Many of you will probably hate me after this thread, but you just can’t ask questions like this in real time to a large group and discuss it openly without stirring up excessive emotion.

So what are some reasons why women divorce their husbands? I’m not really looking for specific cases, but more in general terms. Or maybe I should ask, what are some common reasons why women divorce their husbands?

I really want to get married, but I really don’t want to get divorced. “They” say (with increasing frequency) the divorce rate is 50%, and some say it’s more than that. By just being a little observant of the marital status of a given group of people, it would be easy to see that those numbers are realistic.

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?
Bad comparisson, in a plane crash you are going to die, during a divorce you only feel like you are dying. As a matter of fact most of the time a year after the divorce you are actually happy. :lol:

Not to be misunderstood, I don't mean to imply that women are the reason for the divorce rate, but I'm trying to understand from a woman's point of view. So I'm asking about situations when the divorce is initiated by the woman. That is, what are the reasons that bring a woman to the point of saying, it's time to stop the train and get off?

My opinion is that we get married way too young. I don't see how anyone can predict that they want to spend the next 30, 40 or 50 years with one person. Great if you do and I envy you if it happens but odds are against you.

Not to be misunderstood, I don't mean to imply that women are the reason for the divorce rate, but I'm trying to understand from a woman's point of view. So I'm asking about situations when the divorce is initiated by the woman. That is, what are the reasons that bring a woman to the point of saying, it's time to stop the train and get off?

Let's see...........................she doesn't feel loved, she doesn't feel adored, she doesn't feel wanted, she doesn't feel the communication is there, she doesn't feel she's getting a good return on her investment, she needs her space, you've grown apart, you're boring, you snore too much, the passion is gone, her clock is ticking, she's hit her sexual peak and you're no longer an option, her girlfriends/coworkers fill her head full of crap daily, she sees polls that say 50% of all marriages fail so it's socially acceptable, you no longer blow sunshine up her ass anymore, she watches too much "Desperate Housewives", she feels ignored.......................I'm sure I can come up with a few more if you need them.

Seriously, it seems these days that men or women either one don't need good reason to divorce. They are either happy in life or they are not, period. Just be sure if you do marry that you find a happy one and not make her miserable.

Good luck!:biggrin:

Oh great, another thread where men can bash women and visa versa. :yay:

I would say that the biggest reason a truly love-filled marriage would end would be lack of trust.

I'm not talking about the typical fidelity, financial, :blahblah: issues or even inappropriate or abusive relationships...

I'm talking about what I feel could make a good relationship go bad would have to be a trust-related matter. Those seem to be the maker-breakers in the death-do-them-part-ers in this world.

And I'm not just talking about cheating trust either. I'm talking about trusting someone to build a life with, trust with your insecurities and not have them use them against you; trust them to pick up the slack when you need them to and trust you to do the same. Trust that you're safe.

All of the nastiness seems to stem from the instability from the lack thereof. Financial nightmares and even hell through years have seem to withstand...If a relationship has a solid foundation of trust.

So, that's my $.02

I've never been divorced so I'm just going to give some reasons I can think of:

-man being unfaithful or the woman wanting to be with someone else
-not being in love with your husband anymore, which probably means you married the wrong person to begin with.
-feeling alone in the relationship, meaning doing EVERYTHING with the house, children, everything besides the man actual job/career

:shrug: Those are just what come to my mind. I'm sure there's thousands of reasons.

My opinion is that we get married way too young. I don't see how anyone can predict that they want to spend the next 30, 40 or 50 years with one person. Great if you do and I envy you if it happens but odds are against you.

:yeahthat: I sometimes wonder if we truly know who we are before age 30. Factors like kids and stress can shape who you are in the end.

Common reasons women divorce their husbands:
Drug abuse-#1 deal breaker-
Spouse abuse-#1 deal breaker
Neglect-D'oh!
Infidelity-why get married?
Trust issues-why get married?
Immaturity-any age!
Religion-"I'll convert" but changes their mind
Children-yes/no?? shoulda talked about this BEFORE marriage
Jealousy-GROW UP!

My opinion is that we get married way too young. I don't see how anyone can predict that they want to spend the next 30, 40 or 50 years with one person.
I completely agree that this is the most common reason why women (or anyone) gets divorced. Everything else - abuse, drug use, infidelity, neglect - is a symptom of being too immature to be married.

Gee, I left out stupidity! :killingme

"Stupid people shouldn't breed"

Many of you will probably hate me after this thread, but you just can’t ask questions like this in real time to a large group and discuss it openly without stirring up excessive emotion.

So what are some reasons why women divorce their husbands? I’m not really looking for specific cases, but more in general terms. Or maybe I should ask, what are some common reasons why women divorce their husbands?

I really want to get married, but I really don’t want to get divorced. “They” say (with increasing frequency) the divorce rate is 50%, and some say it’s more than that. By just being a little observant of the marital status of a given group of people, it would be easy to see that those numbers are realistic.

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?


This is what kept me from divorcing my husband

Faithfulness (both sides)
Honesty (as much as we both could take)
Remembering that you are not joined at the hip and that each of us did have a life before marriage
Respect each other and give room for individual space
Romance, nothing fancy just an “I love you” he used to make me feel appreciated and yes I did the same in return.
We got to know each other really well before we got married, we did not rush into anything…it was an old fashioned courtship
Don’t take each other for granted
Don’t be afraid to try new things
More than one TV with a remote


When we did have disagreements we tried to see things from each others perceptive and try to meet in the middle.

As a matter of fact most of the time a year after the divorce you are actually happy. :lol:
If not sooner :banana:

This is what kept me from divorcing my husband

Faithfulness (both sides)
Honesty (as much as we both could take)
Remembering that you are not joined at the hip and that each of us did have a life before marriage
Respect each other and give room for individual space
Romance, nothing fancy just an “I love you” he used to make me feel appreciated and yes I did the same in return.
We got to know each other really well before we got married, we did not rush into anything…it was an old fashioned courtship
Don’t take each other for granted
Don’t be afraid to try new things
More than one TV with a remote


When we did have disagreements we tried to see things from each others perceptive and try to meet in the middle.


So sorry for your loss :huggy: I know you had tears while typing. I had them while reading.

If you want to share, how long has it been since you lost your love?

So sorry for your loss :huggy: I know you had tears while typing. I had them while reading.

If you want to share, how long has it been since you lost your love?


A little over a year...but sometimes it feels as if it were yesterday...I was lucky we were happy...we were together for a long time so I will always have those memories, and I see him everyday in the kids...thanks for the hug...are you married?

Angel you have good points... I wish you the very best for what the future may hold for you

My opinion is that we get married way too young. I don't see how anyone can predict that they want to spend the next 30, 40 or 50 years with one person. Great if you do and I envy you if it happens but odds are against you.

That can't be it! It shouldn't be! I won't accept it! And I'm going to hold my breath until you take it back. :lmao:

No doubt, some couples get married and are not prepared for it. But in general , if it's a matter of predicting, where's the commitment? In that case marriage is nothing more than advanced dating. The motto then would be, "I'll be committed to you until I decide not to be." That's scary! Virgovictoria had a really good post on trust. If I have to predict (and most likely will predict wrong) then there really is no basis for trust, which leads to all kinds of problems.

Not to be misunderstood, I don't mean to imply that women are the reason for the divorce rate, but I'm trying to understand from a woman's point of view. So I'm asking about situations when the divorce is initiated by the woman. That is, what are the reasons that bring a woman to the point of saying, it's time to stop the train and get off?

For some most sure physical and or mental abuse.

I would say that the biggest reason a truly love-filled marriage would end would be lack of trust.

I'm not talking about the typical fidelity, financial, :blahblah: issues or even inappropriate or abusive relationships...

I'm talking about what I feel could make a good relationship go bad would have to be a trust-related matter. Those seem to be the maker-breakers in the death-do-them-part-ers in this world.

And I'm not just talking about cheating trust either. I'm talking about trusting someone to build a life with, trust with your insecurities and not have them use them against you; trust them to pick up the slack when you need them to and trust you to do the same. Trust that you're safe.

All of the nastiness seems to stem from the instability from the lack thereof. Financial nightmares and even hell through years have seem to withstand...If a relationship has a solid foundation of trust.


Good post. :yay: I've always thought that a marriage should be a place where both people can feel safe because they trust one another thoroughly. They trust that they are allies, a team, and are always looking out for the good of the other. Now that I think about it, how could a marriage be successful without that level of trust? When I was in basic training, my drill instructor, for whatever reason (I forgot), gave us this advice about marriage - 'When you get married, it's you and your wife against the rest of the world.' That statement by itself sounds a little paranoid, but in context I know what he meant. That is, you and your wife are a team and there is no one else that you will be able to trust like her.

On the other hand, I wouldn't say lack of trust is the only reason, although if a divorce happens, trust is probably gone.

I am very sorry for your loss.

:huggy:[/QUOTE]


Thanks. I would wish you luck but it sounds like you don't need it. I am so happy you found someone and it does not sound like a bad idea to wait. Sounds like a good plan.. love is love. :huggy:

I think it takes a lot of courage to be truthful and upfront about things, and not afraid to say what is in your heart even if other people may not agree with it. Always be true to yourself. :huggy:

For some most sure physical and or mental abuse.





:yeahthat: That is exactly why my first marriage ended.

I would say that the biggest reason a truly love-filled marriage would end would be lack of trust.

I'm not talking about the typical fidelity, financial, :blahblah: issues or even inappropriate or abusive relationships...

I'm talking about what I feel could make a good relationship go bad would have to be a trust-related matter. Those seem to be the maker-breakers in the death-do-them-part-ers in this world.

And I'm not just talking about cheating trust either. I'm talking about trusting someone to build a life with, trust with your insecurities and not have them use them against you; trust them to pick up the slack when you need them to and trust you to do the same. Trust that you're safe.

All of the nastiness seems to stem from the instability from the lack thereof. Financial nightmares and even hell through years have seem to withstand...If a relationship has a solid foundation of trust.

So, that's my $.02

I hadn't thought of it that way before but that sums it up. Perfect! :yay:

Let's see...........................she doesn't feel loved, she doesn't feel adored, she doesn't feel wanted, she doesn't feel the communication is there, she doesn't feel she's getting a good return on her investment, she needs her space, you've grown apart, you're boring, you snore too much, the passion is gone, her clock is ticking, she's hit her sexual peak and you're no longer an option, her girlfriends/coworkers fill her head full of crap daily, she sees polls that say 50% of all marriages fail so it's socially acceptable, you no longer blow sunshine up her ass anymore, she watches too much "Desperate Housewives", she feels ignored.......................I'm sure I can come up with a few more if you need them.


Ah, a realist. :razz: With the exception of the first three, are the rest really reasons women have divorced their husbands?

only a couple of reasons I can think of.

they just really dont either get along with the other.
She jumped the fence
He jumped the fence.

my solution?
keep the marriage fresh and build a big ass fence.

I would divorce C_Jo if something happened to his face or wallet.

I would divorce C_Jo if something happened to his face or wallet.


:killingme

Bad comparisson, in a plane crash you are going to die, during a divorce you only feel like you are dying. As a matter of fact most of the time a year after the divorce you are actually happy. :lol:

...did you divorce your husband?

:larry:

Since no one else did, I'll answer personally. I divorced my husband because he didn't respect me or his role as a husband. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills (he contributed, I did the administrative aspect), did the grocery shopping, maintained the social calendar, did the laundry, cared for the kid (90% of the time). I loved doing all of these things until he took them for granted. He stopped complimenting meals (I didn't require it everyday but sometimes would have been great), he would walk in with dirty boots and leave his clothes wherever he took them off, he overdrew the checking account, he treated me and our son like we were extensions of him, not individuals. He mowed the lawn and would "watch" or son on the ocassional times that I wanted to grocery shop in peace or get my nails done. In the end, I never felt so worthless and neglected. :bawl: And he had he nerve to complain about the lack of sex. :shocking: It still hurts to think how hard I tried to keep the family together, for nothing. Counseling did nothing. When we stopped going, I mentally checked out until we separated months later. When talked about divorcing, his concern what that I would "find someone else". Not once did he step back and think there were things he could've done to keep it from happening. He still doesn't get it and he's still angry that the marriage is over. :shrug: If you're selfish, don't get married.

Since no one else did, I'll answer personally. I divorced my husband because he didn't respect me or his role as a husband. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills (he contributed, I did the administrative aspect), did the grocery shopping, maintained the social calendar, did the laundry, cared for the kid (90% of the time). I loved doing all of these things until he took them for granted. He stopped complimenting meals (I didn't require it everyday but sometimes would have been great), he would walk in with dirty boots and leave his clothes wherever he took them off, he overdrew the checking account, he treated me and our son like we were extensions of him, not individuals. He mowed the lawn and would "watch" or son on the ocassional times that I wanted to grocery shop in peace or get my nails done. In the end, I never felt so worthless and neglected. :bawl: And he had he nerve to complain about the lack of sex. :shocking: It still hurts to think how hard I tried to keep the family together, for nothing. Counseling did nothing. When we stopped going, I mentally checked out until we separated months later. When talked about divorcing, his concern what that I would "find someone else". Not once did he step back and think there were things he could've done to keep it from happening. He still doesn't get it and he's still angry that the marriage is over. :shrug: If you're selfish, don't get married.


:huggy:

:huggy:
:howdy: you!!

Since no one else did, I'll answer personally. I divorced my husband because he didn't respect me or his role as a husband. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills (he contributed, I did the administrative aspect), did the grocery shopping, maintained the social calendar, did the laundry, cared for the kid (90% of the time). I loved doing all of these things until he took them for granted. He stopped complimenting meals (I didn't require it everyday but sometimes would have been great), he would walk in with dirty boots and leave his clothes wherever he took them off, he overdrew the checking account, he treated me and our son like we were extensions of him, not individuals. He mowed the lawn and would "watch" or son on the ocassional times that I wanted to grocery shop in peace or get my nails done. In the end, I never felt so worthless and neglected. :bawl: And he had he nerve to complain about the lack of sex. :shocking: It still hurts to think how hard I tried to keep the family together, for nothing. Counseling did nothing. When we stopped going, I mentally checked out until we separated months later. When talked about divorcing, his concern what that I would "find someone else". Not once did he step back and think there were things he could've done to keep it from happening. He still doesn't get it and he's still angry that the marriage is over. :shrug: If you're selfish, don't get married.


I can relate to most of your post, because I’ve had those feelings before just like most married women.

I once heard that men don’t really understand their roles in today’s relationships. Back when I was growing up, it was crystal clear that a man brought home a paycheck and the women took care of the household. Man was boss, woman was submissive. Now, we have both wanting to be the boss (you hear a relationship takes 50/50 :blahblah:) and you know what they say about too many chiefs and not enough Indians? So we develop this attitude of “I do everything,” and even think that if you want a June Cleaver, somebody to run the house, I want to keep every penny of my paycheck. :shrug: <- in today’s society that just isn’t feasible most of the time.

My husband would see a basket of clean laundry on the bed, put it on the floor, pull back the covers to the bed and climb in. I was usually doing something else in the house, say painting, and would walk in the room with utter frustration of how disrespectful he could be to not even take the responsibility to see the clothes needed to be put away.

But I was just as much to blame as he was. I have a voice and didn’t use it and sometimes that voice had to get loud to be heard. Really loud! :killingme

First, many women have to just realize that a man isn’t going to clean and organize the way we do, so you have to let those feelings go before they eat you, consume you and devalue who you are and how you feel as a person. If you need something done, just ask, don’t expect them “to know” or “to read your mind.” But on a side note, when they do something and it isn’t done to YOUR expectation, realize your expectation is different. If you wanted it done a certain way, do it yourself.

I remember when I was living in a townhouse in Waldorf, I watched this women yell from the 2nd story to her husband “don’t pull the lawn mower backwards like that.” He was so ticked off, he walked that lawn mower backwards until he finished cutting the grass. They are divorced now. :lmao:


So let me ask you this, have you found somebody to read your mind yet? :huggy:

Many of you will probably hate me after this thread, but you just can’t ask questions like this in real time to a large group and discuss it openly without stirring up excessive emotion.

So what are some reasons why women divorce their husbands? I’m not really looking for specific cases, but more in general terms. Or maybe I should ask, what are some common reasons why women divorce their husbands?

I really want to get married, but I really don’t want to get divorced. “They” say (with increasing frequency) the divorce rate is 50%, and some say it’s more than that. By just being a little observant of the marital status of a given group of people, it would be easy to see that those numbers are realistic.

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?


WOW!! what a question! :larry: rock on!

thank you for sharing...We should title your writing, "What is it to be a Wife"...
Joan Diddion, writer, has a work entitled, "I want a Wife" and in the writing listed all of the wonderful things wives do to please their husbands and she inferred she would like to have "a wife" to do all the duties that wifely....
What is it to be a wife?

:howdy: you!! :huggy:

For some most sure physical and or mental abuse.
In reference to my reply to this:
To whom :cussing: ever left me red with a nasty comment: You don't know me so how can you assume something like that??

I can relate to most of your post, because I’ve had those feelings before just like most married women.

I once heard that men don’t really understand their roles in today’s relationships. Back when I was growing up, it was crystal clear that a man brought home a paycheck and the women took care of the household. Man was boss, woman was submissive. Now, we have both wanting to be the boss (you hear a relationship takes 50/50 :blahblah:) and you know what they say about too many chiefs and not enough Indians? So we develop this attitude of “I do everything,” and even think that if you want a June Cleaver, somebody to run the house, I want to keep every penny of my paycheck. :shrug: <- in today’s society that just isn’t feasible most of the time.

My husband would see a basket of clean laundry on the bed, put it on the floor, pull back the covers to the bed and climb in. I was usually doing something else in the house, say painting, and would walk in the room with utter frustration of how disrespectful he could be to not even take the responsibility to see the clothes needed to be put away.

But I was just as much to blame as he was. I have a voice and didn’t use it and sometimes that voice had to get loud to be heard. Really loud! :killingme

First, many women have to just realize that a man isn’t going to clean and organize the way we do, so you have to let those feelings go before they eat you, consume you and devalue who you are and how you feel as a person. If you need something done, just ask, don’t expect them “to know” or “to read your mind.” But on a side note, when they do something and it isn’t done to YOUR expectation, realize your expectation is different. If you wanted it done a certain way, do it yourself.

I remember when I was living in a townhouse in Waldorf, I watched this women yell from the 2nd story to her husband “don’t pull the lawn mower backwards like that.” He was so ticked off, he walked that lawn mower backwards until he finished cutting the grass. They are divorced now. :lmao:


So let me ask you this, have you found somebody to read your mind yet? :huggy:


Wow, I found your post to be incredibly insightful. I remember a few times when we did not see eye to eye it was because what he wanted was different from what I expected or visa Vera.


I was lucky though, he never made me feel that he was taking anything for granted, I was just happy doing what I was doing, and was happy with him doing what he was doing.

I don’t know…..I just loved taking care of my family and if they voiced their appreciation then cool beans, but if not that was okay too because the value of its worth came from within.
That does not happen for everybody. So I am not speaking for everyone…

I have to agree with Mike and Vrai. At least for my circumstance. :shrug: You know you're too young to get married when you have to skip school in order to do so. :jet: My ex and I have a great son out of it though and are pretty decent friends, so I don't regret it one bit. :shrug:

This is what kept me from divorcing my husband

Faithfulness (both sides)
Honesty (as much as we both could take)
Remembering that you are not joined at the hip and that each of us did have a life before marriage
Respect each other and give room for individual space
Romance, nothing fancy just an “I love you” he used to make me feel appreciated and yes I did the same in return.
We got to know each other really well before we got married, we did not rush into anything…it was an old fashioned courtship
Don’t take each other for granted
Don’t be afraid to try new things
More than one TV with a remote


When we did have disagreements we tried to see things from each others perceptive and try to meet in the middle.


??

http://forums.somd.com/showthread.php?p=1531306#post1531306

:yeahthat: That is exactly why my first marriage ended.

Sorry. Good for you in getting out. :wink:

There's tons of different stories out there, ones that stay, ones that leave. I always say leave, kids are no reason to stay.

There are women that beat men, hard to picture, but it happens.

There are women that beat men, hard to picture, but it happens.
:boxing:

:boxing:
:lmao:

I think the divorce rate is so high because people don't take enough time to get to know each other. B and I were good friends for 13 years before we realized we were in love. It helps that we knew the ends and outs of each other before we committed. I kissed a lot of toads to find my prince. When I was younger and dumber and picking all the losers ,I didn't think the words GOOD and MAN went together at all. And I can honestly say that If I had dated him when I was much younger I would not have apprectiated him like I do at this point in my life. I know how great he is and I love him like I didn't know I could love and he loves me, :biggrin:thats the best part. I KNOW without a shred of doubt that we will be together forever. But it's because I KNOW myself better now that I know that.

Ok I'm rambling. :jameo:

??

http://forums.somd.com/showthread.php?p=1531306#post1531306

who said I was marrried once?
The children were his from a first marriage where the mother gave up her rights. When I took care of the children, (now adults) and I do not think that I divorced him for any reason as the post said it just did not work out. Then I met Mark and we met fell and in love and had two biological children and then the rest you know. I did not bring up Tony for the simple fact i had already talked about him in the other post.


Mark was the love of my life and if he were still here we would still be married. I chose to talk about the positive things because that is what I know. Even with tony there just is nothing I would want to say bad about him. If you noticed I said why I DID not divorce.

Is there anything else that you would like to you?

Sorry. Good for you in getting out. :wink:

There's tons of different stories out there, ones that stay, ones that leave. I always say leave, kids are no reason to stay.

There are women that beat men, hard to picture, but it happens.

Why do you "always" say leave?

You've been through some tough times somd whisper. What keeps you standing?

You've been through some tough times somd whisper. What keeps you standing?


Because I know that these things will pass and that there could be worse things in life than what I went through.

I can't just stay focused on the bad, ya know?

I can talk about it, hopefully help someone else but then I stop and take stock on all the is good.

Things can be bad, but it is up to the person on what they are going to do with it.... :huggy:

So let me ask you this, have you found somebody to read your mind yet? :huggy:

:lmao: No and I never and still don't want that. I didn't expect him to things the way I wanted, all I wanted was A LITTLE respect and appreciation for what I did. He did at one time, but HE changed. I have a girlfriend who's married with 2 young children. She's a stay home mom and her husband ALWAYS thanks her for dinner, takes pride in their well-kept home, and doesn't balk at working all day, coming home and "spending time" not "watching" the kids. I didn't meet her until I was divorced for six months, so no, there was no comparison that helped me make my decision. When I think back now and compare her marriage with mine, I think, wow, I worked a full-time job and STILL did all those things. A modicum of appreciation would have meant the world to me. People might say, "he wasn't cheating", "he had a job", "he wasn't beating you". And to that I say, I don't model a marriage from the lowest common denominator. I deserved better, he wasn't willing to give it, so I cut my losses.

The way I avoid the disappointment now? I'm not married and I don't live with anyone. That way, the mess in my house is MINE, the responsibility for my child is MINE and there is no yearning for a thank you from anyone for it because I thank myself. :gettingoffsoapbox:

Marriage isn't hard. The key to success is to always put your spouse first. When you truly love someone, their happiness is yours. It's about being selfless and truly understanding what it means to compromise.

I think a lot of ladies are raised on fairy tales and their price charming. They dream of their wedding day and what their prince will be like. They get married young and the guy who won them over does not measure up to what they thought over time.

The average woman spends her life waiting for that perfect man, the one who completes her. He’s the one for whom she would not only give her heart, but her life. She keeps hoping and praying that Prince Charming will ride up on his horse and sweep her off her feet, and then they’ll ride off together and live happily ever after.

What you see in movies and read in books isn’t what real relationships are about.

The perfect man isn't out there. Do you want to know why he isn’t out there? Because, he doesn’t exist! In my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect. Like every woman, each man has his flaws, his weaknesses, and his strengths. How can a woman expect a perfect man, when women are not perfect? No one is perfect.

True happiness comes from within and while you are busy searching for that perfect man; you could be missing out on someone very special.

I think a lot of ladies are raised on fairy tales and their price charming. They dream of their wedding day and what their prince will be like. They get married young and the guy who won them over does not measure up to what they thought over time.

The average woman spends her life waiting for that perfect man, the one who completes her. He’s the one for whom she would not only give her heart, but her life. She keeps hoping and praying that Prince Charming will ride up on his horse and sweep her off her feet, and then they’ll ride off together and live happily ever after.

What you see in movies and read in books isn’t what real relationships are about.

The perfect man isn't out there. Do you want to know why he isn’t out there? Because, he doesn’t exist! In my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect. Like every woman, each man has his flaws, his weaknesses, and his strengths. How can a woman expect a perfect man, when women are not perfect? No one is perfect.

True happiness comes from within and while you are busy searching for that perfect man; you could be missing out on someone very special.

:huggy:

I can't just stay focused on the bad, ya know?
:yay: Being grateful for what you have makes for a better life than being bitter over what you don't have.

The perfect man isn't out there. Do you want to know why he isn’t out there? Because, he doesn’t exist! In my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect. Like every woman, each man has his flaws, his weaknesses, and his strengths. How can a woman expect a perfect man, when women are not perfect? No one is perfect.

Even if he/she IS perfect - it's not normal for them to stay that way. People change. *Character* probably doesn't, but a lot of other things will.

I think I had two big problems with looking for someone - I was always interested in women I needed to "win" - there was something about a woman with only a marginal interest in me. So I was always looking for someone who would never feel the same way about me. The other was - I wanted someone JUST LIKE ME. Somehow, I was sure there'd be a soulmate who I'd see eye to eye with on every level.

What happened to me was unexpected - but absolutely perfect - for *ME*.

I met and fell in love with someone completely UNLIKE me - and filled in all the parts of "me" that were missing. A pastor once commented he'd never counseled or married a couple more unlike each other than us - and one that more complemented each other's weaknesses - than us.

I think TWO things have helped us thus far, although we haven't been married very long. We both realize that life is hard, and our partner is not the answer to fulfillment and happiness in our lives. We both have to find that, ourselves. I do think that the number one reason for divorce is that people are unhappy, but that *much* of that unhappiness has nothing to do with the partner. They get blamed for it, but the unhappy partner is going to be unhappy anyway. I realized I wanted to marry Bluejay when I realized she was happy with everyday life with me. I didn't need to buy her everything, take her everywhere, make her life exciting. I try to do that - because I love her - but it's not my responsibility to fulfill her life - she sees that as HER job. Before her, every woman I was with had a way of making me feel as though I was just one failure away from ending it all, and I didn't want to live that way. I didn't want to live with a continual "what have you done for me lately?" attitude.

The other is reasonable expectations of other people. EVERY person will have 'stuff' that will drive you crazy. You know, the cutest kitten or puppy *will* drive you nuts with SOMETHING. People are more complicated than kittens or puppies. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without some kind of cost. And I'm not talking about how much he snores, or how much she talks or that he has annoying parents or she has cats. It's a lot more than that; your friends, you can walk away from. Your spouse is going to share your life, and that means your time, your family, your money, your bed, your secrets - everything. You have to be grown up enough to know, none of that will ever come easy, ever, ever - it doesn't matter how much "in love" you are. It will alway be hard.

For Bluejay, the biggest selling point to her about me is the incident almost every one here knows about - the night I fell face first into Christy's pool cover, the night of her New Year's Eve party back in '02. I got up, laughed, and went inside soaking wet, unfazed. To her, that was an indicator of something about ME that she has learned to appreciate even more as the years have gone on - I don't easily get upset and I can put up with a lot of crap without letting it bother me.

I guess in a nutshell - the two things are patience, and forgiveness, and some people are really too young to have much of either. When you're older - like we were - you'll lose your mind if you don't learn this. People will let you down. You have to decide whether or not you can put up with their failings, and whether their attempts to make good are sincere or not.

My favorite 'mantra' for life is to focus on what's important in life. That means little annoying things that your spouse does wouldn't matter to you for a cold second if you're by their bedside in the hospital and the situation is critical. Morbid as it sounds - that day is coming. So you have to learn to ignore it now so you can have no regrets and enjoy life now.

Ok, 'nuff soapboxing.

:yay: Being grateful for what you have makes for a better life than being bitter over what you don't have.

:huggy:

Why do you "always" say leave?

Gemmi said: he/she left his/her marriage because of abuse from his/her spouse.

You don't agree?

Gemmi said: he/she left his/her marriage because of abuse from his/her spouse.

You don't agree?


I would say yes in all most all the cases, but there are some marriages that had abuse in them, when they came in for counseling and the root of the problem was discovered and treated some were able to build back up.

Hard to say.....very subjective

she doesn't feel loved, she doesn't feel adored, she doesn't feel wanted, she doesn't feel the communication is there

DOESN'T FEEL are, I believe, the key words here. The wife no longer feels special, understood, HEARD, stimulated, or fulfilled (usually emotionally is the first then so on) due to lack of......and in my experience it seems the husband feels they are comfortable and the wife feels they are in a rut! Definately LACK of communication in that the husband thinks that when the woman says, "she needs more attention", that that doesn't just mean for an hour or when she says, "you don't listen to me", that that means don't just say umm hmmm after a sentence or pause, as the blank look or stare remains...we KNOW you didn't hear a word we said! By the way, being thrown a bone (after continual "nagging" the man calls it and the woman calls it communicating) and being told okay, okay, I'll take you to dinner....BIG DEAL! I can get food anywhere and it's QUALITY over QUANITY that matters to women....or me at least. Men just don't seem to be able to grasp that last part! Why were we so intersting and it seems that the man is hanging on to every word we say when we were being pursued but as soon as that thrill is over.....and all the pillow talked has ceased that we are no longer "chit chatting" but "nagging"......LOL! Is that enough or shall I continue? :whistle:

I guess in a nutshell - the two things are patience, and forgiveness, and some people are really too young to have much of either. When you're older - like we were - you'll lose your mind if you don't learn this. People will let you down. You have to decide whether or not you can put up with their failings, and whether their attempts to make good are sincere or not.







:notworthy: Most excellent post Frank. :yay: :love:

another thought keeps coming to mind is that some people do, because they can...

Gemmi said: he/she left his/her marriage because of abuse from his/her spouse.

You don't agree?



I gave him a chance. It was physical and emotional abuse. And he was an alcoholic. He refused counseling. I stayed 8 years and that was all I could take. My kids and my sanity meant more than the "marriage."

I gave him a chance. It was physical and emotional abuse. And he was an alcoholic. He refused counseling. I stayed 8 years and that was all I could take. My kids and my sanity meant more than the "marriage."


I hope that your life is better now and wish you so much happiness. :huggy:

Well put, Kingfish, well put!!! :yay:

I met and fell in love with someone completely UNLIKE me - and filled in all the parts of "me" that were missing. A pastor once commented he'd never counseled or married a couple more unlike each other than us - and one that more complemented each other's weaknesses - than us.

I think TWO things have helped us thus far, although we haven't been married very long. We both realize that life is hard, and our partner is not the answer to fulfillment and happiness in our lives. We both have to find that, ourselves. I do think that the number one reason for divorce is that people are unhappy, but that *much* of that unhappiness has nothing to do with the partner. They get blamed for it, but the unhappy partner is going to be unhappy anyway. I realized I wanted to marry Bluejay when I realized she was happy with everyday life with me. I didn't need to buy her everything, take her everywhere, make her life exciting. I try to do that - because I love her - but it's not my responsibility to fulfill her life - she sees that as HER job. Before her, every woman I was with had a way of making me feel as though I was just one failure away from ending it all, and I didn't want to live that way. I didn't want to live with a continual "what have you done for me lately?" attitude.

The other is reasonable expectations of other people. EVERY person will have 'stuff' that will drive you crazy. You know, the cutest kitten or puppy *will* drive you nuts with SOMETHING. People are more complicated than kittens or puppies. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without some kind of cost. And I'm not talking about how much he snores, or how much she talks or that he has annoying parents or she has cats. It's a lot more than that; your friends, you can walk away from. Your spouse is going to share your life, and that means your time, your family, your money, your bed, your secrets - everything. You have to be grown up enough to know, none of that will ever come easy, ever, ever - it doesn't matter how much "in love" you are. It will alway be hard.


Good points Sammy! I agree, it's common to look for a mate that is just like us, but I've questioned whether that is the most wise choice. If I'm looking for someone just like me, am I looking for a mate or an entertainment coordinator? Men and women are different and complimentary by design, so I think we should accept, appreciate, and encourage that in each other. The feminist movement will tell us different, but they haven't changed who we are naturally, rather just confused who we think we are.

I hope that your life is better now and wish you so much happiness. :huggy:


:huggy: TY!!

Men and women are different and complimentary by design, so I think we should accept, appreciate, and encourage that in each other.

When I was younger, I found myself drawn to tomboys - women who could be as coarse as a guy, interested in guy things, eschewed 'girlie' things. I guess as I got older, I found either that such women weren't interesting partners - or I just liked women who were feminine. LIKED girlie things.

I suppose it was also a little reassuring that I liked women to BE women, and not for them to be female versions of men. I don't want to go there.

Somewhere I just realized that what I needed more than I realized was someone who WASN'T like me. And I guess it's like the political discussion board I participate in, here. Discussions are more lively when there's polite disagreement than total agreement.

I think the divorce rate is so high because people don't take enough time to get to know each other.
I don't know as it's that so much as they don't have any idea of what they want in a mate. It's like going shopping without a list - you get all kinds of stuff, but forget what you went there for in the first place.

another thought keeps coming to mind is that some people do, because they can...

And thank God for that. :yay: Seriously. :shrug:

Common reasons women divorce their husbands:
Drug abuse-#1 deal breaker-
Spouse abuse-#1 deal breaker
Neglect-D'oh!
Infidelity-why get married?
Trust issues-why get married?
Immaturity-any age!
Religion-"I'll convert" but changes their mind
Children-yes/no?? shoulda talked about this BEFORE marriage
Jealousy-GROW UP!
:yay:
dead on!

My thoughts on the issue, have been for a long time that the number one reason why women initiate divorce is because they don't feel loved. I don't believe most women are going to want to be with someone else, if they feel loved by her husband. This thread has given me alot of new things to think about that I never thought about before, but I still maintain my first postion. That may not be the reason the divorce happened, but I still think that is the number one reason a women would divorce her husband, from what I've seen and heard.

Women need praise and encouragement and need frequent and repeated praise, from their men, from what I know. Call them vain or insecure, but that is just the way they are made. We've all probably heard the story of the man who replied to his wife asking him why he never says I love you saying, "I told you I loved you when we got married and it that ever changes I'll let you know." That may true, we may really love her, but don't feel like we need to tell her the same thing all the time, but that's just not how it is. We can't change it, so we just have to accept it. You can tell a woman 50 times in one day that you love her, but at the end of the day, before she shuts out the light to go to sleep, she wants to know one thing - do you love her?

The greatest need of a woman is love - first from her husband (if she's married), then her family, friends, co-workers, and on down the list of priorities. Likewise, the greatest need of a man is respect - first from his wife (if he's married), then his family, friends, co-workers, etc. And these qualities are complimentary. That is, love a woman and she will respect you; respect a man and he will love you. But I really think men benefit the most when they are properly related to their wives. Because women are naturally more relationship oriented than men, a woman who feels loved, will make the relationship more fulfilling than her man could have ever imagined. That's just the way we are made. So, I think a man would do well to pay attention to whether or not his wife feels loved by him, and to focus his efforts toward ensuring she does. One good thing to do would be to simply to ask her from time to time, "Do you feel loved by me?" If men did that much, then incidences of men getting hit by a freight trains from out of the blue, when their wife walks in one day and says I'm leaving, would be much lower.

My hubby and I met at the end of March, and were married in June. We realized that the euphoria of being "in love" would eventually fade and that marriage is a daily choice to love the person that you have chosen to marry and to be with.

Just remember the Golden Rule & all will be good; it all comes down to respect and not taking each other for granted IMHO

"Do onto others as you would wish them do onto you."

My hubby and I met at the end of March, and were married in June. We realized that the euphoria of being "in love" would eventually fade and that marriage is a daily choice to love the person that you have chosen to marry and to be with.

How long have you been married now? Can you honestly say, based on how he treats you now, even to your girlfriends when he's not around, that you are glad you married him?

She found a guy with a bigger ****?

The main reason I divorced was my husband slept with my friends! And...(as I learned from books and research) he was someone who wanted to liked to live life by the seat of his pants, and I wanted stability.

People marry way too young anymore. My own children married too young. They don't want anyone else to break them up.........so they marry. WTF? But - its way too common. I married too young to get out of the house!

I CAN say - my husband, now, is my very best friend. He has seen me at my best - and at my worst! And loves me just the same! Now THATS what you look for in a lifetime mate! Someone who will love you - even when you're throwing up!

She found a guy with a bigger ****?

upper lip? Brain? Paycheck? soulmateness?:lmao:

Many of you will probably hate me after this thread, but you just can’t ask questions like this in real time to a large group and discuss it openly without stirring up excessive emotion.

So what are some reasons why women divorce their husbands? I’m not really looking for specific cases, but more in general terms. Or maybe I should ask, what are some common reasons why women divorce their husbands?

I really want to get married, but I really don’t want to get divorced. “They” say (with increasing frequency) the divorce rate is 50%, and some say it’s more than that. By just being a little observant of the marital status of a given group of people, it would be easy to see that those numbers are realistic.

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?same reason we get rid of our boyfriends or boy-dogs as I named him, they can't keep it in their pants and decide to give it to one of your girlsluts. Boom, to the curb he got kicked. Luckily it's my house.

It didn't take me long to realize the criminal, and abusive boyfriend I dated in high school wasn't going to change because he got me pregnant and we got married. In fact it got WORSE. It takes a lot of courage to get out of this situation, but I do accept that I got myself into the mess in the first place. Thank Gd we are divorced!
:smack:

At the risk of turning this into a circular discussion, I think perhaps you have to know why and how people get married, to know why they divorce.

Sure, divorces happen, for good and bad reasons. That's no reason to deny yourself the pleasure of a rewarding marriage, which is well worth the risk. I'm divorced from a drug addict/alcoholic/abusive creep (I was too young to know better), but found and married a wonderful man. We go through good and bad spells, but that's life and you stick together regardless. Here's a summation of what I've learned-

Find someone who has a similar turn of mind, who can communicate with you in a meaningful way, who can grow with you as you both change over the years (you will, count on it- both of you). It will not always be change for the better, but so long as it's still tempered with love and understanding you'll be fine. If it does come to the contemplation of a split-up, don't jump ship before you know for sure it's a goner and make sure that you've done everything you can to fix it before you do. I'm of the opinion that too many people give up too soon because it's not "ideal" anymore.

Be sensible and look for lasting qualities as well, like ethical behavior and intelligent decision-making capabilities. Passion will come and go, but that's okay too- it's worth waiting for, and passion that returns between long-time lovers is ten times as potent as first time love. After all, you can really abandon yourself to an emotion you've experienced many times over with someone you really trust (now that's fun) and no annoying "Does he/she really want me or is this fleeting?" questions pop up.

Have fun and don't force it- or over-analyze it. You might get hurt, but that doesn't last as long as happiness does. Bitterness will only make you a miserable person to be around, so don't anticipate failure.

My husband loves me and I love him. So far, in the 25 years we've been married, he's:
1. Sent me out parasailing on a boat we were'nt really sure was working well in Mexico over some cliffs far out in the ocean. He wanted me to go first so he could get pictures;
2. Took me backpacking with him in the Arizona mountains with little or no food and no skills to survive in case something happened to him, also, wearing a brand new pair of hiking boots ( ended up with hypothermia because it rained the whole time - funny thing is, we could have driven there, but hiked for two days to get there);
3. Drags me around behind the boat on one of those tubes and makes real fast turns while driving;
4. Is encouraging me to take scuba diving lessons;
5. Bought me a motorcycle and encouraged me to get my license.
6. Mentioned bungee jumping, but said I should go first so he can get pictures;
7. Lets me sign loan papers when I have just come out of anesthesia.

I really think he wants to keep me around for a while. I'm not ever divorcing him.

My husband loves me and I love him. So far, in the 25 years we've been married, he's:
1. Sent me out parasailing on a boat we were'nt really sure was working well in Mexico over some cliffs far out in the ocean. He wanted me to go first so he could get pictures;
2. Took me backpacking with him in the Arizona mountains with little or no food and no skills to survive in case something happened to him, also, wearing a brand new pair of hiking boots ( ended up with hypothermia because it rained the whole time - funny thing is, we could have driven there, but hiked for two days to get there);
3. Drags me around behind the boat on one of those tubes and makes real fast turns while driving;
4. Is encouraging me to take scuba diving lessons;
5. Bought me a motorcycle and encouraged me to get my license.
6. Mentioned bungee jumping, but said I should go first so he can get pictures;
7. Lets me sign loan papers when I have just come out of anesthesia.

I really think he wants to keep me around for a while. I'm not ever divorcing him.

:lmao: :killingme

:lmao: :killingme
I forgot to mention the time we went camping and he filled up my air mattres using the exhaust from his tailpipe on the truck. Late that night, when it was partially deflated, I put my lips around it to blow it up. I was only sick for a day.

He loves me a lot. I can tell.

bc of infedelity

bc of infedelity
Sorry to hear that. If my husband EVER cheated on me and I found out, his a*s would be on the curb in a moment. I would expect him to do the same to me.

Sorry to hear that. If my husband EVER cheated on me and I found out, his a*s would be on the curb in a moment. I would expect him to do the same to me.

Since you are not somewhere in my house....I am assuming he hasn't found out about us, yet :love:

Since you are not somewhere in my house....I am assuming he hasn't found out about us, yet :love:
He doesn't know about "us." :huggy:

He doesn't know about "us." :huggy:

*WHEW*

that's good....I don't think I could handle moving another bike every morning :lmao:

It didn't take me long to realize the criminal, and abusive boyfriend I dated in high school wasn't going to change because he got me pregnant and we got married. In fact it got WORSE. It takes a lot of courage to get out of this situation, but I do accept that I got myself into the mess in the first place. Thank Gd we are divorced!
:smack:

Great, someone smarter as a result of mistakes MILLIONs have made and posted before. It's great you take ownership after the fact, what the #### where you thinking in the first place... :buttkick:

When you think about it, the most important things that we have in life are our relationships. Everything else can be replaced, but relationships are one of a kind. One problem is that men don't understand this until it's too late, and women are so excited about it that they make the wrong choices in the beginning. But that's just one part of the divorce problem. The other part is the lack of commitment which is promoted by our society. The perspective of the culture makes it easy to divorce. I remember a couple I met several years ago. They told me their story about getting married 3 days after they met, and when I met them they were celebrating 60 years of marriage. In today's world, that would be viewed as a foolish decision by many. But back when they married, it may might have still been viewed as unwise, but I can see why they both were willing. For one, most people believed in commitment back in their day, so it wasn't so much a risk as it would be today. You could trust that any given person you decided to marry was committed to 'til death do us part', and what ever troubles came up you would work them out. Nowadays, people are committed to their own happiness above anything else, and when that's not happening, we jump ship because it's so acceptable.

In contrast to what one poster said, marriage IS hard. That's what it seems so many people don't understand who get married today. They think, if it's not easy, if it requires effort on my part, it must not be meant to be, so I'm justified in getting a divorce. That's a selfish perspective. Dealing with things we don't like is part of being an adult. Someone once wrote, "Getting married is easy, staying married is difficult, staying happily married for a lifetime is considered to be among the fine arts." That's what I want - to be happily married for a lifetime.

One way to reduce the number of divorces in America is to have a nationwide change of heart. But since that is not likely to happen, taking away the benefits of divorcing, and making it difficult might work too. If we changed the laws so that, with the exception of marital unfaithfulness and maybe one or two other issues, the person who initiates the divorce, gets no alimony and is the one who pays child support. I'll bet there would be a big decline in divorce if we did that, not only because people would think twice about divorcing, but more people would think twice about who they marry. Since we no longer live in a society where the male is the primary bread winner, the laws should be changed accordingly. This would eliminate alot of divorce, because it would make all the people who divorce out of selfishness and immaturity, or because it would have been too much work to stay married, think twice and realize that maybe we can work things out afterall. What do ya'll think?

What do ya'll think?

I think that I am very glad that divorce is an option and not a huge stigma like it was in the past.

When you think about it, the most important things that we have in life are our relationships

I disagree. Self respect, inner strength, and personal happiness is much more important than any "relationship". Relationships of all sorts come and go throughout your life. If you base your value and self worth on a "relationship", you are a fool.

If we changed the laws so that, with the exception of marital unfaithfulness and maybe one or two other issues, the person who initiates the divorce, gets no alimony and is the one who pays child support. I'll bet there would be a big decline in divorce if we did that

I bet you a dollar the domestic murder rate would quadruple. :jet:

When you think about it, the most important things that we have in life are our relationships. Everything else can be replaced, but relationships are one of a kind. One problem is that men don't understand this until it's too late, and women are so excited about it that they make the wrong choices in the beginning. But that's just one part of the divorce problem. The other part is the lack of commitment which is promoted by our society. The perspective of the culture makes it easy to divorce. I remember a couple I met several years ago. They told me their story about getting married 3 days after they met, and when I met them they were celebrating 60 years of marriage. In today's world, that would be viewed as a foolish decision by many. But back when they married, it may might have still been viewed as unwise, but I can see why they both were willing. For one, most people believed in commitment back in their day, so it wasn't so much a risk as it would be today. You could trust that any given person you decided to marry was committed to 'til death do us part', and what ever troubles came up you would work them out. Nowadays, people are committed to their own happiness above anything else, and when that's not happening, we jump ship because it's so acceptable.

In contrast to what one poster said, marriage IS hard. That's what it seems so many people don't understand who get married today. They think, if it's not easy, if it requires effort on my part, it must not be meant to be, so I'm justified in getting a divorce. That's a selfish perspective. Dealing with things we don't like is part of being an adult. Someone once wrote, "Getting married is easy, staying married is difficult, staying happily married for a lifetime is considered to be among the fine arts." That's what I want - to be happily married for a lifetime.

One way to reduce the number of divorces in America is to have a nationwide change of heart. But since that is not likely to happen, taking away the benefits of divorcing, and making it difficult might work too. If we changed the laws so that, with the exception of marital unfaithfulness and maybe one or two other issues, the person who initiates the divorce, gets no alimony and is the one who pays child support. I'll bet there would be a big decline in divorce if we did that, not only because people would think twice about divorcing, but more people would think twice about who they marry. Since we no longer live in a society where the male is the primary bread winner, the laws should be changed accordingly. This would eliminate alot of divorce, because it would make all the people who divorce out of selfishness and immaturity, or because it would have been too much work to stay married, think twice and realize that maybe we can work things out afterall. What do ya'll think?

I do not think anyone should have the right to tell you if you can stay married or not or make it harder for a divorce. If that's the case why get married. Sometimes you get in thinking one thing and later things can change. if it is not working and they want out so freaking be it. Why should you or I care.

That is the problem, so many people thinking they know what is best for everyone when it is not their place to worry about it.

I think that I am very glad that divorce is an option and not a huge stigma like it was in the past.



I disagree. Self respect, inner strength, and personal happiness is much more important than any "relationship". Relationships of all sorts come and go throughout your life. If you base your value and self worth on a "relationship", you are a fool.



I bet you a dollar the domestic murder rate would quadruple. :jet:


Christy

:yay: I could not agree more.

I divorced my first husband because he was a drunk, he beat me and he mentally tortured me. I lived like that for a year and a half and decided I had enough. I went 4 yr.s without dating anyone when I moved back up here and swore I would never get married again. Then I met my husband I have now. We met in August and were married by March and have been married for 10 wonderful years! I have never been so completely in love with a man in my life! I now know that I married the other man because I was obsessed with him and being married. This man that I am with now is the love of my life. He does appreciate me, he helps me around the house, he helps me with the children, if I don't feel like cooking or doing laundry he will do it, and he never complains. He loves me with all his heart and I feel that all the time. And you want to talk about total opposites that we are! He's a hunter and I love animals in a different way. He has his stuffed animals and I have mine LOL. I say don't look for love so hard, if its out there it will find you when you least expect it. :howdy:

I disagree. Self respect, inner strength, and personal happiness is much more important than any "relationship". Relationships of all sorts come and go throughout your life. If you base your value and self worth on a "relationship", you are a fool.

I think you underestimate the influence of relationships. Show me a person who doesn't have any (and not just romantic), and I'll show you one miserable individual. Not only that, but the best relationships are the ones that last the longest. And it's our relationships that to a very large degree define who we are, and provide the foundation for our self respect, inner strength, and personal happiness.

I think you underestimate the influence of relationships.

Oh really? Do school me. :popcorn:

What is the longest (healthy) relationship you've been able to sustain?

I do not think anyone should have the right to tell you if you can stay married or not or make it harder for a divorce. If that's the case why get married. Sometimes you get in thinking one thing and later things can change. if it is not working and they want out so freaking be it. Why should you or I care.

I think you might care if it happened to you or one of your children. As I mentioned earlier, if that's the attitude, then marriage is nothing more than advanced dating - "I'll be committed to you until I decide not to be."

That is the problem, so many people thinking they know what is best for everyone when it is not their place to worry about it.

I agree, worrying is a waste of time (and we all waste time worrying about something or other). But it is my place and your place to be concerned about things that hurt people or undermine our society. We live in this society and it is what we let it become. The family is falling apart in America, and it's having serious consequences. A major contributing factor in crime is that committed by those who were raised without one or both parents. Of course a significant number were born out of wedlock and the wedding never happened, but just as many, if not more, are veterans of a divorce.

We have known this couple for 11 years or so, He is very devoted or was, to her. He did not abuse her or cheat on her. I never heard her complain about him. He got sick, and then she decided to get a divorce? We still don't know why, ummmm, I don't understand, and the guy has finally decided to move on with his life.

We have known this couple for 11 years or so, He is very devoted or was, to her. He did not abuse her or cheat on her. I never heard her complain about him. He got sick, and then she decided to get a divorce? We still don't know why, ummmm, I don't understand, and the guy has finally decided to move on with his life.

What people see on the outside is not always what is going on at home behind closed doors.

You will probably never know why, because quite frankly, if she had wanted you to know she would have told you. :shrug:

Divorce is a personal, painful thing, and there is nothing worse than a bunch of know it all, busy body, "friends" to make it even more painful.

The ridiculous generalizations being thrown out there with regards to divorce and why marriages don't work ,completely degrade and undermine those who have had the courage to get out of a bad marriage and regain their lives.

I think you might care if it happened to you or one of your children. As I mentioned earlier, if that's the attitude, then marriage is nothing more than advanced dating - "I'll be committed to you until I decide not to be."



I agree, worrying is a waste of time (and we all waste time worrying about something or other). But it is my place and your place to be concerned about things that hurt people or undermine our society. We live in this society and it is what we let it become. The family is falling apart in America, and it's having serious consequences. A major contributing factor in crime is that committed by those who were raised without one or both parents. Of course a significant number were born out of wedlock and the wedding never happened, but just as many, if not more, are veterans of a divorce.

I agree with a lot of things you have said but I still think that what goes on in a marriage should be between the two. If they decide enough is enough and want a divorce then no one should say anything about it.

They are the ones that have to live in the situation that they are in. If they need support or help that is another thing. That could not be further from the truth. Just because you are raised in a single parent home does not mean you are destined to commit a crime or suffer from anyone the things that you described. Statistics can be manipulated into anything. For every statistic you find saying one thing you can find another going in the opposite direction.

Marriage is the communion of two people in love, hopefully till death do them part, but if it is not working then you should not have to stay in it because society says so. It did happen to me, I cannot say what my life would have been like had we stayed married but I know one thing I know how happy I am right now. I know how happy my daughter is and how happy he is. He went on with his life and found someone that suits him better.

We thought we were right together. We were not. We moved on. Staying together may not work for everyone.

What people see on the outside is not always what is going on at home behind closed doors.

You will probably never know why, because quite frankly, if she had wanted you to know she would have told you. :shrug:

Divorce is a personal, painful thing, and there is nothing worse than a bunch of know it all, busy body, "friends" to make it even more painful.

The ridiculous generalizations being thrown out there with regards to divorce and why marriages don't work ,completely degrade and undermine those who have had the courage to get out of a bad marriage and regain their lives.


:yay:

I think you might care if it happened to you or one of your children. As I mentioned earlier, if that's the attitude, then marriage is nothing more than advanced dating - "I'll be committed to you until I decide not to be."



I agree, worrying is a waste of time (and we all waste time worrying about something or other). But it is my place and your place to be concerned about things that hurt people or undermine our society. We live in this society and it is what we let it become. The family is falling apart in America, and it's having serious consequences. A major contributing factor in crime is that committed by those who were raised without one or both parents. Of course a significant number were born out of wedlock and the wedding never happened, but just as many, if not more, are veterans of a divorce.
Is he going to start complaining about unjust child support laws too?

Is he going to start complaining about unjust child support laws too?


Not sure but to judge someone because they decided to get a divorce is wrong. People should just stay out of other people personal life unless they are invited in.

Just as many people on welfare, crime, and so on came from homes with two parents. Why stay with someone if it is not working out.

Some people should never have gotten married but we all make mistakes. We learn and move on.

Not sure but to judge someone because they decided to get a divorce is wrong. People should just stay out of other people personal life unless they are invited in.

Who were we judging? :shrug: ...I mean other than me. We were talking about divorce in general, the reasons for it, and it's affect on society, not anyone or any situation in particular. But that's the challenge of talking about hot potato topics like this - eventually someone will take it personally.

Not to be misunderstood, I don't mean to imply that women are the reason for the divorce rate, but I'm trying to understand from a woman's point of view. So I'm asking about situations when the divorce is initiated by the woman. That is, what are the reasons that bring a woman to the point of saying, it's time to stop the train and get off?

Because you never should have boarded that train with that person in the first place.

Because you never should have boarded that train with that person in the first place.
Aaaaa.... but one does not actually know the real destination of the matrimony train until one travels the rails and gets a feel for the true course. :coffee:

Aaaaa.... but one does not actually know the real destination of the matrimony train until one travels the rails and gets a feel for the true course. :coffee:
True Dat! The train is always beautiful and shiny when it pulls up! :lol:

True Dat! The train is always beautiful and shiny when it pulls up! :lol:
Especially if it's only 16. :smile:

Especially if it's only 16. :smile:
Good Point!

One more point of interest. Sometimes we see red flags hanging from the trian windows but in all of our stupidity we ignore them.

No one likes ugliness, so we pretend. :flowers:

Good Point!

One more point of interest. Sometimes we see red flags hanging from the trian windows but in all of our stupidity we ignore them or think that we can change them in time.

No one likes ugliness, so we pretend. :flowers:



:coffee:

:coffee:
Took me to age 35 to figure out that was a stupid plan! :whack:

Good Point!

One more point of interest. Sometimes we see red flags hanging from the trian windows but in all of our stupidity we ignore them.

No one likes ugliness, so we pretend. :flowers:
I don't know about red flags because I've been fortunate to not find one from my window yet... but I have learned that one never really knows what is truly around the bend and that sometimes when you are on what seems like a forever uphill, there can actually be smooth track around the bend.

Took me to age 35 to figure out that was a stupid plan! :whack:


Don't kick yourself too hard and long, we all do it. :ohwell:

I don't know about red flags because I've been fortunate to not find one from my window yet... but I have learned that one never really knows what is truly around the bend and that sometimes when you are on what seems like a forever uphill, there can actually be smooth track around the bend.
Can C_Jo come stay with you for a few days until he gets around the bend?

Can C_Jo come stay with you for a few days until he gets around the bend?
Alllllll, maybe all you need to do is blow his whistle and let off a little steam...:huggy:

I don't know about red flags because I've been fortunate to not find one from my window yet... but I have learned that one never really knows what is truly around the bend and that sometimes when you are on what seems like a forever uphill, there can actually be smooth track around the bend.
Very true but sometimes you are riding on straight track headed right for a cliff around the bend.

Sometimes, I think it is critical that we rely not only on ourselves but our friends to protect us from iminent heart break. :huggy:

Very true but sometimes you are riding on straight track headed right for a cliff around the bend.
Agreed, which brings us full circle to why some woman pull the emergency break and get off before it's too late. :huggy:

And the definition of "too late" has been in the national headlines too much of late. :ohwell:


Sometimes, I think it is critical that we rely not only on ourselves but our friends to protect us from iminent heart break. :huggy:

That's what true friends are for...:yay:

Alllllll, maybe all you need to do is blow his whistle and let off a little steam...:huggy:
Will you please take care of that, too? TIA. :huggy:

Okay... whomever just left that karma... please expose yourself in a PMer...:coffee:

Okay... whomever just left that karma... please expose yourself in a PMer...:coffee:
Gotcha! Big sigh... oh what a tangled web we weave, huh...:huggy: :lol:

Gotcha! Big sigh... oh what a tangled web we weave, huh...:huggy: :lol:
Trains, now spiders. Makes me want to watch Harry Potter. :coffee:

Trains, now spiders. Makes me want to watch Harry Potter. :coffee:
Your title line sooooo does not match your new Av...:lol:

Your title line sooooo does not match your new Av...:lol:
I know, I don't feel like changing it. :lol:

Gotcha! Big sigh... oh what a tangled web we weave, huh...:huggy: :lol:
I ain't buying that last one not ONE BIT...deny all you want... :lol:

I ain't buying that last one not ONE BIT...deny all you want... :lol:
:cuckoo:

:cuckoo:
:lol: