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Thread: I am the mother of "that child"

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by foxxynhounds View Post
    Unfortunately, he can't (or won't) deal with what happened before he came to us, so he doesn't even know why he's so angry. I truly believe that, until he comes to grip with his past, we can't move forward - and he can't do that safely in an unsecured setting.
    At 11 - that makes sense. Do you know what all happened?

  2. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan View Post
    I admit it's all anecdotal (though some of it directly from the folks working in juvenile services) but I've heard Cheltenham referred to as "Future Repeat Offenders Academy" and "Future Criminals U".... When my youngest found himself in legal trouble a few years ago, his "parole counselor" made it pretty crystal clear that she wanted to help keep him out of Cheltenham at all costs.
    the child needs help, not warehousing with felons.

    he needs to be in a hospital setting to evaluate, medicate and start therapy. Two weeks is a joke.
    Right now he's on his way to being a high school dropout and will probably turn to street drugs or alcohol to ease "his pain".
    Your signature can not be longer than 100 characters - BS

  3. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan View Post
    The guy in charge of the SMC juvenile services office pulled me aside one day and gave me quite the "education" about why he and his staff were always focused on doing anything and everything to keep the judge from sending kids to that place. I recall being somewhat astonished at his level of frankness.

    It is indeed a shame, the lack of mental health services and possibilities to obtain help overall. I have an ex that works in the field (in the alcohol/drug counseling side) and have heard many stories about how little support they get.
    My live in is a attorney that practiced Family Law in MD for a dozen years or so.
    The kids took a huge toll on her in those years. She now does Corporate Law down in Indianapolis. 9-5 M-F..... No phone calls in the middle of the night from dui's, drugs, beatup wife's, abused kids and on and on... It's easier on the soul.
    Proud to be a cereal comma user.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by black dog View Post
    I agree to a point, when my son attended Dent they took a class trip to Cheltenham, my son called it Juvie... It scared the crap out of him...
    It was the best 6 dollar class trip ever.. money well spent..
    Ah heck, I remember back in junior high a couple of our wanna-be badass classmates got a 1 day forced fieldtrip to juvy. Scared straight really worked back then. The one I knew well told me he had to barricade himself in his room behind the mattress because people walking by would throw feces at him through the window.

  5. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by SamSpade View Post
    The people who are the MOST helpful are parents and persons who have a LOT of experience with such kids. I'm drawn to them like a magnet. They don't always have answers, but they know what you're going through. I can tell you they are some of the best parents, PERIOD.
    People who have not had a child with a problem are typically quick to pass judgment, they have a snap answer.
    It's easy to discipline a normal child, the exasperation comes with the child that doesn't care about punishment.
    Oh, and wait until they learn what power they have if they go to school and report physical abuse.
    The only blow back they might get is from older siblings who will get yanked from class and interrogated.
    Your signature can not be longer than 100 characters - BS

  6. #36
    #*! boat! Gilligan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BernieP View Post
    the child needs help, not warehousing with felons.

    he needs to be in a hospital setting to evaluate, medicate and start therapy. Two weeks is a joke.
    Right now he's on his way to being a high school dropout and will probably turn to street drugs or alcohol to ease "his pain".
    bingo. But the only "guaranteed and paid for" path is the one that leads inevitably to Cheltenham or, later on, an adult facility. That's what is so sad about our system but, frankly, I have no clue what the "better way" could actually look like. Have to leave that to folks that know something more about it. I just know from my own experience with my child..the path is either not there or it sure is well hidden. I sure do feel badly for the original poster.
    Last edited by Gilligan; 06-05-2017 at 05:07 PM.
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  7. #37
    From very personal experience, I know that there are quite a few inpatient treatment facilities that Maryland sends troubled youth to for rehabilitation type services, counseling and behavioral therapy. Several are in Frederick County Maryland and in surrounding counties. I've seen them do a great job with a lot of troubled kids. Please don't let people scare you by saying he will go to Cheltenham. Please go talk to his probation officer or somebody at the Department of Juvenile Services, (a supervisor & ask them how to get help, I posted previously what we had to do to get help. It was hard, but I couldn't risk my babies getting hurt. I'm sorry you are going through this.

  8. #38
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    My heart aches for you! I cannot even imagine what you have been going through. I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm going to call my brother-in-law in Missouri who is a probation officer and see if he has any suggestions. If he has any new one, I will post them. In the meantime, I will be praying for you.

  9. #39
    Registered User PeoplesElbow's Avatar
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    Not much to add to this other than a story about the worst kid I knew growing up. In 7th grade he tied a dog to the train tracks, dog of course got hit by train, in 9th grade he actually blew up a small out building at the mall. His dad was a judge, sent his ass to some military school, apparently it took and he straightened out.
    If what I say offends you then you really don't want to hear what I keep to myself.

  10. #40
    If I may ...

    Quote Originally Posted by foxxynhounds View Post
    Please bear with me - this is long, very personal (and probably self-identifying), but I feel it's VERY important.

    I have five children (3 by birth, 2 by adoption from foster care), so I'm intimately familiar with bullying and other behavior problems in schools. And, I'm disappointed and embarrassed to say that I am the mother of "that child." You know the one - disruptive in class, bullying other students, absorbing a significantly disproportionate share of resources to simply maintain a safe classroom.

    This past school year, he has sexually harassed, bullied and instigated fights with other students. He has attacked staff members and is known to become agitated (to the extent that a violent outburst is a very real possibility) over simple things, like a chair squeaking or being told it's time to work on division. He lies and steals. His Behavioral Intervention Plan (BIP) practically allows him to go unchallenged in the event that he gets frustrated, in order to avoid a confrontation that could lead to an unsafe situation. Staff at the school has had to undergo additional training to learn safe restraint techniques and they have plans to evacuate his immediate area of other students. They have had to execute these plans more than once........
    Where is the other parental unit, aka, the father, in this story? What has he done? Has he taken a belt, stick, branch, bat, a top this boy's skull? Ok, ok, a bit figuratively? These type of behaviors just don't materialize overnight.
    If the military wanted you to have a spouse, or family, they would have issued you one.

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