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|04-17-2002, 08:57 AM||#1|
Member Since: Feb 2001
Location: The Collective
1. My mama taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -- If you are going to kill each other, do it outside! I just finished cleaning this house.
2. My mama taught me RELIGION -- You better pray that will come out of the carpet!
3. My mama taught me TIME TRAVEL -- If you don't straighten up, I'm going to slap you into the middle of next week!
4. My mama taught me LOGIC (1) -- Because I said so, that's why!
5. My mama taught me LOGIC (2) -- If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!
6. My mama taught me FORESIGHT -- Be sure you have on clean underwear, in case you're in an accident!
7. My mama taught me IRONY -- Keep on crying and I'll give you something to cry about!
8. My mama taught me the science of OSMOSIS -- Shut your mouth and eat your supper!
9. My mama taught me how to be a CONTORTIONIST -- Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!
10. My mama taught me about STAMINA -- You'll sit there until all of those turnip greens are gone!
11. My mama taught me about WEATHER -- It looks like a tornado swept through your room!
12. My mama taught me to solve PROBLEMS IN PHYSICS -- If I yelled because you were going to be hit by a car, would you listen to me then?
13. My mama taught me about HYPOCRISY -- If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, don't exaggerate!
14. My mama taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE -- I brought you into this world and I can take you out!
15. My mama taught me BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -- Stop acting like your father!
16. My mama taught me about ENVY -- There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you have!
17. My mama taught me about ANTICIPATION -- Just wait until we get home!
18. My mama taught me about RECEIVING -- You're going to get it when we get home!
19. My mama taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -- If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to get stuck that way!
20. My mama taught me to THINK AHEAD -- If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!
21. My mama taught me ESP -- Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?!
22. My mama taught me HUMOR -- When you cut off your toe with the lawnmower, don't come running to me!
23. My mama taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -- If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!
24. My mama taught me about GENETICS -- You're just like your father!
25. My mama taught me about my ROOTS -- Do you think you were born in a barn?!
26. My mama taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE -- When you get to be my age, you'll understand!
27. And the all time favorite lesson my mother taught me was JUSTICE -- One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!
Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life, you're better off downing a bottle of whiskey. At least that way, you're unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously. ......Patsy Stone ABFAB Goddess
It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.
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