Dear Santa...

*RoseRed* ^(Premo) · 12-14-2004, 03:09 PM

Deer SanTa,

I wood like a kool Toy spase rainger for Xmas. Iv bin a gud boy all year.

yore fren, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a damn book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the Space Ranger. At least he's literate.

Santa

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody.

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please help if you can.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad and the babysitter are banging like a screen door in a hurricane. He's not going to give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his ass constantly. It's time to give up the dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.

Santa

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of single malt scotch.

Santa

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps tables. Hey pal, you asked!

Santa

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

Can you really see us when we're sleeping? Do you really know when we're awake, like it says in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I am skipping your house.

Santa

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging #### may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't cut it with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house. How will you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a single wide in a low rent RV park. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

tlatchaw · 12-14-2004, 03:14 PM

Why is Santa Jolly? He knows where all the NAUGHTY girls live!

*jazz lady* ^(Premo) · 12-14-2004, 03:17 PM

OMG! Vrai is Santa!

vraiblonde · 12-14-2004, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazz lady

OMG! Vrai is Santa!

Great. Just tell everybody.

*RoseRed* ^(Premo) · 12-14-2004, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

Great. Just tell everybody.

I didn't do it...

Stang Girl · 12-14-2004, 07:51 PM

That was funny. :~)

MerF · 12-14-2004, 08:14 PM

Bad Santa...

*jazz lady* ^(Premo) · 12-15-2004, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vraiblonde

Great. Just tell everybody.

Oops. I guess I'm getting coal for Christmas.

12-14-2004, 03:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
RoseRed ^(Premo) American Beauty Member Since: Mar 2001 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 51,129	Dear Santa... Deer SanTa, I wood like a kool Toy spase rainger for Xmas. Iv bin a gud boy all year. yore fren, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a damn book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the Space Ranger. At least he's literate. Santa ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody. Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please help if you can. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad and the babysitter are banging like a screen door in a hurricane. He's not going to give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his ass constantly. It's time to give up the dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead. Santa ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of single malt scotch. Santa ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps tables. Hey pal, you asked! Santa ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, Can you really see us when we're sleeping? Do you really know when we're awake, like it says in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I am skipping your house. Santa ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I really want a puppy this year. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging #### may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't cut it with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house. How will you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a single wide in a low rent RV park. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa __________________ Oysters are nasty. If I want a fried loogie, I'll spit in a frying pan.
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12-14-2004, 03:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
tlatchaw Not dead yet. Member Since: Oct 2003 Location: Calvert Posts: 1,644	Why is Santa Jolly? He knows where all the NAUGHTY girls live! __________________ Shhhh! You smell that?
	[ Reply w/Quote ]

12-14-2004, 03:17 PM	#3 (permalink)
jazz lady ^(Premo) ~~ rara avis ~~ Member Since: Sep 2001 Location: unemployment line... Posts: 44,664	OMG! Vrai is Santa! __________________ ............................ "Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence." ~ Robert Fripp "If it hadn't been for jazz, there wouldn't be no rock and roll" ~ Louis Armstrong
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12-14-2004, 07:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
Stang Girl Mr. and Mrs.!!!!!!!!!!!!! Member Since: Apr 2004 Location: on the right side. Posts: 3,100	That was funny. :~) __________________ Kwillia, Jasmine would like to send her furthermost appreciation for all your help last night with you know what. She did not want to post what you did but I thank you and she thanks you, I never could have done what you did last night to help her with you know. So thank you again. Please make sure you washed your hands before you had dinner!!!!!! Love, SG & J :diva:
	[ Reply w/Quote ]

12-14-2004, 08:14 PM	#7 (permalink)
MerF You smell funny Member Since: Nov 2004 Location: Here or there Posts: 509	Bad Santa... __________________ :twitch: What are you looking at?
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