Friend In Need Is Repaid With...

[RoseRed (Premo)]

DEAR ABBY: Please print this for me on behalf of myself and all the other well-intentioned folks out there who have lent money to others.

"Dear Friend, Family Member or Co-Worker: You came to me in a state of panic -- unable to make your car payment, pay your lawyer's fee, your taxes or the light bill. You asked for my help. I gave it to you because I respected and trusted you enough to go out on a limb for you. Please honor your promise to repay me without my having to ask you.

"Please don't show up in a new car or with photos on your new cell phone from your exotic vacation until I have been repaid. Please don't invent a reason to be 'mad' at me, as if that erases the loan. And please do not ask for another loan while you still owe me money!"

Abby, I know you'll say I should have drawn up official papers for the loan but, the truth is, few people expect to be shafted by the people they care about. All someone who owes money has to do is pick up the phone, initiate a payment plan and then stick to it. -- FEELING USED IN NEW BRIGHTON, PA.

DEAR FEELING USED: Your problem isn't a new one. William Shakespeare wrote, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." I would be remiss if I didn't stress to you -- and the rest of my readers -- the importance of talking to a lawyer or CPA before lending any significant amount of money to anyone. (By "significant" I mean any amount that you can't afford to lose.) If papers are drawn up and for some reason the borrower is unable to repay the loan, there could be a tax benefit for the lender.

...

[GWguy]

When I was financially strapped and had been discussing it with a close friend, he offered me money. I looked at him, thanked him, and told him no. He was a very close and dear friend, and loaning money to friends or family is the best way to ruin a relationship, and told him so.

We have never been closer.

[Wesley]

Never lend money unless your in the position to give it without expecting anything in return. Loans only cause problems between friends but giving freely with expecting nothing will safeguard the friendship.

[Aerogal]

My sister needed a loan to pay the IRS. I took her 1.5 carat diamond stud earrings as collateral. I told her she could have them back when she paid me back in full.

I still have them, but considering their value I consider it a debt paid.

[vraiblonde]

My BFF lent me money years ago when I was in a bind, but I would have never asked her. In fact, she actually gave me the money, but I repaid it, making it a short loan. And I would give her what I could in a second if she needed it.

However, I know someone who has hit up several of their "friends" for "loans" that they have never repaid. And apparently this person is still having hard times and "borrowing" money from anyone who'll give it to him. This is the type of person you don't want to gift money to, because that will cause as hard of feelings as lending it to them and expecting repayment.

[Airgasm]

In today's world, it's difficult to ascertain who's in need and who''s on speed...

but reaching out is not out of fashion, been there, done that and rarely got a tee-shirt or a coffee mug! That said, I would not be where I am today without the grattitude, caring and support of some wonderful people!

[Beta84]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

However, I know someone who has hit up several of their "friends" for "loans" that they have never repaid. And apparently this person is still having hard times and "borrowing" money from anyone who'll give it to him. This is the type of person you don't want to gift money to, because that will cause as hard of feelings as lending it to them and expecting repayment.

That's an interesting quandary. Do you warn all of your friends and people they might ask, making sure everyone knows that they're basically stealing money? Or do you try to leave them their dignity and not say anything, but other people become victimized?

Good thread and a good reminder

[jazz lady (Premo)]

Please don't invent a reason to be 'mad' at me, as if that erases the loan.

No kidding. I could easily have written that letter.

[vraiblonde]

Originally Posted by Beta84

That's an interesting quandary. Do you warn all of your friends and people they might ask, making sure everyone knows that they're basically stealing money? Or do you try to leave them their dignity and not say anything, but other people become victimized?

He is merely someone I know, not a friend. I don't have friends like that. And he hasn't hit up any of my friends - they already know about him. And if I heard of him hitting up someone I know for money, I would warn them. In fact, I warned someone about him this evening.

I don't think there's any dignity in getting taken by a hustler and if I can help prevent it, I will.

Unless it's my mortal enemy - then I watch and point and laugh when they get taken.

[BS Gal (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

He is merely someone I know, not a friend. I don't have friends like that. And he hasn't hit up any of my friends - they already know about him. And if I heard of him hitting up someone I know for money, I would warn them. In fact, I warned someone about him this evening.

I don't think there's any dignity in getting taken by a hustler and if I can help prevent it, I will.

Unless it's my mortal enemy - then I watch and point and laugh when they get taken.

I loaned someone the last $22 I had in purse at work. He never re-paid it nor did he mention it. I warned everyone there and, oops, he had already gotten to most of them, but the ones he didn't were glad I had warned them. It was only $22, but, still....it's the principle of the matter. If he would have just said "i can't repay you and never can" I would have been FINE with that, but he just acted like nothing was ever wrong. Problem is, I really liked him as a friend. I lost all respect.