Ken King
11-12-2004, 09:43 PM
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Well I guess it’s about time I get to this. I know I have been remiss but I have been having a really tough time sticking with any type of topic or getting motivated to write something at length. I think the loss of my Dad right before Memorial Day has had more of an impact then I ever imagined and not getting that regular call from him on my recent birthday really smacked at my heart. God I miss him.
Veteran’s Day was another big holiday for our family, being that every male in the family has served at one point or another for better than 5 generations. I would usually call him and wish him a great day and didn’t even realize I had done it until Mom picked up the phone. We both had a good cry.
I guess the best way to start getting over him being gone is to talk about him and those last minutes I had with him before he went on. I doubt if it interests many of you and if you can just indulge my desire to do this I would appreciate it. I think it might help to get me back to that loving person that I once was (yeah, right).
Dad was a man of both physical and intellectual stature. While not overly tall (he was 5’ 10” and carried his 220 pounds like it was a buck 75), he worked with weights right up to within just a couple of weeks of his death, he boxed when he was a youngster in the Navy (runner-up for light-heavyweight Pacific Fleet in 1943), was a highly skilled water-skier, a brave and fearless firefighter (one time chief of Lexington Park VFD), spent many a year doing community service as an EMT with the local squads to include getting certified as a SCUBA diver when he was 50 and boy was he ever smart. Not so much book-smarts (though little was a challenge for this self taught mechanic, electronics technician and man of many abilities), but real life common sense, wit, and wisdom. His persona, dedication to others in times of need, and his love of life were all things that garnered him the respect and admiration of many. He was truly my idol and mentor that shaped me into the person I am today. I thank him dearly for all that he gave and did for me. I only hope that I can carry on these same traits as a memorial to him.
Dad was born and grew up in Anacostia. He dropped out of school and joined the Navy and served our country in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. He received a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart during WWII for his efforts and many other awards over his career (not to mention his false teeth from a crash landing when the plane he was a side-gunner/mechanic on was limping back to the field and crashed just short of the runway). His efforts during Korea and Vietnam were limited to duty upon carriers but reading some of his citations from all periods re-enforces within me that he was a true hero and not just in my eyes.
Growing up as a kid most of my memories with him are sparse and scattered as he was regularly deployed for some hot spot or another. It was our way of life. Upon his retirement from the Navy he spent time as an insurance investigator, a DC fireman, a government fireman at Indianhead, and then as a government electronics technician with Ground Electronics at Patuxent River. Upon retiring from Federal service he continued working for the Navy as a contractor up until his final retirement in 1991.
I remember on his 49th birthday that he spent the day taking me to the induction center in Baltimore where I enlisted in the Air Force. I doubt if I ever gave him a better birthday present than that, not only was I leaving home and out from under his hair, but I was doing something he felt extremely strong about, serving this great nation. That was the type of man he was. He knew he could always take care of himself and family, but he instilled upon me the need to assist those that were either in dire need or just couldn’t do for themselves. I have tried to live my life the same way and if my back wasn’t so busted up I would be doing a lot more then I currently do, he knew that though and was always right there to praise me for the charitable work that I am still able to partake in.
For those of you that think that I am abruptly honest and a little too frank in how I deal with others you can thank Dad for that. He, like myself, was never a touchy feely sort of man. You could see his pain or other emotions in his expressions but rarely if ever would you hear him talk of it. And God help you if you made him mad. If you think I can cut loose on a rant you should have witnessed some of his over the years. The best I can say about this is that on my worst day I am just “Dad-light”. He never let another’s feelings get in the way of the need for truth. I guess I am a chip off the old block, but a better compliment couldn’t be given to me.
Now on to those last moments. On the 22nd of May I received a call from my sister telling me that they had to take Dad to the hospital with labored breathing and a total lack of strength. I asked if they wanted me to drive on down and was told that Mom said that right now there was little to be done as they were awaiting the results from a myriad of tests that had been conducted. I told them I would standby the phone and would have a bag packed to be ready at a moments notice should I be needed. Monday the 24th, just before noon, I received another call from my sister who was just shy of hysterical stating that Dad was in bad shape and I needed to get down there.
I told the bosses and immediately went on leave. The normal ten hour drive was made in a little over eight hours and arriving at Mom and Dad’s house my nephew met me and we went to the hospital. Dad was slightly coherent and I wasn’t sure he recognized me with my long locks and gray beard upon my entry into his room. What I noticed, and wasn’t prepared for, was the massive bruising upon the entire left side of his face and head.
It seems that while in the Critical Care Unit and supposedly under full-time watch his side rail had been left in the lowered position and he had rolled out of the bed landing head first upon the floor. Mom said he wasn’t like that when she had gone home at 2:00AM and that the rails were up. It is Mom’s belief that the injury took place just before her return to the hospital that morning when his bedding was being changed. She said the nurses and orderlies said that Dad must have been trying to get out of bed and fell. This is strange as Mom said that Dad had not the strength to even set upright when they were there the night before and had to be propped up by my nephew and fed the evening before. She is fully convinced that he could not have lowered the railing on the bed in his weakened state.
I stayed that night for an hour or two as Mom saw that I was not only tired but agitated and suggested that I go get some sleep. The next morning I was back bright and early and Dad’s vital signs had stabilized and were showing improvement. I stayed with him for the morning and we started a rotating shift of bed watch and taking turns going to the airport to pick up the siblings that were arriving. My brother had flown in from Alaska and my sister and her husband had come in from Wisconsin. Around six that evening I had gone out and picked up carry out for everyone and had it all set up when I went to relieve everyone still at the hospital. I sent them all home to eat and said I would stay with Dad until they got back.
Then his doctor came in and told me that even if Dad had not sustained the injury his time was limited and that the oxygen that they were pumping into him wasn’t doing any good as his lungs were not expunging the CO2. He said that his prognosis was that Dad had less then 24 hours.
This about crippled me and I told him I would discuss it with Mom upon her return and that she would be the one making decisions such as that. I went back into the room with Dad and started telling him all the things I never had over the years. As I was concluding this I held his hand and told him that no matter what happened he could rest assured that Mom would be taken care of and that he didn’t have to worry. No sooner then I closed my mouth he sighed and his blood pressure plummeted. I called the doctor back in to make sure the unit wasn’t malfunctioning or that a line hadn’t been pinched. It hadn’t and he told me that I should get everyone back in.
I immediately called my Mom but my sister answered and I told her that they needed to get back in now. She said Mom was not yet home but she would call her cell phone and get them turned around. At this point I went back to Dad and told him just to hang on a little while longer until Mom and the rest of the kids got back. He did and within ten minutes of their return Dad’s heart stopped for the first time. He had a do not resuscitate request so nothing was done to revive him when after a minute his heart started beating again. He did this three more times over the next half hour before finally succumbing with his family at his bedside.
Never in my life have I felt a pain such as I experienced that day and as I have said it has shaken me at my very foundation. I am sure some of you have experienced the same or worse in your lives and that I am in no way unique or special. This is the first time I have had the courage to talk about this outside of strictly family members and hope that my indulgence upon you is received by you, the readers, as a sign of the trust and feelings I have come to hold for those of you that I consider friends. While not healed from this loss just sharing it has already lifted a weight from my soul and I appreciate the opportunity that SOMD.com has made available for me to share this with you and help me with my healing process.
Well I guess it’s about time I get to this. I know I have been remiss but I have been having a really tough time sticking with any type of topic or getting motivated to write something at length. I think the loss of my Dad right before Memorial Day has had more of an impact then I ever imagined and not getting that regular call from him on my recent birthday really smacked at my heart. God I miss him.
Veteran’s Day was another big holiday for our family, being that every male in the family has served at one point or another for better than 5 generations. I would usually call him and wish him a great day and didn’t even realize I had done it until Mom picked up the phone. We both had a good cry.
I guess the best way to start getting over him being gone is to talk about him and those last minutes I had with him before he went on. I doubt if it interests many of you and if you can just indulge my desire to do this I would appreciate it. I think it might help to get me back to that loving person that I once was (yeah, right).
Dad was a man of both physical and intellectual stature. While not overly tall (he was 5’ 10” and carried his 220 pounds like it was a buck 75), he worked with weights right up to within just a couple of weeks of his death, he boxed when he was a youngster in the Navy (runner-up for light-heavyweight Pacific Fleet in 1943), was a highly skilled water-skier, a brave and fearless firefighter (one time chief of Lexington Park VFD), spent many a year doing community service as an EMT with the local squads to include getting certified as a SCUBA diver when he was 50 and boy was he ever smart. Not so much book-smarts (though little was a challenge for this self taught mechanic, electronics technician and man of many abilities), but real life common sense, wit, and wisdom. His persona, dedication to others in times of need, and his love of life were all things that garnered him the respect and admiration of many. He was truly my idol and mentor that shaped me into the person I am today. I thank him dearly for all that he gave and did for me. I only hope that I can carry on these same traits as a memorial to him.
Dad was born and grew up in Anacostia. He dropped out of school and joined the Navy and served our country in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. He received a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart during WWII for his efforts and many other awards over his career (not to mention his false teeth from a crash landing when the plane he was a side-gunner/mechanic on was limping back to the field and crashed just short of the runway). His efforts during Korea and Vietnam were limited to duty upon carriers but reading some of his citations from all periods re-enforces within me that he was a true hero and not just in my eyes.
Growing up as a kid most of my memories with him are sparse and scattered as he was regularly deployed for some hot spot or another. It was our way of life. Upon his retirement from the Navy he spent time as an insurance investigator, a DC fireman, a government fireman at Indianhead, and then as a government electronics technician with Ground Electronics at Patuxent River. Upon retiring from Federal service he continued working for the Navy as a contractor up until his final retirement in 1991.
I remember on his 49th birthday that he spent the day taking me to the induction center in Baltimore where I enlisted in the Air Force. I doubt if I ever gave him a better birthday present than that, not only was I leaving home and out from under his hair, but I was doing something he felt extremely strong about, serving this great nation. That was the type of man he was. He knew he could always take care of himself and family, but he instilled upon me the need to assist those that were either in dire need or just couldn’t do for themselves. I have tried to live my life the same way and if my back wasn’t so busted up I would be doing a lot more then I currently do, he knew that though and was always right there to praise me for the charitable work that I am still able to partake in.
For those of you that think that I am abruptly honest and a little too frank in how I deal with others you can thank Dad for that. He, like myself, was never a touchy feely sort of man. You could see his pain or other emotions in his expressions but rarely if ever would you hear him talk of it. And God help you if you made him mad. If you think I can cut loose on a rant you should have witnessed some of his over the years. The best I can say about this is that on my worst day I am just “Dad-light”. He never let another’s feelings get in the way of the need for truth. I guess I am a chip off the old block, but a better compliment couldn’t be given to me.
Now on to those last moments. On the 22nd of May I received a call from my sister telling me that they had to take Dad to the hospital with labored breathing and a total lack of strength. I asked if they wanted me to drive on down and was told that Mom said that right now there was little to be done as they were awaiting the results from a myriad of tests that had been conducted. I told them I would standby the phone and would have a bag packed to be ready at a moments notice should I be needed. Monday the 24th, just before noon, I received another call from my sister who was just shy of hysterical stating that Dad was in bad shape and I needed to get down there.
I told the bosses and immediately went on leave. The normal ten hour drive was made in a little over eight hours and arriving at Mom and Dad’s house my nephew met me and we went to the hospital. Dad was slightly coherent and I wasn’t sure he recognized me with my long locks and gray beard upon my entry into his room. What I noticed, and wasn’t prepared for, was the massive bruising upon the entire left side of his face and head.
It seems that while in the Critical Care Unit and supposedly under full-time watch his side rail had been left in the lowered position and he had rolled out of the bed landing head first upon the floor. Mom said he wasn’t like that when she had gone home at 2:00AM and that the rails were up. It is Mom’s belief that the injury took place just before her return to the hospital that morning when his bedding was being changed. She said the nurses and orderlies said that Dad must have been trying to get out of bed and fell. This is strange as Mom said that Dad had not the strength to even set upright when they were there the night before and had to be propped up by my nephew and fed the evening before. She is fully convinced that he could not have lowered the railing on the bed in his weakened state.
I stayed that night for an hour or two as Mom saw that I was not only tired but agitated and suggested that I go get some sleep. The next morning I was back bright and early and Dad’s vital signs had stabilized and were showing improvement. I stayed with him for the morning and we started a rotating shift of bed watch and taking turns going to the airport to pick up the siblings that were arriving. My brother had flown in from Alaska and my sister and her husband had come in from Wisconsin. Around six that evening I had gone out and picked up carry out for everyone and had it all set up when I went to relieve everyone still at the hospital. I sent them all home to eat and said I would stay with Dad until they got back.
Then his doctor came in and told me that even if Dad had not sustained the injury his time was limited and that the oxygen that they were pumping into him wasn’t doing any good as his lungs were not expunging the CO2. He said that his prognosis was that Dad had less then 24 hours.
This about crippled me and I told him I would discuss it with Mom upon her return and that she would be the one making decisions such as that. I went back into the room with Dad and started telling him all the things I never had over the years. As I was concluding this I held his hand and told him that no matter what happened he could rest assured that Mom would be taken care of and that he didn’t have to worry. No sooner then I closed my mouth he sighed and his blood pressure plummeted. I called the doctor back in to make sure the unit wasn’t malfunctioning or that a line hadn’t been pinched. It hadn’t and he told me that I should get everyone back in.
I immediately called my Mom but my sister answered and I told her that they needed to get back in now. She said Mom was not yet home but she would call her cell phone and get them turned around. At this point I went back to Dad and told him just to hang on a little while longer until Mom and the rest of the kids got back. He did and within ten minutes of their return Dad’s heart stopped for the first time. He had a do not resuscitate request so nothing was done to revive him when after a minute his heart started beating again. He did this three more times over the next half hour before finally succumbing with his family at his bedside.
Never in my life have I felt a pain such as I experienced that day and as I have said it has shaken me at my very foundation. I am sure some of you have experienced the same or worse in your lives and that I am in no way unique or special. This is the first time I have had the courage to talk about this outside of strictly family members and hope that my indulgence upon you is received by you, the readers, as a sign of the trust and feelings I have come to hold for those of you that I consider friends. While not healed from this loss just sharing it has already lifted a weight from my soul and I appreciate the opportunity that SOMD.com has made available for me to share this with you and help me with my healing process.