daughters...

[stockgirl]

Originally Posted by luvmygdaughters

Not too sure about this area, my husband and his ex-wife were from Montgomery County. They had two children, about 16 years apart, one daughter (oldest) one son. Neither of the children got their drivers license. The daughter was married and pregnant at 16, she is damn near 40 now and was flipping burgers for a living. Her husband is "disabled"

Disabled or lazy?

[luvmygdaughters]

Originally Posted by stockgirl

Disabled or lazy?

Well...let me put it this way...his disability is laziness!!! IMHO

[stockgirl]

Originally Posted by luvmygdaughters

Well...let me put it this way...his disability is laziness!!! IMHO

I hate lazy people.

[Dakota (Premo)]

Originally Posted by luvmygdaughters

Not too sure about this area, my husband and his ex-wife were from Montgomery County. They had two children, about 16 years apart, one daughter (oldest) one son. Neither of the children got their drivers license. The daughter was married and pregnant at 16, she is damn near 40 now and was flipping burgers for a living. Her husband is "disabled"

This girl's older sister has 3 children with the same man, never married... worked selling ice cream or something like that and has never driven. I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that she's getting some sort of financial assistance from the government. Her 'boyfriend' is a nice enough guy but I dunno... I want to see better things for her sister. She isn't my child so I cannot say anything at all about how she is raised... I can just come on somd and vent. To me, it is just sad way to be raised.

After my 2nd son was born, I had a real difficult time with the notion of returning to work. The subject of my staying home did come up and although my husband is a pretty good guy... you could see he was like "okay that's fine if that is what *you* want to do" I ended up returning to work bailing my eyes out on the trip back after maternity leave... and after the 1st week, he brought the subject up again and seemed more relaxed with the idea... but at that point, I was over it and I had some time to think about it and made the decision not to stay home. His initial reaction sort of freaked me out..

I just think there are very very very few men out there, like Vrai mentioned, that would be perfectly fine with their wife home and them being the only income source. My mother did it but I remember her being reminded that she didn't earn any money. Yeah... my father was a tyrant growing up. I love him dearly but even he will admit that....now in hindsight.

[Dakota (Premo)]

Originally Posted by luvmygdaughters

Well...let me put it this way...his disability is laziness!!! IMHO

boo




And this happens often. Typically people taught to have no motivation attract somebody with no motivation.

[SoMDGirl42]

Originally Posted by Dakota

After my 2nd son was born, I had a real difficult time with the notion of returning to work. The subject of my staying home did come up and although my husband is a pretty good guy... you could see he was like "okay that's fine if that is what *you* want to do" I ended up returning to work bailing my eyes out on the trip back after maternity leave... and after the 1st week, he brought the subject up again and seemed more relaxed with the idea... but at that point, I was over it and I had some time to think about it and made the decision not to stay home. His initial reaction sort of freaked me out..

I believe there has to be some middle ground here. I gave birth to three babies. Prior to having them, I worked. "We" made the decision for me to take one year off after each child.

#1 I returned to work one week shy of her first birthday
#2 I returned to work when he was 8 months old (money was tight!)
#3 I returned to work when she was 11 months old

I personally, had a hard time leaving a newborn with a sitter. That's not to say that people that can or have to do that are wrong. It was MY choice not to. I chose to take care of them until they were a little older.

[Dakota (Premo)]

Originally Posted by SoMDGirl42

I believe there has to be some middle ground here. I gave birth to three babies. Prior to having them, I worked. "We" made the decision for me to take one year off after each child.

#1 I returned to work one week shy of her first birthday
#2 I returned to work when he was 8 months old (money was tight!)
#3 I returned to work when she was 11 months old

I personally, had a hard time leaving a newborn with a sitter. That's not to say that people that can or have to do that are wrong. It was MY choice not to. I chose to take care of them until they were a little older.

I took 4 months off for my 1st and almost 6 month off with my 2nd. My 2nd was born 9 weeks too early hence the reason I took 2 additional months off. I had the leave with both but when I came back with the 2nd, I was down to barely 2 days of leave left. NOW they offer a leave of absence option for up to 2 years without pay.... you know... *NOW* after the fact. Always a day late, dollar short.

[Dakota (Premo)]

Originally Posted by luvmygdaughters

When my two daughters were growing up, I told them constantly, get your education, do not depend on your looks, men, family to take care of you. One daughter took my advice, she has a great job, can take care of herself and needs no one else. However, she is feeling the biological clock now. My other daughter got married when she was 23. She had a good job, A-1 credit and a future in front of her. She met the "Man of her Dreams" and against my better judgement, got married. When she became pregnant, he insisted she should quit. Her job was to take care of the kids and him. THis worked out well...until he got tired of coming home to a housewife everyday and started seeing someone else. At least my daughter has work experience and was able to get a job and take care of herself and her daughters.

When I was a teenager (maybe 12-13 years old), our neighbor's husband died suddenly. He was in his late 30's maybe early 40's of either a heart attack or an aneurism. Soon after the funeral, my father and I were over at the house and I was devastated to learn that she was going to have to sell the house because she couldn’t afford it on her own. This is when my father gave me the all-important lesson on why it is important for women to be financially independent... like my aunt and uncle's situation wasn't enough.

Soon after, the house sold and some newlyweds moved in. Wife decided to stay home because she was trying to get pregnant and her husband was a fireman. I remember her telling us how he proposed to her… down on one knee.... blah blah blah… I couldn’t have been but 13-14 at the time and smitten with her story of romance… too bad that years later, after having two kids, those two did every evil underhanded thing to one another and in the time it took them to get divorced, onlookers just wished they tossed grenades at each another and ended it all for the both of them. Very ugly... involving fist fights, wrecked cars, bats... ugly

People can ask 'why relationships don't work out for so many' but that is a complex subject that involves many root causes. The cold truth is that anything can happen... anything... and you don't want your daughters going out in the world without those proper skills in life to function. It is the reality in which we live in today. Good for your daughter to have bounced back from that... back in the 50-60's women were expected to suck up that sort of behavior - you know... as long as they aren't drinking or beating you...times have changed.

[Radiant1]

I got married one year after high school and certainly not because my parents encouraged me to, but ya know, because I was in love and all that. I worked up until the time we decided to have kids and then stayed at home with them. I then worked from home after #4. Twenty years later, I was divorced and went to work outside. I did have some skills to fall back on, but I SO WISH I had received my college education! You can bet your bottom dollar that my two girls are highly encouraged to do so and never be dependent on anyone. They are 12 and 13 and already have a college fund set up, already have their mind on getting scholarships, and have minimal interest in boys at this time...thank God!

[vraiblonde]

Originally Posted by Dakota

it was sorely devaluing.

Wait....being a wife and mother is devaluing? I would call that much more valuable than being an IT professional or a defense lawyer or any number of other career paths.