The Top Five Reasons To Be a Commie Pinko

The Top Five Reasons To Be a Commie Pinko


Communism gets a bad rap, what with the 80 million or so murders, give or take 10 million, perpetrated by Communists worldwide. But hey, it’s for the greater good, don’t-ya-know. In spite of its gruesome history, Communist ideology is still going strong in American culture. That’s because there are compelling reasons to be a Communist that overshadow most people’s fear of being dragged out of their home in the middle of the night for no reason, put in a work camp that will likely kill them, or having to boil their children in pots and eat them just to survive. Pshaw! That will never happen here!

Here are the top 5 reasons it’s good to be a Commie.



Reason #1: Free Stuff!

This is by far the best reason to be a Communist. You never, ever have to buy anything for yourself or your family ever again. Anything available to be given, you will get, especially if you have some political pull, but even if you don’t, your basic life needs will be taken care of by the state. Probably. Especially after they implement that next 5-year plan.

Need an apartment? It’s free! Never mind you have to share it with 20 smelly strangers — because … wow! You don’t have to pay for it! Need food? That’s free too! And all of it organically grown (because pesticides were thrown out with the first cost cuts). Need a new pair of shoes? As soon as the shoe factory produces some, you’ll get a pair! Who cares how long you have to wait. Medical care, education, even transportation — all free!!

Holy cow! That’s awesome! See what I’m talking about? How could you turn that down?


Reason #2: Really Cool Propaganda Art

Communists have produced some of the most stirring and totally cool graphic art ever designed. You really have to hand it to them. They expertly combine coolness with abstract philosophy, which is no mean feat, making them masters at manipulating human emotion through propaganda. Why are Communists so good at this? Probably because reason doesn’t work in their case; they HAVE to appeal to your emotions; and boy, do they ever! By just looking at one of these posters you are immediately brainwashed; and your cool quotient goes up by at least 25%.


Reason #3: Easy Disposal of Your Enemies

Is a neighbor bothering you with his overly perfect lawn? Did a coworker best you in a meeting the other day? Did some chick stab you in the back at your birthday party when all you wanted was to be friends, which made you cry and throw cake at her which freaked out all your other friends who then didn’t talk to you for the rest of the year? Well under Communism, you don’t have to take that s*it. Just report to the authorities that your enemy was complaining about the government, and voila! Problem solved.


Reason #4: Baryshnikov


Reason #5: Being a Rebel WITH a Cause Is Good for Your Pathetic Self Esteem

Everyone knows there’s a name for being rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious, and it’s douchebag.

Embracing Communism is like a soothing balm to the psychology that needs to rebel. If your cushy suburban upbringing where you shamefully got everything your little spoiled heart desired, while you were simultaneously pumped full of the ideology of self-sacrifice, has left you riddled with confusion, doubt, guilt, and a wicked entitlement complex, which permanently stunted you at the age of 13 with all the conflicting and angsty emotions that implies, in order to feel “okay” you either need a raging drug or alcohol addiction, or you need to rebel against THE WHOLE WORLD. However, in order to avoid being ridiculed by all the non-loser people on Earth and the likelihood of an eventual suicide, you need a righteous cause, dude!

[insert OWS Protester Pic]


Sunny is a political satirist whose videos have been getting a lot of attention in the blogosphere. Find out more about Sunny by checking out her blog, House of Sunny.

[SamSpade]

Communism always reminds me of this quote often attributed to Socrates (I don't know my Plato, so the quote might be easy to prove).

If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.

Communism seems to ensure shared misery coupled with a much lower level of happiness. You're always better off on your own.

I also realize that some human traits are just insurmountable. The early Christian church tried communism at first - everyone had everything in common, so that there was no needy person among them. Before long, people were lying, holding back, succumbing to prejudice, showing favoritism and refusing to work.

Eventually the apostle Paul starting saying things like "he who will not work, he shall not eat". It's nice to think that everyone works towards the common good, but in this the most dedicated religious environment, they STILL could not avoid that people are rude, selfish, greedy, lazy and bigoted. Even in the professed egalitarian OWS, they had their own "elite".

[Vince]

The Top Five Reasons To Be a Commie Pinko

I thought it was Commie Pinko ###?

Originally Posted by SamSpade

The early Christian church tried communism at first - everyone had everything in common,

wasn't there a couple that dropped dead, from lying about much they sold some property for .......

Even in the professed egalitarian OWS, they had their own "elite".


that part cracks me up, Jon S (whom I despise) had some chick @ OWS recently pointing all this out

[SamSpade]

Originally Posted by EmptyTimCup

wasn't there a couple that dropped dead, from lying about much they sold some property for .......

Ananias and Sapphira, in probably one of the creepiest stories told in the Bible. What's interesting is they could have said, yeah we sold it for 100 but we're only giving 50 and the apostles would have been ok with that. "And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? ". So the big crime wasn't keeping some of it, it was lying about how generous he was.

The failure of communism where it has appeared is twofold - not only does it spread the wealth such that everyone is poor, but it demoralizes people so they don't strive to work harder, so you don't get shared wealth but shared poverty.

Originally Posted by SamSpade

Ananias and Sapphira, in probably one of the creepiest stories told in the Bible. What's interesting is they could have said, yeah we sold it for 100 but we're only giving 50 and the apostles would have been ok with that. "And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? ". So the big crime wasn't keeping some of it, it was lying about how generous he was.

The failure of communism where it has appeared is twofold - not only does it spread the wealth such that everyone is poor, but it demoralizes people so they don't strive to work harder, so you don't get shared wealth but shared poverty.

Yes that is it ....... keeping more for yourself was not the problem, but LYING About it ...

.... could you imagine the world, if we all had some sort of 'truth' detector we had to wear ......

Communism is just inefficient ..

.... but yeah, why work harder, you get the same crappy Apt, and rotten beef at the store .....