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DHS Extremist
Given that The Won can now add a Nobel Peace Prize to his staggering list of accomplishments, we'll review just how it came to be.
Behold! Obama is cast as Moses.
How Moses Shaped America - TIME
Excellent! Lets see how they stack up.
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If Obama had been Moses...
... he would have doused the burning bush faster than a wet blanket - too much carbon polluting the atmosphere.
... he would have bowed to Pharaoh rather than defy him or bring up that "beating and oppression" unpleasantness.
... he would have declared all those that claimed he was really a Hebrew who was found in a basket in a bunch of reeds as “Reeders” and that they were part of a vast straw foil hat conspiracy and that these loons were stupid enough to actually think that it’s possible for a man to rise from a grave or to descend from the clouds.
... he would have kept up the pretense of being Egyptian and had Aaron repeat over and over, "I saw his birth papyrus. It’s on record in Alexandria. He can show you a scribed copy. He was born right here in Egypt. I swear by this golden calf."
... he eventually would have embraced his heritage and attended the prestigious Ivory League school, Hebrew U, rather than the men-of-the-earth Brick Tech.
... he would naturally have majored in Commandumental Law and been the president of the Hebrew Law Review.
... he would have, upon ascending to power, worn Joseph’s coat-of-many-colors, eaten his lamb chops, sworn on his scroll, and ridden in his chariot.
... he would have usurped the Pharaonic Throne after taking up the Hebrew brick-maker's Cause and declaring that Egypt needed "Change the slaves could believe in" and then...
... he would have done nothing to improve their situation.
... he would have, however, upbraided the straw bosses as “stupid officers.”
... he would have anointed a Chief Elder to the SPOTUS (Supreme Pharisees of the United Slaves) who had refused to promote qualified bricklayers because they tested better than others by actually knowing that bricks were made with mud.
... he would have visited with the SPOTUS and made sure they understood that slaves have no standing to demand to see his birth papyrus.
... he would have proposed a Stimulus Plan that would have involved 787 billion bricks to prop up the sagging Hebrew adobe market.
... he would have had his #2, Joseph Bid Aaron, go on record as saying, “We misread the hieroglyphs. We need more bricks.”
... he would have appointed Tithe scofflaws to oversee the recovery efforts.
... he would have sped to Alexandria in his Horse Power One chariot to explain to the gathered leaders why the Hebrews should be allowed to sponsor the Summer Slingshot Olympics by talking about himself... oh, and the disadvantaged Hebrew children. The committee would not be impressed.
... he would have had his high priestess, Oprahmirriam, in tow to wave the palm poms as his #1 cheerleader. The committee would not be impressed.
... upon returning to his people he would have said, “Bunk! Who needs ‘em? It’s the world’s loss. Too bad though, would have loved to have gone head to head with the Philistines.”
... he would have said, “Hmm, I can use that,” after his confrontation with Pharaoh when the Egyptian leader had retorted, “The audacity! To hope you can strong arm me into releasing your people!”
... he would have told Pharaoh that he'd written a papyrus after having had a dream from his Heavenly father and then...
... he would have bellowed, "Let my people Hope!... for audacious change."
... he would have decried Pharaoh’s claims that his plans for Hope and Change would somehow be bad for the Egyptian people by saying, “Bunk! In my plan there are no death plagues! These are phony claims being circulated in our hieroglyphs and pyramid hall meetings.”
... he would have said after the first plague, “We have to have the other nine now. We cannot delay! The Hebrew people need this now. However, Pharaoh, we could use this as a teaching moment instead.”
... he would have threatened Pharaoh by declaring after the 9th Plague, “I am God’s partner in life and death!”
... he then would have declared, “I am an ultimate 1st Birther believer! All your first born shall perish if you don’t listen to me and what you have to do now!”
... he would have declared the Plagues an HSW disaster waiting to happen (Hebrewpogenic Sahara Warming, naturally).
... he would have taken credit for "green energy" when the tornado appeared between them and Pharaoh's army at the Red Sea.
... he would have snarked, “Pretty impressive, I got the sucker! I won, shut up, punch back twice as hard!” as the water collapsed on Pharaoh and his chariots.
... he would have followed that statement up with a more conciliatory, “Again, let’s make this a teachable moment.”
... he would have gone back and bailed out Pharaoh's army after they went under and then...
... he would have co-opted the makers of Cadillac Chariots and Sphinxler Motors after declaring them financially unsound after the Red Sea incident.
... he would have declared that the Pharaoh was not a terrorist nor that his Egyptian army were enemy combatants but rather people of conviction and that, in fact, their demise in the Red Sea was a natural disaster brought on by the HSW from his own peoples brick-making industry.
... he could have pronounced the Commandments to the people only if Joseph Bid Aaron had been holding up the Tableta-prompters.
... he would have answered the question, “Moses, have you read all the Commandments yet?”, by replying, “No, I have not yet read all 57 Commandments but hope to do so some day”.
... he actually would have destroyed the tablets a second time - gotta keep that Separation of Clay and State.
... he would have originated a "C&T" tax (Conflagration and Travel levy) on the Hebrew people for employing a pillar of smoke by day and fire by night as they progressed. As with the burning bush, those pillars are a carbon footprint nightmare.
... he would have told the Hebrews that Abraham had been a nice guy and whatnot in establishing the Hebrew people but that his religion and principles were exclusionary and that it was time for a new way and new god. Gotta spread the manna around.
... he would have sensed the moment and established the concept of the all-inclusive Globalist Metro-man: he would have beaten Muhammad to the punch and founded Islam while insisting on being an adherent to a religion whose Savior was still a few millennia off as well as declaring himself "a friend of the Jews".
... he would have promoted "Promised Land" and delivered "40 years of Wilderness" (wait, that one did happen).
... he would have promised a UHC system (Universal Hebrew Care) - "Manna in every pot".
... he would have gone on a Sinai Peninsula "Forgive US" tour, begging for forgiveness for all his peoples success and victories along the way.
... he would have been out of country in Cairo on his nation’s Passover Day celebrating their liberation from tyranny.
... he actually would have short-circuited the entire Egyptian matter above by ensuring that the Hebrew nation would never have become “a great people” through Planned Phariseehood, thus allaying Pharaoh’s “The Hebrew Question” angst.
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Well there you have it. No wonder his name was on the list by 1 Feb 09 [just days after being sworn in!], the cut off for the nomination.
What the hell took them so long????
