"Honey, does this dress make me look fat" revisited

[Tonio]

http://discuss.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/zforum/04/r_style_weingarten041304.htm

I swear, this question did not come from me:

A clueless male: BTW, what is the correct answer to "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Gina Barreca: The correct answer is NOT "Fatter than what?" The best answer, if she is already in the dress, is "Hey, gorgeous, give me a kiss." If she is thinking of buying the dress and actually requesting an opinion instead of looking for reassurance, be honest. That DOES NOT mean saying "Are you three months pregnant or just going heavy on the gravy?" however. Be NICE.

 

[Nickel]

I'd have to disagree with that person's answer. I have never had to ask someone if something makes me look fat b/c I'm thin, but I think if I had, and the person answered by changing the subject ("Hey gorgeous, give me a kiss"), I'd automatically think he wasn't answering b/c the answer was gonna pizz me off. I'd just want the guy to say "no, you look great", b/c if she looks fat, she knows it, she just wants to "know" (i.e. think) that her guy likes her the way he is. I agree though, if she's just trying it on, he should say the coloring, cut, etc doesn't flatter her.

 

[Christy]

See, I totally disagree. When I ask "does this outfit make me look fat?" I fully expect an honest answer. I've seen WAY too many women out there who have been lied to by their husband on the god awful outfit they had on.

And yes, my husband does give me an honest answer, and has told me many times an outfit just isn't cute, and that it accentuates my fat rolls.

 

[Tonio]

Followup (not me, either):

re: Clueless Male: Dude, ignore Gina's answer. If your girlfriend asks the "Do I look fat" question, you must feign sudden diarreha and run, RUN, to the bathroom. There is no correct answer to her question. Fellow married men, please jump in here.

Gina Barreca: This is WRONG. You cannot hide in the TOILET forever. If some poor soul actually SEEKS your response in life, you cannot stick your fingers in your ears and your butt on the can and wait around until she needs to go food shopping. Men don't think they need to lose weight until they can no longer fit into A FOREIGN CAR and god bless 'em--and, yes, women need to get a better sense of who we are as opposed to how we look. But, again using W. (Gene Weingarten, Barreca's co-author)as an example of Everyman, was so relieved to discover that I was short, he practically proposed on the spot. This is sad. It is sad that he felt this way and sad I was pleased. SAD, SAD, SAD.

 

[Tonio]

To me, it seems like a no-win question, because the woman might get angry no matter what I say.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

Originally posted by Tonio
To me, it seems like a no-win question, because the woman might get angry no matter what I say.

If I look fat, tell me. I won't get mad one bit. I'd rather save myself the embarassment in public, as Christy mentioned.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by Chasey_Lane
If I look fat, tell me. I won't get mad one bit. I'd rather save myself the embarassment in public, as Christy mentioned.

um ... Chasey hun ... umm but I love having more of you to love and and :shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Tonio
To me, it seems like a no-win question, because the woman might get angry no matter what I say.

Who's problem is that? "If you don't want to know, you shouldn't have asked" is the correct response to that sort of thing.

I'm with Christy - if these pants make my butt look fat, I want to know before I go out in them. The daughters have no problem giving me unsolicited wardrobe advice. "That color makes your skin look like old cheese - do this one instead." I appreciate it.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
if these pants make my butt look fat, I want to know before I go out in them.

... clothes don't make people look fat ...

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Who's problem is that? "If you don't want to know, you shouldn't have asked" is the correct response to that sort of thing.

I'm with Christy - if these pants make my butt look fat, I want to know before I go out in them.

I agree with Vrai, Chisty, and Chasey. When I ask D he always tells me the truth, and that's exactly what I want to hear.

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Who's problem is that? "If you don't want to know, you shouldn't have asked" is the correct response to that sort of thing.

Good point. I was approaching the issue with the goal of not having the woman get angry at me, particularly over something relatively trivial. (Now, if I got drunk and wrecked the car, for instance, that would be my own damn fault.)

 

[Kizzy]

I've NEVER asked a man if I look fat in my clothes. Should I start?

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by IM4Change
I've NEVER asked a man if I look fat in my clothes. Should I start?

not unless you care what he thinks.

 

[Ken King]

With the wife losing 60 pounds in the past six months I have heard the question more than I care to. However, my answer has always been the same. I say, "Yes, but you know how much I like a nice curved plump rump." She doesn't stay mad long.

 

[Kizzy]

Oh I have asked if my pants are too tight or too big or if this matches ok, but I've never asked if I look fat. If I looked fat in them, they would have never come home to my closet.

 

[Nickel]

Originally posted by tatercake
... clothes don't make people look fat ...

Amen to that!

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Ken King
I say, "Yes, but you know how much I like a nice curved plump rump." She doesn't stay mad long.

D has taken great joy in pointing out how my backside has expanded lately - which, to him, is a good thing. The butthead! He's right, but still!

 

[Katie]

If I ask someone if the outfit makes me look fat i want an honest answer.

I had a shirt in my hands this weekend when I went shopping. I asked P if he like it, and he was like no. So I put it back, because I probably wouldn't ever wear it. It isn't like I was nuts about it, I just like the price tag - 2.00 (I LOVE Filene's basement).

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by PFgal
I agree with Vrai, Christy, and Chasey. When I ask D he always tells me the truth, and that's exactly what I want to hear.

Glad to hear that. I thought that people (men as well as women) are quick to take offense at any comment about their personal apperance, even a solicited comment.

 

[mainman]

Honesty is always the best policy...