What Is It About 20-Somethings?

Nonno

Habari Na Mijeldi
Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?

"This question pops up everywhere, underlying concerns about “failure to launch” and “boomerang kids.” Two new sitcoms feature grown children moving back in with their parents — “$#*! My Dad Says,” starring William Shatner as a divorced curmudgeon whose 20-something son can’t make it on his own as a blogger, and “Big Lake,” in which a financial whiz kid loses his Wall Street job and moves back home to rural Pennsylvania. A cover of The New Yorker last spring picked up on the zeitgeist: a young man hangs up his new Ph.D. in his boyhood bedroom, the cardboard box at his feet signaling his plans to move back home now that he’s officially overqualified for a job. In the doorway stand his parents, their expressions a mix of resignation, worry, annoyance and perplexity: how exactly did this happen?

It’s happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It’s a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be — on the prospects of the young men and women; on the parents on whom so many of them depend; on society, built on the expectation of an orderly progression in which kids finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and eventually retire to live on pensions supported by the next crop of kids who finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and on and on. The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life. "

More at: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?src=me&ref=general
 

thurley42

HY;FR
Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?

"This question pops up everywhere, underlying concerns about “failure to launch” and “boomerang kids.” Two new sitcoms feature grown children moving back in with their parents — “$#*! My Dad Says,” starring William Shatner as a divorced curmudgeon whose 20-something son can’t make it on his own as a blogger, and “Big Lake,” in which a financial whiz kid loses his Wall Street job and moves back home to rural Pennsylvania. A cover of The New Yorker last spring picked up on the zeitgeist: a young man hangs up his new Ph.D. in his boyhood bedroom, the cardboard box at his feet signaling his plans to move back home now that he’s officially overqualified for a job. In the doorway stand his parents, their expressions a mix of resignation, worry, annoyance and perplexity: how exactly did this happen?

It’s happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It’s a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be — on the prospects of the young men and women; on the parents on whom so many of them depend; on society, built on the expectation of an orderly progression in which kids finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and eventually retire to live on pensions supported by the next crop of kids who finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and on and on. The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life. "

More at: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?src=me&ref=general


So this is the definition of "grown up"? Having a partner? does that include cheating? or being divorced? traveling is immature? not committing on something less than what they want? going back to school for better options? Seems like a pretty grown up thing to do to me...competing ferociously for internships? if that's the best way to get in somewhere well then they are doing what they have to do.....these all seem like things that require some form of level headed personality. I thought this article would be about the kids that spend all day playing video games and on the internet in their parents basement...
 

libertytyranny

Dream Stealer
Because parents treat them like children well past child hood..and then are shocked and surprised when they come home to roost just a few years later. It starts early, too. I watched supernanny the other day..and this woman didn't discipline her three year old..because she didn't think he would understand it. That's the mentality. Or the mother who was basically called abusive int he papers because she let her 11 year old ride the subway to school alone. We have become a nation of wimps. Parents who treat their children like perpetual babies. I had to teach a laundry 'class" to my hall as a freshman in college. people so unprepared for life they couldn't even keep their underwear clean. So it is no surprise to me that ADULTS are moving back in to their parent's houses. We can give them excuses and say.."well they are saving up money" but all it does is delay their journey into adulthood. Make them live in a ####ty cheap ass apartment like everyone else had to. Invite them to dinner every once in awhile..but let them be adults and struggle a little.
 

libertytyranny

Dream Stealer
So this is the definition of "grown up"? Having a partner? does that include cheating? or being divorced? traveling is immature? not committing on something less than what they want? going back to school for better options? Seems like a pretty grown up thing to do to me...competing ferociously for internships? if that's the best way to get in somewhere well then they are doing what they have to do.....these all seem like things that require some form of level headed personality. I thought this article would be about the kids that spend all day playing video games and on the internet in their parents basement...

Even if they aren't playing video games..but just living with their parents..and competing for internships..it is stunting their growth as adults. People think they are doing the kid a favor..helping them out..but they are really denying them a healthy struggle that makes people appreciative of what they have..and equipped to face life.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Because parents treat them like children well past child hood..and then are shocked and surprised when they come home to roost just a few years later.

For someone so young, you typically hit the nail right on the head where those older and supposedly wiser than you don't have a freakin' clue. :yay:

It's an interesting phenomenon, these parents who encourage dependency in their children. Something worth discussing and exploring.
 

lnmarsh

Love * Luck * Faith
Im 22 and I am rather surprised that this article was published.

On one hand, its sometimes the parent's fault for not making their kids grow up. My parents, however, made SURE my little @$$ grew up. I had a job by the time I was 16. Once I got that job, my parents bought me 2 new pairs of jeans (under $40 each) and one new pair of shoes (under $30) every fall before school. Everything else, I bought. School supplies? I better re-use my old binders from years before until they broke or fell apart. Need a new coat? "I just bought you one last year! Aint nothing wrong with it. You want something else, YOU buy it." I graduated highschool and my parents paid for my first semester (I paid for books) at community college and that was it. After that, if I wanted to continue with college I had to pay for it. So I got scholarships and continued with school. I was lucky enough to know someone in the government who gave me information on a student program. I've been working for the government since 2007; I was 19 when I started as a little Summer Student. I worked part-time while I took classes full time and worked full time during holiday brakes and in-between semesters. Then I got my Associated Degree, fought with my manager to become a permanent employee, and I've just gone on from there. I've now had just over 3 years with the government. Good friends of mine who went to college to get Bachelors Degrees are about ready to graduate, where Mommy and Daddy are going to expect them to get jobs and support themselves. I got a call from my best friend the other day. She said American Express wanted to give her a credit card and she wanted to get it to build credit. I said "First off, American Express sucks and a lot of places dont accept it. Second, simply having a credit card dosnt help your credit in the sense of your credit score. It is a way, however, to get your info in the system of the credit reporting agencies and build your credit history. Whats the interest rate?" She said "23.97%." I told her HELL NO dont get that card! She asked if that was a bad rate... :faint: I was floored. I tried to explain to her that when she would make payments on that card, she would not only owe them the money she put on it, but also almost 25% of any purchase she made with it. She didnt understand. I may be behind the times as far as employers who want to see education is concerned, but I am definitely ahead of the times when it comes to real-world stuff! Now, that and $4 will get me a cup of coffee. But I digress...

My point is that 10 years ago, you could get a good job right out of highschool or out of community college. Not today. Today, employers want to see Masters Degrees, etc. I just got lucky in the sense that I knew someone who pointed me in the right direction to get a government job and then I fought my @$$ off to get where I am now. Not that Im in a high-up position, but still, it’s a good job with benefits. The 20-somethings today are staying in school longer in order to get that high paying job. The problem is, once they're out of college... the job market is so bad that its hard for ANYONE to get a job. Put that on top of the fact that they have no real-world experience because they've had their eyes glued to textbooks and their minds swamped with lectures, and it only makes sense that some may have no choice but to move back home. I mean think about it... someone coming out of grad school is going to have A LOT of student loans to pay back. But they might not be able to find a job because no one is hiring. Well now they're sitting on owing money to student loans, cant find a job that pays enough to pay those loans and still support themselves, and dont know even where to start in finding their own place to live, etc. Now, like with anything, there are those who milk the system and just sit on Mommy and Daddys couch and do nothing to help themselves. And Mommy and Daddy allow it. THAT makes me SOOOO mad and Im definitely not taking up for that type of 20-something. But for those who are actually trying, cut them a little slack. Its not an easy world, ya know?

On top of that, my boyfriend is a 20-something. He is 25. He was in the Marine Corps for 4 months shy of his 4 year enlistment and was kicked out for combat-related injuries in 2008 after two tours in Iraq. So he got booted back into civilian life. He was a 23 year old injured veteran who had doctors appointments every other day and no college education. NO ONE would hire him because 1.) lack of education, 2.) he couldnt do physical labor, 3.) he was always taking time off for doctors appointments, etc. He technically didnt qualify for anything that didn’t involve physical labor but because of his injuries and the medications he was on, not even TSA would touch him. Couldnt get a job, and therefore couldnt afford a place. Didnt want to go to school at the time because he would miss so much class because of doctor's appointments, he figured it would be a waste of his GI Bill because he’d just fail and have to take classes over. It was a bad time for him. There are a LOT of 20-something vets like him who have come home and not been able to catch a break. So, living in Mommy and Daddy's basement becomes their only option sometimes.
 

Vince

......
Because parents treat them like children well past child hood..and then are shocked and surprised when they come home to roost just a few years later. It starts early, too. I watched supernanny the other day..and this woman didn't discipline her three year old..because she didn't think he would understand it. That's the mentality. Or the mother who was basically called abusive int he papers because she let her 11 year old ride the subway to school alone. We have become a nation of wimps. Parents who treat their children like perpetual babies. I had to teach a laundry 'class" to my hall as a freshman in college. people so unprepared for life they couldn't even keep their underwear clean. So it is no surprise to me that ADULTS are moving back in to their parent's houses. We can give them excuses and say.."well they are saving up money" but all it does is delay their journey into adulthood. Make them live in a ####ty cheap ass apartment like everyone else had to. Invite them to dinner every once in awhile..but let them be adults and struggle a little.
Different generations. Amazing. I taught my children like my parents taught me. I don't have to worry about my daughter, she will always survive. With all boys in my family, we had to learn about doing laundry, ironing, cooking and doing dishes at a very young age. And since my mother worked in a sewing mill all her life, we had to learn sewing and how to run a sewing machine, and not the little ones you buy in the store. She had the same industrial one at home as she did at work. That thing would put a needle through your finger nail and you wouldn't even know it until the blood started. And being a country girl, Mom taught me how to clean game that I brought home from hunting. She could clean rabbit, pheasant, squirrel, etc. She was from a family of all girls so she had to learn all the man stuff at a very young age. Funny how times have changed. Nowadays kids could care less about that stuff.
 

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
There's something about today's culture that doesn't look down on adults acting like children.

Hence, you can keep acting childish until the consequences become too great.

For some, that moment never arrives.
 

libertytyranny

Dream Stealer
For someone so young, you typically hit the nail right on the head where those older and supposedly wiser than you don't have a freakin' clue. :yay:

It's an interesting phenomenon, these parents who encourage dependency in their children. Something worth discussing and exploring.

Well I hope my parent-related quotes don't come back to haunt me..at 7-8 weeks pregnant:howdy:..my mother insists it will be the brat from hell to punish me for being so hard on parents...:killingme
 

Gilligan

#*! boat!
PREMO Member
I must have missed out on the trend. Both of my 20-something daughters went out on their own with their new degrees and did whatever was necesarry to make it. Both started out in really crappy holes for apartments too..both are doing great now.

That's not the norm??
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Its not an easy world, ya know?

It never was. And it wasn't any different 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or at any time in the past.

When I was young, I didn't expect someone to hire me and pay me the big bucks with my limited education and experience. I started at the bottom and worked my way up - a concept that young people today don't seem to comprehend.

They want to graduate high school or college, and immediately be CEO of some major corporation. Then they get all pouty when it's pointed out to them that they bring nothing to the table. To me, any job that paid enough for rent and basics was a good job. And if you had to have two jobs to accomplish that, so be it.

I wasn't above tending bar, waiting tables, or cleaning motel rooms. I didn't snub that money, waiting for someone to recognize that I was all that and a bag of chit, and offer me $100k to sit on my ass.

Kids today don't want to do that. They think they're better than they are, and should be appreciated more than they deserve.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Well I hope my parent-related quotes don't come back to haunt me..at 7-8 weeks pregnant:howdy:..my mother insists it will be the brat from hell to punish me for being so hard on parents...:killingme

Congrats! :baby:

And if you start forgetting how to be a sane, rational person, we will remind you. :lol:
 

Vince

......
Well I hope my parent-related quotes don't come back to haunt me..at 7-8 weeks pregnant:howdy:..my mother insists it will be the brat from hell to punish me for being so hard on parents...:killingme
You will find yourself acting the same way your parents acted. And your children will act just like you when you were young. You will use the phrases your parents used on you and the same methods in raising your kids. Oh, you will lose your mind as well. Sorry about that, but it is inevitable when you have kids. You become brain dead, but there is a bright side. When they move out and are on their own, your brain comes back to life and you will have intelligence again. It's amazing.

Oh, forgot something.....when they go through the teenage years from 14 to 17 or 18, they are always right and you are wrong. If you have girls, the first date your daughter goes on, remind the young man that you have a shotgun and will shoot him if any harm comes to her.
 
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SamSpade

Well-Known Member
Kids today don't want to do that. They think they're better than they are, and should be appreciated more than they deserve.

There was an article written some years back titled "American Coddle" which pointed to the pattern observed among American Idol contestants where a kid with utterly no talent whatsoever acted mortified, furious, petulant, pouty, crushed or otherwise shocked that Simon told them they couldn't sing.

I believe it focused largely on the fault of parents who refused to be objective about their children as part of the problem - that their kids were coddled.

See if I can find it -

Here it is...

American Coddle | The New York Observer

(You know, as much as people hate Simon, he's the only judge I've ever respected, and the opinions of the finalists confirm that. They always know he's the only one they need to impress, and they all say the same thing - he's the only one who will always give the unvarnished truth).

As a fairly newly minted parent, I have to make sure I never crumble to the demands of my children. When they're young, it's easier to just give them what they want, because most of the time what they want is pretty easy to give them. They want a sticker, a 3 dollar toy, a single piece of candy. As they get older, I have to remember it's better for them if they learn a) no they can't always have it just because they want it and b) they'll be much better off if they do it themselves.
 

libertytyranny

Dream Stealer
There was an article written some years back titled "American Coddle" which pointed to the pattern observed among American Idol contestants where a kid with utterly no talent whatsoever acted mortified, furious, petulant, pouty, crushed or otherwise shocked that Simon told them they couldn't sing.

I believe it focused largely on the fault of parents who refused to be objective about their children as part of the problem - that their kids were coddled.

See if I can find it -

Here it is...

American Coddle | The New York Observer

(You know, as much as people hate Simon, he's the only judge I've ever respected, and the opinions of the finalists confirm that. They always know he's the only one they need to impress, and they all say the same thing - he's the only one who will always give the unvarnished truth).

As a fairly newly minted parent, I have to make sure I never crumble to the demands of my children. When they're young, it's easier to just give them what they want, because most of the time what they want is pretty easy to give them. They want a sticker, a 3 dollar toy, a single piece of candy. As they get older, I have to remember it's better for them if they learn a) no they can't always have it just because they want it and b) they'll be much better off if they do it themselves.

I have noticed this as well. It's almost as if parents don't like the idea of having a perfectly "normal" average child. Like if they aren't a complete genius, star athlete, or musically talented..then they must have a "learning disorder" or "delayed speech" or "attention disorder." Some kids just aren't stars in things..nor are they "sick" in any way. One or the other must be encouraged...either they are told they are special at singing, or what have you...or they are shuttled to speech therapy and docs offices. It's sort of sad. Isn't a nice average child what people want? That's what I want. It would be neat if they had some sort of innate skill..but I will be perfectly happy if they are like me..and average.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Some kids just aren't stars in things..

I believe every kid is a star at something. But parents get a talent in their heads and think THAT must be their child's starring role, so they push their agenda and the kid never hones his real talent. The football dad whose son is a gifted dancer; the cheerleader mom whose daughter is a math whiz; that sort of thing.
 

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
I believe every kid is a star at something. But parents get a talent in their heads and think THAT must be their child's starring role, so they push their agenda and the kid never hones his real talent. The football dad whose son is a gifted dancer; the cheerleader mom whose daughter is a math whiz; that sort of thing.

I've noticed a pattern in my own family. If there is a God, he clearly has a sense of humor.

Dad was a Naval Academy graduate. He was always fit, even well into his 60's. (Also loved country music). None of his kids really emulated him.

My older sister was a jock. Not muscled, but into sports of all kinds, and she was pretty good at it. None of her kids ever had any interest in sports. At all.

My younger sister was the popular one. Cheerleader, drama, singing, performing arts. While she had her quirks, she never wanted for a date. Guys were crazy for her. Her daughter, not so much. Admittedly, being very thin, intellectual and wearing glasses, she was into Goth in lifestyle and has since always been a bit Bohemian. They love each other, but they're nothing alike.

Little brother was, to put it mildly, a bit of a crybaby growing up. Socially awkward, he was troubled with health problems that made sports impossible. Wouldn't have made any difference - he was terrible at it anyway. One thing I will say on his behalf - even in a wheelchair or on crutches, he still tried to run races. The captain of our cross country team called him the bravest person he ever knew. His son is a behemoth of a man, and is studying to be a sports trainer.

It's too early to tell with my son yet. But I think I'll be smart enough to take the lesson that he won't be like me. At five, he wants to fly airplanes and dance - two things I never wanted to do.
 

lnmarsh

Love * Luck * Faith
It never was. And it wasn't any different 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or at any time in the past.

When I was young, I didn't expect someone to hire me and pay me the big bucks with my limited education and experience. I started at the bottom and worked my way up - a concept that young people today don't seem to comprehend.

They want to graduate high school or college, and immediately be CEO of some major corporation. Then they get all pouty when it's pointed out to them that they bring nothing to the table. To me, any job that paid enough for rent and basics was a good job. And if you had to have two jobs to accomplish that, so be it.

I wasn't above tending bar, waiting tables, or cleaning motel rooms. I didn't snub that money, waiting for someone to recognize that I was all that and a bag of chit, and offer me $100k to sit on my ass.

Not all "young people" feel this way. There are some that do, absolutely. My little brother, for one. He is 17 and seems to feel that way. Luckily I convinced him that there are no handouts and he cant expect it. So he got a job. But not all "young people" feel like they just deserve things.

And I wasnt above tending bar, waiting tables, etc. I waited tables WHILE I was in college and worked for the government. My best friend has been waiting tables since she started college so she's been able to move out of the doorms, get her own place, buy food, etc. Not all "young people" have that "because I deserve it" mentality.

Kids today don't want to do that. They think they're better than they are, and should be appreciated more than they deserve.

Maybe if people would stop referring to 20-somethings as "kids" they may not be so inclined to act as such??? I absolutely HATE being called and treated like a "kid." I work in customer service and probably 7 times out of 10, my customers who I meet face-to-face will question the information Im telling them and ask to speak with someone who "may know a little more." Its mentalities like that - that younger people know nothing - that are also at fault for this... why try to better yourself when people are still going to treat you like you're 12? Im not saying its older generations and their steriotypes that are at fault for why so-called "kids" are acting this way. Im just saying that it is personally really very discouraging.
 
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