daughters...

[Dakota (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

Wait....being a wife and mother is devaluing? I would call that much more valuable than being an IT professional or a defense lawyer or any number of other career paths.

No, being a wife and mother isn’t devaluing… what is devaluing is telling some random stranger selling educational software door-to-door that your daughter is expected to get married and have children, without other options. Their neighbors are a couple in their early 70’s. She raised 4 children and she did leave her job at the courts to do that. When they got older, she returned and eventually retired. Her husband, actually, is more vocal about her getting a foundation of skills to fall back on, most likely because one of his daughters ended up returning home with 2 children after her marriage dissolved. Life is about choices and when those choices don’t work out the way we hoped they would, we have to live with those consequences…. When you keep somebody dependent, you drastically reduce the ability to make choices.

[vraiblonde]

Originally Posted by Dakota

No, being a wife and mother isn’t devaluing… what is devaluing is telling some random stranger selling educational software door-to-door that your daughter is expected to get married and have children, without other options.

Maybe he was just trying to get rid of the salesperson. Like telling the Jehovah's Witnesses that you are a Satanist.

[libby]

I was raised with working parents (although it was their own business) and was effectively a latchkey kid. As I've reflected on my teen years I have come to the conclusion that my absent mother and the lack of supervision led me down a path that was not ideal. I smartened up before any permanent damage was done, thank God.
For that reason, among others, I stay home, and we hope our daughters and sons will choose to live their lives that way. We impress upon our sons that they will be providers and we don't think there is an virtue in poverty. Daughters are encouraged to get an education/skill that will give them more flexibility: nursing, music teacher, entepreneur, etc. Choose a man that has some ambition, as famlies don't need to add poverty to the challenges we all face.
Lastly, I think I have an exceptional situation in that my family's business is darn successful and if my husband were to hit his head and become a loser and leave me with nothing, I could march straight back home and have plenty to survive on by stepping right into the family business. My sister and I plan to keep it going so that our children can always have that as a fall back should they run into trouble in their own lives.




I am very, very blessed in that my husband makes an excellent living.

[Dakota (Premo)]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

Maybe he was just trying to get rid of the salesperson. Like telling the Jehovah's Witnesses that you are a Satanist.

I've heard him say it before and he actually said it again when he came over to borrow a few things from our garage.... that is why I got so lite up and ticked off.

libby,


I could march straight back home and have plenty to survive on by stepping right into the family business. My sister and I plan to keep it going so that our children can always have that as a fall back should they run into trouble in their own lives.

something to fall back on.

[MMM_donuts]

When I was in my early twenties, my Aunt (who's only 9 years older than me) asked about my boyfriend. I told her we had reached that point where we were going to start working on heading in separate directions. She was so upset and lectured me about how I needed to get married and start having children. She said women only live to be about 60 and how it was selfish of me to hold off on having children for so long that I wouldn't get to see my grandchildren. She also told me that since he had a job and didn't cheat or beat, I should accept the boyfriend for who he is and marry him.

One look at her marriage and I ran as far as I could away from her advice. Her husband wouldn't let her go walking at night to lose weight because it interfered with her nightly duties like cooking and taking care of their kids. She later had gastric bypass because he told her she had gotten too fat and disgusting to look at. He also said things like "I'm the one that makes the money so I'll decide where it goes." And she'll never leave him no matter how unhappy she is. She wouldn't 1) because its against her religious beliefs and 2) she can't - she has no money, no credit, no job skills, no assets, no resources, and I truly doubt her ability to find resources to help herself.

But if her husband passes away before her I think her church would help her out.

That would not work for me, I feel like that's a little too much like being a prisoner. I like it that my husband and i stay together by choice. I think it also encourages my own self improvement because I want to keep him around. When I met the man who is now my husband, we were together for years with no intent of getting married. My aunt would not acknowledge him and were we not allowed to be around her children because we were living in sin. Now that we're married it's ok, although she prays for us every day so that we find god and have children and don't die before we accomplish those things but only in that order.

Smh. Family, lol.

[vraiblonde]

Originally Posted by MMM_donuts

One look at her marriage and I ran as far as I could away from her advice.

I look at most peoples' marriages/relationships and shudder in revulsion. It's amazing what folks will settle for in their desperation to not be "alone".

Women like your aunt are stuck and miserable, and they resent your blissful independence. I used to have people like that in my life until I (figuratively) defenestrated them.

[Vince]

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

I look at most peoples' marriages/relationships and shudder in revulsion. It's amazing what folks will settle for in their desperation to not be "alone".

Women like your aunt are stuck and miserable, and they resent your blissful independence. I used to have people like that in my life until I (figuratively) defenestrated them.

defenestrated = alright, I had to look this one up.