Estranged from parents

[LuckyMe143]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

FYI, I'm holding off on the personal forum until I can do more research on how to set the damn thing up since the upgrade last year and consequent security breach that followed. When I create a new user group, it wants to give that group access too ALL forums, personal and otherwise, instead of just the one I associate it with.

Bastards. I hate upgrades.

I think this is a great thing you are doing. In September I told my mom once again how I really felt about her. Haven't talked to her since. She does not know my address and I blocked her from fb, phone,and mail.

[struggler44]

I hope my kids never hate me

[Bann (Premo)]

When I sense manipulation in any form, whether it be in personal relationships (even when my kids' friends do it to them) I just get so mad!!

My mom manipulated my siblings and I. More so after my dad passed away, because she went into some kind of hibernation mode and had no life or friends outside my siblings and my families.

Fast forward 10 years and there was no one but me to take care of her in her last year of life. It was very difficult at times, because she was always butting heads with me. I was not about to be manipulated and it caused a lot of issues with she & I, although she did apologize to me at the end of her final days. (I'm sorry, was all she said and it was non-specific, but I attributed to our last months) It also caused me problems with my brother, who has refused to face his own guilt with things he did in past, and therefore wasn't healthy enough to realize mom was manipulating him. We are not on the best of terms to this day and I am his only living relative. He chose to believe the things she would claim were going on instead of believing my intentions towards her were pure and out of love.

He didn't seem to mind when it came time to go through all her personal effects and household storage, though. I got that job, too. He only complained when he thought I was getting something he wanted.

So - the moral of the story for me is that I won't be manipulated by him either. When he gets abusive with me on the phone or email, I put a stop to it right then & there and don't let him continue. It's hard, because he's my last living immediate relative. I love him, but I can't let him jerk me around with his emotional baggage.

[bohman]

Originally Posted by Sweet 16

Same here. I always figured my mom was missing some type of "mean" chromosome or something. That's not to say we always got along because she is stubborn, but not malicious or manipulative. Grandparents were the same. And I guess I am one of the lucky ones to have a fabulous MIL.

God bless you all -- life is hard enough without that baggage. I hope you are able to find inner peace.

This. Life can be overwhelming even when surrounded by supportive people.

Good on all of you for discovering that your life is your own, and you don't necessarily owe anything to the people who donated your genetic material - unless they earned it. I'm lucky to have loving parents.

[vraiblonde]

I thought this was hysterical!

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...ictionary.html

Some of them are clearly anger-driven on the part of the author, but so many of them hit the nail right on the head. My mom actually follows up any compliments to me with, "...you get that from me!" even if she's never done the action in question in her life.



And this one is absolutely her:

Medical emergency = Broken finger nail

She actually made my step-dad taker her to the ER for a minor sore throat once when she wasn't getting her way while visiting me and my first husband. Freaked out, screamed and cried, swearing there was an enormous tumor in her throat and she was choking to death. Seriously.

[vraiblonde]

And I learned a new term: Gaslighting.

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...slighting.html

The phrase comes from the 1940's film Gaslight, in which an abusive husband deliberately dims the gaslights in the house, but when his wife comments on it he tells her she's imagining it, that the lights never dimmed at all.

[Sweet 16]

[QUOTE=vraiblonde;5025587]I thought this was hysterical!

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...ictionary.html[QUOTE]

Wow, so NOT my mom! I guess my neuroses are self-inflicted.

[MMDad]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

FYI, I'm holding off on the personal forum until I can do more research on how to set the damn thing up since the upgrade last year and consequent security breach that followed. When I create a new user group, it wants to give that group access too ALL forums, personal and otherwise, instead of just the one I associate it with.

Bastards. I hate upgrades.

Given the backstabbing and drama we've seen in the past, I'd skip doing it on the forums altogether. People do and will run their yap. Face to face works a lot better, or go to another site where you can be anonymous.

Given some of the things you've said in the past, you might consider ACOA. I know I need to go.

I've mostly forgiven my parents. It helps to realize that they will never live up to my expectations of them and I just have to accept them for what they are. With my Dad, that means that I'm actually talking to him about once a month, but have not seen him in 7 years. With my Mom, she's so stuck in her paranoid world that she won't talk to me because I didn't feed the hate she spews.

[MMDad]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

I thought this was hysterical!

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...ictionary.html

Some of them are clearly anger-driven on the part of the author, but so many of them hit the nail right on the head. My mom actually follows up any compliments to me with, "...you get that from me!" even if she's never done the action in question in her life.



And this one is absolutely her:

Medical emergency = Broken finger nail

She actually made my step-dad taker her to the ER for a minor sore throat once when she wasn't getting her way while visiting me and my first husband. Freaked out, screamed and cried, swearing there was an enormous tumor in her throat and she was choking to death. Seriously.

My mom decided she has cyclic vomiting syndrome. Yes, that makes you puke. But with her special kind, she had to stick her finger down her throat. There she is, driving to our house from the airport, making herself puke in the back seat. I wanted to just pull over and leave her on the side of I-97 to fend for herself, but my wife begged me to try to get along. My wife regretted that by the next day.

[Bann (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

And I learned a new term: Gaslighting.

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...slighting.html

I already knew this one! A friend of mine's husband was like this.