Saddam Hussein and George Bush meet up in Baghdad for the
first round of talks in a new peace process. When George
sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's
chair.

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses
the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the
desk and punches Bush in the face.

Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time
a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam
laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put
off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes
out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough,
knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well.
"I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish
these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for
talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons
on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge.

They begin talking and George presses the first button. Saddam
ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers. A few seconds later
he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing
happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is
pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush
falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

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"President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and
he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours.
So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen
are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as
president. Sounds like mission accomplished."
- Jay Leno


"The Canadian government continues to say they will not help
us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of
Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last
time he checked, Canada had no army."
- Conan O'Brien


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"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad
news--they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is
that they have to drop it with a camel."
- David Letterman


"I never give my opinion on political matters, but before
we bomb Iraq, let's wait two weeks until Geraldo is over
there."
- Craig Kilborn