I am listening to my favorite radio station right now and they are talking about domestic violence. It happens to be tween and teen domestic violence awareness week right now. The week is almost over but it never too late to discuss domestic violence. I am sure this thread won't get much attention because it isn't exciting or doesn't have any gossip but as a survivor of domestic violence I wwould feel wrong to not bring this subject up. I will not talk about my situation because it is too late to go back and fix it, but we can do something to try to end domestic violence.

I have listed my ideas in another website before and I will list them again.
I am pretty sure we all agree fathers need to teach their daughters to be more independent and not take this from anyone. I think it very common for mothers to care for the daughters and fathers to teach the sons, which is fine. But as much as fathers may want to hunt with their sons or play sports with them, take the time to have a father daughter day. Open the door for her, pull out her chair show her how she should be treated. As uncomfortable as it may seem talk personal with her, if there is anyone a child should want to go to for help it should be the parents. Even if you don't have a close bond with your daughter then treat her mother respect, whether you are with the mother or not a daughter needs to see her mother treated with respect. If a girl grows up watching her mother disrespected she will only think it is normal. If anyone else can think of something else please list it.

As far as our sons… I think the world has an attitude like boys shouldn't cry or be sensitive. I am the first to admit I am raising my son to be tough and not be taken advantage of. But I think we need to show our sons to treat women with respect. This would be done by treating their mothers with respect, before you scream at their mother for not having dinner done on time, stop and think do you want your son to treat his wife like this? While your out playing football talk to him about what he wants from a woman, and tell him if he wants the "perfect" girl to he must make her feel special and wanted so she can return the feelings. As far as my situation for a long time my son didn't see what was happening to me, it was recently that I noticed my son knew what was going on. It is because of my son that I called the police recently, I do not want my son to grow up thinking this type of behavior is ok. So I am taking a stand against violence for him. Again if anyone can think of ways to teach our sons, please voice it.

When I first saw the news about the death in Dameron I saw a comment about how this not only affects this one house but the community. People don't want criminals living near them and want to feel safe and I agree I would like to live in a perfect world also. But can I ask, what have you done for your community? (not pointed to anyone specific). Have you told your children not to play with the neighborhood bully? I know we donate food and toys to the needy but what about advice and kindness to them. Before you shun the bully try talking to them, see if you can make a difference and change their outlook in life before this person grows up to abuse. As stated before domestic violence is a learned behavior and we as parents, teachers and a community need to respect each other and try to end this violence. Also as stated before it is not only men who abuse, mothers abuse their children, children abuse their elderly parents I even know a few tough girls who probably beat on their men, who knows. We as a community need to teach to respect love and marriage, don't cheat on your spouse this shows yours children not to respect their future partners. If you're not happy in your relationship get out don't teach your children its ok to stay in a miserable relationship, I know this will offend some of you strong Christians that are anti divorce, sorry. I worked in the school systems at one point and spring ridge middle school (we have all heard bad things) had a program where troubled kids were paired up with adults from the community who would come spend a lunch with these kids every so often and talk to them, give them advice etc. Maybe these kids just need 30 minutes a month to talk to a mature responsible adult who can teach them something their absent father can't. Do you think you could spare 30 minutes to reach out to a troubled kids?

I copied and pasted the ideas so some of it is pertaining to old news but still means something. I am not a therapist and don't know what makes a person turn violent and I am not trying to say that love will solve everything because i know some people just aren't fixable. But I do ask that parents go home tonight and love your children and talk to them about domestic violence. Even if you don't stop it from happening atleast you can say you tried.

Please stand with me in the fight against domestic violence. Have we not lost enough good people?

Please stand with me in the fight against domestic violence. Have we not lost enough good people?

End domestic violence - listen to him and do what he says the first time. :yay:

End domestic violence - listen to him and do what he says the first time. :yay:

:killingme

End domestic violence - listen to him and do what he says the first time. :yay:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes??

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes??

Nothing - she's already been told once. :coffee:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes??

Nothings - she's already been told once. :coffee:

:doh:

:yay: Good Post Sweet

Nothings - she's already been told once. :coffee:

You and Day are a wonderful couple! :huggy:

:coffee:

End domestic violence - listen to him and do what he says the first time. :yay:

you crack me up

:coffee:


:roflmao:

End domestic violence - listen to him and do what he says the first time. :yay:

Your husband is a lucky man :lol:

Seriously though, I don't understand how any TEEN can put up with abuse...Don't most teen girls have guy friends to kick someone's ass if they decide to be an abuser? It's a shame if they don't :frown:

Seriously though, I don't understand how any TEEN can put up with abuse...Don't most teen girls have guy friends to kick someone's ass if they decide to be an abuser? It's a shame if they don't :frown:

I guess until you have been in someone's situation, you won't understand. Maybe their parents were in a bad relationship and that is all they know. There could be self-esteem issues. They could have been picked on during their childhood. :shrug:

I guess until you have been in someone's situation, you won't understand. Maybe their parents were in a bad relationship and that is all they know. There could be self-esteem issues. They could have been picked on during their childhood. :shrug:

I watched my best friend in middle school get abused by her BF. I watched him throw her head threw a wall, hit on her, etc and told myself I would never allow that to happen to me. I was wrong. You are right to say they learn it from somewhere or maybe the girl has low self esteem. Although I would not consider myself to have low self esteem, I get plenty of men offering to take me out. I love my life and wake up happy everyday. In the past my friends would actually say I am to mean to guys and to blunt when I am not interested in someone. What caused me to stay with this man? i truelly don't know why in the beginning. I should have left the first time he threw me across the room but I didn't, yes that is partly my fault. But at some point I was too scared to get out. We all know the police can't do anything to protect us. As far as doing what the man says the first time, I don't think all the violence starts from the women doing soemthing wrong or not listening. My ex pulled a gun out on me while I was in the shower for no reason, I believe it was just a way to show me I couldn't do anything to stop him or protect myself. Who knows?
My point of the thread was to get parents, friends and family to get involved before it is too late.

To johnny. You are right most girls have some guy friend who could step in. My first wake up call was when my bf's friends came to me and told me I deserved better. They offered any support they could. i have one friend that I would have gone to but unfortunatly he is not around at this time. Also though most girls are too ashamed of the situation to let anyone know what is going on.

My point of the thread was to get parents, friends and family to get involved before it is too late.

Did your parents try to get involved...:confused:

Did your parents try to get involved...:confused:

towards the end. they had no idea what was going on. they found out from someone else and came to me. They tried to talk to me but I don't have the best relationship with them so it was a bit strange.

towards the end. they had no idea what was going on. they found out from someone else and came to me. They tried to talk to me but I don't have the best relationship with them so it was a bit strange.

I too believe that abuse is wrong. Even if it's not physical abuse. I actually would prefer physical abuse over emotional. I know it sounds awful but it's true. When someone screams and yells at you and calls you all sorts of names it just damages who you are as a person and your self esteem. Though nobody, no woman, no child deserves to be treated like this. But in some cases these woman are stuck.......Whether it's because of lost family ties, children, or they think they'll never be able to find anyone else to want them. And it's even sadder for the children because they can't pick and choose there parents, as to where woman and men can choose there partners.

End domestic violence...Leave his sorry ass.


















Wow. That was easy.

End domestic violence...Leave his sorry ass
Wow. That was easy.

Honestly that's easier said than done. Some of these low life scum go as far as killing woman if they threaten to leave or if they do leave. I just feel woman should get to know there spouse more these days before jumping into marriage or even a relationship. I mean some people are getting married in as little as 5 months or so. Now how well can you really say you know that person?

Honestly that's easier said than done. Some of these low life scum go as far as killing woman if they threaten to leave or if they do leave. I just feel woman should get to know there spouse more these days before jumping into marriage or even a relationship. I mean some people are getting married in as little as 5 months or so. Now how well can you really say you know that person?

I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.

I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.

Okay and like I said.......Some woman who do get up and leave, their friggin husbands end up killin there a*s. Or they hunt em down and countinue abuse mentally and physically even though they're not in the same household anymore. You were lucky.........some woman aren't so lucky.

Okay and like I said.......Some woman who do get up and leave, their friggin husbands end up killin there a*s. Or they hunt em down and countinue abuse mentally and physically even though they're not in the same household anymore. You were lucky.........some woman aren't so lucky.
Excuses.

Staying isn't going to make it better. You will either have a long and miserably painful death, or you will get out and do everything you can to stay away from the abuser.

I wasn't lucky. I did what I had to do.

I watched my best friend in middle school get abused by her BF. I watched him throw her head threw a wall, hit on her, etc and told myself I would never allow that to happen to me. I was wrong. You are right to say they learn it from somewhere or maybe the girl has low self esteem. Although I would not consider myself to have low self esteem, I get plenty of men offering to take me out. I love my life and wake up happy everyday. In the past my friends would actually say I am to mean to guys and to blunt when I am not interested in someone. What caused me to stay with this man? i truelly don't know why in the beginning. I should have left the first time he threw me across the room but I didn't, yes that is partly my fault. But at some point I was too scared to get out. We all know the police can't do anything to protect us. As far as doing what the man says the first time, I don't think all the violence starts from the women doing soemthing wrong or not listening. My ex pulled a gun out on me while I was in the shower for no reason, I believe it was just a way to show me I couldn't do anything to stop him or protect myself. Who knows?
My point of the thread was to get parents, friends and family to get involved before it is too late.

To johnny. You are right most girls have some guy friend who could step in. My first wake up call was when my bf's friends came to me and told me I deserved better. They offered any support they could. i have one friend that I would have gone to but unfortunatly he is not around at this time. Also though most girls are too ashamed of the situation to let anyone know what is going on.

I watched my parents beat the crap out of each other every day. I swore I'd never live like that. When it happened to me, I left. If women want to make excuses for their sorry relationships, that's their problem. Don't ask society to take pity on you.

Excuses.

Staying isn't going to make it better. You will either have a long and miserably painful death, or you will get out and do everything you can to stay away from the abuser.

I wasn't lucky. I did what I had to do.

Where was I making excuses?

Where was I making excuses?

When you try to justify someone not leaving an abusive relationship, that's making excuses.

Anyone who stays in an abusive relationship does so because s/he thrives on the drama and attention....oh, you poor thing. Whatever will you do?

When you try to justify someone not leaving an abusive relationship, that's making excuses.

Anyone who stays in an abusive relationship does so because s/he thrives on the drama and attention....oh, you poor thing. Whatever will you do?

Well we are all entitled to our own opinion........And quite honestly I'm not looking for anything. I was just stating what my views were.

Well we are all entitled to our own opinion........And quite honestly I'm not looking for anything. I was just stating what my views were.

A lot of people share my opinion.

A lot of people share my opinion.

Not I....

Not I....

That's rather obvious.

A lot of people share my opinion.

I do.

I do.

YouTube - Wedding Crashers (Cause I'd Find You Scene) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycuZqJzSocE)

YouTube - Wedding Crashers (Cause I'd Find You Scene) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycuZqJzSocE)

:killingme

YouTube - Wedding Crashers (Cause I'd Find You Scene) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycuZqJzSocE)


:lmao:

The first step in preventing domestic abuse is smackin the crap out of everyone who considers abusing or disobeying you. Once you establish Alpha, there's no need to get physical other than to occasionally remind them of who's in control :coffee:

SingerLady, what about a restraining order? Kinda prevents the hubby from having any sort of contact with an ex/wife they're abusive toward. Sure they can break it, but that's when they can get in trouble.

Honestly, I know you can't always predict what a person is gonna turn out to be, but that's why you have to do a lil research while in a relationship...some people aren't very bright and get married before they ever have a chance to figure these things out. I always hear women say "oh he might be mean to everyone else but he treats me great" while they're dating and often it ends where they are eventually treated the same way. Not always, not close to always, but stuff like that is a big red flag. If you're gonna be with someone like that, you already know what you might be getting into.

I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.

First i would like to say i am not asking for pity from anyone. I put up with things i shoudlnt have for whatever reason. I didnt go crying to friends at first i kept it too myself and hid it I didnt ask for pity. When people finally came to me i told them i would handle it.
As said before it is easier said than done to just get up and leave. My abusive ex was living with me in my house. I tried several times to get him out. I went to the police they said becuase he lived there for longer than 7 days i had to give him 30 day notice, nothing for me to do, even if i filed abuse charges they couldnt arrest me they would file the paper work and a court date would be set up. I gave him his 30 day notice and tried to make it as peaceful for the next 30 days as possible. when the 30 days came up he wouldnt leave and the police wouldnt help. I went to the police on numerous occasions they kept telling me to take him to court get a lawyer, etc. Maybe this is an excuse but i felt stuck. Finally when he wouldnt leave i got a protective order, that night i woke up with a gun to my head. He broke in and told me i could call the police but i would be dead before they got there. I dont care who you are in a situation like that anyone would be scared. Yes i put up with it for several reasons one being that i was scared and had no one to go to. Finally I filed abuse charges in November, we go to court in March. he was never arrested and walks around making threats to me. I am not scared anymore and if i die than atleast i died standing up for myself.

I do not ask for pity. I am not telling people to pity those in these situations. I am not asking for the community to take in the abused and car for them. I am only asking for parents to teach there children to respect others and try to end a cycle of violence.

I am not scared anymore and if i die than atleast i died standing up for myself. That's the bottom line. Staying in an abusive relationship just makes you the walking dead... you're life is not your own.


I do not ask for pity. I am not telling people to pity those in these situations. I am not asking for the community to take in the abused and car for them. I am only asking for parents to teach there children to respect others and try to end a cycle of violence.

You have a good thread. :yay:

First i would like to say i am not asking for pity from anyone. I put up with things i shoudlnt have for whatever reason. I didnt go crying to friends at first i kept it too myself and hid it I didnt ask for pity. When people finally came to me i told them i would handle it.
As said before it is easier said than done to just get up and leave. My abusive ex was living with me in my house. I tried several times to get him out. I went to the police they said becuase he lived there for longer than 7 days i had to give him 30 day notice, nothing for me to do, even if i filed abuse charges they couldnt arrest me they would file the paper work and a court date would be set up. I gave him his 30 day notice and tried to make it as peaceful for the next 30 days as possible. when the 30 days came up he wouldnt leave and the police wouldnt help. I went to the police on numerous occasions they kept telling me to take him to court get a lawyer, etc. Maybe this is an excuse but i felt stuck. Finally when he wouldnt leave i got a protective order, that night i woke up with a gun to my head. He broke in and told me i could call the police but i would be dead before they got there. I dont care who you are in a situation like that anyone would be scared. Yes i put up with it for several reasons one being that i was scared and had no one to go to. Finally I filed abuse charges in November, we go to court in March. he was never arrested and walks around making threats to me. I am not scared anymore and if i die than atleast i died standing up for myself.

I do not ask for pity. I am not telling people to pity those in these situations. I am not asking for the community to take in the abused and car for them. I am only asking for parents to teach there children to respect others and try to end a cycle of violence.


Buy a gun and learn how to use it. Get a protective order to CYA. Leave...if you feel your life is threatened, disappear.

Buy a gun and learn how to use it. Get a protective order to CYA. Leave...if you feel your life is threatened, disappear.

My point of the thread isnt to argue about how to get out of the situation. My point is to try to prevent it.

the last example i will give is from about 4 years ago. A sister of a friend of mine was killed by her abusive ex. She got the protective orders filed for abuse charges did everything she could have. When she got the opportunity to leave the state and disappear she did. She packed up her child and their things and was ready to start a new life. As she put the last bag in the trunk of the car and was minutes from leaving the state, her ex came out of no where ( he had been hiding and watching her pack) shot her in the head and killed her in front of their child. She was minutes from getting away but never got the chance.
My point of this example is that no matter what you might do if someone wants you dead you cant stop it. As stated before I am not arguing about how to get out of the relationship. I am only stating that we need to stop the cycle of abuse before it starts.

I am only stating that we need to stop the cycle of abuse before it starts.

It'll never happen. Children learn by example.

I do.

Having lived it for some years (long ago), I do as well.

It'll never happen. Children learn by example.

I know that it will never completly end. The world will never be perfect like we want. But if a parent can stop one child from abusing than maybe that child's kids will never learn it which means stopping two people and the cycle may continue.

When I get passionate about something I will make every effort to get my point across. I am passionate about not drinking and driving, domestic violence and helping the youth in general. I know that things will never completly end but that doesnt mean I should sit at home and keep my mouth shut. People argue all day about gun laws on here because it is something that they are passionate about and feel strongly for or against. this happens to be my topic that I stand for. If you want to continue to believe that domestic violence is not serious or will never happen to a loved one of yours than that is fine. But I will continue my fight against violence.

I know that it will never completly end. The world will never be perfect like we want. But if a parent can stop one child from abusing than maybe that child's kids will never learn it which means stopping two people and the cycle may continue.

When I get passionate about something I will make every effort to get my point across. I am passionate about not drinking and driving, domestic violence and helping the youth in general. I know that things will never completly end but that doesnt mean I should sit at home and keep my mouth shut. People argue all day about gun laws on here because it is something that they are passionate about and feel strongly for or against. this happens to be my topic that I stand for. If you want to continue to believe that domestic violence is not serious or will never happen to a loved one of yours than that is fine. But I will continue my fight against violence.
Don't just focus on the boys... the girls need to be raised to think better of themselves and want better for themselves.

I swear it was just this morning my 16 yr old boy was talking about the pregnant girls in his high school that aren't even with the baby daddy and the large number of girls that txt out slutty pics of themselves desperately seeking attention... he said it's a shame and those girls are obviously broken in some way and he is holding out and has high hopes that he will find a girl that thinks better of herself.

Don't just focus on the boys... the girls need to be raised to think better of themselves and want better for themselves.

I swear it was just this morning my 16 yr old boy was talking about the pregnant girls in his high school that aren't even with the baby daddy and the large number of girls that txt out slutty pics of themselves desperately seeking attention... he said it's a shame and those girls are obviously broken in some way and he is holding out and has high hopes that he will find a girl that thinks better of herself.

Sounds like you've raised a very nice young man. :yay:

Any "man", who hits or abuses a woman for what ever reason they have in their head..........is a coward, and a POS..

Just walk away, when it gets too heated....

Don't just focus on the boys... the girls need to be raised to think better of themselves and want better for themselves.

I swear it was just this morning my 16 yr old boy was talking about the pregnant girls in his high school that aren't even with the baby daddy and the large number of girls that txt out slutty pics of themselves desperately seeking attention... he said it's a shame and those girls are obviously broken in some way and he is holding out and has high hopes that he will find a girl that thinks better of herself.

You are correct. Not only do we need to stop young men from abusing but teach our daughters to not put up with it.

As listed in my original post I had the idea that as parents we should teach our daughters what to expect from a man. If a father was to take his daughter out on a "date" once a month or so and talk to her about what she should be treated like maybe she would learn. While out on the date of the father was to pull her chair out, open her doors, etc maybe she would higher her standards for what she expects from a man. This seems cheesy but maybe it would work for some insecure girl. A daughter should not have to watch her father hit on her mother because this will only show her it is acceptable behavior and she will probably end up in bad relationships also. Maybe she wont but most cases of domestic violence where a girl puts up with it are because she saw it growing up.

with that said, it is not always the girl being abused. Guys can be abused also, maybe not physically as much but emotionally. This isn't any less serious.

the world will never be perfect but if more people try harder to end bad cycles than maybe it can get better. I consider myself a optimistic person and refuse to complain about things and do nothing about it. Not everything will end the way we want but I feel better at the end of the day if I am able to say atleast I tried.

When you try to justify someone not leaving an abusive relationship, that's making excuses.

Anyone who stays in an abusive relationship does so because s/he thrives on the drama and attention....oh, you poor thing. Whatever will you do?

:yay: Maybe not in all cases but I've seen this kind of behavior first hand. I had a friend back in the day who thrived on the drama, she managed to turn every relationship she had into a violent one. She would drink and get all crazy and hit and slap men then come boo hooing to all her pals about how he "beat" her. Eventually she found one who didn't run away from her and as far as I know they are happily beating the drunken crap out of each other to this day. I hope they never had kids...

I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.

It's not that easy for everyone.

Any "man", who hits or abuses a woman for what ever reason they have in their head..........is a coward, and a POS..

Just walk away, when it gets too heated....

Or better yet, hit back & THEN walk away. Kinda shocks 'em & gives you the time to get outta there quick. Most of these dirtbags aren't used to being stood up to. They're cowards that are used to walking all over people who don't fight back. I always said, if someone hits me they'd better knock me out. If not, they're gonna get hit back. My ex-fiance started to beat on me when I told him it was over. He wasn't going to "allow" me to leave him. He got hit back & dumped for good. I was scared that if I just sat there he wouldn't stop hitting so I fought back. Then I ran & thank God a cop saw me, bleeding & banged up, but I was safe for the moment. Sadly enough, he wouldn't leave me alone & restraining orders do no good so I moved out of state to get away from him. Best move I made.

My parents raised me to defend & respect myself. Girls need to be taught at a young age to be self sufficient so they have the strength & financial means to leave an abusive relationship. That's a common excuse abused women use - that they can't afford to make it on their own so they feel trapped.

Or better yet, hit back & THEN walk away. Kinda shocks 'em & gives you the time to get outta there quick. Most of these dirtbags aren't used to being stood up to. They're cowards that are used to walking all over people who don't fight back. I always said, if someone hits me they'd better knock me out. If not, they're gonna get hit back. My ex-fiance started to beat on me when I told him it was over. He wasn't going to "allow" me to leave him. He got hit back & dumped for good. I was scared that if I just sat there he wouldn't stop hitting so I fought back. Then I ran & thank God a cop saw me, bleeding & banged up, but I was safe for the moment. Sadly enough, he wouldn't leave me alone & restraining orders do no good so I moved out of state to get away from him. Best move I made.

My parents raised me to defend & respect myself. Girls need to be taught at a young age to be self sufficient so they have the strength & financial means to leave an abusive relationship. That's a common excuse abused women use - that they can't afford to make it on their own so they feel trapped.

Hitting back just pisses them off more.

Hitting back just pisses them off more.

I understand what you're saying. If I was planning to stay with him, I probably wouldn't have hit back because then he would have sought revenge, I'm sure. And God only knows what he would have done then. But I knew I was done & gone. I knew I had to get in a real good hit or two & then run like I'd never run before.

For me, I always talked tough when he started talking stupid. We argued constantly & he was verbally abusive, tried to control me constantly. Stupid me, should have seen the writing on the wall. But when it came down to it & he actually started hitting me, a range of emotions came over me. First I was confused, like "is he seriously hitting me?" Then I was scared chitless, like "is he going to beat me to death?" Then I remembered what I always told him. That if he ever laid a hand on me that I'd hit back. Suddenly, I just knew I needed to get away from him & fighting back was the only way. I wasn't about to be a human doormat for some loser with anger mgmt issues.

:yay: Maybe not in all cases but I've seen this kind of behavior first hand. I had a friend back in the day who thrived on the drama, she managed to turn every relationship she had into a violent one. She would drink and get all crazy and hit and slap men then come boo hooing to all her pals about how he "beat" her. Eventually she found one who didn't run away from her and as far as I know they are happily beating the drunken crap out of each other to this day. I hope they never had kids...

I believe that when people continue to create chaos/drama/fighting, etc. in their lives, it is because they're comfortable in that environment, and anything different is them being like a fish out of water. They know that life, and are comfortable with it. Even though it makes no sense to you or anyone else, if they only grew up with that type of environment, only seeing chaos/drama/fighting, how do they know how to live differently? It would be the same as someone who has never been exposed to chaos, etc., being put in that environment. That person only knowing a life without chaos, etc. would not be able to survive in that environment.
In no way am I saying that they can't choose to change from that environment, but until they're ready, it's to scary for them I believe, and it's probably easier and less stressful.

I feel very fortunate that I have never been invovled in a domestic violence situation, even though I have been divorced.