Okay ladies (and any gents who are reading this), a while back I posted about having problems with my MIL and surprise, surprise she is at it again.

Her father recently died. Before her father's body was even cold, MIL started in on how in debt she was($20k total-I'd love to have that low of a debt count. Ha!) and how she hasn't been working, and blah blah blah. At the gathering after the funeral, other relatives who side with MIL and believe the whole "I'm a victim" sob story started coming up to hubby and saying that he should really help out his mom more. Now they weren't talking about having him go over and help her fix up the house that was willed to her by her last boyfriend which has been sitting empty since she inherited it so that she could sell it. No. They were implying that Chris should offer to bail her out of her self imposed debt.

This is where it gets interesting. Chris and his two uncles were both left equal 1/3 share ownership in the grandfathers house. MIL was left $10. Yes. I added the right amount of zeros.

There hasn't been an official reading of the will yet but hubby is already got the wheels in motion in his head. He wants to sell off his 1/3 share and use the proceeds to bail his mom out.

I understand why he wants to do this. I just don't think that paying off her debt is going to be a good idea. She didn't have to earn the money in any fashion and therefore, she learns no fiscal responsibility and we are back in this situation again down the line. Also, we have a baby on the way and even though we are both working steady jobs, who knows what can happen and putting the money that we would get from his share of the house would be a nice cushion.

I'm torn. I don't feel as though it is my place to tell him what to do with his inheritance but I don't want to regret what happens to it either. Any ideas on how he can help her without giving her a big check? Am I overstepping my bounds by saying to him that I don't want him to bail his mom out to help make our future a bit more secure?

I would keep my nose out of it because you are gonna piss someone off.....

I would keep my nose out of it because you are gonna piss someone off.....

:yeahthat:


But... he could demand that she turn over all of her bills for him to pay directly instead of writing her a fat check and put her on an allowance. If she balks at that, there is your answer.

:yeahthat:


But... he could demand that she turn over all of her bills for him to pay directly instead of writing her a fat check and put her on an allowance. If she balks at that, there is your answer.

Exactly. Seems like a bad deal no matter how you approach it, i would make my feelings known to him once and then drop it.

I would divorce him and be done with the whole crazy family. But I have a low tolerance for crap like that.

I would divorce him and be done with the whole crazy family. But I have a low tolerance for crap like that.

LOL and take 1/2 of 1/3 of the house he just inherited:killingme

LOL and take 1/2 of 1/3 of the house he just inherited:killingme

Things have a way of working out, don't they? :biggrin:

Things have a way of working out, don't they? :biggrin:

:takingnotes: :lol:

:takingnotes: :lol:

:twitch: Me too.......... yikes.....




ANYWAY.... :lol: Rose's idea is a good one. Offer to pay the bills. Don't hand over any money. Or if it's worth it, have her sign over the deed and property to the house she never fixed up in exchange for fair value in cash.

:twitch: Me too.......... yikes.....




ANYWAY.... :lol: Rose's idea is a good one. Offer to pay the bills. Don't hand over any money. Or if it's worth it, have her sign over the deed and property to the house she never fixed up in exchange for fair value in cash.

:prenup!: :killingme

ANYWAY.... :lol: Rose's idea is a good one. Offer to pay the bills. Don't hand over any money. Or if it's worth it, have her sign over the deed and property to the house she never fixed up in exchange for fair value in cash.

Have her put in a nursing home. That'll fix her little red wagon.

Exactly. Seems like a bad deal no matter how you approach it, i would make my feelings known to him once and then drop it.

:yay:

Good luck getting between a man and his mamma. I'd keep my mouth shut and when one of your relatives dies you can be boss.

I would bring it up in a non-confrontational way. Even offer to help..."Hey, why don't you ask your mom to get her bills together and I'll stop by and pick them up."

Have her put in a nursing home. That'll fix her little red wagon.

#1 answer :yay:

Don't count on spending anything - in any way - yet. As you said the will hasn't been read. You may or may not have a copy of the last will - presuming there is a valid will. Even if there is a will - any potential heir - especially you MIL could challenge it. If the will is found invalid it could be overturned and either a previous version used or the estate could be divided under state law.

Secondly, if your husbands 1/3 share is upheld - what are the two uncles positon with regard to selling the house? If either of them do not agree to sell, you are faced with a) going to court to force the sale; b) selling his share to one or both of them (good luck agreeing to a fair price there!), or c) finding someone foolish enough to buy 1/3 share of a house with the other two thirds being owned by strangers. (How much would you pay for arrangement?)

My mother and her four siblings recently sold a piece of unimproved property they had inherited jointly from their father. It only took them 37 years to come to an agreement on the sale.

Wow. I'd really hope that if we were ever in that position, hubby would care enough about OUR family to keep some of the money for college funds, bills, or "just in case."

invite MIL over for coffee. Add a little swine flu to her java. Hope it kills her then sell the 1/3 share of hubby's house to fix up the new house he just inherited from mommy dearest.

I have no useful suggestions. I just wish you the best of luck. Seems like a no win situation anyway you look at it. :huggy:

Wow. I'd really hope that if we were ever in that position, hubby would care enough about OUR family to keep some of the money for college funds, bills, or "just in case."

:yeahthat: I'm sorry mom but I have my own bills to worry about and I shouldn't have to worry about yours too.

Methinks that if you are discussing this with a group of total strangers and don't feel comfortable discussing it with your husband, you are destined for divorce anyway and may as well do it now, and as suggested, take your share of his money for child support before his mother does.

When my grandfather died i received a nice chunk of money. As soon as my mom found out i was receiving money she told everyone how much debt she had blah blah. People told me that i should help her out. My parents are divorced. It was my dads dad. She hated him with a passion. When i told her he died she was like about damn time. It is not my fault she has 10 credit cards maxed out! If you create your debt then you can pay it off. I didn't give her no money and now she wont talked to me and her friends give me dirty looks. Mean while my kids have a college fund started and im debt free!

My folks have been financially generous with me in the past (but only after I had my own money and didn't need theirs, the bastards :rolleyes:)

Anyway, if they fell on hard times and needed money for something, I would help them out. BUT if they had spent themselves into the poor house and wanted me to bail them out of their poor decisions, I'd tell them to pack sand. And if they wanted my inheritance from someone they hated, I'd tell them double pack sand.

And if any of their friends or relatives tried to get me to feel guilty, I'd tell them....


...you guessed it! Pack sand.

Wow. I'd really hope that if we were ever in that position, hubby would care enough about OUR family to keep some of the money for college funds, bills, or "just in case."

:yeahthat: The relatives of OP's hubby seem to be all up in everyone's business (like any other typical family, I guess). If they want the OP's MIL to be bailed out of her financial situation, they should be forking over the money. This is not their business, they should be told to butt out.

And here's the question I have, maybe an angle for the OP to take with her hubby. The OP's MIL's father didn't feel the desire to leave her anything yet left his two sons, & his grandson, 1/3 each. What does that say about his feelings toward his own daughter? He clearly didn't want her to benefit financially from his death & there must be a reason why.

I'm not gonna lie - if I have 2 kids & one is a great kid while the other causes nothing but issues in life & treats hubby & I like crap, guess who's being named in the will & who isn't? The wishes of the deceased should be respected, although the OP's hubby seems like he's being suckered into bailing out Mommy instead of worrying about his own wife & kid(s). OP, I wish you luck because this is a crappy situation. Tread lightly!

Methinks that if you are discussing this with a group of total strangers and don't feel comfortable discussing it with your husband, you are destined for divorce anyway and may as well do it now, and as suggested, take your share of his money for child support before his mother does.

I have discussed it with my husband but only briefly since I really don't want to budge on my stance of keeping the inheritance. I need diplomatic and neutral party suggestions so that when the will is officially read, it doesn't lead to a shouting match between him, myself and the MIL. Thank you to those of you who understand that is what I was going for and for your suggestions.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

That's really funny. :killingme

But I don't think the OP is a greedy biatch like the one in your joke. I think her hubby is just getting hosed by the rest of the family and should grow a set. If MIL's father wanted her to have the money, he would have left it to her. But still, loved the joke and will forward it on. :lol:

And here's the question I have, maybe an angle for the OP to take with her hubby. The OP's MIL's father didn't feel the desire to leave her anything yet left his two sons, & his grandson, 1/3 each. What does that say about his feelings toward his own daughter? He clearly didn't want her to benefit financially from his death & there must be a reason why.

That's exactly what I picked up right away. I would point that out to hubby and ask him to discuss his idea w/the uncles. They may know the reason behind their dad's decision.

Good luck!

That's exactly what I picked up right away. I would point that out to hubby and ask him to discuss his idea w/the uncles. They may know the reason behind their dad's decision.

Good luck!

He probably had been bailing her out all along and finally had enough and figured she already got her fair share.

He probably had been bailing her out all along and finally had enough and figured she already got her fair share.

Probably so. I know someone who is 35 and still can't get her sh!t together. Her parents have bailed them out of financial issues time & time again, so have her inlaws. I keep telling her that she's probably gonna get quite a surprise when her parents kick the bucket & she gets nada. :lol:

Probably so. I know someone who is 35 and still can't get her sh!t together. Her parents have bailed them out of financial issues time & time again, so have her inlaws. I keep telling her that she's probably gonna get quite a surprise when her parents kick the bucket & she gets nada. :lol:

It pays to learn at an early age how to be self sufficient. :yay:

It pays to learn at an early age how to be self sufficient. :yay:

That's for sure. She even admits that her parents did her no favors by handing out money to her constantly. She was never taught how to be responsible. We'd all go to a concert and her Mom would just hand her a $100 bill, after already paying for her ticket. The rest of us were working since we were 14 or 15. Oh well, she'll never learn but I'm glad/surprised that she works and doesn't live off our tax dollars.

OK, didn't mean to hijack the thread! I'm done now. :smile:

That's for sure. She even admits that her parents did her no favors by handing out money to her constantly. She was never taught how to be responsible. We'd all go to a concert and her Mom would just hand her a $100 bill, after already paying for her ticket. The rest of us were working since we were 14 or 15. Oh well, she'll never learn but I'm glad/surprised that she works and doesn't live off our tax dollars.

OK, didn't mean to hijack the thread! I'm done now. :smile:

No favors, whatsoever.

Methinks that if you are discussing this with a group of total strangers and don't feel comfortable discussing it with your husband, you are destined for divorce anyway and may as well do it now, and as suggested, take your share of his money for child support before his mother does.
ding ding ding winnna winnna

OH H%LL NO! I did go read prior threads and felt like I should probably keep my mouth shut, but I can't. This is so wrong I can't shut my mouth. Your MIL is still young, why isn't she working? She doesn't have seizures anymore-whats her excuse? She ran up those bills knowing she had no income-let her work at McD's if she can't find anything else. Or let her ask her boyfriend for money to pay her bills....he's the one that gets the fringe benefits! She use to live with her father and when he died he left her $10.00? Since he left the house to 3 other people what do you think he would think about your husband helping his mother. It's obvious that he thinks she didn't deserve money for whatever reason, he just left her a small amount so she couldn't fight the will. I think a father knows his daughter and you and your husband should honor whatever he wanted. Your MIL is a moocher and the people at the funeral have no business opening their mouth. I would have had to say something to them and they need to mind their own business. Now if your MIL was older and on medicare and couldn't afford her medication-that's a different story. Then she does need some help. But to sell what was left to your husband to pay her bills, are they friggin crazy?:cds: I am a MIL and older than yours. There is no way I would take my Son's money. And your pregnant (congrats) that money should stay with your husband. With the economy the way it is you need to have a pile of money somewhere in case it's needed for YOUR family. If your husband pays her bills for her that's not helping any of you. She might as well learn she has to pay her own bills. Sounds like she's been taken care of most of her life...well now it's time for her to grow up and you and your husband enjoy your new family.

Your husband should listen carefully to your opinion. And you need to get the issue of others pressuring him in the open as well as your feelings. However, you also need to be careful not to nag him whatever his decision is - If he is considering helping out your MIL - you could suggest that he not make any committement at this time to anyone to do so. As I mentioned in my earlier post - his options and opportunity to turn the partial ownership in the house into cash are limited. If the uncles want to hold onto the house for sentimental reasons - or for financial reasons it could take a good bit of time to turn it into cash.

So - no matter what he decides in the immediate of his grandfather's death - he may well change his mind before he is able to act on it.

Whatever he decides - you have to make up your mind to accept it or be prepared for it bring turmoil into your marriage. As I mentioned earlier - unless its a major estate, 1/3 will not go very far.

Good Luck!

And here's the question I have, maybe an angle for the OP to take with her hubby. The OP's MIL's father didn't feel the desire to leave her anything yet left his two sons, & his grandson, 1/3 each. What does that say about his feelings toward his own daughter? He clearly didn't want her to benefit financially from his death & there must be a reason why.

Sorry that I am a bit late in replying to this. Small doses so I don't get my blood pressure up for to long.

I think I understand why the will is written the way it is. MIL has been leeching off of her parents for years. When she got pregnant with Chris, the baby daddy said that he wanted nothing to do with either of them and left. She then moved in with her parents and didn't leave until she was married. By this time, Chris was 12.

After her husbands death a few years ago, she moved back in even though she still has the trailer that she and her husband shared. She, to this day, still pays lot rent which is about $500-600 a month. Hmm, wonder how the debt stacked up.

A year or so ago, her boyfriend died, left her another house which she still has, and continued to live with her dad. If someone has two other houses, why are they still living with the surviving parent?

Admittedly, I may be having one of these->:cds: but given the situation, I feel as though I am a bit entitled.

Your husband should listen carefully to your opinion. And you need to get the issue of others pressuring him in the open as well as your feelings. However, you also need to be careful not to nag him whatever his decision is - If he is considering helping out your MIL - you could suggest that he not make any committement at this time to anyone to do so. As I mentioned in my earlier post - his options and opportunity to turn the partial ownership in the house into cash are limited. If the uncles want to hold onto the house for sentimental reasons - or for financial reasons it could take a good bit of time to turn it into cash.

So - no matter what he decides in the immediate of his grandfather's death - he may well change his mind before he is able to act on it.

Whatever he decides - you have to make up your mind to accept it or be prepared for it bring turmoil into your marriage. As I mentioned earlier - unless its a major estate, 1/3 will not go very far.

Good Luck!

The family knows that I will tell them to, as Vrai said "pack sand" which is why it is only mentioned when I am out of ear shot. I agree, when it comes to his family he needs to grow a set but Chris has always been a passive person so I doubt that is going to happen.

One of the uncles does live in the house. Why he has been living there, I don't know and haven't asked. Because of this fact, Chris is hoping that his uncle will offer to buy him out. I understand that 1/3 will not go far but it should be more then enough to bail MIL out if that is what hubby decides.

I just need to find ways to tread lightly in this situation. It has the potential to be a very volatile combination and I don't want this to be a major black mark on an otherwise good relationship. Really, the only times we have issues is when his mom says that she needs to be bailed out of her self imposed debt.

If only we didn't have to deal with the families of the people we love if we didn't want to. :ohwell: