Being Born Causes Millions of Deaths Per Year
The Center for Disease Control and World Health Organization have estimated that 56 million people die every year after having been born. Of this number, over 2 million deaths are reported in the US alone.
"This is a troubling statistic," says Dr. Hyman Quacksnatcher, a top German epidemiologist. "After intense study and data analysis, we have determined that every death in the world last year was preceded by the deceased being born. The evidence was overwhelming."
This startling finding has confounded the world's prominent pandemic experts, who are still studying this phenomenon in hopes of developing a cure.
"There's really no rhyme or reason to it, " said Dr. Hugh Jego, professor emeritus at Wassamatta U in Geneva. "The patients are obese and emaciated, tobacco abusers and non-smokers, vegetarians and carnivores...there is no common trait among the victims except having been born."
Experts say that death can strike at any age, from newborn to elderly, and all persons who have been born are at risk. More studies are pending, and President Obama is expected to give a press conference regarding the danger of being born later this afternoon.