TWENTY-SEVEN LESSONS MY MAMA TAUGHT ME

Christy · 04-17-2002, 08:57 AM

1. My mama taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -- If you are going to kill each other, do it outside! I just finished cleaning this house.

2. My mama taught me RELIGION -- You better pray that will come out of the carpet!

3. My mama taught me TIME TRAVEL -- If you don't straighten up, I'm going to slap you into the middle of next week!

4. My mama taught me LOGIC (1) -- Because I said so, that's why!

5. My mama taught me LOGIC (2) -- If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!

6. My mama taught me FORESIGHT -- Be sure you have on clean underwear, in case you're in an accident!

7. My mama taught me IRONY -- Keep on crying and I'll give you something to cry about!

8. My mama taught me the science of OSMOSIS -- Shut your mouth and eat your supper!

9. My mama taught me how to be a CONTORTIONIST -- Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!

10. My mama taught me about STAMINA -- You'll sit there until all of those turnip greens are gone!

11. My mama taught me about WEATHER -- It looks like a tornado swept through your room!

12. My mama taught me to solve PROBLEMS IN PHYSICS -- If I yelled because you were going to be hit by a car, would you listen to me then?

13. My mama taught me about HYPOCRISY -- If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, don't exaggerate!

14. My mama taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE -- I brought you into this world and I can take you out!

15. My mama taught me BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -- Stop acting like your father!

16. My mama taught me about ENVY -- There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you have!

17. My mama taught me about ANTICIPATION -- Just wait until we get home!

18. My mama taught me about RECEIVING -- You're going to get it when we get home!

19. My mama taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -- If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to get stuck that way!

20. My mama taught me to THINK AHEAD -- If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!

21. My mama taught me ESP -- Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?!

22. My mama taught me HUMOR -- When you cut off your toe with the lawnmower, don't come running to me!

23. My mama taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -- If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!

24. My mama taught me about GENETICS -- You're just like your father!

25. My mama taught me about my ROOTS -- Do you think you were born in a barn?!

26. My mama taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE -- When you get to be my age, you'll understand!

27. And the all time favorite lesson my mother taught me was JUSTICE -- One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

SxyPrincess · 04-17-2002, 09:33 AM

That is too funny!!!!

04-17-2002, 08:57 AM	#1
Christy b*tch rocket Member Since: Feb 2001 Location: The Collective Posts: 16,704	1. My mama taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -- If you are going to kill each other, do it outside! I just finished cleaning this house. 2. My mama taught me RELIGION -- You better pray that will come out of the carpet! 3. My mama taught me TIME TRAVEL -- If you don't straighten up, I'm going to slap you into the middle of next week! 4. My mama taught me LOGIC (1) -- Because I said so, that's why! 5. My mama taught me LOGIC (2) -- If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me! 6. My mama taught me FORESIGHT -- Be sure you have on clean underwear, in case you're in an accident! 7. My mama taught me IRONY -- Keep on crying and I'll give you something to cry about! 8. My mama taught me the science of OSMOSIS -- Shut your mouth and eat your supper! 9. My mama taught me how to be a CONTORTIONIST -- Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck! 10. My mama taught me about STAMINA -- You'll sit there until all of those turnip greens are gone! 11. My mama taught me about WEATHER -- It looks like a tornado swept through your room! 12. My mama taught me to solve PROBLEMS IN PHYSICS -- If I yelled because you were going to be hit by a car, would you listen to me then? 13. My mama taught me about HYPOCRISY -- If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, don't exaggerate! 14. My mama taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE -- I brought you into this world and I can take you out! 15. My mama taught me BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -- Stop acting like your father! 16. My mama taught me about ENVY -- There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you have! 17. My mama taught me about ANTICIPATION -- Just wait until we get home! 18. My mama taught me about RECEIVING -- You're going to get it when we get home! 19. My mama taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -- If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to get stuck that way! 20. My mama taught me to THINK AHEAD -- If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job! 21. My mama taught me ESP -- Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?! 22. My mama taught me HUMOR -- When you cut off your toe with the lawnmower, don't come running to me! 23. My mama taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -- If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up! 24. My mama taught me about GENETICS -- You're just like your father! 25. My mama taught me about my ROOTS -- Do you think you were born in a barn?! 26. My mama taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE -- When you get to be my age, you'll understand! 27. And the all time favorite lesson my mother taught me was JUSTICE -- One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Add post to Facebook __________________ Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life, you're better off downing a bottle of whiskey. At least that way, you're unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously. ......Patsy Stone ABFAB Goddess It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.
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04-17-2002, 09:33 AM	#2
SxyPrincess I Need a Life Member Since: Oct 2001 Location: I sooooo want to ride it, just never been on one that big before! Posts: 4,056	That is too funny!!!! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Add post to Facebook
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