Weight Loss Program

[Elle]

A guy was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he saw an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

"Guaranteed? Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old
babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and
a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
"If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles
later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his
way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks
to himself, "I like the way this company does business!"

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same
thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find
he has lost 10 lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders
their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his
life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign
around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me."

He's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in
excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when
he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four
days, the same routine happens and much to his delight, on the
fifth day he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20
lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?", asks the representative on the phone. "This
is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it
he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but
pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,
"If I catch you, you're mine!