Letter to editor

Palominolover

New Member
Great letter in the Enterprise yesterday. They need to do a story on how our seniors are treated in this county/country.
 

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Palominolover

New Member
Sounds as though she needs to be medicated. Nursing homes aren't obligated to accept people who are disruptive.

As far as I'm aware she is. And if you've ever been in a nursing home there are plenty of patients with this disease that are disruptive. Meds or no meds. It's unfortunately part of the disease.
 

black dog

Free America
Sounds as though she needs to be medicated. Nursing homes aren't obligated to accept people who are disruptive.

Yep.. To Diane White, it's your mother for Christ's sake.
Put a hospital bed in your living room and move your mother to your house.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
What used to happen is a couple of things:

People were allowed to die with dignity instead of living well past their expiration date because of medication and body replacements.
Elderly folks either lived with a relative or had a relative live with them.

I feel for Diane's situation - she may not be in a position to care for her mother for whatever reason, but it used to be the family's responsibility to care for their elderly, not the government's.

HOWEVER:

If we can funnel x-billion$$ to terrorists, and pay for some bebe mamas clean needles so she doesn't get the HIV when she shoots up her drugs, and give welfare benefits to illegal immigrants, we can certainly do something for our seniors.
 

Grumpy

Well-Known Member
I feel for Diane's situation - she may not be in a position to care for her mother for whatever reason, but it used to be the family's responsibility to care for their elderly, not the government's.

HOWEVER:

If we can funnel x-billion$$ to terrorists, and pay for some bebe mamas clean needles so she doesn't get the HIV when she shoots up her drugs, and give welfare benefits to illegal immigrants, we can certainly do something for our seniors.

:yeahthat:

The potshots from the cheap seats are pretty disgusting.
 

mAlice

professional daydreamer
What used to happen is a couple of things:

People were allowed to die with dignity instead of living well past their expiration date because of medication and body replacements.
Elderly folks either lived with a relative or had a relative live with them.

I feel for Diane's situation - she may not be in a position to care for her mother for whatever reason, but it used to be the family's responsibility to care for their elderly, not the government's.

HOWEVER:

If we can funnel x-billion$$ to terrorists, and pay for some bebe mamas clean needles so she doesn't get the HIV when she shoots up her drugs, and give welfare benefits to illegal immigrants, we can certainly do something for our seniors.

Well, I don't really think care of our seniors is going to be real high on the list of priorities when we're talking about our entire government needs to be reworked. I'm still going with hire a nurse and bring mama home. However, I will add, make sure you have camera's all over the house, and you drop in from time to time during work hours. I view this the same way as public school. If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself.

Maybe, just maybe, some day down the road, the situation with the elderly will improve, because our government has maybe sorta' kinda' gotten it's act together.

We'll see.
 

black dog

Free America
:yeahthat:

The potshots from the cheap seats are pretty disgusting.

It's funny you say that, I'll start with my Grandfather was the oldest of 13 kids. There parents nor any of the 13 kids went into a nursing home in the later years. The children took care of there parents and all the brothers and sister took care of each other even through the late stages of dementia, Alzheimer's and a few with cancer.
I'm lucky enough to have four parents, all are in there late 70's to early eighties, they still live in there homes taking care of themselves with some outside help.
Between five kids, all of us have plenty of spare bedrooms when then needed down the road.
Stick your pot shots up your butthole.
 

bilbur

New Member
Great letter in the Enterprise yesterday. They need to do a story on how our seniors are treated in this county/country.
The article doesn't give enough information on what disruptive really means. Diane is saying disruptive while the nursing home would probably say combative or aggressive and the truth is probably some ware in the middle. I have seen a few relatives and friends relatives go through Alzheimer’s or dementia and they can be any ware from calm to super aggressive and dangerous. While I sympathize with her situation I can also sympathize with the employees at the nursing home. No one should have to go to work and fear for their safety. A friend of mines father beat the hell out of his private nurse, broken nose, black eye, and other bruises. His mind might be going but he was still physically strong at that time. It does suck to see your loved one in such a state of confusion that they are scared, angry, and sad all the time. It would be much easier if Alzheimer’s would put everyone in a happy world and a state of euphoria. Getting old can really suck sometimes.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
It does suck to see your loved one in such a state of confusion that they are scared, angry, and sad all the time. It would be much easier if Alzheimer’s would put everyone in a happy world and a state of euphoria. Getting old can really suck sometimes.

It would be more humane to allow seniors to die with dignity rather than be kept alive through medical intervention so that it gets to this point. I live in horror of being in a position where someone else has to wipe my butt and feed me. My kids have strict instructions to let me go when I can no longer care for myself.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Between five kids, all of us have plenty of spare bedrooms when then needed down the road.

Perhaps Diane is an only child. Perhaps she has medical problems of her own and isn't able to care for anyone else. Perhaps she lives in a small home and has very limited funds.

There are a number of reasons why someone can't care for an invalid parent, and not all of them involve selfishness and lack of caring.
 

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
It would be more humane to allow seniors to die with dignity rather than be kept alive through medical intervention so that it gets to this point. I live in horror of being in a position where someone else has to wipe my butt and feed me. My kids have strict instructions to let me go when I can no longer care for myself.

This past fall, my father died - but - for almost a month his body continued to live on life support even though by all obvious data - he was, in fact, dead. I mourned that day. THAT was the day my father died.
When we went up to see him - the family was in the process of moving him to hospice care even though he had no discernible brain activity. They would be caring for a body without a mind.
I said nothing but in my mind, they were committing something terrible - keeping a body alive for the sake of my mother, who would not accept that he was dead.

They agreed to taking him off the machines keeping his body alive - per his instructions prior to the accident. When his body finally passed two hours later, the family present mourned and cried.
But I did not - not as much. I'd been crying for days, because in reality, he'd been dead for several days. His hand no longer grabbed mine while comatose. He no longer reacted to stimuli.
He'd been dead for days.

I *STILL* grieve. It will be a year - easily - before I get over the fact that I live in a world where my father is no longer alive.
I am still very much grieved by the fact that I will NEVER be half the man my father was.

But I now understand why people keep them alive. My mother has almost never been without him. She still - while healthy - limps through life without him.
Keeping him alive was her connection to her own life.
 

black dog

Free America
Perhaps Diane is an only child. Perhaps she has medical problems of her own and isn't able to care for anyone else. Perhaps she lives in a small home and has very limited funds.

There are a number of reasons why someone can't care for an invalid parent, and not all of them involve selfishness and lack of caring.


Perhaps,,,,,I do find it interesting that you say that considering your hard line stance with other issues.

But in today's society I'm betting on what I posted. And I will also say that Mom should have better prepared for her elder years and this would not be a problem.
 

PeoplesElbow

Well-Known Member
What used to happen is a couple of things:

People were allowed to die with dignity instead of living well past their expiration date because of medication and body replacements.
Elderly folks either lived with a relative or had a relative live with them.

I feel for Diane's situation - she may not be in a position to care for her mother for whatever reason, but it used to be the family's responsibility to care for their elderly, not the government's.

HOWEVER:

If we can funnel x-billion$$ to terrorists, and pay for some bebe mamas clean needles so she doesn't get the HIV when she shoots up her drugs, and give welfare benefits to illegal immigrants, we can certainly do something for our seniors.

We do, generally the state will pay for the nursing home after all of the persons assets are liquidated.

As far as nursing homes themselves, they are commercial entities but operate on a limited budget if they accept the state funding, basically you get what you pay for.

I find that most people simply don't want to care for their aging parents, personally I don't want to do it but being an only child I have to. When/if the dementia gets bad enough I will have to hire someone to do it.

Nursing homes are like hospitals, you have to expect to be laying naked in your own mess for hours at a time if they are short staffed, have your pajamas lost, your personal possessions come up missing etc, and this happened in supposedly the best one around that my grandfather could have gone into, thankfully it was only temporary and he was able to get the doctor to let him go home.
 

luvmygdaughters

Well-Known Member
My ex is taking care of his elderly mother at home. He was taking care of both parents, but his Dad passed away last year. His Mother used to be such an independent, intelligent, working woman. She unfortunately is succumbing to early stages of dementia. My ex thinks he is doing the right thing, but honestly, in my opinion, he is not. She sits in front of a tv all day, she has very little communication with others and doesn't get out except for doctors appointments. Our daughters have tried to convince their father that putting her in a nursing home, she would at least have people to talk too, a nutritionist who could insure she is eating properly, professional nurses, doctors, etc who could possibly work with her to exercise her mind as well as her body. I know we all want to do the best thing for our parents as they age, but, sometimes they best thing is to let the professionals handle it. Doesn't mean you shouldn't visit and stay active in their life, but your qualifications may be limited as to what they need.
 
My ex is taking care of his elderly mother at home. He was taking care of both parents, but his Dad passed away last year. His Mother used to be such an independent, intelligent, working woman. She unfortunately is succumbing to early stages of dementia. My ex thinks he is doing the right thing, but honestly, in my opinion, he is not. She sits in front of a tv all day, she has very little communication with others and doesn't get out except for doctors appointments. Our daughters have tried to convince their father that putting her in a nursing home, she would at least have people to talk too, a nutritionist who could insure she is eating properly, professional nurses, doctors, etc who could possibly work with her to exercise her mind as well as her body. I know we all want to do the best thing for our parents as they age, but, sometimes they best thing is to let the professionals handle it. Doesn't mean you shouldn't visit and stay active in their life, but your qualifications may be limited as to what they need.

I see it differently. So what if her life is shortened because your husband is not an expert at proper nutrition, therapy and mind exercises. He's more than willing to allow her to die with dignity if possible... in her home rather than a clinical setting, with her son caring for her rather than over-extended staff with budgetary marching orders. I find it commendable.
 

luvmygdaughters

Well-Known Member
I see it differently. So what if her life is shortened because your husband is not an expert at proper nutrition, therapy and mind exercises. He's more than willing to allow her to die with dignity if possible... in her home rather than a clinical setting, with her son caring for her rather than over-extended staff with budgetary marching orders. I find it commendable.

That is one way to look at it I suppose. However, her sister lives in a assisted care facility in South Carolina, she is very active, has friends who she goes on outings with and is still sharp as a tack. If my ex was trained, or perhaps took some training to help with memory and motor skills, it may have worked out very well. You had to know the kind of person his Mother was. Very vital woman, strong, independent, witty as hell and just plain fun. Since she has lived with my ex, she has been going down pretty quickly, due to lack of inactivity, both mental and physical. As I mentioned, his father passed away about a year ago and he has not told his mother. She asks where he is and my ex says he is in the hospital. This poor woman has no idea that the man she has been married to for over 52 years, is dead. I don't think this is the best situation for her.
 
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