All hail Amy!

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
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http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person

Dear Amy: Every fall, my sister, cousins and a cousin’s sister-in-law have a weekend shopping excursion in our home city. We stay in a hotel, treat ourselves, shop for our children and go out for lunches and dinners. It is a great time to reconnect.

I have a sister “Wendy,” who we do not invite. She is offended to the point of tears when she finds we have not invited her. My two sisters and I are very close in age, but Wendy hasn’t been as close to this set of cousins as my sister and I have been through the years.

We are all married stay-at-home moms. Wendy is a divorced, working mom with one young child.

There are several reasons we do not include her. We know she doesn’t have very much money for such an outing. She also does not have many of the same interests as we do. Her life is quite different from ours. We’re not interested in what she has to talk about. She complains too much about her aches and pains, and claims to have some kind of neurological disease that some of us feel is more psychosomatic than real and which she uses to avoid getting up for church on Sundays.

She also complains about her ex-husband who left her for another woman, but everyone knows it takes “two to tango” and she is not without fault.

We’re all very active churchgoers, while she only sporadically attends services. Plain and simple, she does not really fit in with us anymore.

She takes it very personally, and last year even came over to my home unannounced crying about it, which upset my children and caused my husband to threaten to call the police if she did not leave.

Now she barely speaks to me and has told our relatives that I am a horrible person (even though I’ve helped her).

How can we get her to understand that she should perhaps find another set of friends whose lives and interests align more closely with hers?

— Sad Sister

Dear Sad: First, let’s establish that I agree with your sister: You are a horrible person.

Obviously, you can do whatever you want and associate with — or exclude — whomever you want, but you don’t get to do this and also blame the person you are excluding for not “fitting in.”

The only way your sister would ever fit in would be for you to make room for her. You are unwilling to do that, and that is your choice. But her being upset is completely justified, and you’ll just have to live with that.

Perhaps this is something you could ponder from your church pew, because despite your regular attendance, you don’t seem to have learned much.

:thewave:
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
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I'm interested in these people now and wondering why these women are being so bitchy to the sister. My gut says they're envious of her. When one is unreasonably critical and hostile toward another, envy is typically the motivator.
 

GURPS

INGSOC
PREMO Member
Perhaps this is something you could ponder from your church pew, because despite your regular attendance, you don’t seem to have learned much.

^^ ok how does this play in ^^


... yeah I get it - sad sister comes across as an elitist snob

We know she doesn’t have very much money for such an outing.

interests change .... no common ground to hang out and have fun

She also does not have many of the same interests as we do.
Her life is quite different from ours.
We’re not interested in what she has to talk about.



What does being a Christian have to do with wanting NOT hang out with a Sister that whines all the time, about how her life sucks
 

Clem72

Well-Known Member
I'm interested in these people now and wondering why these women are being so bitchy to the sister. My gut says they're envious of her. When one is unreasonably critical and hostile toward another, envy is typically the motivator.

Honestly, the way it was written makes it sound a bit contrived. I think either the letter was not real to begin with, or the person writing it was doing so to get this exact response. Too much extraneous information that only makes the writer look bad, that someone with their head stuck that far up their own arse wouldn't mention.
 

Toxick

Splat
What does being a Christian have to do with wanting NOT hang out with a Sister that whines all the time, about how her life sucks



The bitch who wrote the letter made a point of saying that her and her favored sisters are active church-goers, while the black-sheep sister rarely, if ever goes to church.

I'm pretty sure that Jesus would not condone shutting out one's sister - for any reason - let alone for simply wanting a sympathetic ear once in a while.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
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Too much extraneous information that only makes the writer look bad, that someone with their head stuck that far up their own arse wouldn't mention.

And yet you are on these forums and have seen this lack of self-awareness yourself any number of times with certain posters. So you know that people do indeed give information that makes them look like a jackass, and they appear to be completely unaware of said jackassery.
 

GURPS

INGSOC
PREMO Member
How on earth did you get that out of the letter?



She complains too much about her aches and pains, and claims to have some kind of neurological disease that some of us feel is more psychosomatic than real and which she uses to avoid getting up for church on Sundays.
 

terbear1225

Well-Known Member
She complains too much about her aches and pains, and claims to have some kind of neurological disease that some of us feel is more psychosomatic than real and which she uses to avoid getting up for church on Sundays.

or maybe she actually does in fact have a medical issue and could use some sympathy/support from her sisters?
 

GURPS

INGSOC
PREMO Member
or maybe she actually does in fact have a medical issue and could use some sympathy/support from her sisters?


I made no commentary on the sisters condition - beyond her complaints to - Sad Sister

no one knows the history of the Excluded Sisters Condition ... you could be right, everyone deals with medical issues and suffering people differently


I would say however, if the sick sister is getting no support from the other 2, shes needs to go elsewhere her siblings obviously can't deal / offer sympathy
 
I'm completely on the fence on this one... what stops me from jumping on the bash-the-holier-than-thou-sisters bandwagon is the bit about the odd-sis-out showing up and in such hysterics that the husband was tempted to call the police. Sometimes the oddball out really is and oddball.
 

BadGirl

I am so very blessed
I'm glad that I love my sisters, and treat them respectfully. In turn, I get that same level of respect thrown my way.

Easy, peasy.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
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I'm completely on the fence on this one... what stops me from jumping on the bash-the-holier-than-thou-sisters bandwagon is the bit about the odd-sis-out showing up and in such hysterics that the husband was tempted to call the police. Sometimes the oddball out really is and oddball.

The letter writer comes across as such a bitch, it's almost impossible not to believe she's an even bigger bitch than she's portraying herself. Usually people play themselves up favorably when pleading their case to a third party. Her litany of complaints is the tell:

There are several reasons we do not include her. We know she doesn’t have very much money for such an outing. She also does not have many of the same interests as we do. Her life is quite different from ours. We’re not interested in what she has to talk about. She complains too much about her aches and pains, and claims to have some kind of neurological disease that some of us feel is more psychosomatic than real and which she uses to avoid getting up for church on Sundays.


She doesn't have money. She's different. We're not interested in her. Then, oh yeah, she complains about her ailments to avoid getting up for church.

Yeah, I'm sticking with "holier than thou", with envy for the motivator.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I would say however, if the sick sister is getting no support from the other 2, shes needs to go elsewhere her siblings obviously can't deal / offer sympathy

If it were me, I'd cultivate Mom and the Aunties, and get them to take my side over the bitchy sisters and cousins. Give them something to cry about.
 
Yeah, I'm sticking with "holier than thou", with envy for the motivator.
Oh I definitely consider her holier than thou but in no way get a sense of envy but rather condemnation. To me it's more of a sense that she's past the point of having empathy for her sister.
 
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