What would you do?

[bresamil]

You discover you have an invasive cancer - too far gone to treat. Your time is limited. You have a loving and supportive spouse. You have a loving and supportive network of family of friends. You only have one child at home in grade school. Do you tell that child that your time is limited?

[SoMDGirl42]

I'd make plenty of videos and buy lots and lots of cards for birthday's, holidays and other special ocassions and personalize each one. You may not be there in body, but you'll always be there in spirit.

Eventually the child would have to be told, but I wouldn't do it right away, I'd wait. You'll know when the time is right. Kids have a hard time with time, 5 minutes seems like eternity much less telling a kid you have only 8 months (as an example) to live.

[migtig]

Not until I was too sick for that child to not notice. However, I'd probably do something really weird like pull my child out of school and have a mother child vacation. I'd also start a diary/blog or video tape collection telling my child all the things that I remember about my childhood, what I wanted for her/him in the way of happiness,college, etc, and how much I love them.

I missed my mother most as an adult. I wish she had had the time to tell me things as an adult. Love, relationships, friendships, recipes. Who she knew and where she went. What events shaped her life the most. Things like that.

[kwillia]

Without a doubt YES. The child needs to know and accept the fact that his/her parent is dying. I believe the opportunity to accept this fact WITH the support of the dying parent is crucial.

Yes. I would tell my child. My child would see that I was sick, and I wouldn't want him/her to be misled, and think that I would get better. It would be a good time to teach my child about life/death/faith and love, and the last teaching I would be able to do on this earth. Yes, I would tell them.

[bresamil]

Originally Posted by kwillia

Without a doubt YES. The child needs to know and accept the fact that his/her parent is dying. I believe the opportunity to accept this fact WITH the support of the dying parent is crucial.

This is how I feel.
The person in question went from diagnosis to death in only 3 months. Her child knew she was very ill, but didn't know she was dying. We had to be careful what we did and said because he didn't know. I'm sure his family knows him better than I and chose what they felt was the best course for him. I asked my kids and they all said they would want to know. They wouldn't want to waste a minute.

[nachomama]

How old is the child? I remember when Dyl was sick, I didn't tell my kids just how bad he was until the week he passed. Those 3 days from the time I told them until the day he died seemed like an eternity.

I agree with Mig. They may want to tell the child that they are sick, but maybe hold off on all the details they absolutely have to tell them. No one ever knows how much time they have on this earth.

[bresamil]

Originally Posted by nachomama

How old is the child? I remember when Dyl was sick, I didn't tell my kids just how bad he was until the week he passed. Those 3 days from the time I told them until the day he died seemed like an eternity.

I agree with Mig. They may want to tell the child that they are sick, but maybe hold off on all the details they absolutely have to tell them. No one ever knows how much time they have on this earth.

He is 9. I believe they wanted every day to be as normal as possible for him.

[kwillia]

Originally Posted by Wenchy

It would be a good time to teach my child about life/death/faith and love, and the last teaching I would be able to do on this earth.

Exactly. Death is a part of the circle of life. Who better to help my child understand this than me? Months of knowing gives that child the opportunity to think it through and to ask all those questions that would go unanswered if I was gone and to say all those things that would be left unsaid.

[Pandora]

I’ve been in this situation with my mother and having to tell my young sister. I saw a big change in my sister with the news of just being sick to “she’s dying.” My sister was afraid and the fear was clearly seen when she visited her in her bed.

I decided that if I was ever in that position I would wait until I was really sick to tell my children, and I mean sick to the point that I just knew I’d be in bed before long, sick.

Gosh this thread is sad. Awful to think about these sorts of things, but it seems like so many people are finding out they have cancer and dying within a month or so lately.