deppresion....

[Vince]

Originally Posted by craberta

Ongoing, continuouse without an end. I have never been deppresed for this long. usually by now I am planning motorcycle rides, day trips, BBQ's and planting veggies. I also have a short temper, like, earlier my son called me a friggin retard because I said I am glad I live in the usa instead of china, and then he procceeded to tell me how awful it is here...anyway normally I ignore him, but this time I took his xbox unplugged it and threw it in the corner of the room told him to get his ass to china now. I am forcing myself to do anything, I ..... Just wonder how long it will last. Pretending to be happy is wearing me out. Anti deppresants do not help me either. I am always on the verge of crying, I feel tempted to be mean, but this is not in my nature.

Sounds like the right course of action to me. But afterwards he would need to write down what he has living in the US and what he's going to lose in the move to China.

[craberta]

I also have ptsd, because of the animals that raised me. I was told throughout my childhood that I was retarted, ugly, a whore, along with some smacking around and other abuse, and witnessing awful things, it took it's toll. I masked all of this very well, I joined the military, changed my name, etc, but it was always there ready to rear it's ugly head. For some reason I felt guilt for the abuse. Now here I am decades later, in therapy, was on meds, health problems of all types, that lead back to medical neglect in childhood, I am pretty much lost. I thought I was too stupid to do anything and that I was crazy. I was always studying things on my own, painting playing the piano, violin, writing poetry, songs, sewing, wood carving....on and on. I must be crazy right? then I took several IQ tests, and sadly, late in life, I found out I wasn't retarted. My thirst for knowledge was me trying to feed my brain because I have a high IQ. And I don't know what to do with it. I am to crippled by the abuse, and deppresion. It is too late for a degree, and I am too old and sickly. Who would hire me? Any jobs I have had were janitorial, alot of janitors have high IQ's. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.