failure to launch

[craberta]

I have an idiot kid who knows everything about anything. He knows more than his dad and I combined. He dropped out of HS, has no car anymore, has a dead end job, has no motivation. I am caught between being afraid he will end up homless again, or dead, and wishing he would just go away. This must be what limbo feels like, and hell was when I did not know where he was on a cold rainy night, only that he was homeless and his "friend" had destroyed all his clothes. And also hearing that someone saw him asleep on the side of the road with a trashbag. He has friends who have also failed to launch. I count about 6 of them, no job to speak of, no doploma, no motivation to go out into the world and do something anything with themselves. They all seem to egg eachother on in this endless circle of party-sleep-do nothing-party-sleep-do nothing. Some of the other young men have cars and allowances, I think my son thinks he may get that from us, but we refuse to give him nothing but a warm place to sleep and food. He seems to be content with this. All his friends are doing it, so it's ok. these friends are the reason I go nowhere, they would come in here and steal what little I have. I wish I could tell him to go, but then I won't know what will happen to him.

 

[KillJoy]

It's sad to hear about stuff like that. You're definitley faced with tough decisions. I would offer advice but I have never been in a situation like that. I would say something along the lines of military, but that would have to be his choice. Best of luck to you and your son.

 

[craberta]

He is not military material. He can't even handle getting to work on time, taking a shower more than 1 time a week, wearing a watch, doing what he is told "right now please". He has a high IQ, but he is very lazy. I have 2 other kids who are in the military and college.

 

[BlackSheep]

craberta

No harm intended but you need to watch a marathon of "Intervention". How old is your son?

 

[(((echo)))]

He is not military material. He can't even handle getting to work on time, taking a shower more than 1 time a week, wearing a watch, doing what he is told "right now please". He has a high IQ, but he is very lazy. I have 2 other kids who are in the military and college.

actually that is "perfect" military material

 

[craberta]

He is 21, and isn't addicted to anything, but just doesn't seem embarassed to not have a car-job-future. His dad is a hard worker, former military, nice man, and I stayed home and did the June Cleaver thing. We didn't beat him, or neglect him or spoil him.

 

[KillJoy]

Motivation is all he needs. I am not sure of your methods right now, but it might help to be more strict. I'm no parent, but being more strict and setting more guidelines always worked for my parents.

 

[craberta]

It is awkward cause he is an adult. When I think of what my hubbs and I were doing at 21, I can't beleive how responsible we were, hubbs had 5 years in the navy under his belt and we had a 2 yo and had our own little house and bills to pay.

 

[BlackSheep]

He is 21, and isn't addicted to anything, but just doesn't seem embarassed to not have a car-job-future. His dad is a hard worker, former military, nice man, and I stayed home and did the June Cleaver thing. We didn't beat him, or neglect him or spoil him.

How does he afford partying?

 

[KillJoy]

No doubt that it's akward, but there are some things you have got to do.

EDIT: Two years ago, I went to an all black church to advertise some cancer fund raising I was trying to do. Being a white teenager walking in there was really akward for me, but I needed to do it to support my cause. It worked out great for me.

 

[craberta]

The other failures get allowance, and he sporadically collects a paycheck from the dead end job, and I suspect that there is one friend who steals.

 

[BlackSheep]

The other failures get allowance, and he sporadically collects a paycheck from the dead end job, and I suspect that there is one friend who steals.

Are you afraid of your son?

 

[craberta]

No, but I am afraid of going through that whole not knowing where how or if he is ok. It is hell. I feel so bad for people who have kids that run away or dissapear. It is hell!

 

[toppick08]

actually that is "perfect" military material

 

[Mousebaby]

He is not military material. He can't even handle getting to work on time, taking a shower more than 1 time a week, wearing a watch, doing what he is told "right now please". He has a high IQ, but he is very lazy. I have 2 other kids who are in the military and college.

OMG!! I could swear you just described my 15 yr. old! This child is beyond lazy and I just don't know what to do with him! I have resorted to taking him to a Psychiatrist and Therapist but that doesn't even seem to be helping! Everything to him is a joke! He takes absolutely nothing seriously! What are we supposed to do with this child???? He is supposed to be getting ready to go out into the world and be self supporting. At the rate he's going that's never going to happen and my husband is adamant about him being either in college or working by the time he's 18 or he's out of here! What do I do???? Sorry for stealing your limelight Craberta!

 

[vraiblonde]

No, but I am afraid of going through that whole not knowing where how or if he is ok. It is hell. I feel so bad for people who have kids that run away or dissapear. It is hell!

The best thing I ever did for my daughter was throw her out of the house. It lasted 4 days, then she called with an apology and an acceptable plan of action for her future, which she is now pursuing.

If you keep taking care of him, there's no real reason for him to take care of himself.

 

[AiryT]

Just know you are not the only one. It's hard not knowing if your kids are okay, etc., but are you doing him any favors supporting him? Does he have to pay rent or anything living at home? He's living under your roof and grown or not you have a right to have rules. I know, I know, if he doesn't like them you're afraid he may leave. It's a hard one, but going on as he is now, will he ever change? I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do, this is a tough one. Been there.

 

[smoothmarine187]

The best thing I ever did for my daughter was throw her out of the house. It lasted 4 days, then she called with an apology and an acceptable plan of action for her future, which she is now pursuing.

If you keep taking care of him, there's no real reason for him to take care of himself.

That little punk needs some discipline. Lay down some rules and get his life on track.

 

[Kain99]

Our babies are the best manipulators on the planet. He knows your fears and he's cashing in!

Listen Momma... It's make or break time. Give him a time frame and a to do list. If he continues to waste his life, cut the apron strings.

I am in full agreement, he is perfect Military material. Want to see his life instantly turn around? This is the route to go.

Where's Dad?

 

[ImnoMensa]

To those who believe this man is a perfect candidate for the military, you should be ashamed of yourself. The men we have defending America are not lazy nor are they unmotivated.

I cannot offer advice to this woman about her son for thank God I have never faced a problem such as this.