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Thread: Military stories no one would ever believe

  1. #1
    Lawful neutral Misfit's Avatar
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    Military stories no one would ever believe

    A co-worker and I were at the bar swapping stories, laughing about some of the crazy, unbelievable, things that happened while we were in the service and after a few hours I wondered if anyone had ever written any of that madness down…

    I remember sitting in the back of a military van while covering a jump where we watched a guy in our platoon’s parachute not open just like Wile E. Coyote…we ate his lunch.

    I remember a line of at least 20 guys outside the barracks in San Diego. I asked the guy at the end what the line was for and he said some girl wanted to see how many men she could do.



    I went to a party where some sailor was duct taped to a cross in the back yard and being force fed liquor. I wasn’t there long because I went chasing skirts, but he wasn’t at quarters Monday morning because he died.

    Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.

  2. #2
    Not exactly what they want shown down at the recruiters, is it?
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  3. #3
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    #2 is exactly why I had to repeatedly remind my son never to date any women in the military. While I may just be an unenlightened old man, I have heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves once surrounded by hordes of horny single (or at least unaccompanied) young men.

  4. #4
    INGSOC GURPS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clem72 View Post

    .... heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves .....

    When I was @ Ft. Carson in 1985, the story goes:

    .... one guys wife was seen down at the enlisted club, while our unit was out on Field Training Exercises ....
    .... drunk on the dance floor pointing to this big brother, saying how she wanted him, and was going to have him tonight ....

    there were some interesting things that went on .....
    We’re tempted to suggest a conspiracy here — but it’s just liberals agreeing yet again that conservatives have hidden, evil motives, because modern liberals simply can’t conceive of any other reason to disagree with the liberal consensus.

  5. #5
    Awww, jeez Monello's Avatar
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    I'll try to keep this readable for civilians.

    Most of the story was told to me by some of the involved parties. The ship's engines use fuel injectors. These are usually serviced by contractors in port. The chief of the enginemen encourage his charges to procure extra injectors when the contractors were on board. They would take them out of their tool boxes when they were distracted. The chief would keep them in his locker and change them out when the ship was underway when they clogged up.

    So the chief leaves. The new chief tells the master at arms their is a theft problem. They open up a kids locker and find the stolen injectors. Kid claims he was just following the previous chief's orders. Kid goes to mast. He claims the chief engineer of the ship was aware of the arrangement. The chief engineer does a Sgt. Schultz imitation. Kid gets busted and restricted to the ship.

    A couple of weeks later the can't be found on board. Seems he either jumped overboard and swam to shore(unlikely) or at night he shimmied down the ship's lines unnoticed then hit the pier and ran(likely).
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  6. #6
    I bowl overhand itsbob's Avatar
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    Do you know the difference better a fairy tale and a war story?
    Last edited by itsbob; 01-17-2017 at 10:08 PM.
    Nero played the fiddle, Obama danced the Tango.

    Quote Originally Posted by BadGirl
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  7. #7
    Visualize whirled peas Merlin99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by itsbob View Post
    Do you know the difference better a fairy tale and a war story?
    One starts "this is no ####".
    ‎"I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake"

  8. #8
    I bowl overhand itsbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Merlin99 View Post
    One starts "this is no ####".
    Once upon a time

    versus

    You ain't going to believe this ####..
    Nero played the fiddle, Obama danced the Tango.

    Quote Originally Posted by BadGirl
    Bob is the bestest lookin and smartest man I've ever met.

  9. #9
    I bowl overhand itsbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GURPS View Post
    When I was @ Ft. Carson in 1985, the story goes:

    .... one guys wife was seen down at the enlisted club, while our unit was out on Field Training Exercises ....
    .... drunk on the dance floor pointing to this big brother, saying how she wanted him, and was going to have him tonight ....

    there were some interesting things that went on .....
    Fulda Germany.. young soldier finds out wife was having an affair while she was in the hospital giving birth..

    He delivers her boyfriends head to her.. freshly detached from his body.
    Nero played the fiddle, Obama danced the Tango.

    Quote Originally Posted by BadGirl
    Bob is the bestest lookin and smartest man I've ever met.

  10. #10
    Throwing the deuces RareBreed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clem72 View Post
    #2 is exactly why I had to repeatedly remind my son never to date any women in the military. While I may just be an unenlightened old man, I have heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves once surrounded by hordes of horny single (or at least unaccompanied) young men.
    Former neighbor's daughter joined the Navy. She ended up not liking it and found out she could get kicked out for getting pregnant. That ended up being her mission and it was completed. This is the same girl who was so lazy, she'd back her car down to the end of the Court to get the mail and then drive back to the house. Her parent's house was the second one on our Court so the mailboxes were close by.

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