Larry Gude
Strung Out
A two act play entitled "We are not interested in banning all guns!" staring Barack Obama as himself, supported by a cast of millions of deep thinking, freedom loving patriots; Opening scene, a podium after the next tragedy;
Act 1; "My fellow Americans, yet more innocents have been mowed down by assault rifles and hi capacity clippy thingies. 30 people this time. We did not act last time and we must act now and...what is it, Gibbsie? What's that? Not assault rifles??? A shotgun??? No Glockers? No Siggies??? There has to have been automatic pistols, right??? Huh???? Revolvers??? Who the hell uses revolvers anymore??? How can this be? Don't they just have like a bullet or two, like in the Deer Hunter??? Doesn't it take a long time to reload a shotgun??? Not really? Ok, but, didn't he start the shooting from a distance with one of them Bushmasher black death guns? A bolt action hunting rifle???? How the flying hell???? Hold up. You're saying these hunting bullets went through people and one shot killed several????? And the revolvers don't jam and are easy to reload with, what are they? Speed loaders??? Give me a moment...
Act II; "My fellow Americans, yet more innocents have been mowed down because we've failed to act. Now is the time I say, now. And to all good people who want to hunt and stuff, we are NOT here for your flintlocks NOR your BB guns. We are ONLY talking about guns that have but one purpose; to kill. I am talking about assault revolvers and fast action rifles that shoot specialized projectiles that can go straight through a 200 pound deer at nearly 3,000 feet per second! There is no legitimate hunting need for that kind of crazy, nut job #### right there! And Assault shotguns that will pump out dozens of smaller bullets just as fast as you can work the action. No, my fellow Americans. No more. There is nothing to fear. We speak of simply common sense ideas and solutions that WILL protect the innocent and ensure that no harm becomes anyone. Now, if you will just hand over the keyboards and other instruments of death and come along quietly, no one will have to be harmed. Thank you and God Bless America, land of the free, home of the brave!"
Cue "America the Beautiful"
Fine
Act 1; "My fellow Americans, yet more innocents have been mowed down by assault rifles and hi capacity clippy thingies. 30 people this time. We did not act last time and we must act now and...what is it, Gibbsie? What's that? Not assault rifles??? A shotgun??? No Glockers? No Siggies??? There has to have been automatic pistols, right??? Huh???? Revolvers??? Who the hell uses revolvers anymore??? How can this be? Don't they just have like a bullet or two, like in the Deer Hunter??? Doesn't it take a long time to reload a shotgun??? Not really? Ok, but, didn't he start the shooting from a distance with one of them Bushmasher black death guns? A bolt action hunting rifle???? How the flying hell???? Hold up. You're saying these hunting bullets went through people and one shot killed several????? And the revolvers don't jam and are easy to reload with, what are they? Speed loaders??? Give me a moment...
Act II; "My fellow Americans, yet more innocents have been mowed down because we've failed to act. Now is the time I say, now. And to all good people who want to hunt and stuff, we are NOT here for your flintlocks NOR your BB guns. We are ONLY talking about guns that have but one purpose; to kill. I am talking about assault revolvers and fast action rifles that shoot specialized projectiles that can go straight through a 200 pound deer at nearly 3,000 feet per second! There is no legitimate hunting need for that kind of crazy, nut job #### right there! And Assault shotguns that will pump out dozens of smaller bullets just as fast as you can work the action. No, my fellow Americans. No more. There is nothing to fear. We speak of simply common sense ideas and solutions that WILL protect the innocent and ensure that no harm becomes anyone. Now, if you will just hand over the keyboards and other instruments of death and come along quietly, no one will have to be harmed. Thank you and God Bless America, land of the free, home of the brave!"
Cue "America the Beautiful"
Fine
