a thing. Not everyone has ulterior motives. Get a life, and stop thinking disgusting thoughts about your cousins. :smack:

ok, here's a really messed up 1 for ya'll..I didnt grow up in anything like an abusive home but the woman I married did...tensions grew in the home over the course of the first year until 1 day, & I don't remember why, she went ballistic on me & my first thought was to knock some sense into this crazy woman...she beat back on me pretty bad, the cops came, she had no marks, & I went to jail. About 2 years later I don't know what I did to provoke her, but she snapped & started swingin, throwin things, & yellin...men can get sucked into facing this type of confrontation with force, we're wired for that. And I foolishly did a second time...After smackin her, I felt horrible because I was not raised this way so I left. Again, she called the cops who just talked to the both of us. I knew the cops & told them my version & it was obvious that although I hit my wife, I was very much provoked...I talked to my wife on the phone, she wanted me to come home, but I told her only if she agreed to counseling...2 sessions of me askin & gettin a total run around story from her. then by the third session it came out that our marriage wasn't normal because I wouldnt get physical like her daddy did.

No matter what I tried, walkin away, church, counseling...she was programmed that there has to be abuse in a relationship. & I was scared that if I walked out that door, since I did have prior charges on me & she didn't then 1) she'd hang me out to dry with custody. & 2) I feared that she might turn to confronting our son...BTW, this was at a time in this County when Judge Raley called the shots...men had no rights in his courtroom...she was guaranteed anything she wanted

ok, here's a really messed up 1 for ya'll..I didnt grow up in anything like an abusive home but the woman I married did...tensions grew in the home over the course of the first year until 1 day, & I don't remember why, she went ballistic on me & my first thought was to knock some sense into this crazy woman...she beat back on me pretty bad, the cops came, she had no marks, & I went to jail. About 2 years later I don't know what I did to provoke her, but she snapped & started swingin, throwin things, & yellin...men can get sucked into facing this type of confrontation with force, we're wired for that. And I foolishly did a second time...After smackin her, I felt horrible because I was not raised this way so I left. Again, she called the cops who just talked to the both of us. I knew the cops & told them my version & it was obvious that although I hit my wife, I was very much provoked...I talked to my wife on the phone, she wanted me to come home, but I told her only if she agreed to counseling...2 sessions of me askin & gettin a total run around story from her. then by the third session it came out that our marriage wasn't normal because I wouldnt get physical like her daddy did.

You beat her twice... I'd say that is physical.

You beat her twice... I'd say that is physical.

He only smacked her, not beat her, she wanted a real azz whooping from him, so she was mad about that from what he said about the counseling thing, her father got real physical with her mother, programmed WOW.

For someone who SAYS that don't believe in hitting women, you sure do get excited about the topic. :eyebrow:

:whistle:

He only smacked her, not beat her, she wanted a real azz whooping from him, so she was mad about that from what he said about the counseling thing, her father got real physical with her mother, programmed WOW.

For someone who SAYS that don't believe in hitting women, you sure do get excited about the topic. :eyebrow:

:whistle:

Not excited ha ha, just interesting topic of why men do thiis #### and why the ladies put up with it, crazy

Hmm...you had said in an earlier post that she was a cousin, and now you say that she has no family within several hundred miles of her. I assume she was either visiting your area for the holidays or you made a trip of several hundred miles to intervene. If not for those thoughts, I'd start to wonder if you'd made the story up for your own ego

Upstate NY. You could have just asked. :shrug: