Southern Maryland Online - Serving Calvert, Charles, & St. Mary's Counties.  Click here to go to the Front Page of somd.com.
 
| Write Us | Help | Sponsors | Classifieds | Employment | Forums | MarketPlace | Calendar | Headlines | Announcements | Weather | More... |


Go Back   Southern Maryland Community Forums > Sports, Recreation & Entertainment > Share a Joke
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Chat Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Wireless

Share a Joke Have a great joke to share with our readers?  Tell it here!

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-01-2006, 09:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
You Lie!!!
 
chernmax's Avatar
 
Member Since: Jul 2006
Location: Displaced New Yorker in Southern MD
Posts: 9,809
This one's for all the Mothers...

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your regnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You do n't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up th e baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!



GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live.
__________________
- Obamacare, "It's Shovel Ready"
- Dither Free Zone!
chernmax is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Add post to Facebook
[ Reply w/Quote ]
Old 08-01-2006, 09:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
Peace
 
camily's Avatar
 
Member Since: Nov 2004
Location: waldorf
Posts: 12,631
That is sooooo true.
__________________
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.~Maya Angelou

www.childrensnational.org
camily is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Add post to Facebook
[ Reply w/Quote ]
Old 08-01-2006, 09:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
just livin life......
 
jwwb2000's Avatar
 
Member Since: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,488
I am really backwards. I did the majority of a 3rd child with my 1st, except for the diaper thing
__________________
Life is Good
Do what you like, like what you do.
jwwb2000 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Add post to Facebook
[ Reply w/Quote ]
Old 08-01-2006, 09:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
Vigorously indifferent
 
Pete's Avatar
 
Member Since: Jan 2003
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 51,830
Quote:
Originally Posted by chernmax
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!


Heh nomoney
Pete is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Add post to Facebook
[ Reply w/Quote ]
Old 08-01-2006, 01:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
goldielocks7's Avatar
 
Member Since: Jul 2006
Posts: 142
Good One! Have to keep this one in my favorites folder at work!!
goldielocks7 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Add post to Facebook
[ Reply w/Quote ]
Old 08-01-2006, 01:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
1. (adj) Hazardous
 
Toxick's Avatar
 
Member Since: May 2003
Location: Sitting on a park bench
Posts: 11,811
Quote:
Originally Posted by chernmax
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your regnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You do n't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up th e baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!



GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live.


All true.


The fascinating irony in all of this - the Baby is always the one who manages to end up SPOILED ROTTON!!!
__________________
Love Toxie
"Cold-blooded, clean, methodical and thorough"
Toxick is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Add post to Facebook
[ Reply w/Quote ]
Reply




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Happy Mother's Day a few days early! Kizzy Share a Quote 0 05-02-2005 08:48 PM
Moms deino2002 Parenting and Children 8 03-31-2005 12:40 AM
Million Moron Moms March Mother's Day Sharon News and Current Events 22 02-21-2004 07:59 PM
Mothers jazz lady Share a Joke 2 10-01-2002 03:21 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:19 AM.



| Home | Help | Contact Us | About somd.com | Privacy | Advertising | Sponsors | Newsletter |

| What's New | What's Cool | Top Rated | Add A Link | Mod a Link | Link to Us |

| Announcements | Bookstore | Chat | Calendar | Classifieds | Community |
| Contests & Surveys | Culture | Dating | Dining | Education | Employment | Entertainment |
| Forums | Free E-Mail | Games | Gear! | Government | Guestbook | Health | Marketplace | Mortgage | News |
| Organizations | Photos | Postcard | Real Estate | Relocation | Sports | Survey | Travel | Wiki | Weather | Worship |

Brought to you by Virtually Everything, Inc.   ©1996-2009, All rights reserved.


SEO by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.