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Thread: I am the mother of "that child"

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by foxxynhounds View Post
    Thank you all for your kind words - I honestly worried that someone would be critical, saying that I've overlooked a resource or am not trying hard enough or am a failure as a parent, or...
    It sure seems to me that you looked into every resource available. God Bless You.
    No more splitting Uranium for fun and profit, retirement is cool so far....

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan View Post
    I admit it's all anecdotal (though some of it directly from the folks working in juvenile services) but I've heard Cheltenham referred to as "Future Repeat Offenders Academy" and "Future Criminals U".... When my youngest found himself in legal trouble a few years ago, his "parole counselor" made it pretty crystal clear that she wanted to help keep him out of Cheltenham at all costs.
    I agree to a point, when my son attended Dent they took a class trip to Cheltenham, my son called it Juvie... It scared the crap out of him...
    It was the best 6 dollar class trip ever.. money well spent..
    Proud to be a cereal comma user.

  3. #23
    My oldest child had severe behavioral issues and would act out primarily at home. It was so bad that he actually put me in the hospital twice, the first time he was only 9 yrs old. When my oldest would start to act out My 2.5 year old would take my 1 yr old and lock themselves in the bedroom. That's how bad it was! I didn't get help until I pressed charges for assault & my children's father told the state to have him put in a treatment facility because I feared for the safety our other children. If they didn't we'd hold them responsible if he hurt the younger children. This was said in the court room & on the record, they had no choice.

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by vraiblonde View Post
    You certainly have an extreme situation and I'm not sure why anyone would want to "shame" you for something that isn't your fault, and that you're trying to deal with. There should be sympathy, not condemnation. I like to reserve my condemnation for those whose children aren't mentally ill and only need a firm parental hand that they're not getting.
    Making THAT determination doesn't always arrive at the truth - my kid doesn't "look" like he's mentally ill - most of the time, he just seems immature.

    My son is a much milder version of this - but it's been trending worse over the past several years. I've mentioned his condition before and he was born with it.
    Mixed with puberty, and it's beginning to get very, very difficult. He's starting to just refuse, and punishment of any kind is beginning not to bother him at all.

    And I can say it DOES happen that no matter how much progress you make, there are always people in his life whom - over time - become convinced that YOU are the problem and not the child. Usually these are people who have never experienced a child with special needs like his - or worse, never had kids.

    Some think he just doesn't get enough discipline - and I can tell you clearly that he almost never learns from the consequences of his actions. Try to think of a kid who continually pets a dog who bites him, or puts his hand on a hot stove - and after screaming - does it again (unlike a normal child who would almost certainly refuse to ever touch a dog or be near a stove).

    Some will think you don't put enough time into them - until they watch you spend two or three hours a night with their homework, or hours on end teaching them to tie their shoes (and finally succeeding - after six years).

    The people who are the MOST helpful are parents and persons who have a LOT of experience with such kids. I'm drawn to them like a magnet. They don't always have answers, but they know what you're going through. I can tell you they are some of the best parents, PERIOD.
    Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong". Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  5. #25
    Registered User Roman's Avatar
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    I am so sorry that you, or anyone is going through this. No judgment here. I wish only the best for you, and for that little boy.
    You have become responsible forever, for what you have tamed. "Antoine de Saint Exupery"

  6. #26
    Thinking about my journey down your road, I tried for 9 + years to get help & so many doctors just put a bandaid on it by prescribing " different medicines" each only helped for a few months because he'd become immune to it & it would stop working or it would have a drop off effect & he'd blow up at the slightest thing when the meds would wear off. Nothing helped long term until he got treatment & worked through his anger that still slips out occasionally at almost 30.. I found that medicine was only a temporary fix with the anger issues & didnt work until he got therapy in an inpatient basis for about a year.

    Since he's on probation, have you tried talking to anybody at DJS? They can be really helpful, they know what type of help is out there.

    Can you get a doctor to refer him to inpatient therapy? I know the problem can be finding a doctor. Have you tried Dr. Saleh? He is in Calvert?

  7. #27
    You can't abandon him, you'll end up in trouble. You can go talk to DJS. Does he have a probation officer? I spoke with the DJS supervisor back when I was having issues 17 years ago. Sadly, hearing your story tells me nothing has changed to help parents get help for our youth. Feel free to message/email me.

    Don't let him hurt you or your other children. Be firm and let him know you love him but that you can't let him hurt you. If he hurts you & leaves marks call the police press charges for assault. That might be the only way to get him the help he needs. Please Verify that with DJS.
    I went & talked to DJS & they told me that was the only way they could help me to get mine help/treatment facility was to press charges & go in front of a judge. Keep in mind Juvenile records are just that & they are sealed when they become an adult, better now than when he's 17 or 18 and charged as an adult.


    Good luck

  8. #28
    Wow. I cannot imagine dealing with this. As a father of three, I have one in particular who is a bit challenging but on a far less scale. And even with that, it can be extremely tiresome and disheartening. At least mine seems to limit his behavior to inside the house (as he's generally an angel outside). Point being, it's extremely challenging dealing with what is likely more normal than not so I cannot imagine how you feel.

    I hope you find what you're looking for in terms of advice or sanity because I don't think I qualify well enough in either to offer you much. As was stated above, I'd have to imagine there are those who've dealt with similar experiences and that they can offer you some advice or at least some support. Are there website/forums or support groups for this type of thing? There seems to be one for any "thing" now a days so I'd believe there is. That may be a place to find some guidance or at least some relevant support.

    My best to you. I can say with great certainty that he is far better now than he would've been without you in his life.

  9. #29
    #*! boat! Gilligan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by black dog View Post
    I agree to a point, when my son attended Dent they took a class trip to Cheltenham, my son called it Juvie... It scared the crap out of him...
    It was the best 6 dollar class trip ever.. money well spent..
    The guy in charge of the SMC juvenile services office pulled me aside one day and gave me quite the "education" about why he and his staff were always focused on doing anything and everything to keep the judge from sending kids to that place. I recall being somewhat astonished at his level of frankness.

    It is indeed a shame, the lack of mental health services and possibilities to obtain help overall. I have an ex that works in the field (in the alcohol/drug counseling side) and have heard many stories about how little support they get.
    You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -Frank Zappa

  10. #30
    Podunk FL HeavyChevy75's Avatar
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    I can't imagine how hard it is for you. I do wish MD had the facilities to handle this type of situation.

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