G. W. Bush resume'

Sparx

New Member
George W. Bush - The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty,
paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for
30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.

MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low "C " average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in
the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil
company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought
the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the
Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
American history. With the help of my brother, the governor
of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court,
I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U. S.
Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for
most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time
record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest
of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"
Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a
U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving
the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate
attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election decision. I have protected my friends at
Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry
was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in
U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United
Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused
to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the
record for fewest number of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any
one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August,
I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the
U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure
of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in the
history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a
cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families --
in war time.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons
for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of
Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to
world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker
Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to
bring Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All
records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

I have only lost:
Osama bin Ladin, Mullah Omar, Countless other members of
Al Qaeda, all Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, all the
looted material in Iraq , millions of jobs in America, the entire U.S.
government surplus AND, The respect of the rest of the Free World

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
 
D

dems4me

Guest
Originally posted by Sparx
George W. Bush - The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty,
paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for
30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.

MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low "C " average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in
the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil
company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought
the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the
Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
American history. With the help of my brother, the governor
of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court,
I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U. S.
Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for
most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time
record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest
of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"
Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a
U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving
the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate
attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election decision. I have protected my friends at
Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry
was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in
U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United
Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused
to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the
record for fewest number of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any
one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August,
I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the
U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure
of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in the
history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a
cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families --
in war time.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons
for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of
Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to
world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker
Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to
bring Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All
records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

I have only lost:
Osama bin Ladin, Mullah Omar, Countless other members of
Al Qaeda, all Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, all the
looted material in Iraq , millions of jobs in America, the entire U.S.
government surplus AND, The respect of the rest of the Free World

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
:clap: :clap: :clap:
 

SmallTown

Football season!
Originally posted by Sparx
I set the
record for fewest number of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.


Everyone, especially hard core republicans, are extremely thankful for this.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Sparx, I know you post these things for amusement but again I say, in order for parody to be funny, it must be based on truth. Your examples are either outright lies or belong in the "so what?" category.

I will follow up with a few ditties so you can get a grasp of what's funny and what's not.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can
you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Pablo Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Pre-War joke:


Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices 3 buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.

They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Saddam presses the first button.

A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2 countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much else but say "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

Two weeks pass and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. Asthe 2 men sit down, Hussein notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the American's revenge.

They begin talking and Saddam is uncooperative, Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers.

A few seconds later, as Hussein continues his belligerence, Bush presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter.

As things progress, then the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush then says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"
 

Sparx

New Member
Sparx, I know you post these things for amusement but again I say, in order for parody to be funny, it must be based on truth. Your examples are either outright lies or belong in the "so what?" category.

I wish I could find amusment in this but it is simply pathetic that it is all true. Do you think "so what" when you hear of our young men and women being killed and injured in a war we should not be in? Do you think "so what" knowing your president failed at almost everything he attempted to do in business? That he surounds himself with corporate executives looking to drain the treasury of our tax money? I won't go through the whole thing again but sadly it is not entirely for amusment.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Originally posted by Sparx
Do you think "so what" when you hear of our young men and women being killed and injured in a war we should not be in?
I think we should be in this war, so that's moot.

Do you think "so what" knowing your president failed at almost everything he attempted to do in business?
For example.....?

That he surounds himself with corporate executives looking to drain the treasury of our tax money?
I don't think that's who he surrounds himself with and I don't think they're trying to drain the Treasury. Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell, to name two.

I won't go through the whole thing again but sadly it is not entirely for amusment.
If you choose to believe things that are simply not true or spun past the point of no return, that's your right as an American. You've become blinded by the Leftists in this country who only want to destroy, not build.
 

ceo_pte

New Member
Vrai,

Sparx and all the other liberals lack the integrity and character to post anything factual. But what makes it worse is that they believe everything they read.

"The thief came in the night and swithced all the price tags."
 

Pete

Repete
Originally posted by sleuth14
Anyone care to post Kerry's resume?
I thought you would never ask. :biggrin:

J. F. Kerry resume'
John F, Kerry – U.S. Senate, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested once while in Washington with Hanoi Jane Fonda protesting the Vietnam war and calling My fellow service members baby killers and criminals even though my idol JFK (the original) sent them there.
MILITARY:
I tried to get a student deferral like everyone else but was refused. So to keep out of the Army I joined the Navy like my idol JFK (the original) and spent a few months in-country (50 miles off shore) on a destroyer. Then I realized that I could be like my idol JFK (the original) so I spent a few months on a swift boat and put myself in for some medals. I left 4 months later to go be an aide for an Admiral in DC. Actually I spent much of that time flying radical Democrats around to protests. When that silly Navy stuff kept getting in the way I got an early out so I could call my former military pals “baby killers and criminals” full time. Now I just post old pictures of my in my uniform to play up the war hero thing despite spending most of my life hating anything military.

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University. While at Yale I was the President of the Yale Political Union. While the leader of the YPU I was so bad that the organization went on probation because I drove away so many with my lack of leadership and goofy rants that the attendance dropped below allowable limits because everyone bailed the YPU and started a rival group called the Dixwell Society. The rumors that the attendance dropped is because I have major personality problems is greatly exaggerated, just ask me. I played hockey, lacrosse and soccer. I only lettered in soccer where my gawky running style earned me the nickname “The camel”.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in 1972 trying on congressional districts like suits. I hopped form one to another to another to find a district in the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts that was liberal enough. I was called a “brazen district hopper”. My first wife even bought a house for me in the Third district of Mass, but when I learned that the Fifth district would be open in the next election we never even moved in, we rented an apartment in the Fifth district where I figured I could cherry-pick a congressional seat but alas I blew a huge lead and lost. In the next election my stooge brother and a crony got caught in the basement of my Democratic rival trying to cut the phone lines to stop a get out the vote effort. I denied it of course, and even started a vast leftwing conspiracy theory to cover it up.
I then went to law school and got a job as a DA where I polarized the office and exaggerated my accomplishments. (Boston Globe). Letter when trying to get my boss re-elected I learned the dirty tricks of campaigning and even got hauled before a judge for violating a gag order in a murder trial I used as a newspaper ad. My boss won the election then forced me out because I was too ambitious. I pulled some family strings and got on the Democratic ticket and my running mate the great Michael Dukakis drug me along to be the Lt Governor. I was so hell bent on getting elected and Dukakis and King were in such a tight race, I had lapel buttons made with my name behind each candidate, King/Kerry and Dukakis/Kerry to be prepared for whoever won the primary


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN FORM MASSACHUSETTS:
Less than a year in office, I ditched the people of the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts to run for senate and won. There I proved just how much I hated the military because I voted to cancel the B-1 bomber, B-2 stealth bomber, AH-64 Apache helicopter, Patriot missile, the F-15, F-14A and F-14D jets, the AV-8B Harrier jet, the Aegis air-defense cruiser, and the Trident missile system. I also advocated reductions in many other systems, such as the M1 Abrams tank, the Bradley Fighting Vehicle, the Tomahawk cruise missile, and the F-16 jet. Basically I wanted our soldiers to throw sticks and stones at our enemies. I did admit that I was short sighted and now that I see what kind of world I live in I would say my votes were ill-advised. I was a star in the Iran Contra scandal. But I also was a dupe during a big BCCI bank investigation when I went soft when it was discovered that old influential Democrats were involved. See I can be a savage to Republicans but I know who my friends are. After my divorce in 1988 I was basically broke. I bought a house and sold it at a huge loss because I have no actual economic sense. I went on the speaking tour charging $1,400 an appearance for mad money. Next I got involved with a shady character Wesley Finch who hooked me up with a cherry real estate deal where I made $21,000 with no risk. Goofball Finch went bragging that he had a Senator who would make pivotal votes in the Senate regarding taxes and I got outed on it. After that the money dried up and I lived in one room apartments in DC. That is until I started dipping my tallywhacker in Hollywood starlets like Morgan Fairchild. It was that time when I discovered that there was a ton of money out there from wealthy contributors. I got called on it but wiggled free. In 1995 my money problems went away when I married the Ketsup Queen in Nantucket. In 1996 I almost lost my ass to Governor Weld when he challenged my Senate seat but Teddy helped me out.




PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
 

jlabsher

Sorry about that chief.
Boy Pete real original, just like the current administration. OK you post stuff from 40 years ago, like that is relevant, I'm sure you were all for killing hippies and commies, but the fact is, he didn't cut and run like an ANG pilot we all know. Oh wow, he voted against the bloated military establishment (that by the way is now costing taxpayers $1 MILLION a MINUTE), of course you have been screaming earlier how he supported the current "police action" Get your facts straight. Oh, I'm sorry you're a republican, God is on your side you don't need facts.

Of course I know several mothers on here and elsewhere who luv dumbya, they are serving for the CinC as we speak, they wouldn't mind if their sons or daughters died for the cause.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Originally posted by jlabsher
Of course I know several mothers on here and elsewhere who luv dumbya, they are serving for the CinC as we speak, they wouldn't mind if their sons or daughters died for the cause.
Jerk. Certainly you know that my son left for Iraq today - I've only been talking about it for a month. So if that comment was meant to hurt my feelings, mission accomplished.
 

SmallTown

Football season!
Originally posted by BuddyLee
Can I add a few words of wisdom...

Kerry and Bush both suck and shouldnt be president:angel:

This is so true. I almost wish someone like Dean or Sharpton could have won the democratic nomination. Because they are CLEARLY the GREATER of two evils between them a Bush. Bush and Kerry are equally F'ed, so who knows.
 
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