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|08-29-2003, 08:02 AM||#1|
31 Reasons to Buy a New Car
A car exactly like yours is featured in a display in
your local museum.
Your passenger seat is on the National Register
of Historic Places.
Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopee cushion
taped to your steering wheel.
That plaque that says it was the first car ever
driven by land speed record breaker Barney
You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year
old on a moped.
As you drive by people keep yelling, "Get a
Your tires are so thin you can see the air inside
Your emergency brake consists of putting your
leg through a hole in the floorboard and dragging
your foot on the pavement.
Whenever you hit a pothole or speed bump the
engine falls out.
The total on your last repair bill equaled the GDP
of a certain small Asian nation.
The 15-Minute Jiffy Lube takes 3 days.
The "spark Adjustment" lever broke off and it'll be
a pain to find a new one.
Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take
When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I re-duct-tape
that windshield for you?"
Replacement running boards just aren't made like they
Your "Super-Heterodyne radio" keeps drifting off signal.
As you're leaving the parking lot after the County Fair demolition derby
a salvage dealer offers you "50 bucks for the carcass."
It's been awhile since anyone has used the word "Phaeton"
when referring to a body style.
Two words: Ford Edsel
It might have something to do with that second "Totaled"
stamp your insurance adjuster put on the title after your
last fender bender.
Your 84 year old Mom drives a car that's sportier than
While waiting at a stop light, people run up asking if
anyone was hurt.
For the last five years, you've had to settle for making
"vroom vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway.
You keep losing dates on left turns.
The ash trays are full and we all know what a hassle
it is to empty them.
The novelty of that hand crank starter is wearing off.
The Duct tape you used to replace that right front
fender is flagging again.
It hasn't been the same since "The" Henry Ford borrowed it.
And the number one Reason it's time to get a new Car.........
Your gas gauge measures in cubits.
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