Four kids, two parents...

[toppick08 (Premo)]

Originally Posted by BadGirl

I could use a "Mom" hug, seeing as I haven't had one in a really, really long time.

I'll give you one May 24......

[Larry Gude (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

I haven't thought about needing a Mom in a long time. I AM the Mom.

...I got drunk and jammed until midnight and thought about. Is that what I do? "I want may mommy!!" Is it that simple? I mean, maybe you're right? But isn't it fair to say you're not as at peace with your mom as they are? I wanna be like you and they are; not expecting anything that just isn't there, but I also want their ease and peace of mind about it as well.

???

[vraiblonde]

Originally Posted by Larry Gude

Is that what I do? "I want may mommy!!"

On some level, I think most people "want their mommy" or daddy. That's what I thought you were talking about when you said you wished your parents would be parents: supportive, strong, concerned, mature, acting like you're important to them, etc.

Once you come to the realization that your (not your, personally) parents aren't going to do all that, then you just learn to accept it because it's not going to change and there's nothing you can do about it. Expecting and wishing for things that are never going to happen is a waste of time, in my opinion.

I don't know how it's supposed to work. I just know what I wanted as a kid and what I was lacking, so I try to give that to my kids.

[Larry Gude (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

I don't know how it's supposed to work. I just know what I wanted as a kid and what I was lacking, so I try to give that to my kids.

...certainly both do that. beers to us

[Larry Gude (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

Once you come to the realization that your (not your, personally) parents aren't going to do all that, then you just learn to accept it because it's not going to change and there's nothing you can do about it. Expecting and wishing for things that are never going to happen is a waste of time, in my opinion.

...what M and P do; Me and K, the last sentence, though we know better.

I had kind of an 'a ha' moment last night when M called me a loser. He was just teasing, but I start thinking about it and what you said about BEING the mom; I am a loser because I seek validation from them that will NOT come. I am what I make me and, for good or not so good, there's nothing they have to add or detract from that anymore. Unless I allow it.

I actually stopped feeling sorry for myself about it about 5 am this morning when it was time to get up; a moment of clarity. Either seek validation from people who will not give it to you and remain forever hopeful that they will change and remain forever wounded that they won't or, like you say, actually understand they simply are not able and quick engaging in juvenile wish-craft.

I just never laid it on my mental table that starkly. So, I'm a loser for being afraid of looking at it for what it is, afraid because I already knew the answer and just didn't want to accept it.

I feel lighter today.

[bcp (Premo)]

older or younger is not a problem.

try being middle of three.
sister gets everything because shes older and needs it because yada yada yada.
then little brother comes along, natrually the youngest needs everything because hes the baby, but we still cant forget about the oldest who needs everything because yada yada yada...

sucked to be in the middle.

[camily (Premo)]

Originally Posted by Larry Gude

...you get 'needing a mom' out of wanting parents to be parents?

Because she really needs a mom.

[camily (Premo)]

Originally Posted by bcp

older or younger is not a problem.

try being middle of three.
sister gets everything because shes older and needs it because yada yada yada.
then little brother comes along, natrually the youngest needs everything because hes the baby, but we still cant forget about the oldest who needs everything because yada yada yada...

sucked to be in the middle.

Sing it brotha'. I'm a middle of three as well.

[Larry Gude (Premo)]

Originally Posted by camily

Because she really needs a mom.

...has a mom. Her mom isn't perfect either, but is a positive part of her life. What she is saying is adults don't look to to their parents anymore because they are now adults themselves.

[vraiblonde]

Originally Posted by Larry Gude

...what M and P do; Me and K, the last sentence, though we know better.

I think people who have a strong network of close friends don't feel the need for a parent as much. Or maybe they develop good friends because they need that support. Chicken and egg, but that seems to be a common theme with those who lament their lack of parenting and those who don't.